how to get your child to do his homework

How To Motivate Child To Do Homework (7 Practical Tips)

Kid is on almost every parent’s mind right now.

Getting kids to do homework is not always painful.

In fact, it can be outright fun!

In this article, I will share the secret on motivating your child to not only do homework but also love homework.

Yes, you read it right.

It is possible to love doing school work.

No yelling, screaming, threatening or crying required.

Table of Contents

Why Do Kids Hate Homework

Let’s start with kindergarteners.

For many children, kindergarten is their first formal experience in school.

Kindergarten has changed a lot over the last decade.

Once a place for socialization and play, kindergartens now emphasize the importance of learning to read, to count, to sit still and to listen to the teachers.

Going from playing all day at home to behaving or sitting still in a structured environment for hours at a time is a tough transition.

To add to that, many kindergartens also assign homework to these little children, further reducing their available play time.

It’s no wonder that some kindergarteners are not motivated to do homework.

Homework Motivation

Remember when your child was still a toddler, he/she would get into anything and everything?

They were curious and they were eager to learn about everything around them.

They were passionate learners .

Children naturally love learning, if we provide the right environment and motivate them appropriately.

Here’s the problem…

When you hear the word “motivate”, what do you think of it?

If you’re thinking about toys, money, iPad time, points, stickers, etc., you’re not alone.

Rewards (and sometimes punishments) are many parents’ go-to motivators.

Parents love them because they work almost instantly.

You present the prize and the child complies to get it. Problem solved.

Simple and effective.

But very soon, you will notice some unintended results.

Here is an example.

Some years ago, after a lecture, Professor Mark Lepper was approached by a couple who told him about a system of rewards they had set up for their son, which had produced much improved behavior at the dinner table. “He sits up straight and eats his peas and the Brussels sprouts and he is really very well behaved,” they reported. Until, that is, the first time the family dined at a nice restaurant. The child looked around, picked up a crystal glass from the table and asked, “How many points not to drop this?” A fine example, says Dr. Lepper, of the detrimental effects of over-reliance on rewards to shape children’s behavior. Mark Lepper: Intrinsic Motivation, Extrinsic Motivation and the Process of Learning By Christine VanDeVelde Luskin, Bing Nursery School at Stanford University

This example is far from rare.

In fact, it is very common when a child is motivated purely by an external reward.

Once the reward is removed, the child will no longer be interested in continuing the behavior.

What’s the right way to motivate children ?

The answer is intrinsic motivation.

Intrinsic motivation for kids refers to engaging in an activity for its pure enjoyment.

This enjoyment comes from within an individual and is a psychological satisfaction derived from performing the task, not from an extrinsic outcome.

In other words, to get your kid to do homework, first help them enjoy doing it .

It is not as crazy as it sounds.

It’s unfortunate that homework is called “work”.

We like to separate work from play.

So naturally, we feel that homework is drudgery.

But it doesn’t have to be.

Homework is a tool for children to learn and get familiar with the knowledge taught in class.

To enjoy homework, the child has to enjoy learning .

How To Motivate a Child To Do Homework

To motivate kids, we first change our mindset, from a working mindset to a learning mindset .

The goal of going to school is not about getting into college, finding a good job, earning a stable income, etc.

Of course, all of those are wonderful, but that’s a working mindset – you’re doing all that work for reasons other than enjoying the learning itself.

Going to school is about learning , acquiring knowledge, exploring new subjects and growing as a person.

In the US, the average expected years of schooling is 16.7 years.

If a child doesn’t like school, that will be 16.7 years of misery.

You don’t want that for your child.

But here’s the good news.

If you can intervene early, like in kindergarten or even before kindergarten, your child will be getting off to a good start.

So, convince yourself to change from the working mindset to the learning mindset.

It sounds abstract, but here are 7 tangible steps for moving toward that goal.

1. Stop referring to kid doing homework as your child’s “job”

When you call it a “job”, you are implying that it will be all work and no fun.

Doing that is setting up a child to feel bad even when it’s not.

2. Don’t tell your child, “you cannot play until you finish your homework”

Again, by putting homework in a category separate from play, you are saying that it cannot be enjoyable.

The importance of play cannot be overstated. So make it count.

Tell your child that they can do both (of course, only healthy physical play like basketball or biking, but not watching iPad).

They can decide the order of doing them as long as they do both by the end of the day.

You’d be surprised – giving a child autonomy over their homework schedule is one of the biggest motivators.

3. Don’t use “no homework” as rewards

I once heard that some teachers would give students with good behavior “no homework tonight” as a reward.

I was horrified.

Homework is for practicing what we’ve learned in school.

It helps us understand and remember better.

It’s not a punishment or torture that you need a “break” to feel better.

Don’t give your child the impression that homework is something you want to get away from.

4. Do not nag, bribe or force

Do not nag and do not force your kid to do homework, whether through rewards or punishment.

“But then, how to make kids do homework?” parents wonder.

Don’t make your child do homework. Period.

Forcing or bribing will only backfire and reduce your child’s intrinsic motivation.

The motivation to do homework needs to come from within the child themselves.

5. Let your child face the natural consequences

“But what to do when my child refuses to do homework?” many frustrated parents ask.

When your child refuses to do school work, let them… after you explain why doing homework is important for learning and what may happen in school if they don’t.

Walk them through the natural consequences for not doing homework – they won’t retain the information well and they will need to accept whatever natural consequences in school.

They will have to explain to the teacher why the homework was not done and they may lose some recess time, etc (but first confirm that the school doesn’t use corporal or other types of cruel punishment).

Wait… What?!

You think I should let my child fail?

Well, not doing homework in lower grades is not the end of your child’s academic career.

Think about this, you cannot force or bribe your child through college.

Help them understand the purpose of learning and doing homework now .

You’re helping them make the right decision by letting them understand and face the natural consequences sooner rather than later.

6. Do homework with your child

Don’t tell your kid that homework is important, show them through your action.

Do the homework with them.

You are telling your child you value this so much that you are willing to take the time to do it together. Besides, parental involvement is associated with better school performance.

7. Make doing homework fun and positive

There are many ways to make homework for kids fun.

Let’s take a look at two methods I’ve used and the results.

You can try them or invent your own.

Method 1: Use doing homework as a “reward” (younger kids like kindergarteners)

Wait, you said that using rewards wasn’t good a moment ago.

Now you say, “use homework as a reward”?

Well, I said rewards were bad because you would be implying the activity you’re trying to motivate your child to do was not as good as the reward.

But here, I am using homework as a reward.

I am signaling to my child that doing homework is so good that she needs to “earn it”.

How to earn it?

You can try different things.

We used “If you behave, you can do homework with me. If you don’t behave, you can’t do homework.”

We started at preschool and it worked very well.

Parents who have tried this report good results in motivating their children to do homework, too.

