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Article Contents

I. introduction, ii. misunderstanding the arranged marriage, iii. understanding arranged marriage, iv. conclusion and suggestions for further research.

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Understanding Arranged Marriage: An Unbiased Analysis of a Traditional Marital Institution

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Naema N Tahir, Understanding Arranged Marriage: An Unbiased Analysis of a Traditional Marital Institution, International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family , Volume 35, Issue 1, 2021, ebab005, https://doi.org/10.1093/lawfam/ebab005

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This research asks one simple question, a question many studies on the arranged marriage omit to ask, namely “What exactly is the arranged marriage?” Author Naema Tahir, born and bred in the arranged marriage culture, but educated in the free-choice marriage culture, argues that much literature on the arranged marriage fails to offer full exploration of this traditional marital system. Instead, the arranged marriage is often analysed through the lens of the modern free choice marriage system. However, this is not a neutral lens. It considers the free choice marriage to be the ideal. As a result, the arranged marriage is perceived to be a “marriage of shortcomings”, one that fails to meet the standards of the free-choice marriage system. The author encourages readers to break this frame and offers a neutral perspective on this traditional marital system practised by billions around the world. Readers are invited to an in-depth and rigorous analysis of the foundations upon which the arranged marriage system rests. While this analysis zooms in on the case study of one particular focus group, the British Pakistani diaspora, it reveals broad insights into the arranged marriage system in general. This analysis highlights and critically examines social principles fundamental to the arranged marriage system and which are much misunderstood, such as hierarchy, patriarchy, collectivism, group loyalty and the role of parental and individual marital consent. The author argues that it is vital to first understand the traditional structures of the arranged marriage, before one can understand modernizing tendencies the arranged marriage system is currently undergoing. As such, this study hugely contributes to an unbiased understanding of the arranged marriage and changing arranged marriage patterns and is a valuable reading for those interested in marriage, marital systems and the future thereof.

There is a tendency in academic literature to view the arranged marriage from the lens of the autonomous marriage. In this literature the arranged marriage is compared in a binary to the autonomous marriage. 1 While a comparison of the arranged marriage to the autonomous marriage should be an unbiased one, the contrary is true. From this binary, both marital systems are not viewed neutrally. The autonomous marriage, thriving on individual choice, is perceived to be the ideal marital system, while the arranged marriage, supported by traditional kin authority, is not considered ideal. Resulting from this, the autonomous marriage sets the standards of an ideal marriage all marriages must aim for, including the arranged marriage. The arranged marriage is then measured by characteristics typical of the autonomous marriage system. However, the arranged marriage, even in its most modern manifestation, is not an autonomous marriage. Monitoring the arranged marriage as if it were or should be autonomous, emphasizes defects, deficits, lacunas in the arranged marriage on matters related to autonomy. Measured this way, the arranged marriage turns into something faulty. It becomes a marriage of shortcomings.

There is a necessity to study the arranged marriage on its own terms and not in a binary with the autonomous marriage. 2 This will enable judging the arranged marriage on the qualities and rewards it holds for its practitioners. At its core, this article hopes to contribute to an understanding of the arranged marriage from an unbiased lens.

This article is set up in three sections.

Section II will investigate biased understandings of the arranged marriage in more detail, by critically evaluating the binary approach in scholarly literature, illustrated further by a study of a variety of categorizations and close interpretation of definitions on the arranged marriage. Section II argues that in scholarly literature, the arranged marriage is framed as a lesser version of the ideal of autonomous conjugal union.

Section III will aim to construct a Weberian ideal type 3 of the traditional arranged marriage as a useful tool that offers neutral, unbiased insights into general features all arranged marriage systems, to varying degrees, share. The arranged marriage will be understood as a guardianship invested marital system, which is organized in a hierarchical, aristocratic manner, upheld by parental authority, group orientation and belonging. This section will provide a conceptual, theoretical analysis of the arranged marriage by drawing on literature that intersects between tradition and modernity, by leading scholars in the field. 4 Through this analysis a marital system will surface which is embedded in a cultural inherited belief that the young must be relieved of mate-selection which is perceived, not so much as a harmless liberty with mere individual impact, but as a burden that the strongest shoulders in the community must be bear, and as a choice that has broad implications for the family, extended family, and community.

Section IV will conclude as to how knowledge on the arranged marriage proper, as an aristocratic guardianship system, can be applied to the varied practices of changing patterns in arranged marriages, that include the increasing involvement of the young in mate-selection and marriage making. This section will also offer suggestions for further research.

This article will focus on analyses of conjugal practices of British immigrant Pakistanis residing in the UK, the largest Pakistani diaspora in the world that strongly upholds the arranged marriage system. While narrowing down the focus to one culture, norm and values will surface that typically underlie the arranged marriage system in general.

For this article, the following working definition of arranged marriage will be employed: marriage for which the mate selection is under the guardianship and authority of elders of the (extended) families of both marital agents and that aligns the families in a durable relational bond that allows for a legitimate space and belonging for the conjugal union. 5 The following working definition will be employed of the autonomous marriage: marriage for which the mate selection is undertaken by the marital agents, who base their selection on subjective criteria with the aim to align the agents in a durable relational conjugal union. 6

1. Biased Binary Approach

The so-called binary approach in the study or representation of the arranged marriage is much criticized in literature. 7 This binary is considered ‘liberal individualist’ 8 or Eurocentric. 9 Set in a binary with the autonomous marriage, the arranged marriage is judged by the idealized standards of the autonomous marriage. That which is idealized is individual freedom and conjugal choice. Individualism is considered progressive, there is free choice and the freeing of individual potential. 10 The autonomous marriage elevates the individual who emancipated themselves and rose from the bonds of a history in which marriage choices were not left to solely the individuals. 11 Individuals assume that this transformation from ‘arranged marriages to love matches is progressive and “healthy” … the result should be happier marriages’. 12 Central to the autonomous marriage is the nuclear family, otherwise known as the conjugal or the atomistic family. 13 The dissolving of the extended family into the nuclear family is also seen as a marker of modernity and progress. 14 Modernity signifies improvement, including modernity in the way one marries. 15 Through modernization, arranged marriage will be replaced by self-chosen unions. 16 ‘[A]lthough Western ideas about the family are often opposed or resisted at first, many of these ideas are nevertheless adopted, often in modified forms, because the Western style family is so closely associated with development.’ 17 And while this theory may have its critics, 18 this article claims that it still holds ground as regards arranged marriage.

As suggested by the convergence theory and developmental paradigm, 19 the arranged marriage is held to the expectation that it will one day adapt to the Western ways, and advance into the autonomous marriage, as a sign of emancipation, of progress.

Until then, the arranged marriage appears lacking in those very features so particular of the autonomous marriage: free choice, individual energy, emphasis on the idiocentric conjugal union and the self-centred nuclear family. Literature magnifies those very features and puts the arranged marriage to the test: can it fulfil standards of full and free autonomy? Failing to do so turns the arranged marriage into something faulty. The arranged marriage culture is seen as ‘deficient’ and ‘deformed’. 20 It becomes the ‘other’. 21 ‘[T]he “Orient” is constructed and represented in the binary opposition against the Occident as the “Other”.’ 22 This binary distinction ‘[p]roblematically contributes to the discursive portrayal of arranged marriages as certainly less than and other to mainstream marriage practices’. 23

The social principles of individual freedom and autonomy are given much weight in perspectives on the arranged marriage. However, such principles are not neutral. They are ‘European values, assumptions, cultural codes’, are ‘culturally-determined and biased’, and offer ‘limited historical perspectives’, 24 providing a lens through which the arranged marriage is evaluated. There then, is a free-choice system at one end of the spectrum, a space that cannot be shared with the arranged marriage, for that is a parent-orchestrated endeavour and parents’ ‘subtle coercion has a tainting effect on the child's quality of choice’. 25 Thus emerges at the other end of the spectrum the not so free system called the arranged marriage.

Of course, the arranged marriage is certainly not considered a forced marriage in the studied literature—though media often equate the two. 26 However, literature on the arranged marriage frequently mentions forced unions and thus frequently connects arranged marriage to forced marriage. Besides, an overlap between arranged and forced marriage is often recognized and referred to as a ‘grey area’ with the potential of ‘slippage:’ the slightest increase of duress can lead the arranged marriage to ‘slip’ into a forced one. 27 The arranged marriage is always haunted by force.

The heightened attention to freedom and the lack thereof highlights consent, arguably the most important legal principle the arranged marriage is expected to prove. This consent must be full and free. 28 A recurring question in literature is whether arranged marriage supports full and free consent. 29 If consent is present, the union is considered an arranged marriage. Without consent the union is considered coerced. Consent separates arranged marriage from forced marriage. 30 This leads to a preoccupation in legal and policy discourse with the presence of consent and the absence of coercion in the arranged marriage. 31 The presence of consent and the absence of coercion determine the value of the arranged marriage. In essence, the arranged marriage is framed in yet another binary: that between consent versus coercion, a binary that is damaging and limiting. 32 The culture of the arranged marriage in itself becomes problematic. 33 This culture needs to prove constantly that there is no coercion involved. In addition, the binary is limiting in a different sense too. Consent, full and free is a human rights standard, 34 as well as a legal tool to declare the legitimacy of marriage as an uncoerced union. 35 Yet, consent as it operates in the law is given a ‘Western individualistic bent’. 36 As such, read in ‘plain language’ ‘only “free market” or choice marriages —a hallmark of Western societies—meet the “free and full” requirement because “there is nothing to prevent men and women from taking spouses which do not meet their families” approval’. 37

Arranged marriage contexts do not evolve around the freeing of individual energy. They are characterized by collective dynamisms with a particular ‘distribution of power and wider familial and community involvement’. 38 ‘The arranged marriage process, heavily reliant on parental and sometimes extended family input, fails to measure up to the requirements of free and full consent.’ 39 The attention given to full consent ignores that something given an individualistic bent is a strange bedfellow in a system that is not primarily or fully individualistic, nor aims to be. Consent is a universal principle which certainly has its place in the arranged marriage system. Yet, the language of consent in the discourse on arranged marriage is an expression of the ‘rational individual with free will’ 40 or the ‘free self’. 41 It is the language of an atomistic individual, of ‘an autonomous agent who is able to choose and act freely’. 42 This is not the language of a member deeply engrained in community belonging, duty, and purpose.

To reiterate, individual autonomy, including the right to consent, dictates the preoccupation in literature on arranged marriage. Notions such as agency, control, freedom to date, freedom to reject a selected candidate, negotiating power, the right of marital subjects to fall in love, choice and the freedom to self-select, receive profound consideration as a consequence.

In this regard, it is illustrative that arranged marriage is often categorized in types which reflect differing amounts of yet again this very notion of individual autonomy. There are three main types of categorization: traditional, semi-arranged, or love-arranged marriage types. 43 Arranged marriages earmarked as traditional are described as offering no or very little involvement by the young, 44 as if involvement or the lack thereof is the only feature of traditional arranged marriage. Semi-arranged or hybrid types, also known as joint-venture types, point to control shared by the elders and the young alike, 45 which again only emphasize this control as a shared element, as if nothing is of any relevance other than control . Finally, the love-arranged types are embodiments of near full individual control and individual love. 46 This categorization according to a ‘sliding scale of control’ 47 does not highlight what the arranged marriage in general is or what it offers, other than control, to those practising it. Some authors even reject ‘arranged’ as a word to describe this marital system, as this word suggests a lack of control. 48 Individual control has become a dominating feature by which arranged marriage is judged. But it is again agency and control towards more autonomy that academics are consumed with and not agency or autonomy towards more traditional features arranged marriage offers. Those are simply ignored or not sought for. Those remain irrelevant and underexamined.

There could only be one reason why social principles that are founded upon the philosophy of idiocentrism and the freeing of individual energy, are tirelessly sought in a system that thrives on allocentrism, group-belonging and honour for group loyalty. Arguably, the arranged marriage culture only seems to satisfy the Eurocentric mind if it contains the same recognizable ingredients as the autonomous marriage culture. And as it does not, the arranged marriage represents a lesser marital version than the prized autonomous marriage.

2. Biased Definitions of Arranged Marriage

The above bias is reflected in descriptions and definitions of the arranged marriage. Many descriptions or definitions only really offer information as to who selects the mate, eg ‘parent orchestrated alliances’, 49 or ‘marriages that are instigated by the family’, 50 or ‘arranged by family members or respected members in the religious or ethnic community’. 51 Other definitions view the arranged marriage from a biased Eurocentric appreciation. These definitions accentuate ‘individualizing tendencies’. 52

While there is nothing wrong with individuation and autonomy, especially if so desired by those involved in arranged marriages, 53 headlining these modern notions points to a Eurocentric domination as to how the arranged marriage ought to be valued. Simultaneously, such one-sided promotion undervalues notions that cannot be grouped under ‘individualizing tendencies’ and the freeing of individual energy.

A case in point are the following definitions. Arranged marriages are featured as those ‘in which the spouses are chosen for one another by third parties to the marriage such as parents or elder relatives’, 54 or ‘the partners to which are chosen by others , usually their parents’. 55 In these definitions elders are referred to as ‘third parties’ or ‘others’. These wordings seem innocent, yet they are not. They suggest that marital subjects are the ‘first parties’. This qualification is justified if marriage is perceived to be an alliance between individuals, which is the case in the autonomous marriage system. This qualification is not correct if marriage is seen as an alliance between (extended) families, which emerges in the arranged marriage system. 56 ‘ First ’ parties suggests a hierarchy above ‘ third ’ parties, which is not an attribute of the arranged marriage system where singular members of the group, in this case the marital agents, are not valued above the elders or generally above one’s group. Similarly, mentioning that ‘parents rather than. spouses’ or ‘two families rather than individuals’ 57 contract a marriage is again pointing to a Eurocentric preference for self-selection.

Other definitions amplify attention to the individual more explicitly. For example in the definition ‘marriage arranged by the families of the individuals’, 58 the individual is seen as a separate entity, while, as we shall learn in Section III, a ‘tradition directed person … hardly thinks of himself as an individual’. 59 Indeed, ‘[t]he ideology that underpins a South Asian “arranged” marriage is that obligations to one’s immediate and more extended family have priority over personal self-interest’. 60 Ignoring this, is judging the arranged marriage from a ‘Western individualistic bent’. 61 In the same vein, many definitions contain the words ‘control’, ‘agency’ ‘choice,’ which all emphasize individual autonomy as the standard and which in effect draw attention to arranged marriage as primarily a space where marital agents negotiate increasing amounts of individual control. Other definitions refer to this ‘control’ highlighting dominion and power, suggesting that the arranged marriage is a battlefield between the elders and the young: ‘Traditional arranged marriage placed considerable power in the hands of the parents, and in particularly the father’. 62 Or, ‘In “traditional” societies, parents or the extended family dominate marriage choices’. 63 The power difference referred to suggests there are two parties with opposing aims and interests, which again is not an insightful reflection of unified interests so characteristic of group cultures. Also, culture here is presented as merely problematic: a father’s or parent’s role is that of power or domination, with negative connotations, and not much else.

A third set of definitions emphasizes the changing and flexible arranged marriage types, especially towards offering more control to the individual. It seems as if the arranged marriage is trying to prove that it is very capable of accommodating modernity and is progressive and evolving, for it has choice, agency, room for dating and romance, or the right of marital agents to say ‘no’ at any stage of the arrangement. This latter is illustrated well by Ahmad’s words referring to marriage as a dynamic process: ‘a family-facilitated introduction of a potentially suitable matched prospective candidate followed by a managed pattern of courtship prior to a potential, and agreed to marriage’. 64 Her words seem to suggest that the only acceptable arranged marriage is a progressive arranged marriage, one that resembles the autonomous marriage.

Love too, when mentioned, generally suggests lovelessness in arranged marriage as opposed to true love in autonomous marriage. 65 Arranged marriages are contrasted to marriage where there is romantic love 66 or to ‘love marriages’ based on romantic attachment between the couple’. 67 Arranged marriages when ‘a couple validates its love choice to their respective families’ 68 would be termed love-arranged or western type marriages. One commonly held view is that love will (hopefully) grow in arranged marriage as time passes. 69 Reference to ‘marriage, then love’, 70 supports this theory. Or when ‘love is not forthcoming’ the couple ‘are increasingly supported to divorce … ’. 71 In these examples it is yet again the love between the spouses, primarily romantic, sensual love, or individual affection that is stressed, which again celebrates the love so typical in the autonomous marriage system. 72

Families that are not conjugal have valued ‘not affection, but duty, obligation, honour, mutual aid, and protection … ’. 73 Such love for family or culture or any type of gift-love 74 are hardly mentioned in descriptions of arranged marriage. Even when ‘companionate’ love features, the focus remains on the spouse’s companionship for one another, and not for any(thing) other. Arguably the Eurocentric perspective holds little regard for other loves than the romantic.

3. Evaluation of Biased Science on the Arranged Marriage

The manner in which the arranged marriage is described in the literature studied is a marker of recognizing the arranged marriage as worthwhile only in so far it mirrors the characteristics of the autonomous marriage system. The words employed to describe the arranged marriage reflect autonomy-related values, but exclude community-related values that are foundational to the arranged marriage system. The arranged marriage is thus undervalued for the fundamental characteristics upon which it rests. These are ignored, not understood, arguably misunderstood, if at all known. Set against the autonomous marriage, the arranged marriage then becomes the other, deficient, deformed, a marriage of shortcomings, a marriage lacking in freedom and a marriage that is catching up and trying to prove it is not as traditional, thus not so backwards or rigid as analysts of the arranged marriage suggest.

The arranged marriage proper then remains a much understudied marital system and can only be understood by abandoning the binary approach and adopting a neutral lens. One needs ‘to turn the picture round’ as Tocqueville puts, in his eloquent study of aristocratic systems. 75 Such an aristocratic system is the arranged marriage, as we shall learn below.

As mentioned before, arranged marriages are frequently categorized in types, varying from traditional to hybrid to loosely arranged modern versions. They are frequently studied individually, through empirical research which offers a rich, complex, and varied analysis of arranged marriage practices, in diaspora communities, transnational communities as well as in communities and cultures around the world that are globalizing and are in transition. Yet, while all arranged marriages are arguably different, all do share a basic set of similarities. This section aims to bring these to the surface, drawing on sociology, so as to arrive at an ideal type of the arranged marriage.

The arranged marriage as an ideal type is a theoretical construct. 76 The ideal type emphasizes typical features of the arranged marriage, which all concrete individual arranged marriages share with one another and which are presented ‘into a unified analytical construct’. 77 As such the ideal type, ‘in its conceptual purity … cannot be found empirically anywhere in reality’. 78 ‘It is a utopia’. 79 Yet, it is a necessary tool to bring to the surface a neutral, unbiased understanding of the arranged marriage. It is also a ‘measuring rod’ 80 to measure the reality of cultural differences or change the arranged marriage system is constantly undergoing. 81

Before I proceed, it is vital to address academic opposition against the essentialization of the arranged marriage system. This essentialization is criticized as it captures the arranged marriage in a binary opposition with the autonomous marriage, idealizing the autonomous marriage and ‘othering’ the arranged marriage. This essentialization exaggerates cultural difference. 82 It portrays the arranged marriage as a rigid, static, unchanging, unnuanced system. 83 It ‘assumes the complete hold over the migrant of traditional gender and family norms by underscoring the foreignness of … arranged marriages’. 84 Authors opposing this essentialization are quick to point out that the arranged marriage is a dynamic and highly flexible system, that is able to accommodate change, modernization, individualizing tendencies, agency, romantic love and negotiating spaces, in which especially women assume more control in their endeavours to navigate around victimization by patriarchy. 85

What these scholars are in actual fact doing, unknowingly, is trying to exhibit to the Eurocentric mind evidence that the arranged marriage resembles the autonomous marriage. These authors demonstrate that the arranged marriage is very capable of upholding choice, agency, and control. These authors preoccupy themselves with bringing those qualities in the arranged marriage to the surface of their research. Sequentially, traditional features of this marital system remain understudied.

This section will not essentialize the arranged marriage system from a Eurocentric viewpoint for it desires not to repeat the othering of the arranged marriage. It will not try to prove that the arranged marriage is a flexible modern institution able to accommodate a constant flux of variety and diversity. As valuable as an investigation of that change may be, one cannot study the arranged marriage by studying how it absorbs constant flux. ‘[W]eber defines reality as an “infinite flux” which cannot be apprehended in its totality’. 86 One cannot apprehend arranged marriage on its fundamental shared characteristics if only the constant flux and change towards autonomy dominate academic engagement.

Despite being diverse and different on individual level, there are common qualities that make a marriage an arranged marriage and thus a largely unexamined ideal type of the arranged marriage will be examined in Section III of this article. The rich diversity between cultures, countries, social and economic classes, between religions and religious denominations, between those that have migrated and those that have not, as well as the constant evolution of the arranged marriage, will be left to the efforts of other scholars. 87

At its core, all arranged marriage cultures have marriage arrangers, whether these arrangers operate on their own or co-jointly with the marital agents. All marriage arrangers are senior members of the family or community, whether these arrangers operate on their own or co-jointly with the marital agents. All arranged marriage cultures value marriage to be arranged by these senior marriage arrangers, whether these arrangers operate on their own or co-jointly with the marital agents. All arranged marriage cultures consider mate selection to be not primarily the responsibility of the marital agents, whether they share this responsibility substantially or subtly with the marital agents. All arranged marriage cultures consider mate-selection physically and mentally risky, shameful and burdensome for the young to be engaged in, whether the young engage themselves in such matters or not. Family is placed central to marriage in all arranged marriage cultures, as they all consider marriage an alliance between families, whether or not the marital agents emphasize their conjugal alliance above that of the family’s. All arranged marriages guard against an incoming candidate harming family unity or family interests. Objective reasons for marrying are always valued as these support aforementioned family unity and interests, regardless of whether there is room for individual desire and preference. Finally, all arranged marriages are voluntarily accepted by marital agents on the basis of legitimate parental guidance and authority.

As such, all arranged marriage cultures are hierarchical cultures, as they accord different roles and responsibilities to the elders and to the younger ones of a group; they are group cultures that strongly incorporate its members through loyalty to the group and its interests; they are all driven by parental guardianship and authority, rooted in protection, providence and voluntary compliance. These principles of community, hierarchy, guardianship and authority are foundational to the ‘way of life’ 88 of the arranged marriage system, and will be explained below.

1. Arranged Marriage is a Community Oriented System

Literature frequently makes reference to arranged marriage cultures as collectivist, community oriented, occurring in extended families, whether there is individualism or not. 89 Marriage concerns the whole family and families are characteristically extended with extended kinship ties. 90 Marriage choices ‘have a far-reaching impact upon … relatives, affecting the futures and socio-economic positions of a much wider range of kin than just parents and children’. 91 Beyond the conjugal alliance, marriage creates alliances between a variety of family-members. 92 ‘Strategic marriage choices enable social mobility even within the extended kinship network.’ 93 Fox argues that arranged marriage preserves family unity, ‘by felicitous selection of the new spouse’ which ‘allows for the furtherance of political linkages and/or economic consolidation between families … it helps keep families intact over generations; and … it preserves family property within the larger kin unit’. 94 Objective selection criteria are emblematic of the families’ desire to preserve a stable family. ‘Parents usually assess the reputation, economic standing and personalities of the potential in-laws and the educational level and occupation of the potential groom or bride.’ 95 The strong emphasis on pragmatic, unromantic reasons that guide mate-selection are considered wise: the new conjugal addition must suit family background and thus fit harmoniously into its organization. 96 As such, extended families remain strong in the social order. Less attention is paid therefore to subjective love. One learns that spousal love may come as martial time goes by. 97 This need not be romantic, it may as well be love in a ‘more all-encompassing sense’. 98 Typical of group cultures is that ‘[i]ndividual choice … may be constricted either through requiring that a person be bound by group decisions or by demanding that individuals follow the rules accompanying their station in life’. 99 The individual is ‘sacrificed’. 100 ‘The tradition-directed person … hardly thinks of himself as an individual.’ 101 He is a ‘collective being’ not a ‘particular being’. 102 But such sacrifice ‘is more than offset by the advantages of fulfilling one’s role within the family … ’. 103

2. Arranged Marriage is a Hierarchical System

The mere fact that marriage arranging requires some element of wisdom, experience and providence, suggests hierarchy. Not everyone is suited to make marriage choices, certainly not young children and this applies to all cultures, whether autonomous or arranged. In the latter culture, arranging marriages is a responsibility bestowed upon elders, mostly parents of the marital agents. 104 Elders, given their status and rank, are considered most able, equipped, wise and well connected to undertake the grave and delicate task of mate selection. It is their proper place to screen and select mates and it is the proper place of the young to trust and respect the judgment of the elders in this regard. Pande points to a case of a young woman called Shabnam appreciating this ‘proper place’ as she would never directly go up to her parents with her marriage wishes as ‘parents deserve their izzat ’ 105 (respect NT). And while elders are given the privilege of mate selection, they do not and may not select for their own benefit, but in the best interests and the good of the group, 106 into which are incorporated the interests and the good of the marital agents. 107

Arranged marriage cultures are thus hierarchical. 108 To understand arranged marriage, is to understand hierarchy. Yet, the social principle of hierarchy does not sit well with the Western mind. 109 The western mind views society from the lens of equality and freedom and hierarchical systems lack equality and freedom. Thus arranged marriage is rejected: it is a space where parents have the ‘power’ and upper hand and ‘dominate’ in marriage choices. 110 Arranged marriage becomes nothing more than a ‘chain of command’ 111 or a ‘power hierarchy’. 112 However, as Dumont argues, this is not true hierarchy. 113 To understand hierarchy one must ‘detach … from egalitarian societies’. 114 One must view hierarchical systems on its own merits, in an organic manner. 115

‘[H]ierarchy. comes from the very functional requirements of the social bond.’ 116 Literature offers the organism, a whole or the body as a metaphor to understand hierarchical systems. 117 Hierarchy is ‘the principle by which the elements of a whole are ranked in relation to the whole’. 118 The whole body and its parts are strongly bound together by rules, 119 social control, 120 and a common value system. 121 One accepts as necessary the rank order and the fulfilment of distinct obligations—without this the whole cannot function as it is supposed to function. 122 Decisions are taken by the most able in the interests of the whole and its parts. 123 The most able are the guardians and guardianship and hierarchy are strongly intertwined. 124

Families in arranged marriage cultures are organized hierarchically, with each member aware of its own and other’s status and social ranking, 125 with each member submitting to ‘group control’ and fulfilling ‘socially imposed roles’, 126 with each member keeping in one’s proper place, honouring order, 127 and subject to a ‘hierarchized interdependence’. 128 It is deeply understood that elders arrange marriages—it is their obligation to find matches from good families, and to exercise control as to who joins the family. 129 This applies whether or not they share this task with the marital agents. ‘From the viewpoint of many parents, arranging and seeing through your children’s marriages is a primary duty, to the extent that your role as a parent is unfulfilled until this duty is accomplished.’ 130 It is ‘a matter of great family honour.’ 131 It is a necessity too as ‘marriage normally confers the statuses of wife and husband, which have been and still are regarded in many societies as necessary to being seen as an adult rather than as a child’. 132 It is only through marriage that intimate life with a stranger turned into family is legitimate. So, the young depend on the patronage of the elders. 133 Amber, a twenty-four year old student ‘sought her parent’s intervention stating it was their ‘responsibility’. 134 Elders are not to abandon this role, nor to share it with the less qualified. They too are answerable to tradition and community. 135 But they are bound also, as good guardians and figures of authority, to choose wisely and in the best interest of the child. 136 Below a further exploration will be provided on guardianship, which is ‘a standard justification for hierarchical rule’ 137 and authority which too manifests itself through hierarchical relations. 138

3. Arranged Marriage is a System of Guardianship and Parental Authority

Arranged marriage cultures thrive on authority and entrusted leadership of guardians. Though literature never does, one could call arranged marriage a rule of guardians 139 or of parental authority or an aristocratic marital system. 140 In such a system ‘rulership should be entrusted to a minority of persons who are specially qualified to govern by reason of their superior knowledge and virtue’. 141 The entrusted uphold community values, such as ‘altruism, sacrifice, love … order, security, loyalty, duty’. 142 They govern as guardians, as figures of authority. 143 Traditionally, elders are the entrusted ones. 144 And the young honour their authority. 145 The arranged marriage of Manju and Jagdesh, both from Indian middle class families, offers a good example of these notions. 146 Manju, twenty-one years old at the time and Jagdesh, twenty three, were ‘both told that they would be a good match and should marry’ and soon after their agreement, the marriage took place. 147 Or the case of Saima, a 20-year old student who says that ‘my parents will obviously find the guy for me … I trust them for it … If they come out with a decent guy and say we’d like you to marry him, I’d say yes … ’. 148 In both examples parental authority occupies a central role in match making.

A. But what exactly is authority?

‘The need for authority is basic. Children need authorities to guide and reassure them. Adults fulfil an essential part of themselves in being authorities; it is one way of expressing care for others.’ 151

‘Deeply embedded in social functions, an inalienable part of the inner order of family … ritualized at every turn, authority is so closely woven into the fabric of tradition and morality … ’. 162 As such, traditional authority is embedded in arranged marriage cultures. It ‘roots in the belief that it is ancient’. 163 In arranged marriage cultures traditionally there is trust in parental leadership. 164 One is assured that parents know what is best for their child, as they know their child, sometimes even better than the child knows itself—they see through them. 165 This inspires obedience. 166

Parental authority is a necessary component in arranged marriage systems. Marriage affects a whole family’s stability and future, so marriage choices need to be supervised. 167 The young, inexperienced and not yet wise, are traditionally not considered well trained for this task, as they may be misguided by love. 168 So, arranged marriage societies isolate the young from potential mates. 169 In addition, social control, typical for group cultures, is applied to guard behaviour. 170 Young people can easily fall prey to romantic and sexual behaviour considered disruptive to the dignity and order of the family. 171 Here then arises the necessity for elders to authorize rational mate selection. 172 Of course, this does not exclude that young people may step out of their role. If they do, shame and dishonour may be brought to the family. 173 Such youngsters are considered deviants who must be blamed, heavily punished or re-educated. 174 As such being nourished by parental authority offers security, 175 and enables moral life. 176

4. Studying Arranged Marriage Practices

The idealized typology of the arranged marriage, as a Weberian theoretical construct, demonstrates that, at the outset, arranged marriage systems are traditionally systems of community, hierarchy, guardianship, and authority. So described, the arranged marriage finds its rationality in a system that safeguards mate selection by placing this under the guardianship and authority of elders of the (extended) families of both marital agents with the aim to align both families in a durable relational bond, that strengthens its economic and societal standing, and that allows for a legitimate space and belonging for the conjugal union.

This typology is an ideal construct, in the same way the autonomous marriage is also an ideal construct. Borrowing then from William Goode who arrived at an ideal type of the conjugal family, which was also seen as an ideal , the arranged marriage as typified above is also seen as an ideal in that a ‘number of people view some of its characteristics as proper and legitimate, no matter that reality may run counter to the ideal’. 177 Elders in arranged marriage contexts all around the world consider it an ideal to take upon themselves the role of proper guardians and authorities in marriage arranging, and children, in their turn, ideally accept the parental choice, understanding that this is wisely made, that it gains its majesty in legitimate authority. All around the world, this ideal is an inspirational reference point in arranged marriage cultures.

This said, of course reality does not always represent the ideal portrayed, however inspirational. Still, the value of the ideal and the ideal type remain: this construct, even if it is an utopia, is necessary as it provides a neutral and unbiased understanding of the arranged marriage, one that is detached from a restrictive binary approach that others the arranged marriage. The ideal construct serves also as a measuring rod to study the reality of arranged marriage practices that depart from that construct. It ‘[p]rovides the basic method of comparative study’. 178

Taking a look then into these realities, one will find that, for one, elders are not always capable of arranging marriages well. ‘The notion that parents will always act in the child’s best interests is … based on an idealized interpretation of the parent/child relationship and assumes that adults will be altruistic whenever they relate to children with love, care and empathy.’ 179 Elders may not always understand what guardianship truly entails. They may confuse parental authority with the exercise of parental power, force even.

In addition, elders continuously share marriage arranging duties with their children, as the variety of semi-arranged marriage types suggest. These hybrid arranged marriage types are expressions of transformations of marital agents’ role in exercising self-determination and self-realization in marriage matters. They also reflect the changes in traditional parenthood: where once it was the elders who decided for the collective, this is now scrutinized by marital agents’ desires for freedom to (also) decide. In the words of Aguiar ‘arranged marriage has become the locus of a set of liberal and communitarian discourses that articulate competing visions of individual and collective agency’. 180 This does not always run smoothly. Elders may not always believe that transitions towards freedom and individualism are proper. Families often act as buffers against ‘too much’ individualism that is perceived as an isolating and alienating force that disrupts family cohesion and hinders traditions to be passed on from generation to generation. Many, in arranged marriage cultures, parents as well as young people, are grappling with the blended agendas of the liberal and communitarian, of the individual and the collective that are shaping arranged marriage realities. A very sensitive portrayal of an intergenerational struggle in this regard can be seen in the drama film A Fond Kiss : protagonist Casim, son of Pakistani Muslim immigrants to the UK, asks his parents to accept his love choice for Roisin, a Catholic divorcee. In their turn, his parents, emotionally destroyed and shamed by Casim’s desires, plead to their son to accept an arranged marriage to his cousin Yasmin. This Casim refuses and the family breaks up. 181

As indicated earlier, the tendency is to view such realities from a Eurocentric lens, that prizes liberalism and equality, and that advocates the individual’s rise from traditional structures as a marker of sovereignty, supported by contract, geared towards independence and freedom from authority. 182

Again, such views monopolize examination of arranged marriage, are biased, ‘culturally-determined’ and entrenched in ‘limited historical perspectives’. 183 ‘Many people in this world have registers of well-being that are not the same as degrees of freedom, measures such as duty, devotion and responsibility.’ 184 Many people do not value, experience, nor desire full independence from parental authority.

Hybrid arranged marriages are in a sense partly separated from and partly belonging to traditional as well as liberal structures. It is vital to represent and express belonging to these traditional structures in the discourse on arranged marriage. It is important to acknowledge notions of guardianship, authority, and community when one measures change and modernization in arranged marriage realities, but also when one measures distancing from that very modernization in efforts to hold on to traditions.

The current tendency, when marital agents demand a stronger role in mate selection, is to capture this in a language of freedoms, control, agency and the rising individual. This language presupposes that marital agents’ main aim is to free oneself, become independent and ultimately exit the arranged marriage system. 185 It presupposes too that marital agents are very capable of acting independently of their parents. The fact of the matter is, that many marital agents are deeply connected to a system of parental guardianship and authority, they are hierarchically interdependent with family, they cherish strong belonging to their community and understand family cohesion as a necessary component of their family’s well-being in which their well-being is integrated. Marital agents granted or demanding a role in match making, challenge in essence (part of) the authority of parents, but do not act as fully atomistic units. When parents allow their child to jointly decide with them on marriage matters, this is articulated in literature mostly as a step that invests power in the child. However, this ought to also be valued as a sharing of parental authority or guardianship with the child. Adding authority and guardianship to the conversation on the arranged marriage gives rise to a language that relates to and represents community. For instance, why do some parents share their authority, why do others not? It might be possible that some parents deem their children disciplined enough to select wisely, pointing to the principle that ‘discipline is authority in operation?’ 186 It might be that some parents believe that their children can act as their own guardians, partly or in full, given that these children are educated and skilled in ways the elders are not? Might it be that in diaspora contexts elders are searching for new meaning to traditional concepts such as authority and guardianship and need a language to cope with this hybrid dynamic rather than a language that calls upon their children to exit anything traditional? Asking and addressing such questions will contribute to a discourse on arranged marriage that respects the very foundations it is built upon. It is knowledge about these foundations that is pivotal if we wish to understand the arranged marriage proper and change in that domain.

This article argued for a full renunciation of the binary approach adopted in literature in studying arranged marriage. In the binary approach, the arranged marriage emerges as a lesser conjugal union in comparison to the ideal and prized autonomous conjugal union. Recognizing that the arranged marriage must be valued on its own merits, this article sought for an ideal typical construct of the arranged marriage, as a neutral departure point in a study of this marital system and as a tool to explore arranged marriage realities. The arranged marriage is fundamentally rooted in the sociological principles of collective belonging, parental guardianship and the protective, provident authority of elders in match making. This article calls for a fresh discourse on arranged marriage and changing arranged marriage patterns that reflect these principles in order to arrive at a much needed and understudied fuller appreciation and conversation of a marital system that engages hundreds of millions.

In order to be as impartial as humanly possible, this article does not offer personal opinions on or preferences for the arranged or the autonomous marriage. It is of fundamental importance that any scholar on the arranged marriage system (and many other subjects for that matter) is an unbiased scholar or at least strives to be. Neither advocacy of nor opposition to the arranged marriage, and neither advocacy of nor opposition to the autonomous marriage should enter a scholar’s theories and findings. A scholar’s role is not to express any preference for either system, it is not to value one system as better than the other, it is to become independent from any prejudice of one over the other

This article is based on, The Arranged Marriage – Changing Perspectives on a Marital Institution (Unpublished Dissertation Utrecht University) Utrecht, 2019.

Authors referring to this binary are eg F. Shariff, ‘Towards a Transformative Paradigm in the UK Response to Forced Marriages’ (2012) 21 (4) Social and Legal Studies 549–65; M. Aguiar, Arranging Marriage, Conjugal Agency in The South Asian Diaspora (Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 2018); R. Pande, ‘Geographies of Marriage and Migration: Arranged Marriages and South Asians in Britain’ (2014) 8 (2) Geography Compass 75–86; S. Anitha and A. Gill, ‘Coercion, Consent and the Forced Marriage Debate in the UK’ (2009) 17 Feminist Legal Studies 165–84; M. Khandelwal, ‘Arranging Love: Interrogating the Vantage Point in Cross-Border Feminism’ (2009) 34 (3) Signs 583–609; F. Ahmad, ‘Graduating Towards Marriage? Attitudes Towards Marriage and Relationships among University-educated British Muslim Women’ (2012) 13 Culture and Religion 193–210.

M. Weber, Gesammelte Aufsätze zur Wissenschafslehre (Tübingen: J.C.B. Mohr, 1988) p. 191.

Notably, H. Arendt, Between Past and Future (New York: Penguin Books, 1977); M. Douglas, ‘Cultural Bias’ in M. Douglas (ed.), The Active Voice (London: Routledge and Kegan Paul, 1982), as referred to by Thompson et al., Cultural Theory (Boulder, San Francisco: Westview Press, 1990); Thompson et al. ibid; M. Douglas, Risk and Blame (London, New York: Routledge, 1992); R.A. Dahl, Democracy and its Critics (New Have: Yale University, 1989); L. Dumont, Homo Hierarchicus (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1980); R.A. Nisbet, The Quest for Community (California: ICS Press, 1990); R.A. Nisbet, The Sociological Tradition (London: Heinemann Educational Books Ltd, 1966); R. Sennett, Authority (New York: W.W. Norton, 1980).

For origins of the term ‘arranged marriage’ see Aguiar (n 1) 14.

‘Autonomous marriage’ is used in I.L. Reiss, Family Systems in America (New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston, 1976) as referred to by G.R. Lee and L. Hemphill Stone, ‘Mate-Selection Systems and Criteria: Variation according to Family Structure’ (1980) 42 (2) Journal of Marriage and Family 319–26, 319.

Anitha and Gill (n 1); Shariff (n 1); Aguiar (n 1); Pande (n 1); Khandelwal (n 1).

Shariff (n 1) 556, on binary between consent and coercion.

Compare Ahmad (n 1) 194; see also Pande (n 1) 82; see also Aguiar (n 1) 14.

Nisbet 1990 (n 4) pp. 3–4; A.J. Cherlin, ‘Goode's “World Revolution and Family Patterns”: A Reconsideration at Fifty Years’ (2012) 38 (4) Population and Development Review 577–607, 580, 581; see for progress towards the atomistic family C.C. Zimmerman, Family and Civilization (Wilmington Delaware: ISI Books, 2008) pp. 124, 247–49; in general on progress see J.B. Bury, The Idea of Progress (New York: Cosimo Classics, 2008); R.A. Nisbet, History of the Idea of Progress (New York: Basic Book, Inc. Publishers, 1980); see also Arendt (n 4) 100, 101 on progress theory.

See S. Coontz, Marriage, a History, How Love Conquered Marriage (New York: Penguin Group, 2005) p. 25; See for more on this evolution J. Witte Jr., From Sacrament to Contract , Marriage, Religion, and Law in the Western Tradition (Kentucky: Westminster John Knox Press, 1997) pp. 194–215.

X. Xiaohe and M. King Whyte, ‘Love Matches and Arranged Marriages: A Chinese Replication’ (1990) 52 (3) Journal of Marriage and the Family 709–22, 709.

See for these terms W.J. Goode, World Revolution and Family Patterns (New York: The Macmillan Company, 1970) p. 1, and Zimmerman (n 10) pp. 30–36.

A. Thornton, Reading History Sideways: The Fallacy and the Enduring Impact of the Developmental Paradigm on Family Life (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2005), as referred to by Cherlin (n 10) 581; see also, K. Allendorf and R.K. Pandian, ‘The Decline of Arranged Marriage? Marital Change and Continuity in India’ (2016) 42 (3) Population and Development Review 435–464, 435.