But some of them have concerns…

Some parents are uncomfortable with this idea because it feels manipulative.

That’s because these parents do not believe in the idea that homework can be fun.

So they feel like they’re lying to the child.

But I genuinely like homework! (Yes, I’m officially a nerd)

So I have no problem helping my child learn to love homework like me.

If you are not convinced yourself, you may not want to try this method.

Or if your child is older and already hates homework, it won’t work.

However, although I don’t agree with using manipulative measures in general, I don’t see this particular one harmful to children even if the parents do not like homework themselves.

Method 2: Turn doing homework into a game and a bonding activity

When my daughter was in preschool, I bought colorful homework books and we did them together.

Sometimes we took turns – she did one problem and I did the next and so on.

Sometimes we raced to see who would finish the page faster.

Sometimes I did them wrong intentionally so that my daughter could point out the wrong answers.

It was actually very empowering and satisfying for her to be able to catch Mom’s mistakes!

We celebrated when we both finished or got the right answers.

It was a lot of fun and my kid enjoyed doing that so much.

By the time she started kindergarten, she already loved homework.

In kindergarten, I couldn’t do her homework because, well, that’s her homework.

So I bought homework books that were similar to the ones she brought from school. Then, I did problems alongside her as she did hers.

We still raced, celebrated, and had fun doing it.

The result?

At the beginning of her kindergarten year, my daughter was given two homework books to take home.

The teacher would assign homework from the books every week.

They were supposed to be used for the entire school year.

But my kindergartener liked doing homework so much that she finished it all in one month!

No yelling, screaming, threatening, or crying is required.

Final Word On Motivating Your Kid To Do Homework

Getting your kid to do homework is only the first step in building a good learning habit.

Finishing homework or getting good grades is not the purpose of going to school.

Instill the love of learning in your child early on and your child will benefit for life.

• 1. Ginsburg KR. The Importance of Play in Promoting Healthy Child Development and Maintaining Strong Parent-Child Bonds. PEDIATRICS . Published online January 1, 2007:182-191. doi:https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2006-2697
• 2. Lepper MR, Greene D. Turning play into work: Effects of adult surveillance and extrinsic rewards on children’s intrinsic motivation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology . Published online 1975:479-486. doi:https://doi.org/10.1037/h0076484
• 3. Nye C, Turner H, Schwartz J. Approaches to Parent Involvement for Improving the Academic Performance of Elementary School Age Children. Campbell Systematic Reviews . Published online 2006:1-49. doi:https://doi.org/10.4073/csr.2006.4

Disclaimer: The content of this article is intended for informational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider for medical concerns.

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How to Get Your Kids to Do Their Homework

Last Updated: May 10, 2023 References

This article was co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW and by wikiHow staff writer, Sophia Latorre . Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR). This article has been viewed 466,254 times.

Parents around the world would love the magic formula to encourage kids to do their homework. Alas, it's not as simple as waving a wand, but there are some methods for encouraging your kids to develop and stick to a regular homework routine. For some parents, effective encouragement will also be about changing your own approach to homework enforcement. Don't worry, it's not hard, it's just about taking a moment to work it through. Create a homework space and schedule, establish clear expectations, rewards, and consequences, and approach homework positively.

Creating a Homework Space and Schedule

• For example, if your kids do their homework at the dinner table, unpack the box to give them access to their supplies when it’s time to do homework. Pack up the box and move it off the table when they’re finished.

• Allow your kids to have a say in creating the schedule. If they feel like their opinions have been heard and considered, they’re more likely to stick to the plan.
• Agree on homework-free times, such as Friday nights or one weekend day, and allow them to plan how they use this free time.

Establishing Expectations, Rewards, and Consequences

• Occasional rewards for a special project done really well can be a great boost but regular material rewards are best avoided.
• When your child does their homework, tell them that you are really proud of them for being organized, timely, proactive, etc. It is important to define the exact reason why you are proud so that they know what to keep up.

• Keep your message simple, reminding your kids what you have agreed upon together when discussing how they'd approach homework and expressing both disappointment and a hope to see things return to normal the next day.

• For example, if your child forgets their homework or books at school, don’t spend hours tracking down a maintenance worker to let you into the building so you can retrieve their forgotten items. If they can find a way to get them, great, and if not, they’ll have to suffer the consequences.

• Naturally, if you have a child with learning or other disabilities, you may need to adjust this hands-off approach. Don't be afraid to seek support from professional people skilled in your child's particular disability; they may be able to provide you with additional strategies.

Approaching Homework Positively

• You should still keep a positive attitude toward homework. Don’t agree with your kid when they say, “Homework sucks. I wish I didn’t have to do it.” Instead, reply with something like, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but once you finish your homework you can invite a friend over.”

• For example, if your child wants to be a marine biologist, tell them that they’ll need good grades in school to get into a college where they can earn a degree in biology, zoology, or ecology.
• For example, tell your would-be actor that they won’t be able to memorize their lines if they’re not a stellar reader. Encourage them to read and memorize parts of their textbook for practice.

Altering Your Own Involvement

Expert Q&A

• When the teacher asks that you have a part in your child's homework, do it! Working with your child's teacher will show your child that authority figures at school and home or on the same team. Thanks Helpful 1 Not Helpful 0
• Encourage professional presentation and neatness. If they're producing messy homework, try to catch them in the process and encourage a neater effort. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
• Keep up to date with your child's school life. Talk with their teacher regularly to ensure you know the purpose of your child's assignments and understand the rules in class. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

You Might Also Like

• ↑ https://sparksofgenius.wordpress.com/2007/05/14/train-your-kids-to-do-homework-without-arguing/
• ↑ http://sparksofgenius.wordpress.com/2007/05/14/train-your-kids-to-do-homework-without-arguing/
• ↑ https://fosteringperspectives.org/fp_vol1no1/articles_vol1no1/ignoring_effective_way.htm
• ↑ https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-homework-battle-how-to-get-children-to-do-homework/
• ↑ https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/08/100819173846.htm
• ↑ http://www2.ed.gov/parents/academic/involve/homework/part_pg2.html#2

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Strategies to make homework go more smoothly.

Routines and incentive systems to help kids succeed

Writer: Peg Dawson, EdD, NCSP

Clinical Experts: Peg Dawson, EdD, NCSP , Karol Espejo, LCSW

Here is the best guide to helping kids do homework successfully that we’ve seen, published by the National Association of School Psychologists on their website, NASPonline.org . Our thanks to NASP for sharing it with us.

There are two key strategies parents can draw on to reduce homework hassles. The first is to establish clear routines around homework, including when and where homework gets done and setting up daily schedules for homework. The second is to build in rewards or incentives to use with children for whom “good grades” is not a sufficient reward for doing homework.