Cherlin (n 10) 581.

Allendorf and Pandian (n 14) 435.

Thornton (n 14), as referred to by Cherlin (n 10) 593.

Cherlin (n 10) 594.

On the ‘convergence theory’, see Goode (n 13) and Cherlin (n 10); on ‘developmental paradigm’ see Thorntan (n 14) as referred to by Cherlin (n 10) 581; see also A. Shaw, A Pakistani Community in Britain (Oxford: Basil Blackwell, 1988) pp. 2, 3 on the expected disappearance of Pakistani migrants’ culture.

M. Enright, ‘Choice, Culture and the Politics of Belonging: The Emerging Law of Forced and Arranged Marriage’ (2009) 72 (3) The Modern Law Review 331–59, 338.

R. Pande, ‘Becoming Modern: British-Indian Discourses of Arranged Marriages’ (2016) 17 (3) Social & Cultural Geography 380–400, 384; see on consequence of ‘othering’ of migrants, Pande (n 1) 75; Shariff (n 1) 562.

E. Said, Orientalism (New York: Penguin, 1978) as referred to by S.R. Moosavinia et al, ‘Edward Said’s Orientalism and the Study of the Self and the Other in Orwell’s Burmese Days’ (2011) 2 (1) Studies in Literature and Language 103–13, 104.

Pande (n 21) 384.

Moosavinia et al, (n 22) 104; Said (n 22).

P.J. Gagoomal, ‘A “Margin of Appreciation” for “Marriages of Appreciation”: Reconciling South Asian Adult Arranged Marriages with the Matrimonial Consent Requirement in International Human Rights Law’ (2009) 97 The Georgetown Law Journal 589–620, 601; compare Shariff (n 1) 557.

E.g.: ‘I fled in just the clothes I was wearing’: How one Muslim woman escaped arranged marriage, Mirror , 17 September 2012; L. Harding, ‘Student Saved from Arranged Marriage’, The Guardian , 14 March 2000, as referred to by R. Penn, ‘Arranged Marriages in Western Europe: Media Representations and Social Reality’ (2011) 42 (5) Journal of Comparative Family Studies 637–50, 639, for more examples, see 639–41; see also Aguiar (n 1) 11, 12.

Enright (n 20) 332; Shariff (n 1) 557; Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171; G. Gangoli et al, Forced Marriage and Domestic Violence among South Asian Communities in North East England (Bristol: University of Bristol, Northern Rock Foundation, 2006), as referred to by Anitha and Gill (n 1) 167.

Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR), G.A. Res. 217A, (III), U.N. Doc A/810, 10 December 1948, Article 16 (2); International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights (ICCPR), GA. Res. 2200A (XXI), 16 December 1966, Article 23 (3); International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights (ICESCR), G.A. Res. 2200A (XXI), 16 December 1966, Article 10 (1).

Aguiar (n 1) 11–13, see also Anitha and Gill (n 1); Shariff (n 1).

Aguiar (n 1) 11, 67.

Anitha and Gill (n 1); Aguiar (n 1) 67.

Anitha and Gill (n 1); Aguiar (n 1) 13, 14; Shariff (n 1).

Enright (n 20) 338.

UDHR (n 28); ICCPR (n 28); ICESCR (n 28).

Aguiar (n 1) 13.

Gagoomal (n 25) 611.

R.W. Hodge and N. Ogawa, ‘Arranged Marriages, Assortative Mating and Achievement in Japan,’ in Nihon University Population Research Institute, Research Paper, Series No. 1986, as referred to by Gagoomal (n 25) 601.

Shariff (n 1) 562; see also Anitha and Gill.

Shariff (n 1) 557.

Aguiar (n 1) 67; see also Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171.

Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171.

Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171; see also Thompson et al, (n 4) 7 on the ‘individualistic social context’.

See for a slightly different categorization R.B. Qureshi, ‘Marriage Strategies among Muslims from South Asia’ 1991 10 (3) The American Journal of Islamic Social Sciences , as referred to by A.U. Zaidi and M. Shuraydi, ‘Perceptions of Arranged Marriages by Young Pakistani Muslim Women Living in a Western Society’ 2002 33 (4) Journal of Comparative Family Studies 495–514, 496.

Qureshi (n 43) as referred to by Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496; Gagoomal (n 25) 592; Cherlin (n 10) 589; see also for modified traditional types, Shariff (n 1) 558; H. Siddiqui, ‘Review: Winning Freedoms’ (1991) 37 Feminist Review 78, 81, as referred to by Enright (n 20) 340, ft 45; see also R. Pande, ‘I Arranged my Own Marriage': Arranged Marriages and Post-colonial Feminism’ (2015) 22 (2) Gender, Place & Culture 172–87, 175; S.P. Wakil et al, ‘Between Two Cultures: A Study in Socialization of Children of Immigrants’ (1981) 43 (4) Journal of Marriage and Family 929–40, 935; see also Ahmad (n 1).

Qureshi (n 43), as referred to by Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496; S.A. Patel, An Exploratory Study of Arranged-Love Marriage in Couples From Collective Cultures (Dissertation Northern Illinois University, Ann Arbor: ProQuest LLC) 2016, 10; J. Kapur, ‘An Arranged Love Marriage: India’s Neoliberal turn and the Bollywood Wedding Culture Industry’ (2009) 2 Communication, Culture, and Critique 221–33, as referred to by Patel 10; Cherlin (n 10) 590; Shariff (n 1) 558.

Shariff (n 1) 558; S. Seymour, Women, Family, and Child Care in India: A World in Transition (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1999) p. 212, as referred to by Kandelwal (n 1) 595; K. Kezuka, ‘Late Marriage and Transition from Arranged Marriages to Love Matches: A Search-theoretic Approach’ 2018 42 (2) The Journal of Mathematical Sociology 237–56, 237; N.D. Manglos-Weber and A.A. Weinreb, ‘Own-Choice Marriage and Fertility in Turkey’ (2017) 79 (2) Journal of Marriage and Family 372–89, 373; Pande (n 21) 389.

Shariff (n 1) 558, who refers to M. Stopes-Roe and R. Cochrane, Citizens of this Country: The Asian-British (Clevedon: Multilingual Matters, 1990).

Ahmad (n 1) 195, 200; M.J. Bhatti, Questioning Empowerment: Pakistani Women, Higher Education & Marriage (Dissertation University at Buffalo, State University of New York, 2013) 153.

R. Huch, ‘Romantic Marriage’, in H. Keyserling ed., The Book of Marriage: A New Interpretation by Twenty-four Leaders of Contemporary thought (New York: Harcourt, Brace & Company, 1926) pp. 168, 177, as referred to by Gagoomal (n 25) 607/n 112.

S. Davé, ‘Matchmakers and Cultural Compatibility: Arranged Marriage, South Asians, and American television’ (2012) 10 (2) South Asian Popular Culture 167–83, 168.

F.B. Ternikar, Revisioning the Ethnic Family: An Analysis of Marriage Patterns Among Hindu, Muslim, and Christian South Asian Immigrants (Dissertation, Chicago, Illinois, August 2004) 41.

Ahmad (n 1) 206, see also 207.

See among others Ahmad (n 1) and Aguiar (n 1).

Enright (n 20) 331, italics added.

Pande (n 21) 384, italics added, referring to the Oxford English Dictionary.

K. Charsley and A. Shaw, ‘South Asian Transnational Marriages in Comparative Perspective’ (2006) 6 (4) Global Networks 331–44, 335; Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496.

Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496; see also Penn (n 26) 637.

Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43), 496 (italics omitted).

D. Riesman et al, The Lonely Crowd: A Study of the American Changing Character (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1961) p. 17.

A. Shaw, ‘Kinship, Cultural Preference and Immigration: Consanguineous Marriage Among British Pakistanis’ (2001) 7 (2) Royal Anthropological Institute 315–34, 323.

G.W. Jones, Changing Marriage Patterns in Asia (Working Paper, Asia Research Institute, Series 131, 2010) 4.

P. Wood, ‘Marriage and Social Boundaries among British Pakistanis’ (2011) 20 (1) Diaspora 40–64, 41.

Ahmad (n 1) 200.

Charsley and Shaw (n 56) 338; Khandelwal (n 1).

Davé (n 50) 167, 168.

Charsley and Shaw (n 56) 338.

M. Aguiar, ‘Cultural Regeneration in Transnational South-Asian Popular Culture’ (2013) 84 Cultural Critique (2013) 181–214, 183.

Aguiar (n 1) 7.

A. Patel, ‘Marriage, then Love — Why Arranged Marriages Still Work Today,’ Global News , 26 July 2018.

K. Qureshi et al, ‘Marital Instability among British Pakistanis: Transnationality, Conjugalities and Islam’ (2014) 37 (2) Ethnic and Racial Studies 261–79, 276.

Pande (n 1) 75; for more on this love see K. Bejanyan et al, ‘Associations of Collectivism with Relationship Commitment, Passion, and Mate Preferences: Opposing Roles of Parental Influence and Family Allocentrism’ (2015) 10 (2) PLoS ONE 1–24, 3; Goode (n 13) 9, 12; Coontz (n 11) 149; Compare Zimmerman (n 10) 39.

R.A. Nisbet, Twilight of Authority (Indianapolis: Liberty Fund, Inc. 2000) 235.

C.S. Lewis, ‘The Four Loves’ in C.S. Lewis (ed.), Selected Books (London: Harper Collins, 1999) pp. 5, 15.

A. de Tocqueville, La Démocratie en Amérique (Paris: Gallimard, 1961, 2 vols.), English Translation by H. Reeve: Democracy in America (London: 1875) as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 17.

Compare the ideal type of the conjugal family, Goode (n 13) 7.

Weber (n 3) 191, translation by H. Ross, Law as a Social Institution (Oxford: Hart Publishing, 2001) p. 34.

L.A. Coser, Masters of Sociological Thought (New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1977) p. 223.

Compare Goode (n 13) 7.

Khandelwal (n 1) 584, 586, 605.

Ahmad (n 1) p. 194; Pande (n 21) p. 384; see also R. Mohammad, ‘Transnational Shift: Marriage, Home and belonging for British-Pakistani Muslim Women’ (2015) 16 (6) Social & Cultural Geography 593–614, 596.

Pande (n 44) 172, 183; Pande (n 21) 384.

Khandelwal (n 1); Ahmad (n 1); Pande (n 1); Mohammad (n 83); Pande (n 44) 181.

S.J. Hekman, Weber, the Ideal Type, and Contemporary Social Theory (New York: University of Notre Dame Press, 1983) p. 20.

For existing analyses on the topic, see Goode (n 13); D. Mace and V. Mace, Marriage East and West (London: Macgibbon and Kee, 1960); for marriages and caste in India, see Dumont (n 4); for Pakistani immigrants in Oxford and arranged marriages, see Shaw (n 19); see also Pande (n 45); Ahmad (n 1); Aguiar (n 1).

Thompson et al (n 4) 1.

See e.g. Aguiar (n 1) 15, 25, 139–44; G.L. Fox, ‘Love Match and Arranged Marriage in a Modernizing Nation: Mate Selection in Ankara, Turkey’ (1975) 37 (1) Journal of Marriage and Family 180–93, 181; Lee and Stone (n 6) 320; Kezuka (n 46).

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320: see also Mate selection theories, Encyclopaedia of Sociology, The Gale Group Inc., Encyclopedia.com: https://www.encyclopedia.com/social-sciences/encyclopedias-almanacs-transcripts-and-maps/mateselection-theories (last visited 14 July 2019).

Shaw (n 60) 325.

See eg Goode (n 13) pp. 240, 241; R.O. Blood, The Family (New York: Free Press, 1972) pp. 293–96, as referred to by Fox (n 89) 187.

A. Shaw, ‘Drivers of Cousin Marriage among British Pakistanis’ (2014) 77 Human Heredity 26–36, 31.

Fox (n 89) 181.

Shaw (n 93) 31.

See also Fox (n 89) 181; Lee and Stone (n 6) 320.

Gagoomal (n 25) 611; Lewis (n 74) 5, 15 in general on gift-love.

Thompson et al. (n 4) 6, referring to the grid-group analysis.

Tocqueville vol 2 (n 76) 90–92, as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 17; Shaw (n 19) 6.

Riesman et al (n 59) 17.

Dumont (n 4) 7.

Shaw (n 19) 6, referring to immigrant Pakistanis.

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320.

Pande (n 44) 177.

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320 see also Fox (n 89) 181.

See for various examples Gagoomal (n 25) 615, 617, 618.

G.P. Monger, Marriage Customs of the World: From Henna to Honeymoon (Santa Barbara, California: ABC-CLIO, 2004) 13.

Dumont (n 4) 2, 239, 19, 20; Nisbet (n 73) 217.

Jones (n 62) 4; Wood (n 63) 40–64, 41.

P. Crone, Pre-Industrial Societies (Oxford: Oneworld Publications, 2003) p. 99; Dumont (n 3) 19.

Dumont (n 4) 19.

Ibid., 17, 2.

Compare Crone (n 111) p. 104 on an organic view of society.

Nisbet (n 73) 217.

Dumont (n 4) 66, 240, 243, 244; Crone (n 111) pp. 99, 107; Thompson et al (n 4) 59.

Dumont (n 4) 66.

Thompson et al (n 4) 6.

Ibid., (n 4) 6.

T. Parsons, ‘A Revised Analytical Approach to the Theory of Social Stratification’ in R. Bendix et al (eds.), Class, Status and Power (London: Glencoe, 1954), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 19.

Thompson et al (n 4) 6; Dumont (n 4) 17–19; see in general on guardianship Dahl (n 4) 52–64, 73.

Parsons (n 121), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 19, see also 239, 240.

Dahl (n 4) 52.

Monger (n 108) 13.

Crone (n 111) p. 105, who refers to pre-industrial societies and hierarchy.

Dumont (n 4) 18.

M. Shams Uddin, ‘Arranged Marriage: A Dilemma for Young British Asians’ (2006) 3 Diversity in Health and Social Care 211–19, 211; F.M. Critelli, ‘Between Law and Custom: Women, Family Law and Marriage in Pakistan’ (2012) 43 (5) Journal of Comparative Family Studies 673–93, 677; Fox (n 90) 186,181.

Shaw (n 60) 324.

Shams Uddin (n 129) 211.

G.R. Quale, ‘A history of marriage systems’ in Contributions in Family Studie s, Issue 13 (Westport, US: Greenwood press, 1988) 2.

Tocqueville II (n 76), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 18; see also Sennett (n 4) 126.

Ahmad (n 1) 201; in a similar vein see Mohammad (n 83) 603; see also Wakil et al (n 44) 936 on this responsibility.

Tocqueville II (n 76), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 18, 17.

A. de Tocqueville, Democracy in America II (London: Everyman’s Library, 1994) 196.

Arendt (n 4) 93.

On guardianship see Dahl (n 4) 52.

On aristocracy see Tocqueville II (n 76), see Dumont (n 4) p. 18.

See for an explanation on tradition and authority, M. Weber, The Theory of Social and Economic Organization , A.M. Henderson and T. Parsons (trans.), T. Parsons (ed.) (New York: Oxford University Press, 1947) 341, as referred to by Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 142.

Compare Pande (n 44) 177; Shams Uddin (n 129) 211; Ahmad (n 1) 201 on trust and respect for parents.

Gagoomal (n 25) 589, 590.

Ibid., 590.

Ahmad (n 1) 201.

Arendt (n 4) 92.

Sennett (n 4) 15; see also Arendt (n 4) 92.

Weber (n 144) 341, as referred to by Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 142; Zimmerman (n 10) 215.

Zimmerman (n 10) 215.

Arendt (n 4) 93, 103.

Sennett (n 4) 18; Arendt (n 4) 93.

Sennett (n 4) 15–22.

Sennett (n 4) 16.

Arendt (n 4) 111; Weber, as referred to by Sennet (n 4) 22.

Weber, without further reference, as referred to by Sennett (n 4) 22.

Derived from Sennett (n 4) 19.

Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 107, 108.

Ibid., 142.

Shams Uddin (n 129) 211: Ahmad (n 3) 201.

MTV Documentary, True Life: I'm Having an Arranged Marriage , 2007, as referred to by Gagoomal (n 25) 617; Pande (n 21) 387; Gagoomal (n 25) 615; see also Sennett (n 4) 17 on a conductor that sees through members of the orchestra.

Sennett (n 4) 17.

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320; Fox (n 89) 181.

See W.J. Goode, ‘The Theoretical Importance of Love’ (1959) 24 (1) American Sociological Review 38–47, 43–46; compare also Bejanyan et al (n 72) 3.

Goode (n 168) 43; H. Papanek, ‘Purdah in Pakistan: Seclusion and Modern Occupations for Women’ (1971) 33 (3) Journal of Marriage and Family 517–30, 520.

Goode (n 168) 43; Thompson et al (n 4) 6; Shams Uddin (n 129) 212.

See for more Bejanyan et al (n 72) 3.

Goode (n 168) 43; Papanek (n 169) 520.

F. Bari, Country briefing paper: Women in Pakistan, Asian Development Bank July 2000. http://www.adb.org/Documents/Books/Country_Briefing_Papers/Women in Pakistan , as referred to by Critelli (n 129) 677; Shaw (n 60) 330; see also Riesman et al (n 59) 24.

Thompson et al (n 4) 59; see also in general on shame, N.P. Gilani, ‘Conflict Management of Mothers and Daughters Belonging to Individualistic and Collectivistic Cultural Backgrounds: A Comparative Study’ 1999 22 Journal of Adolescence 853–65, 854, 855; Riesman et al (n 59) 24.

A. de Tocqueville, Democracy in America II , 298, 303, as referred to by Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 114.

Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 151.

Goode (n 13) 7.

Coser (n 80) 223.

C. Breen, Age Discrimination and Children’s Rights. Ensuring Equality and Acknowledging Difference (Leiden: Brill Nijhoff, 2006) as referred to by A. van Coller, ‘Child Marriage – Acceptance by Association’ (2017) 31 International Journal of Law, Policy and The Family 363–76, 369.

Aguiar (n 1) 215.

Film A Fond Kiss , Ken Loach 2004; see also the Film What Will People Say , Iram Haq 2017 on a similar intergenerational struggle between an immigrant Pakistani father and his daughter in Sweden.

Derived from Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 116.

Moosavinia et al (n 22) 104; Said (n 22).

S. Mahmood, Politics of Piety: The Islamic Revival and the Feminist Subject (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2011), as referred to by Aguiar (n 1) 219.

For more on this exit see Anitha and Gill (n 3) 176–80; Shariff (n 3) 550, 551, 553, 561, 562.

Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 150.

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Love Marriage vs Arranged Marriage Advantages & Disadvantages

Love marriage has become an increasingly popular choice in recent times. Compared to arranged marriages, where parents usually decide on the partners, love marriages provide more freedom and independence to individuals. At the same time, they choose a life partner for themselves based on their choices and preferences.

While there are many advantages of such a setup, including increased autonomy that couples have over their decisions along with higher chances of having successful relationships due to both parties being aware of each other before taking any giant leaps, it also brings forth specific challenges which need proper discussion prior entering into wedlock.

Each couple should carefully weigh the pros and cons of this kind of union before coming up with a wise decision that is best for them individually and collectively. In this blog, we go through the Love marriage vs arranged marriage advantages and disadvantages.

What is love marriage?

A love marriage is a union between two individuals who choose each other as life partners based on mutual love, affection, and emotional connection. Unlike arranged marriages, where families or matchmakers play a larger role in partner selection, a love marriage is driven by the free will and desire of the couple themselves.

What is arranged marriage?

Arranged marriage is a type of marital union where the bride and groom are primarily chosen by individuals other than the couple themselves, typically by family members or matchmakers. It’s a practice that has been prevalent in many cultures throughout history and remains common in many regions of the world today.

Arranged marriage Vs Love marriage  – Advantages and Disadvantages

Advantages of love marriage.

Love marriage has many advantages. For one, it offers couples the freedom to choose their partner and be sure they are compatible with each other on mental, emotional, and religious levels. This provides a better foundation for creating a long-term relationship that can last through thick and thin. Also, love marriages avoid problems related to matters of caste or family status as the couple has already made those selections.

They offer an opportunity for individuals in society who wish to experience true love within wedlock instead of arranged marriages which may not provide such a deep connection between partners due to a lack of choice in selecting them originally.

Love Marriages also lead to more excellent financial stability for families because spouses tend to make well-informed decisions about investments wisely when both parties contribute constructively towards mutual goals. With all these advantages united, it’s no surprise why more individuals today choose love over traditional ways.