Homework Routines

Tasks are easiest to accomplish when tied to specific routines. By establishing daily routines for homework completion, you will not only make homework go more smoothly, but you will also be fostering a sense of order your child can apply to later life, including college and work.

Step 1. Find a location in the house where homework will be done. The right location will depend on your child and the culture of your family. Some children do best at a desk in their bedroom. It is a quiet location, away from the hubbub of family noise. Other children become too distracted by the things they keep in their bedroom and do better at a place removed from those distractions, like the dining room table. Some children need to work by themselves. Others need to have parents nearby to help keep them on task and to answer questions when problems arise. Ask your child where the best place is to work. Both you and your child need to discuss pros and cons of different settings to arrive at a mutually agreed upon location.

Step 2. Set up a homework center. Once you and your child have identified a location, fix it up as a home office/homework center. Make sure there is a clear workspace large enough to set out all the materials necessary for completing assignments. Outfit the homework center with the kinds of supplies your child is most likely to need, such as pencils, pens, colored markers, rulers, scissors, a dictionary and thesaurus, graph paper, construction paper, glue and cellophane tape, lined paper, a calculator, spell checker, and, depending on the age and needs of your child, a computer or laptop. If the homework center is a place that will be used for other things (such as the dining room table), then your child can keep the supplies in a portable crate or bin. If possible, the homework center should include a bulletin board that can hold a monthly calendar on which your child can keep track of longterm assignments. Allowing children some leeway in decorating the homework center can help them feel at home there, but you should be careful that it does not become too cluttered with distracting materials.

Step 3. Establish a homework time. Your child should get in the habit of doing homework at the same time every day. The time may vary depending on the individual child. Some children need a break right after school to get some exercise and have a snack. Others need to start homework while they are still in a school mode (i.e., right after school when there is still some momentum left from getting through the day). In general, it may be best to get homework done either before dinner or as early in the evening as the child can tolerate. The later it gets, the more tired the child becomes and the more slowly the homework gets done.

Step 4. Establish a daily homework schedule. In general, at least into middle school, the homework session should begin with your sitting down with your child and drawing up a homework schedule. You should review all the assignments and make sure your child understands them and has all the necessary materials. Ask your child to estimate how long it will take to complete each assignment. Then ask when each assignment will get started. If your child needs help with any assignment , then this should be determined at the beginning so that the start times can take into account parent availability. A Daily Homework Planner is included at the end of this handout and contains a place for identifying when breaks may be taken and what rewards may be earned.

Incentive Systems

Many children who are not motivated by the enjoyment of doing homework are motivated by the high grade they hope to earn as a result of doing a quality job. Thus, the grade is an incentive, motivating the child to do homework with care and in a timely manner. For children who are not motivated by grades, parents will need to look for other rewards to help them get through their nightly chores. Incentive systems fall into two categories: simple and elaborate.

Simple incentive systems. The simplest incentive system is reminding the child of a fun activity to do when homework is done. It may be a favorite television show, a chance to spend some time with a video or computer game, talking on the telephone or instant messaging, or playing a game with a parent. This system of withholding fun things until the drudgery is over is sometimes called Grandma’s Law because grandmothers often use it quite effectively (“First take out the trash, then you can have chocolate chip cookies.”). Having something to look forward to can be a powerful incentive to get the hard work done. When parents remind children of this as they sit down at their desks they may be able to spark the engine that drives the child to stick with the work until it is done.

Elaborate incentive systems. These involve more planning and more work on the part of parents but in some cases are necessary to address more significant homework problems. More complex incentives systems might include a structure for earning points that could be used to “purchase” privileges or rewards or a system that provides greater reward for accomplishing more difficult homework tasks. These systems work best when parents and children together develop them. Giving children input gives them a sense of control and ownership, making the system more likely to succeed. We have found that children are generally realistic in setting goals and deciding on rewards and penalties when they are involved in the decision-making process.

Building in breaks. These are good for the child who cannot quite make it to the end without a small reward en route. When creating the daily homework schedule, it may be useful with these children to identify when they will take their breaks. Some children prefer to take breaks at specific time intervals (every 15 minutes), while others do better when the breaks occur after they finish an activity. If you use this approach, you should discuss with your child how long the breaks will last and what will be done during the breaks (get a snack, call a friend, play one level on a video game). The Daily Homework Planner includes sections where breaks and end-of-homework rewards can be identified.

Building in choice. This can be an effective strategy for parents to use with children who resist homework. Choice can be incorporated into both the order in which the child agrees to complete assignments and the schedule they will follow to get the work done. Building in choice not only helps motivate children but can also reduce power struggles between parents and children.

Developing Incentive Systems

Step 1. Describe the problem behaviors. Parents and children decide which behaviors are causing problems at homework time. For some children putting homework off to the last minute is the problem; for others, it is forgetting materials or neglecting to write down assignments. Still others rush through their work and make careless mistakes, while others dawdle over assignments, taking hours to complete what should take only a few minutes. It is important to be as specific as possible when describing the problem behaviors. The problem behavior should be described as behaviors that can be seen or heard; for instance, complains about h omework or rushes through homework, making many mistakes are better descriptors than has a bad attitude or is lazy.

Step 2. Set a goal. Usually the goal relates directly to the problem behavior. For instance, if not writing down assignments is the problem, the goal might be: “Joe will write down his assignments in his assignment book for every class.”

Step 3. Decide on possible rewards and penalties. Homework incentive systems work best when children have a menu of rewards to choose from, since no single reward will be attractive for long. We recommend a point system in which points can be earned for the goal behaviors and traded in for the reward the child wants to earn. The bigger the reward, the more points the child will need to earn it. The menu should include both larger, more expensive rewards that may take a week or a month to earn and smaller, inexpensive rewards that can be earned daily. It may also be necessary to build penalties into the system. This is usually the loss of a privilege (such as the chance to watch a favorite TV show or the chance to talk on the telephone to a friend).

Once the system is up and running, and if you find your child is earning more penalties than rewards, then the program needs to be revised so that your child can be more successful. Usually when this kind of system fails, we think of it as a design failure rather than the failure of the child to respond to rewards. It may be a good idea if you are having difficulty designing a system that works to consult a specialist, such as a school psychologist or counselor, for assistance.

Step 4. Write a homework contract. The contract should say exactly what the child agrees to do and exactly what the parents’ roles and responsibilities will be. When the contract is in place, it should reduce some of the tension parents and kids often experience around homework. For instance, if part of the contract is that the child will earn a point for not complaining about homework, then if the child does complain, this should not be cause for a battle between parent and child: the child simply does not earn that point. Parents should also be sure to praise their children for following the contract. It will be important for parents to agree to a contract they can live with; that is, avoiding penalties they are either unable or unwilling to impose (e.g., if both parents work and are not at home, they cannot monitor whether a child is beginning homework right after school, so an alternative contract may need to be written).

We have found that it is a rare incentive system that works the first time. Parents should expect to try it out and redesign it to work the kinks out. Eventually, once the child is used to doing the behaviors specified in the contract, the contract can be rewritten to work on another problem behavior. Your child over time may be willing to drop the use of an incentive system altogether. This is often a long-term goal, however, and you should be ready to write a new contract if your child slips back to bad habits once a system is dropped.

Click here to download the homework planner and incentive sheet .

Frequently Asked Questions

To help homework go more smoothly, e stablish a routine that includes a time and place where it will be done, a planner that lists each assignment, scheduled breaks when some of the work is done, and a reward system for kids who are not motivated by good grades alone.  

Set a good homework routine following these steps: Find a location in the house where homework will be done. Set up a homework center stocked with needed materials . Establish a homework time. Use a daily homework planner so that your child has everything in writing.  

One tool that can make homework go more smoothly i s a Daily Homework Planner , which lists each assignment, how long it should take to complete, and what rewards may be earned for completing each assignment.    

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Does Your Child Refuse To Do Homework? Teachers Share 6 Helpful Tips for Parents

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Do you remember the years when it seemed like homework was a part of your daily routine? For many of us with kids, diving into homework for the first time may bring up some old feelings from our own school days. I used to love doing schoolwork at home up until middle school when having to complete homework for six classes seemed overwhelming. Besides that, I was interested in everything that impacted pre-teens , like gossip and crushes. That seemed more important than keeping up with homework.

So it should come as no surprise when our own kids have a hard time with homework and act like they’d prefer to do anything else. Perhaps, they struggle with focusing at home or understanding a subject. Not to mention some subjects are taught differently today, so it can also be tough for parents to help with homework.

It may feel easier for them to protest than to admit why they dislike homework. This can feel frustrating for you as the parent. Whether their protests look like throwing temper tantrums or simply refusing to do the work, we talked to teachers Aimee Scott (third grade) and Krista Luedtke (sixth grade) and they shared six tips that’ll help you get your kids interested in homework. 

How to Motivate Your Child To Do Homework

Communicate with your kid’s teacher.

Scott and Luedtke agreed it’s important to discuss any concerns you notice with your child’s teacher. “The first thing to do is talk to your child’s teacher and let them know your concerns,” said Scott. If they’re refusing to complete homework, Luedtke said, “It may be that your child is getting plenty of class time to complete their work but may not be using it wisely.” If that’s the case, Scott said sometimes teachers would give out alternate assignments if that might help inspire a kiddo to complete homework. Or some teachers offer partial or full credit for showing the work, even if the answer isn’t correct.

Talk positively about school

It’s normal for kids to struggle with different school subjects. In fact, you may have struggled with understanding things like history or math yourself. However, Luedtke suggested that you avoid making negative comments about your experience in order to relate to your child. “This can instantly tell your child that school is negative or that they too are bad at math,” she said. If you are frustrated or crying over your kid’s homework , Luedtke suggested looking it up yourself—either through school resources or a Google search—or reaching out to the teacher.

Source: Canva

Create a fun learning space at home for homework

If you haven’t tried this already, Luedtke suggested creating a space at home that allows your kid to focus on homework. “ Whether it is a desk in their bedroom or simply a dedicated space at the kitchen counter, be sure your child has a hard surface to work on, bright light, and minimal distractions,” she said. You know your kid more than anyone. So, you may have to identify and remove their distractions before creating a learning space for them to do their homework.

To minimize the chance your kid will associate this space with the work they’ve been uninterested in completing, you  can add interesting elements to it. “By adding cute posters, a fun lamp, readily available school supplies or a comfy chair, the space be ‘fun,'” said Luedtke. She personally loves to search for Pinterest ideas that are centered around creating a positive, safe space for kids to do homework.

As always, having a routine for your kid helps them develop positive habits as well. By incorporating homework into the usual after-school routine, kids come to expect it and might be more willing to get their assignments done before moving on to something else. 

download this free, printable chart to keep kids' after-school tasks on track

Consider soft background music

I know you’re probably thinking, “I thought minimal distractions is important!” It is, but if your child isn’t easily distracted by background noise, you may find that playing soft music is beneficial for them. Luedtke said, “As a classroom teacher, I’ve noticed that some students really thrive when they have background music playing. Not only can this help with focus, but it can put them in a good mood.”

One way to look at this is to think about how you respond to music. Maybe you’re the mom who listens to music while cleaning your home. Not only do you enjoy hearing your favorite tunes, but it may also help you feel more productive. If this is true for you, then it may also apply to your child.

Utilize visual tools that show your child’s progress

You may find that your child responds well to visual aids that show their daily or weekly homework progress. For example, “If you want your child to read for 20 minutes each night, you can put a timer on your phone or the TV,” said Luedtke. However, she cautioned, “Sometimes this can distract children as well, so use your best judgment.” Should your child become distracted by the timer on your phone or television, Luedtke suggested you try utilizing the visual tools on Classroomscreen.com . There are different resources available that you may find work better for you and your child.

Another tool you can utilize is a printable homework template that allows you and your child to see their homework progress in real-time. “This can be kept on your fridge, and your child can mark off each day they complete their work. Visual trackers are powerful for children,” said Luedtke. Scott also agreed and said, “They can add a sticker or a stamp to the chart.”

4 animals available

a homework tracker can help them visualize their progress each day

Create small goals and celebrate your kid’s completion of homework

And now, the moment you’ve been waiting for—the completion of your child’s homework. Scott said, “I suggest parents try setting small goals. For example, break assignments up into sections and reward them with a piece of candy.”

Alternatively, Luedtke said, “Celebrate your child by going out for pizza on Fridays or letting them have a friend over. Kids really, really like to work towards a goal—especially if there is a reward at the end.”

If your child gets easily frustrated with their homework or doesn’t want to complete it, helping them can be tough. If you ask yourself daily, “Does it get easier?” know you’re not alone. In those moments, try to look at it from your child’s perspective. They’re constantly experiencing information overload, just like us. This can cause them to avoid anything that feels similar at home.

Will it require a lot of patience and consistency to help your kid navigate completing their homework? Of course. But hopefully, some of these teacher-approved tips can help make it just a little bit less painful.

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The Homework Struggle: How to Encourage Kids to Do Homework

• September 21, 2017

Most parents have been there—the nightly homework struggle.

Students rarely look forward to completing their homework assignments after the last school bell has rung for the day. However, homework is part of being a student—and one that has an impact on future academic performance. This makes it important to figure out how to encourage kids to do their homework without a nightly quarrel.

The Importance of Homework

Homework supplements the education that children are getting in the classroom. Its role is to increase comprehension and give students the chance to study, practice, and understand the material. This type of “outside-the-classroom” thinking can help increase the development of positive study habits, improve cognition and memory, and encourage time management.