➤ Understanding

Love marriages can have immense advantages for the individual and their families. These types of marriage arrangements bring more stability than arranged marriages, as both partners are free to choose whom they want to spend their lives with based on shared values, interests, love, and respect.

Furthermore, since couples in a love marriage feel empowered within the relationship due to having already established strong feelings before committing themselves legally through formalities like registration or civil ceremonies etc., it leads them towards stronger bondings between each other that develop over time into long-lasting relationships resulting from mutual understanding and support throughout life’s journey together. Love is indeed essential in any successful marriage!

RELATED: Different Types of Marriages: Which Type of Your Marriage?

Love marriage has many advantages. It allows couples to develop a strong bond of love and trust before getting married, know each other more deeply, and understand their values, culture, and lifestyle choices more entirely than they would through an arranged union.

Love marriages can provide more excellent stability in the long term as it allows both partners to take ownership over essential decisions such as who will manage finances or where family members live after marriage.

Couples have time to grow together mentally, emotionally, and physically before entering into lifelong commitment making them stronger individuals for running prosperous households with mutual respect for one another’s opinions.

➤ Potential for Personal Growth

Love marriages can provide fertile ground for personal growth and development. The deep emotional connection and shared experiences can encourage couples to challenge themselves, step outside their comfort zones, and grow together as individuals and as a couple.

Also see : What is True Love and How to Cultivate Love in a Marriage?

Disadvantages of love marriage

➤ family disapproval.

Family disapproval is a significant disadvantage of love marriages. When family members are not supportive, it can cause immense strain on the relationship and have negative implications for its success. Unsupportive families may pressure their children to end the union or even threaten them with disownment if they go ahead with their plans to marry.

This level of negativity creates damaging mental health consequences such as anxiety, depression, and fear which could lead to further issues within the marriage. Couples must consider this type of union and find ways to bolster support from both sides so that all involved parties feel confident about working together in harmony.

Also See: How to Convince Your Parents for Love Marriage

➤ Social stigma

The social stigma surrounding love marriage has significantly disadvantaged couples who tie the knot outside traditional bounds. In many parts of society, these unions are seen as illegitimate, and their members are ostracized from familial and professional circles.

Love marriages can often lead to disapproval from parents or other relatives, pressure on both partners’ career prospects due to associations with an ‘undesirable’ spouse, social isolation among peers looking at them differently, and financial struggles that could threaten future stability.

While we still have some way of achieving true gender equality across societies around the world – it’s important individual rights prevail above all else when making such vital decisions about one’s life partner.

➤ Unrealistic expectations

Unrealistic expectations in love marriages can lead to a whole host of problems. It is important to be realistic and ensure your partner’s goals and values align with yours before taking the plunge into marriage.

Unrealistic assumptions about one another’s roles, financial responsibilities, or career paths may cause misunderstandings that could have been avoided had both parties taken time to honestly communicate their needs before committing themselves further down the line.

Additionally, unrealistic relationship expectations often mean couples struggle during ‘tough times,’ unable to manage disagreements as they arise due to an inability/unwillingness on either side (or both) to meet each other halfway in situations where compromise is needed.​

Also see : Signs Of An Unhappy Marriage: How To Fix Loveless Marriage

Advantages of arranged marriage

➤ family approval.

Family approval is essential in an arranged marriage as it often leads to more successful unions. In this system, families vet potential matches and decide what’s best for their children based on both sides’ backgrounds and interests. With family approval comes the assurance that a couple will be supported in their decision to tie the knot together, leading to increased confidence within spouses before marriage.

It also helps bridge cultural divides between two people who may otherwise have difficulty communicating or understanding each other’s expectations of married life due to differences stemming from upbringing and values. Arranged marriages can bring many advantages, with love being nurtured over time without any outside influences getting involved before a commitment has been made by either side – thereby increasing trust levels which are ultimately essential ingredients for marital harmony!

Also see : 46 Questions to Ask a Girl Before an Arranged Marriage

➤ Compatibility

Arranged marriage has its advantages, particularly for professional couples. With a prearranged partner, you can be assured that the team has similar philosophical and religious values and family backgrounds. Additionally, there is less likelihood of financial mismatch between them, which is highly important in times like these, where economic prospects constantly change.

Furthermore, it allows both partners to establish expectations from one another upfront, wherein roles and responsibilities could also be discussed beforehand, making such relationships smoother and sturdier with little or no misunderstanding over time, enabling married life success stories more often than not!

➤ Commitment

Commitment is a powerful thing. Arranged marriages offer many advantages, such as security and trust in the marriage union. This form of commitment can lead to meaningful relationships based on respect and understanding between two individuals or families who come together for one purpose: love.

Couples often receive guidance from family members regarding essential decisions while they focus their efforts on communication, compromise, and mutual growth over time. With an increased level of devotion to each other’s well-being, arranged marriages have the potential to be incredibly successful unions – professionally speaking as much as personally!

Also See : How a Good-Enough Marriage Can Lead to a Great Divorce

Disadvantages of arranged marriage

➤ compatibility issues.

Arranged marriages can present several compatibility issues. These could lead to an unhappy marriage and disruption within the family unit. Potential couples may need more time or opportunity to become acquainted. This lack of knowledge about each other during their decision-making phase makes it difficult for them to predict whether they are a true match in terms of values and interests that matter most in long-term relationships, such as commitment levels, communication styles, and problem-solving abilities.

Moreover, arranged marriages often include pressure from parents, which might result in misalignment between two wants & needs due to contributing factors like greed & power over the love life, making it harder for the couples to understand who is the best-suited partner leading to greater chances of incompatibility rising among partners.

➤ Lack of love

The lack of love experienced in arranged marriages can be detrimental to the unions. Without genuine emotion and mutual affection, spouses can become disconnected over time. This often leads to a lack of communication between partners which results in difficulties resolving conflicts or minor issues that inevitably arise throughout marriage due to incompatible values or life goals.

Furthermore, feeling unappreciated and unloved also affects one’s mental health, causing long-term problems if not appropriately addressed by both parties involved.

Arranged marriages can be detrimental to couples in terms of long-term relationship success. Pressure from family and society to meet certain expectations often results in one or both partners feeling forced into a marriage they may not want. This pressure can lead to mistrust, resentment, and unhappiness between the couple, causing them stress while trying to maintain their relationships within these boundaries.

Negative consequences usually arise when either partner feels trapped without the ability for freedom or autonomy over decision-making due to financial dependency on parents/guardians, which is another downside associated with arranged marriages; this is especially true among female participants who are expected by tradition more than men.

Incompatibilities and Hidden Traits

While families carefully consider factors like social background and education, hidden personality traits or underlying differences might not be readily apparent during pre-marital interactions. This can lead to incompatibilities and challenges after the marriage, requiring significant effort and adjustment to overcome.

Similarities between love marriage and arranged marriage

Love marriages and arranged marriages share common elements such as commitment, shared values, effective communication, adjustment, family support, commitment to growth, legal recognition, and emotional connection. Despite the different paths to marriage, both involve building a life together with mutual understanding and support.

Effective communication is a crucial factor in the success of any marriage, irrespective of how the union is formed. Both love and arranged marriages necessitate open dialogue, where couples express their thoughts, feelings, and expectations. This communication fosters understanding, empathy, and the ability to address issues constructively.

Both types of marriages require a commitment to personal and collective growth. Couples, regardless of their initial approach to marriage, embark on a journey of continuous learning, adapting, and growing together. This commitment contributes to the resilience and longevity of the relationship.

Love Marriage vs Arranged Marriage Which is Best

Arranged marriage and love marriage are two diverse approaches to finding life partners. Arranged marriages involve parents or family playing a significant hand in selecting the spouse. In contrast, with love marriages, couples can choose their partner after they get to know each other better.

Each type of marriage has its benefits; arranged marriages offer many cultural advantages, such as being part of one’s religion and community values, while love marriages allow individuals more freedom to make decisions not only about who they marry but when too! Ultimately there is no single ‘right’ approach – it depends mainly on individual circumstances on what form of union works best for a particular couple.

Tips for a happy married life

Married life is an exciting journey! Whether you have chosen a partner through love or arranged marriage, it’s important to cultivate a respectful and trusting relationship. Here are some tips for achieving that:

• Talk openly – Communicate effectively by being honest about your emotions and values; Understand each other’s needs.
• Show patience when listening to what the other individual has to express.
• Compromise where necessary – Discuss any differences of opinion to come up with solutions that both parties can agree on.
• Spend quality time together – Appreciate one another’s company, whether it be dining out, catching a movie, playing sports, etc.
• Develop mutual respect among family members- Your spouses should always be supported even if they disagree.

With these simple steps, you can enjoy happy married life no matter how different personalities may seem at first glance!

In conclusion, when comparing love marriage vs. arranged marriage, it is important to consider the advantages and disadvantages of each. Love marriages provide more freedom and a deeper understanding between partners but can also lead to extra pressures, such as societal expectations.

On the other hand, arranged marriages come with traditional values that allow for family support, but this could offer limited choice or compatibility issues if potential spouses are not chosen carefully.

Ultimately, couples should evaluate their personal needs before deciding what type of relationship they want to pursue so that an agreement works best for everyone involved in the long run. We hope this blog on ”Love marriage vs Arranged marriage advantages and disadvantages” is useful to the readers.

Related Posts

Love Marriage vs. Arranged Marriage: Is There a Clear Winner?

Love marriage or arranged marriage? It’s the eternal debate, a heated tug-of-war that’s played out in bedrooms, living rooms, and dinner tables, generation after generation, across the globe. But before we declare one as the champion of marital bliss, let’s ditch the rose-tinted glasses and peek at the cold, hard truths.

(Success) Rate It

Which one is better? Scratch that, you must be tempted to ask which is best? Studies show that while arranged marriages have a higher initial success rate, love marriages do tend to have a higher long-term satisfaction rate. Not a shocker, right? Turns out, love isn’t a lifelong guarantee, and the right wellwisher’s matchmaking skills might just take you by surprise. So, it’s never really about the origin story, but the quality of the partnership itself.

Love marriages do boast a slight edge in the “till death do us part” department. Studies suggest they last a smidge longer. It could be attributed to how a couple builds their relationship on shared chemistry and understanding, instead of prioritising family compatibility. But arranged marriages have their fair share of long-lasting romances too. It’s all about nurturing that spark, regardless of its ignition source.

Divorces? Love The Arranged

The divorce statistics paint a more nuanced picture. Arranged marriages, especially in certain cultures, see lower divorce rates. Could be the strong family support system, the emphasis on compromise, or simply the societal commitment to long-term stability. Why? Because in love marriages, people do have the freedom to walk away if things get bumpy (and no family pressure to “make it work”).

Do note that even though arranged marriages might have a lower divorce rate initially, this gap shrinks over time. This also doesn’t mean that all love marriages are doomed. Open communication, shared values, and a healthy dose of ‘I do’s’ not just for each other, but to get through the inevitable rough patches– it simply means both partners choose to work harder.

Arranged, With Love: Advantages & Disadvantages of Arranged vs. Love Marriage

Arranged marriage is better than a love marriage in the sense that it lets you bypass dating anxieties and offers built-in family support for conflicts. You’ve a whole set of family mediators ready to chaperone your disagreements– for better or for worse! But they are a gamble on compatibility, not passion. Since you do also skip the crucial “getting to know your person” bit. Think of it as a surprise vacation– you might land in paradise, or you might find yourself sharing a bed with a stranger. The better news? Lower expectations from the start mean less room for disappointment. And when the honeymoon phase inevitably melts into the daily grind, the transition is swift.

In contrast, love marriages offer freedom, compatibility, and flexibility, letting you choose your partner based on shared ideas of life and break societal barriers. You know each other’s quirks and can set your own timelines. But beware: passion can blind, cultural clashes can sting, and family support can be scarce. Choose wisely, as

alone doesn’t guarantee a smooth ride in the long haul.

Beyond Binaries: The Art of “Arranged Introductions”

The binary of arranged versus love marriages often overlook a nuanced, modern-day alternative: Enter the “arranged introduction.’

This approach, pioneered by Vows For Eternity , harnesses the wisdom of family networks while fostering genuine connections before marriage. It allows two like-minded people to navigate the often-daunting task of finding a compatible partner with the benefit of shared values and familial support, all while avoiding the pitfalls of societal pressures and impulsive decisions. Think of it as a bridge between tradition and modern sensibilities– a fulfilling journey built on both reason and genuine connection. In this age of meticulously planned lives, why leave your love lives entirely to chance? Take the reins and embrace the guidance of relationship experts, your loved ones, and above all, your gut.

Introspection, not just Instagrammable proposals.

After all, shouldn’t finding a life partner be as thoughtfully planned as any other life-defining decision? Remember, it’s not about how you met, but how you grow together. Now, go forth, be bold, and write your own happily-ever-after, arranged or otherwise!

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Arranged vs. Love-Based Marriages in the U.S.—How Different Are They?

Not as different as you might think..

Posted August 1, 2012 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

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This month, my research assistant, Carlos Anguiano, heads off to Washington State University to begin a Ph.D. program. He’s been an important part of my lab for two years now, and it seems only fitting that I dedicate this month’s entry to him and the collaborative research project we’ve completed this past school year.

Using data collected by a former thesis student, we sought to determine whether the relationship experiences of people in arranged marriages differed significantly from those of people in love-based (free-choice) marriages.

This wasn’t an easy study to conduct. Arranged marriage — a form of marriage in which partners are selected by family members or professional matchmakers — is not the norm in our contemporary Western culture, and so it's fairly challenging to find people in the U.S. who have entered into that type of marital arrangement. And even in societies with a longstanding tradition of arranged marriage (for example, south and east Asia, the Middle East, and South America), prevalence rates have been on the decline for years, making it increasingly difficult for researchers interested in arranged marriages to find participants for their studies.

Nonetheless, one of my intrepid thesis students managed to find a sample of adults living in the U.S. who were in arranged marriages contracted by their family members or professional matchmakers. She also identified a comparison sample of adults in love-based, free-choice marriages in which they had personally chosen their spouses on the basis of love.

On average, these men and women were 35 years old and had been married for 10 years; all were of Indian descent and most were Hindu. Each marriage had been contracted and had taken place in the U.S.

Now, because we were interested in comparing the relationship outcomes and experiences of men and women in these two types of marriage, we asked each participant to complete four commonly used questionnaires: (1) the Passionate Love Scale created by Dr. Elaine Hatfield (University of Hawaii) and Dr. Susan Sprecher (Illinois State University), which assesses the essential features of passionate, romantic love ; (2) the Companionate Love Scale created by Dr. Sprecher and myself, which captures feelings of affectionate, friendship -based love; and (3) the Satisfaction and (4) the Commitment scales created by Dr. Caryl Rusbult , which assess people’s satisfaction with and commitment to their spouses and marriages.

Once we had collected the data, it was time for Carlos and me to analyze the results. First, we found that men and women in both types of marriage reported high levels of satisfaction, commitment, and passionate and companionate love. This result didn't really surprise us — surveys conducted in the U.S. consistently find high levels of satisfaction and well-being among most married individuals. That is, most married people are pretty happy with their marriages and their partners, most of the time — and our study participants were no different.

What did surprise us was the number of sex differences we found. Specifically, despite the uniformly positive experiences reported by our participants, the men in our sample reported significantly higher levels of passionate and companionate love for their spouses and commitment to their marriages than did the women.

This finding was unexpected; other researchers generally have not found the same pattern of results. We have no real explanation for this — all we know is that for whatever reason, our male participants loved more passionately and affectionately, and felt more committed to their marriages, than our female participants. (Keep in mind, though, that all participants scored fairly highly on those measures — it's just that men scored higher.)

Our final — and most important — finding also was unexpected. We found absolutely no difference between participants in arranged marriages and those in free-choice marriages on the four measures we included in our study. Regardless of the nature of their marriage — whether their spouse had been selected by family members/matchmakers or had been personally and freely chosen — the participants in our study were extremely (and equally) happy with their relationships.

The bottom line? Love, satisfaction, and commitment appear to be common outcomes in both arranged and free choice, love-based marriages, at least among Indian adults living in the U.S.

This study, like all research investigations, is not without limitations. It’s important to keep in mind, for example, that these marriages were contracted in the U.S. by men and women living in an urban, industrialized environment. The dynamics of marriage (arranged or otherwise) in other countries, in other environments, involving other people, might be very different.

In the U.S., the line between "arranged" and "free choice" is probably a blurry one. People entering arranged marriages here may have veto power or the ability to say "no" to a potential spouse who doesn't please them or for whom they feel no attraction or affection, and people entering free-choice marriages often are influenced by the wishes and feelings of their friends and family. Thus, there is an element of choice in arranged marriages contracted in the U.S., and an element of social influence in U.S.-made free choice marriages. We might expect to find greater differences in love, satisfaction, and commitment in cultural contexts that support a clearer division between the two types of marriage.

I hope that our findings (which were published this year in the journal Psychological Reports ) offer some insight into an important and little-studied type of marriage. I invite you to read more here .

And to Carlos — you’ll be missed. Good luck in graduate school and best wishes to you and your family as you enter this exciting new chapter in your life. You’ve made me very proud.

Pamela Regan, Ph.D. , is a professor of psychology at Cal State Los Angeles. She is the author of Close Relationships (Routledge).

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Home — Essay Samples — Sociology — Arranged Marriage — The Pros and Cons of Arranged Marriage in Modern Society

The Pros and Cons of Arranged Marriage in Modern Society

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Introduction, history of arranged marriage, pros of arranged marriage, cons of arranged marriage, cultural differences of arranged marriage, modern arranged marriage, arranged marriage vs. love marriage.

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Love Marriage vs. Arranged Marriage: Which is Better?

The following marriage definition essay will examine the two types of marriages, namely arranged and love marriage. The love marriage vs. arranged marriage essay presented below will try to make it clear whether love marriage is better than the arranged one and in what ways the two types of marriages differ from each other. The following arranged marriage essay will try to explore whether it is better to marry because you love another person or vice versa. The current arranged marriages essay represents an attempt to draw the line between the two types of marriages and explain why arranged marriage still exists despite the fact that it is a rather controversial topic that continues to provoke much debate. The essay on arranged marriage offered to the readers will not only examine the issues related to arranged marriage, but also give a definition of love marriage so as to discuss the topic from both perspectives. There is an on-going debate concerning the best way to select a love partner for marriage. Therefore, the current definition essay on marriage will try to answer the questions that still arise in regard to arranged and love marriages.

The current essay on love marriage and arranged marriage will examine the ways in which individuals prefer choosing their partners for getting married. It is a fact that every person looks for an ideal match, but there is evidently a difference in terms of the factors influencing one’s choice of a partner. Some people choose a partner recommended by their parents or friends. The current arranged marriage vs. love marriage essay will therefore try to explain which of the two types of marriages is more preferable judging from the long-term outcomes of both kinds of marriages. Here are some benefits of the arranged and love marriage.

                Love marriage:

• The two individuals have long been acquainted and mutually understand each other’s way of life, tastes and preferences. Therefore, they decide to spend the entire life together.
• The two people take responsibility for their choice and the blame in the future would lie on both of them and no one else.
• The two individuals know perfectly well what are the likes and dislikes of both of them. They can therefore get along quite well without misunderstanding or quarrels.
• By forming a union, the couple will be able to eliminate social evil due to their mutual consent and readiness to make decisions together.

Arranged marriage:

• Arranged marriage is not an agreement between two people only, but a contract between the two families.
• Two families engaged in this type of marriage usually know each other for a long time and are quite compatible with one another.
• Because arranged marriage involves more than two people, the conflicts and misunderstanding between the partners can be resolved with much efficiency.
• The two partners are guided by the experience of their parents, while in case of love marriage the couple does not know anything about the future difficulties because it does not have an experience.

Both of the marriages have their merits and drawbacks, but one should keep in mind that marriage is a lifetime decision. Although families play certain role in the two types of marriages, it is up to the partners to decide whether they want to live together or not. The ultimate decision regarding the choice of life partner should be made by the two individuals only. There is no such a thing as perfect marriage, because any type of marriage is full of concerns and uncertainties. It is therefore hard to say whether love marriage is better than the arranged one, as both types have their own benefits and drawbacks as analyzed above. Let us further discuss the issue in greater detail.

Nowadays, young people of the modern generation do not find the arranged marriage so attractive. At the same time, if to look at the statistics across the world, it becomes clear that 90% of Indian men and women, for instance, still tend to go for the arranged marriage. While not all of such marriages appear to be successful, some of them actually result in a happy union filled with mutual understanding and affection. Marriage is not simply a union of two people, but rather a union of two families, that is to say two social networks that become closely related with one another. The arranged marriage is focused on the union between the families. When searching for a partner for one’s daughter or son, the parents will first of all try to check whether the family of the potential partner is compatible with their own. Thus, the parents seeking a partner for their child will try to answer the question of whether the potential partner’s family shares the similar background including religious and cultural one, socio-economic status, and educational level. If the values of both families coincide, their sons or daughters can get married with those of other families because in this way they will be taken care of and lead a life that meets the order established in the other family. The most valuable things searched for in this form of marriage are stability and security. Although this leaves out the emotional element, the importance of a stable and safe marriage cannot be denied. This is probably the reason why Indians have a very low rate of divorce.