So, why the resistance?

Students often have trouble seeing the value in homework. After all, they just spent an entire day in school, so why should they sacrifice their valuable free time to do more work? Other factors, from attention and motivation issues to poor time management and organizational skills can also lead to students having trouble completing their homework.

How to motivate kids to do homework

Students who don’t do their homework or continually battle with their parents about it often experience higher levels of stress. This stress can lead to a lack of motivation both inside and outside of the classroom, causing them to fall behind. It’s important for parents to take an active role in making sure students complete their homework so their performance doesn’t suffer.

How can you make homework time a smoother process? Rather than making your child do homework, focus on how you can make homework more a more enjoyable experience for your child. Don’t worry—it’s easier than it sounds!

Follow these tips on how encourage good homework habits in your child.

Create structure

Creating a schedule your child can follow makes it easier to get him or her to sit down and complete homework assignments. Set a time and create a special study space for homework to be completed, making it part of the child’s nightly routine.

Give kids a break after school

Don’t force your child to do homework as soon as he or she gets home. Let him or her have some time after school to give his or her mind a break before starting homework. This break can help improve motivation and focus when it is time for your child to do his or her homework.

Provide motivation

Show encouragement and appreciation of your child’s hard work when he or she has completed his or her homework. Something as small as a high five or words of praise can boost your child’s motivation. You can also offer small rewards, like a trip to the store or a special treat.

Lead by example

While you child does his or her homework, don’t engage in other preferred activities, such as watching TV. Read a book, do some research, or scratch a chore off your to-do list.

Talk about the benefits

Rather than yelling, have a calm discussion with your child about why homework is important. Fighting with your child will increase stress and frustration, leaving him or her unable and unwilling to focus on homework.

No More Homework Arguments!

By encouraging—rather than forcing—your child to complete his or her homework, you can help your child become a more organized, proactive student. This will save you a lot of arguments down the line, letting your child use his or her energy to reach his or her potential rather than avoiding homework.

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How to Help Kids With Homework

Helping your child with their homework is an opportunity to connect with them and improve their chances of academic success. As a parent, you can reinforce concepts taught in the classroom and nurture good study habits . Helping with homework shows your child that you believe their education is important.

What Is the Best Way I Can Help My Child With Homework?

You don’t need to be a certified teacher or an expert in a subject in order to help with homework. You can help by developing your child's time management skills, introducing strategies to stay organized, and offering words of encouragement. 

Here are some homework tips for parents:

• Know their teacher . Attending parent-teacher conferences, getting involved in school events, and knowing how to get in touch with your child’s teacher can help you better understand homework expectations.
• Family study time.  Set aside time every day for homework. Some kids do best by jumping into homework right after school, while others need a break and will be better focused after dinner. 
• Set a good example. Family study time gives you the opportunity to model studious behavior. Demonstrate the importance of organization and diligence by paying bills or planning your family’s budget during this shared time. Reading while your child completes their homework instills the idea that learning is a lifelong and enjoyable pursuit. Your example will be far more impactful than your lectures.
• Designate a homework space.  Having a designated space for homework can help your child stay on task. It should be well lit and have extra school supplies within reach.
• Help with time management.  If your student has a lot of homework, encourage them to break the workload into smaller and more manageable tasks. Create a schedule for the evening to ensure they get through their long to-do list , including opportunities for breaks.
• Don’t do the homework for them.  Helping your child with homework isn’t the same as doing your child’s homework. You can make suggestions, but your child must do the work for meaningful learning to take place. Have patience, allow them to struggle a little, and resist the urge to simply give them the answers.

How Do I Help a Child Struggling With Homework?

Struggling through challenges is an important part of learning. Research shows that something called “productive struggle” is essential to learning new concepts. Too much struggle, however, can be demoralizing and counterproductive. So where's the line drawn between productive struggling and counterproductive struggling? You know your child better than anyone, so trust your instincts and step in before your student becomes overwhelmed.  

Consider these tips if your child's struggling with homework:

• If your child's already stressed out or frustrated, start with taking a break.
• Engage your child in a conversation so you can understand where they're stuck 
• Offer hints or guidance to help them move forward
• Resist the urge to do their homework or give them the answers
• As soon as your child understands how to resolve the issue, step back and let them continue without your direct assistance
• Avoid stressful cramming and last-minute panic by helping your student plan ahead for tests and long-term assignments.
• Offer your child encouragement and praise them for their perseverance.
• Work on your own paperwork or read nearby as your child completes their homework to help them stay on task.
• Reach out to the teacher if additional assistance is needed and remind your child to ask questions at school when they're confused

Should I Help My Child With Math Homework?

Math is taught differently now than it was twenty or thirty years ago. The Common Core Standards are used in 41 states, and most other states follow the same principles even if they don’t call them the Common Core. Instead of memorizing specific ways to solve math problems, students today are asked to solve problems in several different ways and explain the strategy they used. 

For many parents, their child’s math homework seems complicated and confusing. The goal of this newer method, however, is a deeper understanding of mathematics. Just because you learned math in a different way doesn’t mean you can’t help with math homework. 

• Focus on non-academic help . You can help your student by offering encouragement, tracking assignments, and helping with time management. Create a distraction-free time and place for them to focus on their math homework. 
• Learn how it’s taught. Understand how math is taught at your child’s school. Some school districts offer parents a math night or online resources to help them better understand the way math is taught at schools.
• Reach out to the teacher. Ask the teacher for insight on how you can support your student at home. They might point you towards resources that align with their curriculum or offer additional help to your student at school.

At What Age Do You Stop Helping With Homework?

Some research has shown that the connection between student achievement and parental involvement in schoolwork is strongest in the elementary years but declines in middle school. By the time your child enters middle school, parents helping with homework can do more harm than good. At this stage, parental help with homework is associated with lower student achievement.

While you should be helping a lot less with homework, middle school isn't the time to retreat from your child's education. Non-homework forms of parent involvement are strongly associated with higher academic achievement. There are many ways you can support your middle schooler’s success. 

• Monitor assignments and test scores
• Attend school events
• Participate in parent-teacher conferences
• Ask questions about classes and what your child is learning
• Continue to encourage a regular study time and place at home

Ideally, you laid the groundwork in the elementary years and good study habits are well established by middle school. While your child will outgrow the need for your direct homework assistance, they'll never outgrow the need for your support and encouragement. 

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How to Motivate your Child to do Homework: 5 Simple Ideas that work

For a lot of parents, the scariest thing would probably be their beloved school going child coming to their room with a bunch of undone home work sheets the night before their submission date. The second most scary thing would possibly be a ghost or something. After all, what could cause an adrenaline rush better? If your otherwise naughty child gives you puppy-dog eyes and comes with a giant smile plastered on their face, you don’t need any amusement park ride for an adventure; you know you’re in for an all-nighter or a hurried homework completion session.

If you’re a parent whose child often turns their back on homework and comes to you at the eleventh hour and barely manages to complete it, you’re not alone. Whether one likes to do it or not, homework constitutes an important part of one’s academic life. If your child is not the super rare, highly punctual, organised and academically high-spirited sort, you would know about the qualms associated with homework and the conflict it begets in families. So, how does one really inspire one’s child to get to successfully do their homework? To address the elephant in the room, we must first take a look at the ideas kids with different temperaments and personalities have towards homework and why they don’t find it worth completing.

A few of the reasons why children aren’t motivated to do their homework are:

• They are usual procrastinators who don’t want to know why it is given and how they would be benefited by it in the long term.
• They simply forget that they have been given homework.
• They are finding the space at home to be not so conducive for doing their homework and also think they lack the necessary technological support to aid them.
• They are overly attached to gadgets or playing video games because of which they don’t devote as much time to studying and completing the home work.
• They are more inclined towards activities outside of school, such as karate, yoga, music and painting classes or have a demanding schedule because of those pursuits.

The truth is, there is no ideal way of luring or tricking kids into doing their homework with temporary rewards like increased screen-time, gifting their expensively favourite video games or toys, or even the promise of buying them a swanky new bicycle. You most probably will see them going back to square one and ditching their homework as and when they’ve exhausted your captivating rewards.

As a concerned parent, the best thing that one can do is identify what’s causing kids to make faces when it comes down to home work. This is especially true in the context of maths homework. Given the fact that mathematics needs to be studied almost every day for students to be able to learn the sheer variety of concepts that it has, practice and timely homework are a must.

By dealing with the crux of kids’ aversion towards homework, parents can come up with a solution that permanently fixes the problem and motivates them to do their homework not just once, but consistently, without any crutches or attachment to rewards.

Tips to Motivate Your Child to do Homework

The following remedies might prove to be of great help if you’re a parent wanting to sweeten your child’s bitter relationship with homework.

Explaining to them the rationale behind regularly doing homework and its upside:

Most kids would think of homework as an unnecessary and painstaking activity. Parents can change this perception if they successfully show their kids that homework is meant for their greater good. Putting things on hold and lazing around is a natural human tendency, but becomes a source of tension when one keeps on postponing tasks. When kids persistently solve their homework maths problems every day, they’re hardwiring whatever they learn through doing their homework into their brain. By doing this, students won’t feel nearly as helpless or stressed on the day before their maths exam as they would otherwise, by finding themselves toppling with the weight of pending math homework. After all, it’s better to do the math little by little and then take the exam and have a fruitful aftermath!

Setting daily reminders for checking homework:

Let us admit. The best of us forgets to do things. While some kids may be masters of mischief and have an otherwise strong memory when it comes down to their monkey business, they may display a newly weakened memory when asked about their homework. It almost is like magic, and a great spell that can work to counteract this magic is reminders. Whether they are in the form of sticky notes pasted at spots where kids can see them or digital reminders found in your smartphones, you can use them to remind children about their homework. Even if your child is one that devotedly does his or her homework and genuinely forgets about it once in a while, reminders can and do help. If they are successful able to finish their homework, they’re eligible for a hearty praise that would further motivate them to do it in the future as well by giving them a sense of accomplishment.

Creating a tranquil atmosphere at home for kids to be able to study and approach you very easily:

A great deal of parents are completely aware of and keep a track of their child’s activities and progress in school. Sailing through a lot of personal, familial, professional and social obligations can be a task for anyone, but a responsible parent must pay heed to their little ones’ learning needs through it all. Let your kids relax for a while once they come back home from school. If you nag them and ask them to take to doing their homework while they’re still reeling from their schoolwork, it is going to backfire. Let them take a break and then you could talk to them about their homework.

Familial conflicts and halfhearted parenthood can create an environment in the house that is nowhere conducive to a child’s mental health, and could distract them from studying. A lot of mental calculation goes into doing maths homework, and parents must ensure a calm atmosphere in the house. Maybe your child is a shy one and maybe he or she needs more attention. Since kids won’t always tell you or talk to you about what’s bothering them or what they need, you need to pay attention to the little things such as the presence of ample of stationery items and geometric tools and calculators. Parents must take time out of their schedule and sit with their children and help them in their homework. They can and should try and explain to them basic concepts in the subject, if they ever need help at all. This would give two benefits. One would be of a bettered bonding between the parents and children and the other would be an increased interest in doing homework. ( Also Read: Understanding the Teenage Brain: What’s going on inside? .)

Limit their screen time to a healthy quantity:

The homes of a lot of people on the face of the earth today are laden with gadgets of different sorts. While it is understandable that kids in the present day revel and deserve to revel in entertainment that gaming consoles or smartphones and tablets provide, they must be taught well to exploit the functions of those devices that can enrich them in educational knowledge as well.

If kids continue to have unrestrained access to such devices, they will most likely be immersed in them irredeemably. This will most likely prevent them from doing their homework. Hence, parents must ensure that kids have a healthy amount of screen time and know when to intervene.

Even if a child is fond of playing outdoors with friends and takes little interest in studies, he/ she must be explained how physical activity is indeed a great thing, but one must devote their time to home work and studying as well. Knowing when to intervene in their kids’ activities and knowing how to do it softly yet triumphantly is one skill that the parents must conjure.

Create a well turned out timetable for managing kids’ extracurricular to create a balance between their school life and the life beyond school:

Parents almost always feel proud when their children take to learning things. It is commendable when one’s child excels at school, and parents find their hearts swelling with pride when he or she blooms even in the activities that they undertake while they’re not studying. One can learn to paint, to play the guitar or the piano, to learn to ride a horse, learn singing or even learn martial arts and a parent would only be proud. It does become a problem though when kids find themselves stretched in between and entangled in two things. To prevent kids from having a tiring schedule and to enable them to do their homework calmly, a carefully designed timetable will only help. Parents can sit with their kids and address the issue of time management. By making a time table, kids can devote the correct amount of time to whatever they are pursuing, while ensuring their homework and studying doesn’t take a hit.

Often, the strife created by incomplete homework pushes kids to be on the brink of tears. It also frustrates parents and at times leads to a face-off between the two parties. Realising that a child can be motivated to do their homework with steady and continual efforts is imperative for the parents. As a parent, if you feel your child is genuinely overwhelmed with homework even after having a shot at it, you know it’s time to talk to the teacher and see if the quantity of homework that he or she is giving in the school is the pink of their mental and physical health or is plainly excessive.

A robust quantity of homework is essential for your child, and he or she can be encouraged to do it with channeled efforts of yours sooner or later. Hold their hand whenever they need it, and you probably wouldn’t be too far from marveling at their academic transformation with regular homework.