On the other hand, love marriage seems a perfect union of a man and a woman simply because this union has been formed out of mutual affection. All of us strive to find a soul mate and then get married in order to lead a happy life ever after. It seems that nothing can go wrong in such circumstances, but there are many doubtful issues that are associated with the love marriage. This kind of marriage requires more work and effort than the arranged marriage. One should take full responsibility over one’s choice of partner. There is no one other to blame if the marriage does not work out well. Even though people tend to learn much about their future partners before getting married, the life in marriage is an entirely new experience that is always filled with both ups and downs. At the same time, a love marriage allows all of us to choose our sole mates and find a person to whom we are attracted intellectually, physically and emotionally. In such a way, we can live according to our own terms that make us feel happy and be satisfied with the way we live.  

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Does Love Always Come Before Marriage?

Love and marriage aren’t the same thing: Passionate love is a feeling , and marriage is a social contract. But over time and around the world, the two have been intertwined in fascinating ways—not always with romance coming first.

The concept of partnering up in some kind of marriage-like arrangement is virtually universal in human societies. But the notion that romantic love should direct such partnerships has not been a constant. For much of human history, the family unit was likely organized around reproduction and social survival, which might not have always encouraged the cultivation of warm spousal affection—or monogamy.

Ethnographic studies of some tribal societies have suggested that spouses were at some points in history considered effective strangers or even antagonistic enemies, united for the main purpose of procreation. In these groups, the sentiment of romantic love seemed to be seldom acknowledged or expected, at least in public.

While the deep history of marriage is murky, sometime after the development of agriculture (around 15,000 to 10,000 years ago in some regions), arranged marriages become the norm across organized state societies. Family members and matchmakers began to arrange who should partner with whom, with an eye on factors such as economics, social status, prestige, and carrying on the family line.

The idea that marriage should be based in long-term companionship, or what we call a “forever love,” starts to turn up in books and writings much, much later : Scholars have put it as early as the 13th or 14th century in England ; the 18th or 19th century in Russia ; and the 20th century in China . In each culture, the arrival of this idea of “forever love” seems to be matched with a push for children to choose their own marital partners in a love match.

The result is that, in recent centuries, love and marriage have melded in new and complex ways. Our research, along with other anthropological studies, challenges the common impression that societies organized around arranged marriages are very different from those organized around passionate love. In most societies, sexual desire, loving attachment, and material interests are more deeply interwoven than is culturally acknowledged.

Today the ideal of arranged marriage remains strong in India and much of the Middle East but has declined dramatically over recent centuries around the world, especially in more urbanized societies. Firm numbers are hard to come by, but today about 95 percent of marriages in India are reportedly arranged and about 6 percent in Japan.

However, such statistics tend to gloss over a significant diversity of practices between cultures: Arranged marriages are not always what they seem.

Take, for example, a Dravidian Muslim community in Sri Lanka that was studied by anthropologist Victor De Munck. There, arranged marriage has long been the norm—but this does not mean that love matches don’t happen. In contemporary times, youth who have a similar social standing and an appropriate kin relationship can regularly meet, which provides the opportunity to develop feelings. More than three-quarters of the newlyweds De Munck interviewed in the late 1970s and early 1980s said that they loved their spouse before their marriage was formally arranged.

This type of arrangement is hardly unique. Many other societies have adopted a similar solution to allowing their offspring to follow their hearts and choose their mate, while maintaining the desired patriarchal image of the family being in charge. Across South Asia, this love-turned-arranged marriage strategy seems to be gaining in popularity: Love matches or elopements often secure public sympathy as a modern and ethical act. The immensely popular Bollywood films and love songs, for example, are beginning to blend the long-standing arranged-marriage discourse with love-centered discourses.

A culture’s tolerance for personal choice within a customary arranged marriage practice varies—and is not always without danger. In India’s New Delhi, anthropologists Perveez Mody and Shalini Grover found in their research in the 2000s that love-turned-arranged marriages are increasingly idealized among youth there—and, officially, the Indian government’s policy and law is supportive of free choice marriage . But, especially in cases of pronounced differences in social class, caste, or religion, some couples face strong parental and community opposition, which sometimes results in kidnapping or violence, especially among the middle and upper classes.

What is remarkable is that across arranged-marriage cultures, we see a fairly wide parental tolerance for an offspring’s love-based mate choice—provided it is converted into a public performance that acknowledges parental authority to decide who is best to marry.

Another phenomenon that blurs the line between love matches and arranged marriages is the tendency to fall passionately in love after agreeing to marry.

My (Jankowiak’s) research has shown this was dominant in 1980s urban China , for example. At that time, a so-called self-arranged marriage relied on friends, teachers, or colleagues to introduce someone, followed by a short courtship of three or four brief, unsupervised meetings. After this, the individuals either ceased to see each other or agreed to a rapid marriage.

My interviews with about 50 people showed that during this exchange, individuals typically remained skeptical and detached as they coolly calculated the relative social worth each brought to a potential marriage. Once agreeing to marry, however, both parties typically underwent a sudden transformation that manifested in passionate exchanges, statements of joy, and shared fantasies about their future life with each other. So intense was this behavior that I could never determine who felt the deeper, overwhelming passionate love: urban Chinese committed to an arranged marriage or teenage Americans pursuing a love match.

I could never determine who felt the deeper passion: urban Chinese committed to an arranged marriage or teenage Americans pursuing a love match.

The anthropologist Mody saw a similar pattern among some youth in New Delhi: The interviewed couples also began to fall in love after agreeing to an arranged marriage.

Of course, couples matched up by parents or matchmakers may also fall deeply in love some time into their arranged marriage: A shared life, with a similar background or interests, may foster feelings of passionate or affectionate love. The Makassar of Indonesia , as one example, idealize the notion of love arising after marriage. One comparison of arranged versus love matches in Indian American marriages found little difference between the two in terms of long-term feelings of love and marital satisfaction.

Anthropologist Marcia Inhorn looked specifically at couples in Egypt and Lebanon , where arranged marriage is common. She found that many couples developed a strong mutual love—so strong that even those facing infertility whose religious beliefs and culture may encourage them to seek a divorce and have children with others often opted not to do so.

Invoking romantic love as the basis for marriage does not eliminate the importance of material factors in making a happy match. While many youth are pushing away from traditional forms of arranged marriage in favor of love matches, the opposite is also true: People pursuing love around the world are reaping the benefits of intermediaries who help make suitable matches in material terms.

In South Korea, for example, where I (Nelson) have studied courtship, a prevalent way to meet a partner today is on a not-so-blind date arranged by a friend, co-worker, or relative. This might start with evaluating photos and asking about the prospective partner’s specs (age, job, education, family background, et cetera) before proceeding to a first date. Anthropological interviews show that these young people typically like the security of being introduced to a partner with similar credentials who has been pre-screened for suitability by a trusted source.

The newest global matchmaker, of course, is the computer algorithm. South Korean matchmaking services such as Duo charge fees into the thousands of dollars to introduce members to potential partners who have compatible ethnic backgrounds, religion, and material assets.

Around the world, the rising popularity of online dating can help people vet potential mates for important qualities—from appearance to wealth, education, personality, and hobbies—before meeting up to see if sparks fly.

The lines between types of marriage, motivation for marriage, and feelings incorporated into marriage are blurry.

Serious misunderstandings can arise when someone believes they have begun a marriage based on feelings of authentic love while the other person views the marriage as an economic-sexual exchange. Numerous researchers have commented upon the frequency of this kind of misunderstanding in transnational matches, where one party expresses an authentic, intense love while the other performs the acts of love to secure economic stability.

One of the reasons for a parental-arranged marriage is to ensure individuals are suitably matched and to prevent the potentially short-term sway of sexual attraction from overwhelming considerations of compatibility. Self-arranged marriages are, arguably, just a different way of achieving the same thing—both arrangement types are often centered around finding someone with a similar socioeconomic background and priorities.

Perhaps the indefinable “chemistry” often invoked as the basis for love matches is little more than a synergy experienced when interacting with someone with similar values, attitudes, tastes, and life goals.

Whether love comes before marriage, or marriage before love, it is important to recognize that material considerations and compatibilities—across cultures of all kinds—often underlie people’s willingness to fall in love. Different kinds of marriage may not be so different after all.

William Jankowiak  is a professor at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, and an internationally recognized authority on urban Chinese society, urban Mongols, Mormon fundamentalist polygyny, and love around the world. Jankowiak has authored over 123 academic and professional journal articles and three books, and he has edited or co-edited four volumes. His research has been featured in numerous media outlets, including  The Economist , The New York Times ,  Time , ABC Primetime , NPR, the History Channel, TLC, BBC, and NBC.

Alex Nelson is a sociocultural anthropologist who studies transformations in gender and intimacy in South Korea and the ethnology of romantic love. He received his Ph.D. from the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, and is an adjunct assistant professor at Appalachian State University in North Carolina. Nelson is also engaged in collaborative interdisciplinary research on commercial sexual economies, including the Erotic Entrepreneurs Project , a study of the business and safety strategies of erotic escorts in the U.S., and the Virtual Sexual Economies Project , a study of ethno-erotic economies and racial inequalities in the webcam modeling industry. Follow him on Twitter @alexjnelson .

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Which is Better: An Arranged Marriage or A Love Marriage

Marriage is a union between two people that can take many forms. While some couples choose to marry out of love, others opt for an arranged marriage.

In this blog article, we will explore the pros and cons of both types of unions, examining the benefits and drawbacks associated with each one.

We will also compare traditional practices with modern choices to help you decide which type is more successful in today’s world.

Exploring the Pros and Cons of Arranged Marriages vs Love Marriages.

Examining the benefits of both types of unions, what are the advantages and disadvantages to each, is one type more successful than the other, comparing traditional practices with modern choices..

When it comes to marriage, there are two main options: arranged marriages and love marriages. Both have their own advantages and disadvantages, so the decision of which is best for an individual depends on a variety of factors.

Arranged marriages have been around for centuries in many cultures across the world. In this type of union, families or matchmakers select a partner based on criteria such as social status, wealth, or religion.

Because both parties are often unfamiliar with each other before they wed, these unions can be seen as more practical than romantic.

However, arranged marriages can also provide stability and security that may not be found in a love marriage due to the involvement of family members who will help guide couples through any issues that arise during their relationship.

Love marriages offer couples more freedom when it comes to selecting a partner since they choose someone based solely on feelings rather than societal expectations or familial pressure.

This type of union allows partners to get to know each other better prior to making any long-term commitments and provides them with greater control over their lives together since both individuals make decisions about how they want their relationship to progress without interference from outside sources like parents or matchmakers.

Additionally, because partners already share strong emotional connections before tying the knot, there is less risk involved in terms of compatibility issues down the line.

Ultimately, deciding between an arranged marriage versus one based on love is up to personal preference. Some people prefer having assistance from family members, while others feel more comfortable taking matters into their own hands by finding someone themselves.

It’s important for those considering either option to take time researching what works best for them individually so that, ultimately, they end up with something that makes them happy in a life-long commitment.

Table of Contents

When it comes to marriage, there are two main options: an arranged marriage and a love marriage. Both have their own advantages and disadvantages, so it is important to consider both before making a decision.

Arranged marriages have been around for centuries in many cultures around the world. They involve parents or other family members selecting a partner for their child based on criteria such as social status, education level, financial stability, and compatibility with the family’s values.

The couple may not know each other beforehand but typically meet several times before deciding whether or not they want to get married.

The biggest advantage of an arranged marriage is that there is less risk involved since families usually take into account all relevant factors when choosing partners for their children.

This can lead to more successful marriages as couples are more likely to be compatible due to similar backgrounds and values shared by both sides of the family.

Additionally, having support from extended families can help couples through difficult times in their relationship which could otherwise lead them toward divorce if left unsupported by loved ones who understand them best.

On the flip side, however, arranged marriages often lack an emotional connection between spouses, which can make it harder for them to adjust together over time without developing feelings of resentment towards one another due to expectations placed upon them by others instead of themselves alone.

Furthermore, individuals may feel pressured into getting married against their will leading to potentially unhappy unions where neither party feels satisfied with life choices made under duress rather than out of their free will.

Love marriages, on the other hand, offer greater freedom when selecting partners since individuals choose someone they feel connected with emotionally first before considering any practical matters like finances or social standing, etc…

This gives couples greater opportunities to explore different aspects of each other prior to entering wedlock, thus increasing the chances that they will stay together longer because mutual understanding has already been established between two people who truly care about one another’s well-being above anything else.

However, this type of union also carries risks because strong emotions sometimes cloud judgment, leading people astray from what would normally be considered wise decisions regarding long-term commitment, such as getting married too quickly without fully knowing the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with…

Ultimately only you yourself can decide which type of union suits better depending on individual circumstances, but regardless choice should always come down to personal preference rather than external pressures imposed upon our society at large…..

Examining the benefits of both types of unions is an important step in determining which type of marriage is best for you.

Arranged marriages have been a part of many cultures for centuries, while love marriages are relatively new and gaining popularity in some parts of the world.

Both types have their own unique advantages and disadvantages that should be considered before making a decision.

Arranged marriages offer stability, security, and support from family members who may be more familiar with cultural expectations than those found in love-based relationships.

This can help to ensure that couples remain together even when times get tough or disagreements arise due to differences in values or beliefs between partners.

Additionally, arranged marriages often involve less financial risk since families typically provide resources such as housing or money to help newlyweds establish themselves financially after marriage.

Love-based relationships offer greater freedom and flexibility than arranged unions because they are based on mutual attraction rather than familial obligations or societal norms.

Couples also tend to develop strong emotional bonds over time due to shared experiences which can lead to increased levels of trust and understanding between them compared with arranged unions, where these factors may take longer periods of time (if at all)to develop naturally over time.

Furthermore, couples who choose this type of union often find it easier to navigate through difficult times as they already share strong feelings for one another prior to entering into a marriage agreement.

Ultimately, there is no right answer when it comes to deciding whether an arranged union or love-based relationship will work better for you – only you know what’s best for your individual situation, so make sure to weigh up all options carefully before making any decisions about your future marital status!

When it comes to marriage, there are two main options: an arranged marriage or a love marriage. Each has its own advantages and disadvantages that should be considered carefully before making a decision.

An arranged marriage is one in which the families of the bride and groom decide who they will marry based on cultural, social, economic, and religious considerations.

The advantage of this type of union is that it can provide stability for both partners as well as their extended families by creating strong ties between them.

Additionally, since the couple may not know each other very well prior to getting married, they have time to get acquainted with one another during their engagement period without any pressure from society or family members.

On the other hand, a love marriage occurs when two individuals choose each other out of mutual attraction and affection without interference from either partner’s family members or outside influences such as religion or culture.

This type of union allows couples more freedom in terms of choosing whom they want to spend their lives with while also providing them with an opportunity for self-fulfillment through companionship and intimacy within the relationship itself.

However, because these marriages often lack external support systems like those found in arranged unions – such as financial assistance from parents – couples must rely solely on themselves for all aspects related to running a household, including finances and childcare responsibilities if applicable.

Ultimately both types offer different benefits depending upon individual circumstances; however, it is important for prospective spouses to consider all factors involved before making any final decisions about which path best suits them personally.

When it comes to marriage, there are two distinct types: arranged marriages and love marriages. Both have their own unique advantages and disadvantages, but the question remains – is one type more successful than the other?

The answer depends on a variety of factors. Arranged marriages tend to be based on practical considerations such as social status or financial stability, while love marriages are typically driven by emotion and passion.

As such, both types of unions can be equally successful depending on how well-suited the couple is for each other in terms of values and compatibility.

That being said, research has shown that couples who marry through an arranged union tend to have longer-lasting relationships than those who wed out of love alone.

This could be due to the fact that families often play a role in arranging these unions, which helps ensure that partners share similar backgrounds and beliefs from day one – something which may not always happen with romantic relationships where two people come together without any outside influence or guidance.

Ultimately though, success in marriage isn’t determined by whether you choose an arranged union or a love match; rather, it’s about finding someone who shares your values and goals for life so you can build a strong foundation together no matter what type of relationship you pursue!

Arranged marriages and love marriages are two different ways of finding a life partner. Both have their own advantages and disadvantages, so it is important to consider the pros and cons of each before making a decision.

When it comes to an arranged marriage, this type of union is usually decided by family members or close relatives who have known both parties for some time.

This ensures that the couple has similar values, beliefs, backgrounds, and expectations from one another, which can lead to greater compatibility in the long run.

Furthermore, since families are involved in selecting partners for their children, they tend to be more supportive throughout the relationship as well as during difficult times such as illness or financial hardship.

Love marriages, on the other hand, involve couples choosing each other without any external influence from parents or family members, which allows them greater freedom when it comes to deciding on things like religion or lifestyle choices that may not be acceptable within an arranged marriage setting.

Additionally, couples who choose each other often share stronger emotional bonds due to having gone through courtship together prior to getting married, which can help strengthen their relationship over time if nurtured properly with mutual understanding and respect toward one another’s needs.

In conclusion, there is no right answer when comparing traditional practices with modern choices; what works best depends entirely upon individual circumstances such as culture, background, religious beliefs, etc.

Ultimately though, both types of unions require commitment, dedication, trustworthiness & communication between partners for them to succeed, regardless of whether they were chosen by others or themselves.

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Love Marriage vs Arranged Marriage – Advantages and Disadvantages

Marriage as a social institution has remained evergreen for years. Young couples, whether in love or whether introduced through parents, hope to tie the knot once they know they have found the right person.

Marriage can be based upon love or purely arranged; the choice is up to the person who wants to marry, whether to marry a known or unknown person. There are pros and cons in every situation. Which is better? Arranged or Love? Let us see –

Advantages & Disadvantages of Love Marriage, Arranged Marriage

Advantages of Love Marriage

Love marriage is a union between two individuals who are attracted to each other after meeting either at school, college, office or through familiar friends or in the neighborhood. They mutually decide to tie the knot that would not permit legally any other person to get involved between them. In other words, they are legally together. Young people are going in for love marriages rather than arranged ones. Why so?

• Freedom of Choice: One has the complete freedom to select their life partner. No elder decides.
• Sign of Maturity: Selecting one’s partner is a sign of maturity.
• Familiarity with Partner: One is not marrying a total stranger. One knows the weak and positive points to adjust easily in matrimony.
• Love-Based Union: Marriage is based upon love for each other, and although the chances of it breaking down are there, yet the young couple hopes that their togetherness lasts forever.
• Mutual Respect: Mutual respect is there as they know each other before themselves.
• Independent Decision: Marriage is not imposed. It is an independent choice.

Disadvantages of Love Marriage

• Familiarity and Contempt: Familiarity breeds contempt.
• Family Support: Lack of support from family and relatives.
• Financial Challenges: At times, it can be financially difficult as the partners have to fend for themselves. There is no elder to bail them out.
• Risk of Separation: Risk of the marriage breaking off is there as sometimes love wears out or perhaps the couples are “tired” of each other.
• Disparity in Love: The question is who loves more than the other. Sometimes, one can also experience deception, and the marriage can be merely for convenience.
• Risk of Infidelity: One of the partners may get bored with the other person and may seek the company of another person to fill in the vacuum in the relationship; this could be a devastating experience and could lead to depression as one is “let down” by somebody one has truly loved. Sometimes, you may not have your family’s support in such a situation and may have to depend upon other support systems.
• Financial Strains: Financial problems may crop up, and due to lack of family support, the relationship between the couples may get strained and result in hate for each other.

Now let us look at what comprises arranged marriage and whether it is a better option to love marriage.

Advantages of Arranged Marriage

• Elderly Involvement: The selection of the partners is done by the elders, and thus the marriage is more stable.
• Family Support: Family support is there, due to which the couple could seek family help in case of crisis.
• Maturity of Partners: Partners have matured individuals who are getting into matrimony after feeling that the choice is right.
• Financial Stability: The groom is financially stable, and the bride also brings in income for the family in the form of other assets. The couple feels secure financially.
• Excitement and Discovery: There is excitement after marriage as the couple gets to know each other after the ceremony is over. There is fun in discovering each other.
• Mutual Respect: Mutual respect as the marriage is decided upon by elders who bless the newly-wed couple.
• Timing of Marriage: One can marry at a time when one feels that one is now ready to settle down in matrimony. It could be either after one has completed one’s studies or secured a proper job.
• Preserved Novelty: There is no question of “familiarity breeding contempt.”