A Fine Parent

A Life Skills Blog Exclusively For Parents

9 Simple Tips for Teaching Kids How to Focus on Homework

by Cate Scolnik . (This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here .)

Five minutes into my daughter starting it, she’s asked 4 irrelevant questions and walked across the room twice – for no reason .

She had a break when she first got in from school, and had a snack. Then we agreed to a little outside time before starting homework.

She’s got the book open and a pencil in her hand, but that’s the sum total of her achievement so far.

Her mind doesn’t seem to want to sit still – preferring to bounce all around the place. It’s like her mind is a magnet, and when it’s put near homework, it repels away from it.

When she was 5, I thought she would grow out of it; but at 8 years old I was beginning to worry.

As someone who likes to get in and get things done, it drives me nuts .

Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter dearly. But the way she gets distracted every 5 minutes during homework time is enough to make anyone go crazy.

She’s highly intelligent, has loads of positive energy and is warm and engaging. She can focus long and hard on anything she is interested in. But getting her to focus on homework she isn’t keen on? Damn near impossible.

I just couldn’t sustain parenting positively unless I got this under control. I wanted to take some action.

At one point when her distraction was driving me nuts, I had started to wonder if I should get her tested for attention deficit disorder (ADD). My research on this topic led me to discover some behavioral techniques used with ADD kids, that are also applicable to any child having difficulty focusing.

I decided to try them for teaching my daughter how to focus on homework. Some worked better than others but overall it has been a great success. Here are the ones that worked for us –

#1 Keep It Short

When it came to doing homework, we kept it short and broke it down. Generally, that meant one ten-minute stint a day, instead of one 30-40 minute block each week.

Each time she wandered off task (mentally or physically), I would gently guide her back to the homework.

I kept the focus light and pointed out the fun parts of her work. And I bit down hard on my tongue every time I felt like screaming “If you just stuck to the task and focused you could be done already!”

#2 Use A Timer

So, if I estimated a task could be completed in about 2 minutes, I’d set the timer for 5 minutes. Each time she started chatting about something, I’d say something like “I hope you beat the timer!” or “Don’t forget – you want to beat the timer!”

#3 Wear Them Out

My daughter has loads of physical energy, so I made sure she got lots of exercise . Even now she needs to do lots of running around, or physical activity to wear her out a bit.

I’m not talking about making her run a marathon every day. Just encouraging and supporting her to move her body.

I worked with her natural rhythms as much as possible. I realized she had more energy in the afternoon, so we often went on outings in the morning.

If she’d been to school for the day and we were going to spend a few minutes on homework, I’d encourage her to go and jump her jiggles out on the trampoline before we sat down to focus.

#4 Kept It Positive

I focused on her positive outcomes as much as possible. Whenever she breezed through an activity I would give her positive feedback .

“Look how quickly you finished writing out your words! You stayed focused and you finished that in no time. Well done!”

We’d always start homework early and allow extra time to get things done, so I had to be organized and plan ahead. This meant I could sometimes say, “Wow! You finished your homework the day before it’s due. Great effort!”

If we’d been working on a homework task for a long time and she was just getting less and less focused, I’d call a stop to it. When a five-minute task is only half done after 25 minutes, and there’s no momentum, there really isn’t any point continuing.

This is a tricky one, and I didn’t use it often. She’s a bright girl and she knew she hadn’t finished what she set out to do that day. But if we kept trying and getting nowhere, we would both become very frustrated and dejected – no good ever comes out of that.

So, I’d suggest we leave it for now and come back to the task when we were fresher. This way she wasn’t failing, it just wasn’t the right time.

#6 Eat More Fish

Crazy as it might sound, eating more fish or taking fish oil supplements , is apparently helpful.

Now, I’m not a nutritionist and I understand that the fish oil theory is unproven. But there seems to be research to support the fact that fish oil high in EPA (rather than DHA) can help improve focus.

I figured it was something that couldn’t hurt, so I did it. It seemed to me that each time her fish oil consumption dipped, she became less focused.

I’ve no real evidence to support that – it may just be in my head. 😉

#7 Encourage Self-Management

The Tools of the Mind program produces brighter children who are classified as gifted more often, but more importantly, it also produces kids with better behavior, greater focus and control.

Classes involve role play and each child creates their own detailed plan of their part. If a child gets off track, the teacher refers them back to their plan.

One of the ways the program helps is through encouraging planning and time management by setting weekly goals. This helps to wire up the part of the brain responsible for maintaining concentration and setting goals.

The Tools of the Mind philosophy is that every child can become a successful learner, with the right support. Children learn by using the skills they currently have – such as drawing and play. They think through their play plan, then draw a detailed record of it, then carry it out.

Using their skills in this way teaches children to set achievable goals, work out how to reach them, and stay on track. They learn they can be responsible for their own outcomes. We’ve been using this to teach my daughter self-management .

#8 Work Together

My daughter is nearly eleven now and has matured a lot over the last year. And I’ve just started using self-management techniques to help her set goals and plan how she’ll achieve them.

Earlier this year she said she really wanted to improve her grades, which I said was a great goal. Then she said she wanted to be involved in band, which means taking some band lessons in class time.

I asked her to plan how she intended to achieve both goals, given she has other extra-curricular activities she wants to keep up.

She created a plan to practice her instrument regularly and do more homework than she has previously. We’re at week 7 of our school year here in Australia, and so far she’s on track.

She dives into homework without being reminded and gets it done early. She’s also completing homework tasks to a higher standard, rather than madly (and messily) rushing through them .

Since starting band she’s been practicing twice a day, every day – without being asked. I know that if she loses momentum, or strays off track, I can direct her back to her own plan.

#9 Understand The Scale

We all have different strengths and weaknesses. And attention and focus can vary wildly, particularly in the early years.

It partly depends on the environment, and partly the child.

Try and take the pressure off, and work with your child’s strengths.

Break tasks down and keep them fun.

Aim for a balance between physical and mental focus, and remember it’s OK to give up if the timing isn’t right.

Have realistic expectations, and know that your child’s focus will improve with age.

Don’t be scared to quit when things really are not working. Not doing a perfect job on the homework once in a while is not the end of the world. If it comes to a choice between quitting for the moment or screaming and yelling at your kids through the task, choose love and call it quits.

And finally, hang in there. It’s all going to be OK.

The 2-Minute Action Plan for Fine Parents

Take a moment to consider your child’s behavior.

• How does it compare to other children? Either their siblings or a number of other kids of a similar age? (Try to compare them with a range of other kids – rather than one or two)
• Does your child seem to have age-appropriate behavior and focus? If you’re concerned, do you need to seek help?
• How can you start breaking down big tasks into manageable (snack-sized) sections?
• Is your child able to focus on things they like doing? Can you use that in your favor?
• Are your kids distracted by things that could be controlled?
• What strategies can you put in place to keep your kids focus?