Disadvantages of Arranged Marriage

• Stranger Dilemma: One is marrying a totally unknown person.
• Cultural Adjustment: The bride may find it difficult to adjust to the lifestyle of the in-laws.
• Financial Demands: Demands in the form of cash and other assets may be made, which could strain the relationship between the couple.
• Potential Incompatibility: Although most couples adjust, yet, it is possible that one may not like the other partner at all.
• Undisclosed Ailments: Problem of impotence and other hidden ailments could arise, which may not be disclosed at the time of marriage.
• Contractual Marriage: The marriage could be merely a contractual arrangement like well-to-do business families do. There may not be any love involved, and at times, the male partner may have liaison with other women.
• Homesickness: The bride may miss the comfort of her home.

Whatever is said and done, both arranged and love marriages seem appealing, but the best deal is semi-arranged as one gets to know the partner and gets the family’s approval.

I am a dedicated and seasoned health writer passionate about transforming complex medical jargon into accessible, actionable information. Leveraging extensive research and a knack for distilling complicated topics, my work is a reliable resource for a diverse online audience.

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Love merrage is most beautiful and happy love means belive,trust,caring it is true day by day love is not ending it is in forever in over heart

What u r saying is Right .I had some doubt I think u r loving some one please reply

What you are talking about happens only in handful of cases. However the vast majority are not able to keep up that standard.

Arranged marriage gives most beautiful and happy loving moments in life. It means trust understanding and togetherness

Yep that’s true.because most of the arranged marriages are more successful than love marriages…

Now a days arrange marriage is more successful then the love marriage because today’s lover is getting Bor from our partner… So if they are unknown then they will get enjoy to each other , this type of enjoy is missing in love marriage

I don’t know why I feel that love marriages are most happy marriages. I feel jealous that I have a lover for me to love care and respect me. But my family is not accepting him as he is from schedule caste. Can we compare love marriages and arranged marriages. Pls reply

love marrige is better than arrange marrige because in love marriage, complete freedom to select his or her life patner.

U r not paying attention to your future. U are thinking only about your self. When your son or daughter will knew your reality they will do same thing. If they would do such in teen age their future will be in dark because u could not stop them at that time……. thik deeply then decide

How can you take guarantee that if you’re arranged your kids are not gonna fall in love in their teens?? How can you live with anyone you don’t know for the rest of your life??? How could you have guarantees that everything’s gonna be alright if you’re arranged???

I think love and arrange both are good

If i have to decide which one is better out of the 2, i.e. ruling out love cum arranged marriage which is the common norm of today. I would chose Arranged marriage.

Arranged marriage if done properly (i.e. without hiding any thing or withholding vital information regarding finance – medical situation etc) will always lead to blissful life.

But when you are in love and you partner is suffering for certain diseases, the blind love will oversee all that. Which comes to bit you in your later life, especially to the offspring’s. Marriage is much more than love. Its a basket which has all the ingredients such as love, sex, money, family, culture, customs, family traditions, likes and dislikes about food, what one wears, how does one like to live his / her life, quality of offspring and zillion other things. Majority of these are addressed well in advance in a arranged marriage before both the parties give consent for the marriage, the remaining ones are either addressed or adjusted by either of the spouse post marriage. In love marriage all these important points go out of the window as both of them expect unconditional love. To put it short love marriage guarantees you a blissful life for a short span of time however the future life is uncertain, and only handful of them are able to sustain that blissful life till there last breath. While in arranged marriage the platform is set for a beautiful and blissful married life, however the onus is on you and your partner if you are interested in making one.

Love marriage is far more better than arranged marriage in arranged marriages the girl whom we Marry she’s downright stranger and we don’t about her past life whether she’s virigin or not ? But in love marriage’s even though if we knew that she was not virigin we tend to Marry the girl despite having known the fact .. 🤗

I believe that arrange marriage is much far better than love marriage 💑. Because in love marriage your love first and whole the life you have to arrange things but In arrange marriage you to arrange before and love whole the life.

thanks for making such a article (it helped me for a class debate regarding a chapter called ranga’s marriage)

Love is first one of attraction but it is Beauty am also liked more than happy to every day and confidence etc

its my privailage to share my opinion on love marraige vs arranged marriage it not matter whether it is love marriage or arranged marriage its totally love and understand .we cant say that only in love marriage love is present .its no matter about marriage or love marriage it about the way of living couple .understand in the relation is important to keep bond as endles

love marriage is very well to each other because we know each other.and in love marriage we know the person before marriage so we know that person is good for us or not . in love marriage is not imposed .it is an idependent choice .

this article was very useful for me

love marriage is better because marrying a known person is better than marrying the unknown person. But, if the same love continues after marriage also then there will be no problem. The suitable plan is needed and both girl and boy should be well-settled then they should marry. If we follow this 100 percent love marriage will be best.

in my opinion arrange marriage is better than love marriage.it is stable and full support of family and relatives.person find the excitement of our partner after marriage and here also needs love trust understanding to each other,believe,maturity fore ever. in case you love some ,over period of time he bored he search the happiness to other in that no one can support them. thats why arrange married is good for us.

This article is essential for everyone at least for couples. I enjoyed it very much.

Thanks for sharing.

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344 Marriage Essay Topics & Examples

Whether you’re writing about unconventional, traditional, or arranged marriage, essay topics can be pretty handy. Consider some original ideas gathered by our experts and discuss divorce, weddings, and family in your paper.

🏆 Best Marriage Essay Examples & Topics

👍 good marriage essay topics, 💡 simple topics about marriage, ⭐ interesting research topics about marriage, 🔍 good research topics about marriage, 📌 most interesting marriage topics to write about, ❓ marriage research questions.

• Christian vs. Muslim Marriages Comparison and Contrast A wedding is a civil or religious ceremony conducted in the presence of the family and friends of the bride and groom, to celebrate the beginning of their marriage.
• Early Marriage Advantages In addition to this, there is a positive correlation between marriage and the increased mental and physical well being of an individual.
• Interracial Marriage and Emirati Identity Issues According to the Federal National Council, the prevalence of interracial marriages in the UAE is threatening Emirati women, in terms of their ability to be married by a fellow Emirati man.
• Statement for Marriage and Family Therapist Applicant My personal experience in marriage, long-term work with families within the framework of my occupational duties, and the desire to help people through life’s difficulties motivate me to become a Marriage and Family Therapist.
• Women, Friendships, Marriage in Lynn Nottage’s “Poof!” Maybe Loureen and Florence treat their problems a little differently depending on the fact of having children or the degree to which the husband’s attitude can be tolerated. The general opinion about women and their […]
• The Marriage of Heaven and Hell The contraries used by the poet in “The Marriage of Heaven and Hell” are the backbone of this poem. The structure of “The Marriage of Heaven and Hell” is the first feature of the contraries […]
• Why Gay Marriage Should Not Be Legal Therefore, because marriage is a consecrated unification of a male and a female, ready to sacrifice all that is at their disposal for the continuation of the human species and societal values, I believe all […]
• Marriage Relationships in “The Snows of Kilimanjaro” by Hemingway Harry and his wife, Helen, are stranded in Mount Kilimanjaro and their interactions reveal that their rocky relationship is a result of a mixture of frustration, incorrect decisions, getting married for wrong reasons, and unreciprocated […]
• Marriage Equality: Same-Sex Marriage This is because it forms the basis of organization in any given society.”Marriage refers to an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways, depending on the […]
• Qualities of Successful Marriages Faith makes great differences in marriage and this is why it is very important to share your individual beliefs and values with the partner prior to marriage in order to understand each other and plan […]
• The Benefits of Marriage This essay aims to identify the benefits of marriage, compare the level of happiness between married couples and cohabitors and analyze the conditions that contribute to the marriage advantage.
• Marriage in the Importance of Being Earnest: Analysis Although Algernon’s view on love and marriage is not known during the conversation with his butler, we get to know his thoughts on the subject in a monologue where he claims that marriage is an […]
• Marriage in A Midsummer Night’s Dream The main theme of the play revolves around the marriage between Thesus, the Duke of Athens, and the Queen of Amazons called Hippolyta, as well as the events that surround the married couple.
• Temporary Marriage in Lebanon: Pros and Cons Supporters of temporary marriage in Lebanon argue that, since the union does not involve use of force, it cannot be termed as a violation of the right of women.
• Marriage and Adultery Laws of Emperor Augustus The laws were enacted to deal with marriage avoidance, the preference for childless unions, marriage of lower class women by the Roman elite, and adultery, all of which threatened the continuity of the Roman aristocracy.
• Early Marriage and Its Impact on Education Given the significant impacts that early marriage has had on education, this paper builds on the available recent research to establish the extent of early marriage and its impacts on the lives of children.
• How to Have a Happy Marriage In life, although a number of strategies of enhancing happiness in life exist, it is important for all individuals to note that, success of these strategies depends on the commitment levels in spouses hence, the […]
• Interracial Marriage in the United Arab Emirates One of the main problems is the population ratio of the country. The increased presence of foreign wives in the country can create an appearance that the identity of the country changed.
• The Future of Marriage Although today marriage is still a significant stage in the personal life and family is discussed as the fundamental factor for the social development, the role of marriage declines, the rate of divorces increases, and […]
• Process Philosophy’s Impact on Marriage and Education The growth in the popularity of gay marriages in America provides evidence of the impact of process philosophy on government policies.
• The Pros and Cons of Gay Marriage Counteracting the argument that prohibition of gay marriage appears similar to discrimination is the idea that marriage, in the traditional understanding of the word, is the union of necessarily different sexes, a man and a […]
• Marriage and Family: Life Experience When we got married, a man was perceived to be the head of the family, and in his absence the wife was expected to guide the family.
• Marriage and Alternative Family Arrangements In the selection of the marriage partners, individuals are required to adhere to the rules of endogamy as well as the rules of exogamy.
• Child Marriages in Modern India The practice of child marriages among the Shaikh and the Rajasthan community at large has been exacerbated by the government’s reluctance in preventing it and to make the matter worst, it seems to be very […]
• Marriage and Family Therapy Even though she is the one instigating therapy, she is suggesting that the therapist speaks to Leon and not her. This case, the problems is Marceline’s indecision and lack of set goals of what she […]
• Marriage and Family Challenges As a rule, one of the principal reasons for a difficult adaptation is the initially inflated requirements of one of the spouses or even both of them.
• Marriage in “The Story of an Hour” by Kate Chopin News about the death of her husband arises and owing to her heart problem, carefulness is vital for the one to deliver the news to her.
• Marriage in the Postmodern Society Circa 900BC, the world only knew one type of marriage, at least the Judeo-Christian history, which is the best documented type that indicates that marriage was between a man and a woman with the option […]
• Cultural Traditions: Arranged vs. Autonomous Marriage Given the aforementioned reasons, this is possible to convince people that pre-arranged marriages can be admitted as culturally permissible, and the concept of cultural relativism is an objective tool.
• Christian Marriage Rituals From the ancient times, parents of both the bride and groom were the primary parties to the marriage covenant. According to the biblical times, marriage was a legal covenant between the parents of the bride […]
• The Importance of Marriage Education In such cases, the importance of attending marriage education is highlighted, the usefulness and importance of which is to provide knowledge not only about the marriage union but also in general about interaction and proper […]
• Importance of Communication in Marriage Marriage is the first step in establishing a family and the kind of communication that exists between the partners determines the kind of family that they will establish.
• Arguments against Young Marriage and Their Rebuttal For the most part, these arguments point at the current social flaws and the need to address them. Instead, such experience is acquired in the course of social interactions, which young people are engaged into […]
• Marriage Differences in Botswana The body part discusses the history of life and marriage, marriage now, marriage in the book, the similarities and differences of life and marriage in the book and real life.
• Marriage in Saudi Arabia The elders of the prospective bride propagated marriage in Saudi Arabia, and afterward, it was the responsibility of either the groom or the groom’s parents to propose to her father.
• Taqiya and Mut’ah in Islam: The Legal Status of Mut’ah Marriage in Indonesia It is essentially a temporary contract marriage, in which a man and a woman agree to assume the roles of husband and wife for a limited period.
• Cohabitation vs. Marriage It is not only crucial to the couple but also to the whole society since it is the foundation by which a society is based.
• Islamic Marriage and Divorce The family being the basic unit of a society which is also a principle in the Islamic society its genesis is the relationship between a husband and a wife.
• Arranged Marriage and Its Ethical Dilemma His family would be happy to see him married to the person they chose, and his father would save his reputation.
• The Marriage Traditions of Wolof Culture These include the role that marriage plays in the family formation in the Wolof society, what the economic background of the plural marriages is, and which traditions describe the marriage ceremony of the Wolof culture.
• Sex and Marriage Relations Analysis The problem of the modern married couples is that the notion of sex became the dominant in the relations and the faithfulness in the family is not in honor now.
• Love, Marriage, and Divorce He weighs the possible outcomes, and mostly, these were negative elements such as discrimination of his side of the family who are expected to wait only for food and drink during the wedding, other wedding […]
• Relations and Social Distance in Kinship and Marriage All societies have rules of exogamy as they are needed to determine the relatives that are regarded as forbidden marriage and sexual partners.
• The Women’s Career Role in the Institution of Marriage It is obvious that many women in the modern world have changed their attitude to business and to family due to the shift of the roles in the society.
• Marriage is Outdated and no Longer Suits Modern Lifestyles and Attitudes They do not perceive the essence of entering in to marriage when they can accomplish most of the above mentioned issues outside marriage.
• Institution of Marriage and Its History Due to the nature and intentions of marriage, numerous definitions and viewpoints have emerged that continue to dictate what the institution ought to be.
• Marriage Vs. Living Together: Pros and Cons Marriage is simply a ceremony that was imagined and enacted by man in order to signify the decision of a man and a woman to live together in a forever sense of the word.
• Interracial Marriage Explained Secondly, an interracial marriage promotes the general acceptance of people from a different race in the new society or community and also promotes the appreciation of other people’s values in the new community and their […]
• Interracial Marriage in the 1950s The central problem was that the period was characterized by racial segregation laws that did not allow people of a different race to attend the same restaurants, cinemas, and other public places. Moreover, parents often […]
• Specific Communication Styles That Make for Happy Marriages The next style of communication is submissive, characterized by a desire to please other people, and avoid conflicts by all means.
• Stephanie Doe: Misyar Marriage as Human Trafficking in Saudi Arabia In this article, the author seeks to highlight how the practice of temporary marriages by the wealthy in Saudi Arabia, commonly known as misyar, is a form of human trafficking.
• Biblical Marriage and Divorce – Religious Studies The outstanding fact is that the Bible discourages the practice. Divorce is harmful to both society and the Church.
• Marriage and Family Counselling In the case of addiction counselling, the clientele is comprised of people suffering from the ravages of a certain factor in their life and the counsellor is their main hope in overcoming such a problem.
• American Marriage in transition Nevertheless, the Great Depression and the two World Wars drove women from homes into the labor market, and this had a major effect on the roles and expectations of both husbands and wives within the […]
• “Why Marriages Fail” by Anne Roiphe It is a productive way to end the essay because people are reassured that in every situation there is a way out and it all depends on the individuals and their want to work things […]
• Early Arranged Marriages in Indonesia The parents and families of the children were directly responsible for the marriage. The increase in the age of marriage started in the second half of the twentieth century.
• Absolute Gender Equality in a Marriage Despite the fact that the principles of gender equality in marriage will clearly affect not only the relationships between a husband and a wife but also the roles of the spouses considerably, it is bound […]
• Social Issues: Arranged Marriages Even though research has shown that some arranged marriages result in loving and stable relationships, I think it is important to give individuals the freedom to choose their partners and decide whether they are prepared […]
• Benefits of Remarriage for Happy Life Remarriage allows a person to find love and comfort from the other partner. When a person chooses to be remarried, they would likely accumulate their financial sources to focus their economic development with the partner.
• Marianne Weber’s Views on Marriage Traditionally, the role of a husband was that of a breadwinner and a patriarch of the family, whereas a wife’s duties were to take care of their children and keep the family hearth.
• Marriage Peculiarities in the United Arab Emirates The issue that would be interesting in the idea is the ideological differences among the people living in the area, and how the differences interplay in marriage and marital decisions.
• Marriage & Family Therapy He used his family as a case study in explaining the theory in relation to development and function of a family.
• Life in Marriage or Single Life? However, in recent decades, the world has begun to actively change, society has become more inclusive, and more and more people who refuse to marry for different beliefs have begun to appear.
• Marriage Types and Their Critical Components Increasingly, variations have also encompassed how one of the traditional expectations of marriage, that is, siring children, is construed and whether spouses are of the same or different sexes.
• Inter Caste Marriages and Mixed Identity They do not experience the practices of a particular religion due to which they are perturbed when other children know and talk about their religion and its practices with a sense of pride and belonging.
• Christians Holy Orders and Marriage To a great level the society itself is constitutive of the symbol, and is thus vital in calling forward the gifts of the occupation in which each individual is well-known and established in each sacrament […]
• Boundaries in Marriage: A Healthy Marital Association The model proposed by Cloud and Townsend is practically applicable to the development and preservation of healthy affiliations. The establishment of healthy boundaries has proved to be a rather difficult task because the authors assume […]
• The Nature of Aristocratic Marriage and Family in the Mid-Heian Period The poorly defined Heian marriage system denied the women the ability to react and advocate for their human rights, Seidensticker Edward.
• The Importance of Premarital Counseling Before Marriage It is thus essential for couples contemplating to enter into a binding contract to go through premarital counseling program in order to get skills and knowledge on how to maintain their marriage.
• The Role of Marriage on the Example of Two Plays The plays Waiting for Godot and A Long Day’s Journey into Night indirectly imply the topic of the marriage’s role and how it impacts the individuals.
• Arranged Marriages: A Critical Analysis While discussing the points in favor of arranged marriage, the writer does not seem to have taken a stand in favor yet he has provided evidence to show that arranged marriage is an outlet for […]
• Child Marriage in Egypt: Changing Public Attitudes One limitation of current studies that have investigated child marriages as a social problem in Egypt is their biased focus on the causes of the vice and not necessarily on the solutions.
• Interfaith Marriages in Islamic Views These analyses provide the bedrock for comprehending the contemporary view of interfaith marriages in Islam and the implications of such types of marriages on the faith.
• Cultural Differences in Arranged Marriages All the expenses of the marriage are taken care of by the parents of the couple. The reason why arranged marriages are encouraged among the Hindus is that there is utmost respect compared to marriages […]
• Argument for Gay Marriages Enacting laws that recognize gay marriages would be beneficial to the society in the sense that it promotes equal rights among members of the society.
• Love and Marriage during the Era of Mao in Communist China In the Mao era, the law did not allow polygamous marriage in the Chinese community and through such, the sale of young females within the society ended.
• Marriage as a Basic and Universal Social Institute While education and employment have resulted in a shift in marriage due to the changing gender roles, Goldstein and Kenney note that women continue to marry or join the marriage institute at the same high […]
• Marriage in the Modern World For instance, there is no common agreement over the number of parties required in a marriage; who should select partners for marriage; whether or not the rearing of children is the core idea of marriage; […]
• American vs. Asian Marriages This is mandatory for both the grooms and the brides who are believed to yield complete fun in the marriage and traditionalisms of it.
• The Love and Marriage Relationship Analysis This shows that the researcher was determined to obtain accurate results from the subjects with the least, and that is the strength of the research.
• Civil Union: Legal Recognition of Same-Sex Couples’ Marriages Once the readers are influenced by the argument it is assumed that they would move a social memorandum in favor of the argument and insist the authority to grant the gay couples the status of […]
• Marriage and Family Problems as Social Issues Sociology as a discipline has an extremely wide range of interests and it is next to impossible even to enumerate them, however the issue that has always been of the utmost importance for the sociological […]
• The Definition of Marriage The Sexual Revolution that took place in the 1960s caused sex to brazenly slip out of the boundaries of marriage. S, same-sex marriage is legal only in the states of Iowa and Massachusetts.
• Genograms Role in Family and Marriage In my second marriage, the major challenge was to find a unified approach to my son and the children of my new partner.
• Marriage in the Bible According to the book of genesis 1:28, after creating a man and a woman, God bestowed them with blessings and told them to “…be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and […]
• Effect of Stress on Relations and Marriage Therefore, this paper had the aim of discussing the effects of stress on a marriage and relationships and how the stress can be reduced and controlled.
• Marriage in The Yellow Wallpaper She has failed to recognize that she is the driver of her own life, and blame should not be put on man. Therefore, she is not able to work her creativity and ends up drawing […]
• Arranged Marriages are Less Successful This research aims to establish the reasons why arranged marriages are less successful when compared to love unions in the realms of commitment, passion, intimacy, and marital satisfaction.
• Common Sexual Problems Experienced During a Marriage Dissatisfaction with the relationship, a lack of shared activities, old age, poor health, and daily stress also contribute to a decrease in sexual satisfaction in a marriage.
• Marriage Decline Among Black Americans The marriage rate in the United States of America has generally declined in the current decade. Incarceration of the African American community has played a significant role in promoting their marriage decline for decades.
• Unforgiveness in Marriages and Families I think true forgiveness in the context of marital or familial relationships cannot be achieved without a complete understanding of the causes of the transgression and the reasons behind one’s inability to forgive.
• Privacy in Marriage: Rights Violations While this approach differs from the notion of the Living Constitution, which holds that the constitution should be read in the context of current times and political identities, even if such interpretation is at odds […]
• Premarital Cohabitation’s Impact on Marriage Though premarital cohabitation used to be linked to an increased probability to a divorce.recent studies confirm that cohabitation enhances the power of a marriage.
• Women in Marriage & Sex, Abortion, and Birth Control The historical period chosen is from the eighteenth to the twentieth century to demonstrate the advancement of social structures for women.
• Creating a Survey About an Institution of Marriage If I were to create a poll or a survey, I would want to study the institution of marriage from the viewpoint of people who have gotten a divorce at least once.
• Comparison of Marriage in Elizabethan Times and in “Othello” The man was believed to be the head of the family, and he had the legal right to punish his wife.
• Family Behaviors, Inequality, and Outside Childbearing Marriage The gap between the poor and the rich is widening in the US, making the American dream impossible for many people, especially children and families.
• The Meaning of Marriage: A Comparison of Articles In addition to the titles of academic journals and articles, it is possible to determine which field of science an article belongs to from its content, the language used, and the focus of the study.
• Institution of Marriage: The Sociological Perspectives However, sociological studies played a pivotal role in defining the main tendencies of marriage as a social institute development from the end of World War II to the current realities.
• Newlyweds’ Optimistic Forecasts of Their Marriage The first instrument used was the Quality of Marriage Index, a six-item scale requiring partners to describe the level of their agreement and disagreements regarding their marriage in general.
• The Supreme Court Decision on the Right to Same-Sex Marriage The decision of the Supreme Court on the constitutional right of citizens to same-sex marriage is a significant event in the history of the development of modern democratic society.
• “Do Student Loans Delay Marriage?”: Participants, Measures, and Results The purpose of this article is to discover: the relationship between student loan debt and marriage in young adulthood; whether or not the relationship differs for women and men; if this relationship becomes weak over […]
• Aspects of Marriage and Family Life At the time of Colonial America, during the consequent period of the emerging modern family, and after the formation of the contemporary family, the situation of this institution differed drastically.
• Institution of Marriage in China Marriage is one of the oldest social institutions that regulate interpersonal and sexual relations, a society recognized by the union between spouses to create a family, giving rise to a married couple’s mutual rights and […]
• How Marriage Affected the Economic Status of Women On the other hand, in Twelfth Night, written in the early XVIIth century, the reader is shown the more romantic side of a marital union.
• The Church’s Attitude Toward Homosexual Marriage Erickson Millard claims that Jesus’s teaching about the permanence of marriage is based on the fact that: God made humanity as male and female and pronounced them to be one.
• Future of Marriage: Non-Monogamy, People’s Needs in Marriage Another condition explaining the likelihood of the shift in the meaning and form of this institution is the fact that some of the values underpinning it remain intact.
• Arranged Marriages in India According to Bertolani, marriage in Indian society is strictly arranged by the parents of potential marriage partners and does not necessarily have to involve love. Thus, arranged marriage in the context of Indian society is […]
• Marriage in Muslim Cultures and America In the Muslim religion, which is most widespread in the Arabian countries and among the Arabian people, marriage is perceived differently than in the American culture.
• Girls Not Brides Organization’s Commitment to Eliminate the Forced Child Marriage Graca Machel, and Archbishop Desmond Tutu are the champions of Girls Not Bride, and they advocate to end child marriage in our society.
• Interracial Marriages in “Like Mexicans” by Gary Soto Therefore, Soto’s decision to marry a Japanese woman should encourage Mexican people to change their negative attitude towards other ethnic groups and practice interracial marriages.
• COVID-19: How Race, Gender and Marriage Contribute to Humanity A study by Landivar et al.about the effect of the virus on gender and marriage in the US reveals that the pandemic has worsened gender inequality in employment.
• “Social Attitudes Regarding Same-Sex Marriage and LGBT…” by Hatzenbuehler It relates to the fact that the scientists failed to articulate a research question in the proper form. However, it is possible to mention that the two hypotheses mitigate the adverse effect of the lacking […]
• Cuban Americans Views on Marriage The representatives of different racial and ethnic groups tend to share dissimilar views regarding marriage, parenting, and divorce that are based on their cultural traditions and beliefs.
• Does Marriage Bring Happiness?: Based on “The Story of an Hour” In this case, marriage is not a union of the loved ones but is a social obligation where a wife is a subject of a husband.Mr. Millard’s family seemed a perfect example of the social […]
• The Defense of Marriage Act: LGBTQ + Community One of the milestones in the development of the struggle of members of the LGBTQ + community for their rights in the United States is the adoption of the Defense of Marriage Act.
• Marriage and Divorce: Problems of Couples This seems to be the same stand that is taken by Paul in regards to the position of the man and the woman in the marriage, where the man seems to be the sole determinant […]
• Legalization of the Same-Sex Marriage: Advantages In this particular section, I would like to find out by which percent the economy of different countries will grow when the government legalizes homosexuality due to the excess expenses that it uses in buying […]
• Controversies Surrounding the Topic of Same-Sex Marriage In particular, the emergence of same-sex relations is the sign of the deinstitutionalization of the concept of marriage in society. The changes that occurred at the beginning of the 90s of the past century were […]
• The Gay Marriages: Ethical and Economic Perspectives Among the key ethical dilemmas that are related to the issue in question, the conflict between religious beliefs and the necessity to provide the aforementioned services, the issue regarding the company’s needs v.its duty to […]
• Marriage and Crime Reduction: Is There a Relationship? It is clear that marriage plays an integral role in reducing crime through a shift of priorities that are family centered and the transition to adulthood.
• Effects of Mastectomy on Marriage This is because the husband has to deal with the fact that his wife has one breast. The husband is affected by his wife’s condition of a missing breast.
• California’s Proposition 8 on Same-Sex Marriages However, in other states, obtaining the right for same sex marriages is only one of a series of the issues that have arisen since much controversy as the U.S.same sex marriages movement rose in the […]
• “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail”: The “Bang” or “Whimper?” As mentioned above, it is common for people to assume that if something is wrong in a close relationship between a wife and a husband, there is a profound and apparent conflict to blame.
• The Opinion of Americans on Whether Gay Marriage Should Be Allowed or Not Based on the political nature of the population, 43% of the democrats think, American society supports gay marriages and only 18% of the republicans hold the same view.
• Millennials Say Marriage Ideal but Parenthood the Priority However, it is still believed that the joy of giving birth to a child is one of the greatest joys in life.
• Doomed Marriage in “The Girls in Their Summer Dresses” by Irwin Shaw The most common answer to this question is that these people love each other. The article The Girls in Their Summer Dresses testifies to the fact that marriage is doomed.
• Sexuality, Marriage, Gay Rights The supremacy of law and protection of people right lie in the heart of the protection of the freedom of personality.”Part of the basis of democratic government in the United States is a system of […]
• Cross-Border Marriages Between Japan and China: Reasons and Results Besides, the statistics of Japanese men and women dissatisfied with their marriages is humbling; consequently, determined to find a more gratifying alternative, men are engaged in cross-border marriage enterprise.
• Same-Sex Marriage Policy & Social Impact Reflection Creation of public policies and laws are significantly influenced by the diversity in culture forcing the government to engage with the society when developing policies.
• Same‐Sex Couples, Families, and Marriage The article under consideration is a systematic review of the recent scientific literature that addresses the range of issues that same-sex couples face and the peculiarities of their inner structure.
• Marriage Premium for Professional Athletes Researchers in the sphere of the labor economy agree that there is a connection between marital status and the number of wages earned by men.
• Polygamy in Islam: Marriage Issues Thus, the faith of people in their prophet is also the basis and rationale for the practice of polygamy. The fact that Islam views marriage as a sacred act of goodness and mutual help is […]
• “How I Met Your Mother”: Ideas of Marriage The central relationship throughout the series is Marshall and Lily’s marriage, with its ups and downs, individual quirks, and their influence on each other.
• Woman’s Position in Marriage: Similarities in History With time she began to see the creeping figures in the pattern of the wallpapers in the room; with an absence of any physical and mental activity, her anxiety began to increase and resulted in […]
• For Richer (Not for Poorer): The Inequality Crisis of Marriage An example of a factual claim made by the writer is where she states that the number of marriages in the United States dropped by 5% from the year 2009 to 2010.
• In Defense of Marriage Act 1996 As the editorial holds, the power of the law is lower than that of the congress and therefore its application on the subject of marriage is like depriving the congress of its powers of regulating […]
• Effect of Same-Sex Marriage on the Legal Structure of Gender in All Marriages Despite the fact that the current article does not address the gender roles in the family, parallels can be drawn showing that in no way the institutionalization of same-sex marriage can have an effect on […]
• Gender, Love and Sexuality: Healthy Marriage Formation Parties in marriage must have trust in each other because it is a basis for the growth of their union. Parties in a marriage need to be romantic as it harnesses love and loyalty.
• Marriage and Mothering Challenges In the modern world, the institution of marriage and the issue of motherhood have experienced challenges due to changes in perception.
• Interventions in Institution of Marriage Analysis This paper helps to understand the principles of evaluation research, the effectiveness of the intervention selected for settling marital discord and the use of evidence elicited in the research analysis for the purpose of enhancing […]
• The Case Against Gay Marriage The Constitutional protection to equal rights under the law has been invoked over and over again to try and afford homosexuals “equal right” to the social institution of marriage and to social security when one […]
• Conflict and Marriage Satisfaction To manage solving differences effectively, individuals in a marriage relationship should learn the thinking and positive and negative behaviors of their partners and have a positive perception towards these partners. This leads to unresolved conflicts […]
• Marriage and Physical Well-Being The dissolution of a marriage combined with the poor quality of the marriage leading up to the divorce is associated with the decline of both mental and physical health resulting in the increased use of […]
• Cohabitation Before Marriage One of the many disadvantages of cohabiting is that in this condition, you are never sure of your partner’s next move.
• Irony of Marriages in an Indian Set Up On the contrary, it is a belief, which can well be attributed to the rigidity of an Indian cultural norm that forces its followers to believe that the institution of marriage is indeed a handiwork […]
• Marriage and Family Systems: Western Society and Kadara of Nigeria The institution of marriage in the modern culture holds a distinct development over the years. In these cultures, marriage is negotiated by the parents of the betrothed.
• Re-Thinking Homosexual Marriage in Rational and Ethical Fashion We demonstrate that the way out of the hysterical debate is to consider soberly the basis for supporting the ordinary family as the basic unit of society and protector of the next generation.
• Gay Marriage and Bible: Differences From Heterosexual Practice When respected the bonds of marriage leads to the good not only of the couple and their children, but also to the good of society as a whole.
• Definition of Marriage. Reward of Marriage For many years, social scientists have argued on the reward of marriage due to the distinctiveness of the populace who get married and stay married. As a result, the definition of marriage can be broadened […]
• Do Young Couples Marriages Always End in Divorce? The reasons for the failure of the marriage is supposed to stem from the immaturity of the parties involved and the ill preparedness of the couple to deal with the changes that married life brings […]
• The Concept of Marriage: Discussion They control their language and behavior and this is a prime example of symbolic interactionism that is instrumental in the institution of marriage.
• Marriage Rates in Oklahoma and Illinois This essay dwells much in the states of Illinois and Oklahoma and the differences and the reasons for this differences will make up the body of this discussion. Marriage rate differs a lot in the […]
• Interracial Marriage: History and Future Developments Sigler in- “Civil rights in America: 1500 to the present” is of the opinion that the civil rights of the citizens of America is helpful to make and end to the racial segregation in America.”Politics […]
• How Is Marriage Related to Health? We can only surmise how marriage is related to health, but those who have been through a lot of problems and hassles as a result of bad marriages, literally know what marriage can bring to […]
• Marriage and Family: Women as Love Experts and Victims As evidenced in the case of Roberta, it is essential for women to continually reiterate emotions of love at regular intervals, in the absence of which she begins to lose faith in the very basics […]
• Successful Marriage Conditions Research indicates that the success of long-term relationships is related both to intrinsic aspects of the relationship, such as liking one’s partner as a person, and to factors that are extrinsic to the relationship, such […]
• Domestic Violence in Marriage and Family While there are enormous reports of intimate partner homicides, murders, rapes, and assaults, it is important to note that victims of all this violence find it very difficult to explain the matter and incidents to […]
• The Effects of Social Media on Marriage in the UAE This paper will explore the effects of social media in its relation to marriage, highlighting both the positive and the negative effects on the individuals and society as a whole.
• Marriage in Contemporary America
• Gender Role Attitudes and Expectations for Marriage
• First and Second Marriages: Psychological Perspective
• Happiness: Health, Marriage, and Success
• Gay Marriage: Societal Suicide
• Same-Sex Marriage Discriminatory Law in Alabama
• Family, Marriage, and Parenting Concepts Nowadays
• Marriage and Divorce Statistics in the United States
• “The Case For Same Sex Marriage” Video by Savino
• The Rejection of Marriage and Social Stability
• Family Life Cycle: The Institution of Marriage
• Marriage Expectations in Newlyweds
• Marriage Stages: Mother and Daughter’s Interview
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Essay on Arranged Marriage

Students are often asked to write an essay on Arranged Marriage in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

100 Words Essay on Arranged Marriage

Introduction.

Arranged marriage is a tradition where families choose the life partners for their children. It’s a practice common in many cultures worldwide.

Understanding Arranged Marriages

In arranged marriages, parents or elder family members select the spouse based on shared values, culture, and compatibility. It’s not about forcing children but about helping them find a suitable partner.

Benefits of Arranged Marriages

Arranged marriages often result in strong bonds as they bring two families together, not just individuals. They also ensure cultural continuity, and compatibility is often high.

Challenges in Arranged Marriages

Sometimes, individuals may feel pressured or unhappy if they don’t share a connection with the chosen partner. It’s important to ensure mutual consent in these marriages.

250 Words Essay on Arranged Marriage

Arranged marriage, an age-old tradition practiced in several cultures worldwide, is a marital union where the bride and groom are selected by a third party rather than by each other. This essay explores the concept, its pros and cons, and the cultural significance of arranged marriages.

Arranged marriages are often confused with forced marriages, but there’s a clear distinction. Arranged marriages involve consent from both parties, while forced marriages don’t. In arranged marriages, families take the lead in choosing potential partners, but the final decision rests with the individuals.

Disadvantages

However, arranged marriages have drawbacks. They often limit individual autonomy in choosing a life partner, potentially leading to marital dissatisfaction. Also, they can perpetuate harmful societal norms, such as casteism and sexism.

Cultural Significance

Despite these issues, arranged marriages remain prevalent due to their deep-rooted cultural significance. They symbolize the merging of two families rather than just two individuals and are seen as a means of preserving cultural heritage and values.

500 Words Essay on Arranged Marriage

Arranged marriages, a traditional form of matrimony where families or matchmakers select partners, have been practiced for centuries across various cultures. Despite the increasing shift towards love marriages, arranged marriages continue to hold significance in many societies. This essay explores the nuances, merits, and demerits of arranged marriages.

Arranged marriages are often misunderstood as forced marriages. However, they are fundamentally different. In arranged marriages, the consent of the individuals getting married is paramount. The families or matchmakers merely introduce the potential partners, and the final decision rests with the individuals. This practice is prevalent in many parts of Asia, Africa, and the Middle East and is deeply rooted in cultural, social, and economic contexts.

Merits of Arranged Marriages

Arranged marriages have several merits. They foster a sense of community and shared responsibility as the union is not just between two individuals but also their families. This can provide a strong support system for the couple, especially during challenging times.

Furthermore, arranged marriages often take into account compatibility in terms of social status, religion, caste, and economic background, which can lead to less conflict and more harmony. The partners enter the relationship with realistic expectations, understanding that love and affection develop over time.

Demerits of Arranged Marriages

However, arranged marriages have their share of criticisms. The most significant concern is the potential lack of freedom for the individuals involved. Often, societal and familial pressure can influence the decision, leading to a compromise on personal happiness and compatibility.

Arranged Marriages in the Modern Context

In the modern context, arranged marriages are evolving. The advent of matrimonial websites and dating apps has transformed the traditional process into a more individual-centric one. These platforms allow individuals to have a say in choosing their partners while still considering important compatibility factors. This shift represents a blend of traditional values with modern aspirations, offering a new perspective on arranged marriages.

Arranged marriages are a complex phenomenon that cannot be wholly labelled as good or bad. They are deeply intertwined with cultural norms and societal structures. Their merits and demerits vary across different contexts, and they continue to evolve with societal changes. Understanding this complexity is essential in appreciating the relevance of arranged marriages in today’s world.

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Love Marriage

Marriage marriages are not a new thing in Indian society. It has been practiced for centuries but the instances of love marriage in India are still low. In the last several decades the Indian society has undergone tremendous change - the social fabric of society has become more flexible and girls are treated equal to boys. As a result, interaction between the opposite sex has increased considerably and this has contributed to the increased percentage of love marriages in the country. However, the phenomena remains restricted to urban and semi-urban areas. Though love marriages still do not enjoy the same respect and position in the society as arranged marriages, parents are becoming thoughtful of their children's feelings. The biggest reason for opposing a love marriage is caste or religion difference. This is because people are skeptical in marrying their kids in an alien cultural setting. In addition, there are other issues like economic standard, horoscope compatibility, that also hinder the process of love marriage.

In ancient India, women were attributed a much higher status than they have in today’s society. They were not confined to the boundaries of the home and were allowed much more freedom in terms of life choices. They had enormous amount of say when it came to choosing their life partners and love marriages were quite common. Concepts like ‘Swayamvars’ were based on the consent of women and men proving their mettle as the best suitor. Love marriages were quite common at the time and were welcomed by the society. Even the religious scriptures and literatures of the time tell tales of Gods and Goddesses falling in love and getting married.

With the advent and adoption of tenets like Manu Smriti, the concepts of good and bad changed in the society.It was advocated that words of the family head was supreme it was good karma to obey the elders. With that, the women were designated as symbols of honor of a family and were placed under the protection of men, curbing much of the freedom they used to enjoy in Vedic era. The caste system started being vigorously enforced and it became imperative that marriage matches happen within the set restrictions imposed by the religion and society. As a result, an arranged marriage became the norm where the elders employed the services of matchmakers who would look for suitable matches from faraway places.Gradually, the concept of love marriage lost popularity and became an undesired custom in the framework of the societal norms. Customs like child marriages, dowry and honor killings came into existence to enforce the preference of arranged marriage and discourage any intentions of love marriages from people’s minds.

India is a country where values and traditions are held above personal aspirations and happiness. Family’s honor, pride and social status is given more important that the happiness of the members of the family. Arranged marriages are the norm in this country where parents decide appropriate life partner for their children. A number of criteria are imposed to determine the suitability of these matches based on cultural backgrounds, social status, income, physical appearance and sometimes amount of dowry. Young people choosing their own life partners attracted a lot of social stigma for them as well as their families. It was seen as the ultimate act of defiance that a son or daughter can exhibit. That frame of mind still prevails in certain parts of the country but on the whole the scenario has changed quite a bit. In urban and semi-urban areas especially, women have become much more independent with most of them receiving higher education and opting to have a career. As a result they have much more opportunities to interact with people from outside their communities. Such interactions in many cases lead to amorous relationships which in turn lead to love marriages. With such incidences being quite frequent in recent times, the concept of love marriage has become quite commonplace in urban and semi-urban areas at least. In rural and remote areas, the scene is still pretty traditional, partially due to lack of education and awareness. But the scenario is changing pretty fast there as well. While arranged marriages still remain the prevalent way of getting married by the youth in India, love marriages are now free of the evil and accusatory outlook they earlier received, being more and more acceptable to people.

Advantages of Love Marriage

The basic concept of love marriage lies in the fact that the boy or girl choses his or her life partner. There are no elderly supervision involved, although in India the approval of elders are sought before the boy and girl in love can tie the knot. The restrictions of caste, social status, physical appearance and even religion do not apply when a person falls in love and hence such clauses are not part of the marriage discussions. In India where these restrictions are seriously enforced when it comes to arranged marriage, severely limit the number of desirable matches for a person. As a result they may as well has to settle for less in some or the other aspects. There is no requirement of contemplating dowry as one does not need to prove their worth through the amount of cash and jewelry to be exchanged. In case of love marriages, one might not compare such points and consider the overall compatibilities in terms of lifestyle, interests and hobbies. As a result, the chances are very high that the partners will have great compatibility and similar tastes in leisure activities. That may not be the case in case of arranged marriages where the two relatively unknown partners may possess starkly different tastes in life philosophies. In case of couples going for love marriage, they have ample chances to explore their compatibilities and discuss their life philosophies in depth. They also may be able to discuss their dreams and aspirations for future and have a chance to shape their career in a way that suits both partners well. People contemplating love marriages have ample opportunities to discuss about their preferred lifestyle including place to settle down, kids, and even holidays. It is imperative that the responsibilities of the future are to be equally distributed among the two partners. As time is progressing more and more gender roles are being reversed in the country, especially in love matches. The men are willing to shoulder the household responsibilities while women are becoming career-oriented and principle bread-winner of the family.

It presents to one an opportunity to build one’s life together with their partner. Love is the basis for the partners to come together in the relationship and with love comes mutual respect and commitment. These are pre-existing factors in a love marriage and the couple does not have to feel compelled to produce these emotions overnight. There is the comfort of familiarity in a love marriage. The boy and the girl, they generally are acquainted with each other for a considerable period of time, often studying or working together and if not moving in the same circle. They are aware of each other backgrounds, places of residence, families. In some cases even the families become well acquainted with each other over the time. These interactions and familiarities ease the transition that the couple has to make after marriage, making it easier for them to adapt with situations. There remains a pre-existing comfort-level and trust, that makes one adjust to the changing situation voluntarily with much enthusiasm and not compulsorily. The couple knows each other’s likes and dislikes from before marriage and this help in better setting up of a happy household.

Disadvantages of Love Marriage

One of the major disadvantages of love marriages in India is that lack of social ‘insurance’. Even at this time, parents often do not condone their kids choosing a life partner for themselves. Sometimes objections arise from the fact that the religion and castes or social standings or even physical appearance. Sometimes they are wary of the repercussion of the society and relative bandwagon. So, they sometimes refuse give their consent to the whole affair and separate themselves from the couple. As a result the boy or girl is on one’s own and if they experience hardships along the way, there are no family cushions to fall back on. Sometimes, this distancing from parents and family affect the relationship between the partners, as they may blame the partners for being the cause of losing the family. In another scenario, there emerges a basic adjustment differences between the newlywed girl and in-laws, which may be a result of their disapproval and judgment against their cultural differences combined. Another major disadvantage of love marriages is the high level of expectations and presumptions.

As the couple are more acquainted with each other and have probably discussed every possible scenario for their combined future before getting married, they have a very set picture of how their married life is going to be like. Any deviation from that expected scenario leads to disappointment and which in turn breeds frustration. Love marriages are probably ill-adjusted to adapt to the curve balls that life usually throws just for the reason that there is higher level of expectation. There may be subtle differences in the couple’s individual preferences that stems from their religious and cultural upbringing. These small differences come into focus when the two individual start living together after marriage. While some of these may be sorted out quite easily through minor adjustments, sometimes these small issues collate together and transform into big issues that might affect the stability of the union. Although the relation begins on the basis of love, there is no guarantee in place that the mutual feeling of love will remain forever. The one or both the partners may become tired and jaded from the marriage, sometimes due to constant conflicts or sometimes just because of the length of time and change circumstances. They may decide to part ways and their families might not be willing to mediate reconciliation.

Love Vs. Arranged Marriage!

The question that arises in every Indian youth’s mind is whether to love and marry or prefer to marry and then fall in love? If one decides to go for the love marriage route and is hell bent on finding ‘the One’ in order to live happily ever after, they need to consider the fact that love marriages require equal amount of work put into it for it to be happy and peaceful. Just because love is pre-existing, does not mean that it will continue to be so for eternity. One needs to nurture the love and work on doubling and tripling it for those married moments when it becomes especially difficult to love your partner! While arranged marriages come with greater security with greater involvement of parents, there remains the question of accepting a bunch of almost-stranger as your family for the rest of your life. Also the amount of judgment that the girl or boy has to go through, scrutiny of physical appearance in case of girls and financial status in case of the boys, is a huge deterrent from certain educated people nowadays. Unlike in love marriages, gender-biased roles for both men are women are much more strongly enforced in arranged marriages. There are advantages and disadvantages to both, yet one thing is for sure, the decision of marriage, be it arranged or love, should be taken with careful consideration and much deliberation.

Present Status

Present scenario in India has evolved a lot as compared to the scenario even ten years ago. Love marriages are accepted with much more openness nowadays throughout the country in all prevalent cultures. Although the huge difference in divorce rates in India with other developed nations like the USA are being attributed to the glory of arranged marriages, it has more to do with the country’s social structure and not with the preferred mode of marriage. Marriages in the country nowadays have adopted this hybrid model called semi arranged marriage, where the boy or girl meet with the candidates preferred by their parents and if they provide their consent to the match they are allowed to date like a couple in love for a designated period of time which is called the courtship period. If all goes well, the couple will get married after the courtship period and will live happily ever after. I think this evolution in the whole orthodox marriage procedure in India shows how much influence the merits of love marriage and the fact that familiarity plays a big role in the future of the couple are being accepted by the society.

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Love Marriage Or Arranged Marriage (Essay Sample)

Arranged marriages have a strong foundation.

There an age-old debate on the on whether take the scenic route from love to marriage or marriage and then love. Living in an age that is considered self-actualized and civilized, most of the people will tend to consider getting married to someone that they love. This is considered the right path by most of the people in the society relative to the feelings associated with love and the affection that comes with knowing and being in love with someone. As such, committing to someone that we love seems as the best approach for marriage. However, it is not entirely true and love after marriage does develop strong bonds as well.

Ideally, the element of love after marriage or what is normally referred to as arranged marriages are considered to be outdated. This is the case considering that in most of the cases, arranged marriages were traditionally practiced in the olden days and in the rural areas. Relative to the level of civilization, most of the people have felt the need to have the freedom to choose their own partners. It is this element of freedom that has pushed most of the people towards basing their romantic relationships as the first track to marriage.

Love takes several stages before it dies out. By this time, most of the people that have committed to marriage with their love partners, start to doubt if their partners actually love them. It is common for most of the marriages to start experiencing challenges after a period of roughly three to four years. At this stage one or the two partners are ready to leave the relationship. Everything they believed about their partners are shaky and uncertain if they knew their partner. In this confusion, most of the people tend to end their relationships get into a stage where they no longer try to make the relationship work. As such, the marriage becomes a miserable union where the parties are only together relative to the commitments that they have such mortgage, care loans, children, family and friends. Otherwise on the inside the marriage is dead and most of the time the parties do not have time for one another. There are cases where the parties will even live different lives such as having an open relationship.

On the other hand, there an aspect to consider when it comes to the arranged marriages, expectations. In the arranged marriages, the level of expectations is low. This is to mean that, given that neither of the party is into the other or the commitment in general having been forced by their families, they do not expect much from their partners. This is contrary to the love based-marriages where the partners are in love and thus they have so much expectations from one another. The partners in the arranged marriages have less expectations, and thus, even when their partners do not much what they hoped for, they do not feel as disappointed. The is to mean that the level of disappointment is low. With time, they learn to love and their love grows stronger. By the time the relationship is into the fifth year, they are love and have come to appreciate one another. By this time the love marriage is experiencing serious challenges. The arranged marriage partners start with learning one another’s strengths and weaknesses and develop coping mechanisms, thus have a good foundation when it comes to lasting in the relationship.

Love Marriage vs Arranged Marriage

Table of Contents

Love Marriage vs Arrange Marriage:

Advantages of love marriage:, disadvantages of love marriage:, advantages of arranged marriage:, disadvantages of arranged marriage:, conclusion:, photo credits: shaun anyi.

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Essay #2 – “Love and Marriage”

By kannamma shanmugasundaram '99.

Managing and Valuing Cultural Diversity

Dating has been mentioned as the training ground for building a marriage relationship, for learning how to relate to someone of the opposite sex. While dating, people learn early that once they don’t like someone, they can drop them. This not only hurts others but…can possibly cause young people to learn that once they don’t like what they see in another person, they then can get out of the relationship…In marriage, one can’t be thinking like that, or everyone would…[be] divorcing. Unfortunately, this is already happening.

~ Jay Lang, Online Bulletin Board

Then most non-Asians hear of arranged marriages, they think of instances where individuals are sworn over to each other, never meeting until the day of the wedding. Such a custom is often looked upon with doubt and inhibitions, wariness and disbelief. “How can you marry someone you’ve never met?” “What happens if you don’t love them?” I have been fortunate enough to be witness to both love marriages-the kind more common in the United States-and arranged marriages—which are quite common in India. There are advantages and disadvantages to each. 1 have also been able to quell a great many of the misconceptions that may arise regarding one or the other. Arranged marriages have been the custom in India for many centuries, and are still practiced to this day. It is an arrangement between families, however, not between individuals. It is not entered into blindly, as many may think. Instead, a family, usually the groom’s, will send a go-between (usually a trusted family friend) to investigate any potential bride’s family. The go-between finds out information not only about the woman but about her family as well. In India, it is believed that marriage not only connects two individuals, but both of their families as well, and therefore it is imperative that both be of good status. Financial standing, medical history, and social class are all investigated. In addition, both the boy’s and the girls (for this usually occurs while both individuals are in their mid to late teens) astrological signs are examined to ensure compatibility.

Once the two young families have met, they set up a meeting at the girl’s house so that the boy’s family can actually meet the girl. In preparation for this visit, more information regarding the girl and her family is disclosed. Is she willing to adapt to any differences that may arise in the boy’s family pattern of living? In India, equality between the sexes is far from reality. Women are expected to leave their families, in a sense, adopting the man’s family as her own. She is to obey her mother-in-law, serving her and conforming to her expectations. She is also to serve her husband in all of them to cook, clean, care for the children, and stay at home. The man is expected to provide for her and protect her.

The caste system was especially powerful in earlier generations, and although not as common to many, it still plays a large role in possible matrimonial unifications between families in India. Marriage between social classes is frowned upon, and with this in mind, it is of little surprise to discover that many arranged marriages arc inbred.

Not much has changed in Indian society today, although the rules of arranged marriages have acquired some flexibility. Now the bride and groom are allowed to speak before the wedding and in some cases, are even allowed to go out once or twice unchaperoned. In addition, some women are even allowed to reject the choices of their parents. In the past, what die parents decreed was required to have been executed. Now, however, tradition is making way for new Western ways of thinking.

Actual “love” marriages are more common than before, yet they continue to exist only in a small portion of India’s high-class urban residents. Perhaps the most famous Indian love marriage was that of the late Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi, who married Sonia, an Italian woman. These types of marriages are increasingly popular as college students seek freedom and their own individuality. The Western ideals of modernization and independence have resulted in “liberal attitudes toward mate selection among the college students,” according to one 1973 survey.

Surprisingly, love marriages were not common in the United States until about three hundred years ago. According to the book, May You Be the Mother of a Hundred Sons by Elisabeth Bumiller, it has only come about as a result of “courtly love in the Middle Ages and also from the impact of Christianity.” This Anglo-Saxon religion is thought to have “deepened the bond between husband and wife by likening it to the relationship between man and God.”

Perhaps the most crucial element in understanding the difference between an arranged marriage and a love marriage is the respective society’s differences in defining the concept of “love.” Most Americans are familiar with the phrase “falling in love.” There are those, however, who question the truth in this common term. What exactly is “love?” Can one “fall in love?” What about “love at first sight?” Does it exist? Can someone learn to love another? This final question provides the meat and truth to the surprisingly incredible success of arranged marriages. Being exposed a great deal to the culture of tire United States, I have learned that romance and dating in this country are all about expectations. People are asked, “What do you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend?” and a list of required qualities is rattled off. If someone does not fit those qualities, they are deemed unacceptable. “Well, I like him as a friend, but….”

In an arranged marriage, no expectations exist except for mutual respect. Neither the bride nor the groom, has had a chance to really “get to know” the other. After all, what happens in most Western marriages or relationships? Initially, there is an intense admiration and respect for each other. Usually, positive characteristics arc emphasized and focused on. Negative traits are ignored, overlooked, or brushed aside. Then, the more time you spend with someone, the more you begin to notice little things about them that annoy you. The way they leave the cap off the toothpaste or the way they never put their duty clothes in the hamper becomes irritating.

In successful love marriages, couples have to learn to look past these imperfections and remember the reasons why they married each other in the first place. They must be able to accept the fact that neither one of them is perfect. Successful love marriages need to set aside these superior, seemingly impossible expectations and be willing to compromise, settling for some good and some bad. If you don’t know anything about the person, you begin to sec both his/her positives and Ms/her negatives at the same time, making the situation slightly more tolerable. Since I have never been in a relationship (love or arranged), I may not be the most ideal person to make such a statement. From what I have observed of others in relationships, this seems to often be the case. With fewer expectations, there are fewer disappointments.

This brings us to another reason why the Western culture often looks with disapproval upon the ancient tradition of arranged marriages. Even a general overview of the Western cultures show that they tend to emphasize independence and the sense of “leaving the nest.” Parents seem to be respected in a much more visible way in most Eastern cultures, as we see a greater occurrence of extended and nuclear families living under the same roof. Perhaps this is why Eastern cultures tend to be more open to the concept of having their parents arrange their marriage. There is a greater sense of respect and reverence towards elders in the Eastern cultures.

Falling in love is often said to actually be falling in “lust” or “awe.” Immediate physical attraction can blind a person to the faults of another. Many love marriages are based on this physical attraction. Note not all love marriages, but many. Physical attraction certainly doesn’t play as immediate and as large a role in arranged marriages. I personally have found the phrase “beauty comes from the inside” to be true, almost literally. I have friends who some may not find attractive, that even 1, upon first meeting them, did not consider to be particularly good looking. However, after knowing them, finding out more about their personalities, and the goodness of their character, 1 have honestly been able to see them in a new light, and they seem more beautiful to me physically as well. This seems to support the theory that arranged marriages’ successes are based on: love is a growing process and an emotion that is acquired. Love isn’t necessarily what individuals raised in the Western frame of thought assume it to be.

My personal opinion on arranged marriages has certainly changed; I feel it has matured. I once thought that love marriages were the best way to truly get to know the person you would be spending the rest of your life with. It would be extremely difficult going into a marriage, not knowing anything about the person, and expected to live together for the rest of your lives. I must admit, it was a very close-minded perspective.

Lately, however, as I have grown older, and closer to the “normal” age of marriage (in India women are usually married by the time they are 30), my opinions have broadened. The first prospect of marriage for me occurred with my grandmother when I was 14. She had mentioned that I would soon come of age (approximately 16 years for Indian girls) and that it was time to start looking for a husband for me. I remember turning to my mother in shock and disbelief. My mother only shook her head. “No, we won’t be doing that for awhile.” But the implications were clear. Eventually, they would. They would look for someone for me. They weren’t expecting me to find someone on my own.

My parents’ marriage was not an arranged marriage, although I believe that by Western standards, it is considered to be an “inbred” relationship. My parents are actually first cousins. My father had approached my mother’s father (his uncle) requesting to marry my mother, and then he had gone to talk to my mother. My mother had ignored his calls and letters because she thought it would be improper of her to respond to a man’s courtship without having her father’s approval first (she didn’t realize that my father had already spoken to her father). My parent’s marriage is not perfect, but then no one’s really is, right?

“Separation” by Sarah Phillips

After graduating from high school, the topic was brought up again. My parents are not in any hurry to find a suitable mate for me, but they are certainly keeping their eyes and ears peeled, as are the rest of my relatives. Most Westerners (myself included at one time) question their parents’ motives. “Do they not trust me?” “How do they know what kind of person I am looking for?” “Just because they pick someone they like doesn’t mean I will like them.” These doubts ran through my mind initially as well. Yet from what I’ve read and what I’ve experienced, parents only want what is best for their child. They want someone who is not only financially sound but someone who will respect and take care of their child as well. We trusted our parents to care for us when we were infants, when we become adults, we lose an element of this trust. I think part of the reason this is so hard to do, especially in the Western world is that there is such an emphasis on independence. Young people get used to being “on their own,” thinking for themselves. They do not feel secure having their future decided for them, and therefore want the selection of their mate to be a decision they make for themselves.

The unique thing about my situation is that if I were to go with an arranged marriage, I would cling to my Western views of female independence. I know my parents understand the influence that growing up in a Western/American society has had on me. I have a free spirit and enjoy my independence. I would not be happy staying at home, playing the “traditional” female role, and my parents understand that and are taking that into consideration when searching for a suitable groom. They are looking for someone who will be able to provide for me, but at the same time, someone who will allow me to further my career if that is what I choose to do.

This is a wonderful example of the differences in thinking and teaching styles of the Western culture, as opposed to the Eastern culture. The key to understanding both types of marriage is being able to keep an open mind and understanding the source of the difference of opinions. I feel that another key way to do that is to find a way to compromise, as my parents and I have done, compromising the best of both worlds, so to speak. We maintain the traditional respect in terms of allowing the parents to choose the mate, but also letting the son or daughter make the final decision and maintain a sense of their valued freedom.

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The past and the present of arranged marriage in ancient rome.

Rome was founded in 753 B.C. by Romulus and Remus, twin sons of Mars, the god of war. Left to drown in a basket on the Tiber by a king of nearby Alba Longa and rescued by a she-wolf, the twins lived to defeat that...

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Forced Marriage: The Issues Of Being In An Arranged Marriage

Imagine waking up to a stranger for the rest of your life. Marriage. Such a small word, yet is “supposed” to be one of the biggest days of ones life. However, imagine marriage being one of the scariest days of ones life. A day that...

• Marriage and Family

Forms Of Marriage: Love Or Arranged Marriage For Happiness

Abstract Our topic for research is marriage and forms of marriage. The dynamic concept of marriage will be explained. Marriage is a fundamental institution without which no union between man and woman is recognised. The paper would include perspectives of various philosophers on marriage as...

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The Arranged And Love Marriage In Bosnia

From childhood, we fantasize that we'll find the one that will fill us, who are going to be our wife or husband. Prince on a white horse and a princess, like in fairy tales. In real world , we'll not sleep in a castle, but we will still find our true love and marry her. Marriage-an extended lasting contract made between...

The Taming of the Shrew: The Bitterness of Arranged Marriage

Shakespeare created comedies, such as The Taming of the Shrew, in order to criticize the negative social norms in the Elizabethan era. Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew strongly inspires the conventional notion of arranged marriage between woman and the nobleman. Woman, however, deals with...

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Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage

Essay by people   •  July 15, 2012  •  Essay  •  576 Words (3 Pages)  •  2,001 Views

Essay Preview: Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage

Marriage is a legal and social contract between man and a woman. These days you hear about Arranged marriages and Love marriages. What is the difference between Arranged marriage and Love marriage? An Arranged marriage is arrange by the parents, relatives or in some cultures suggested by a priest. On the other side Love marriage is when two individuals themselves choose to marry based on their love, affection, commitment and mutual attraction. Both have some differences between them and most of the common differences are the role of parents, cost of wedding, and Stability.

Arranged marriages are more common in Indian, Pakistani, traditional African, and in European cultures. An arrange marriage is not just between the bride and groom, but also between two families as well. In arrange marriage, the parents will choose based on the background of the groom and the bride. For example, In Indian culture bride's parents look for culture, religion, caste, and financial strength. The groom's parent's look for the bride's looks, character, and bride's parent's ability to give a dowry that may include gold, money, appliances, and gifts for their relatives as well. Parents will decide where the wedding ceremony will take place and other functions related to the wedding. The cost of the wedding goes up in arranged marriage because the bride's parents have to arrange a dowry and gifts for relatives to make them happy. The bride's parents show off their wealth by arranging a big wedding ceremony in big expensive hotels. In arranged marriage there is more stability seen because couples focus more on learning how to love, and learn each other's likes and dislikes day by day therefore, it makes their marriage more stable. Arranged marriage has a lower rate of divorce because couples will consider their family as well as any children they may have before making that decision.

Love marriages are more common in Western countries these days. In western countries, mostly the love marriages are preferred because couples like the concept of freedom to choose their life partner, and little interference from their parents or relatives. In love marriage, most of the couples are usually aged fifteen to twenty four. They get married based on their love, affection, commitment, and mutual attraction. They do not even look into each other's background, educational qualifications, financial stability, or religious beliefs and may not even consider their parents or relatives. They are just in love. There is less cost involved in love marriage because there is no need of dowry and it is not so important that the relatives like each other. Couple will decide if they want a big or a small wedding and they will share the cost of the wedding. In Love, marriage there is less stability seen because the lack of understanding,