The Ongoing Action Plan for Fine Parents

• Brainstorm some roles that you can use to elicit certain behavior. If you need your child to be quiet and still for a few minutes, what can they pretend to be? A King or Queen on a throne? A soldier on guard? Good posture during homework is a good idea, but if the only way to get your child to do it without a fuss is to let them pretend to sit on a throne or stand at attention, go for it!
• Think back over the things that your child struggles to focus on. How can you get them to use self-management techniques to improve?
• If it seems impossible to get your child to focus and pay attention ask yourself this: “If it were possible, how would it be achieved?” Make some notes.
• Take a moment to check out why Tools of the Mind works so well and think about how you might use their strategies at home.

About Cate Scolnik

Cate is on a mission to help parents stop yelling and create families that listen to each other. She does this while imperfectly parenting two boisterous girls of her own and learning from her mistakes. Download her free Cheat Sheet to Get Your Kids from "No" to "Yes" in Three Simple Steps and reduce your yelling today.

May 16, 2016 at 6:21 am

This is a great article and there is some mention of it but I feel it has to be emphasized- that no homework should ever trump connection with your child. If homework struggles are causing you to butt heads time to re-think! Your child needs you in their side ALWAYS, there have long difficult days in School where social interactions and the system challenge their resources all day long. The need to come home to an ally. Here in Canada we are seeing tons of research that shows that homework before high school produces little increase in assessment scores – I imagine education philosophy will move toward reducing or almost eliminating primary homework! So don’t sacrifice your living connected relationship at home iver homework

May 16, 2016 at 2:35 pm

Totally agree with you on the point that “no homework should ever trump connection with your child”, Kim.

I’ve read some of the research about homework, but I’m not entirely convinced. To me, even if homework does little to increase assessment scores, it builds the habit and discipline of getting things done on your own outside the classroom… So IMO there is some merit to it. The question for me is more of how to teach our kids to focus and build this habit in a kind and gentle manner without butting heads…

May 16, 2016 at 11:29 pm

You’re right that we shouldn’t let homework damage relationships. I’m fortunate that our school has homework as an optional thing, but we do opt in. Like Sumitha, I think it’s more about getting a routine established.

Thanks for your comment. 😉

May 10, 2017 at 3:50 pm

Agree with #Cate. I asked school to increase the home work for my daughter to help her develop the habit of focus, responsibility, self – discipline and also prepare them for high school where they should not get shocked with the name of home work thinking it as a monster.

Apart from this, these tips are life saving and work word by word. Thank you so much for sharing and I liked these so much that I shared the page with my facebook friends.

May 16, 2016 at 1:35 pm

My child’s PRE-SCHOOL had homework. It was age-appropriate (“Color the baby chicks yellow”) but surprise, surprise–my daughter didn’t want to do it. She wanted to run around the playground and then jump on the sofa. I mentioned this to another parent (of a typically developing child) and she said, “Oh, we don’t do the homework. It’s not developmentally appropriate at this age.” Boy, did my life improve when I followed her advice and ignored the homework! I told the school, nicely, that I got home from work too late in the evening to do homework. And that was the end of it! Now, in elementary school, we don’t do the homework every night. It is BORING (math worksheets) and turns her off to everything related to school!

May 16, 2016 at 2:42 pm

Wendy, homework in preschool is probably pushing it too much… but as kids grow older, I do believe there is some merit to homework in terms of building habits and discipline of doing things on your own outside the classroom and being accountable for something that is assigned to you.

I personally feel that telling kids you don’t have to do something because it is boring sends the wrong message (listening to any grownup is boring for a kid… so if they can skip doing homework because it is boring, why not also skip listening to what grownups tell them?) To me, building the habits of accountability and sticking to a task even if it is sometimes boring and learning tricks to focus even when you sometimes don’t want to are important life skills… Homework is one of the ways to do this, and I would rather look for kind and gentle ways to do this than give up on homework entirely.

June 29, 2024 at 8:25 pm

I teach at a local nursery in order to have something to do. In addition I give them two tasks each week. For example a upcoming task will involve pumpkins. They recently as a entire preschool class painted a picture of a sunflower. They are little so I do the research for them instead. In the past we have focused on music, gardening and cooking. Best wishes. Planning a October visit to a pumpkin patch.

We also once did baking. From time to time we study animals and learn about other people. If it is hot we either do gardening or ride child friendly bikes. Recently we have gone on picnics and tried tennis. Each task has a theme. Drawing is fun.

Considering a museum trip and so on. In terms of future tasks, I’m planning one that is wholly based on Halloween. I’ve also got a idea for Christmas. Other activities include pond dipping and farm outings. Yet more such fun activities in consideration will involve poster design and card making. I’m keen on easy sports like table tennis. I believe that they have a sports day. Have a nice day.

Last week I decided on a whim to try sand art and water play. I also want to teach them to cook. Two weeks before we rode bikes and assisted in the garden at the nursery. Once or twice a day we do singing and reading in question. I’m also keen on classic board games and stencilling. I want to try out new activities like pottery and face painting. We do a lot of reading. I love origami.

Bingo wouldn’t fail either. They have never played simple games like Monopoly Deal or Scrabble. Additionally I love the idea of introducing them to other classic games. We have previously tried creative writing and poetry. I really do like to focus on basic skill development as far as possible. This includes story telling and independence building. For example making friends and being healthy.

Snap is cool. So is making fresh lemonade and the like. I’ve never tried either activity. I love to play UNO. Coding is hard work. One day in the near future I’m organising a class trip to a library and a zoo. In the past I’ve shown them how to use a shape sorter toy and puppets. We use the puppets to tell a simple story. And we have a sensory room.

May 16, 2016 at 7:49 pm

I don’t believe in most homework and glad it’s not generally a part of Montessori. At my kids’ school they don’t start handing out homework until 4th grade, and even then it’s a packet they have all week to complete so they can choose their own pace for finishing it. I like that no homework leaves time for other things like piano and violin and volleyball and Latin, not to mention the chance for my kids to help me cook, etc. When my oldest got to the adolescent program and we started to struggle with homework, we realized in her case the best approach was to back off and leave her to fail or succeed on her own. I think for many children there is much more value in unstructured time to play and explore. They have to be disciplined at school all day. I don’t see why they have to extend that into home time. I love watching my kids come up with their own projects which are often far more interesting than anything a teacher would send home as an assignment. Most homework is busy work. Life is too short for that.

May 16, 2016 at 9:20 pm

If the homework was long and unending, I would likely agree with you (at least to a certain extent ;)), Korinthia. Fortunately, my daughter’s home work assignments usually take just 10 – 15 minutes which she actually finishes up in school. It is busy work, but it reinforces the facts that she has learnt that day in school. Her teacher’s take is that it helps her gauge if the kids are grasping what they learn, and lets her know if she should repeat any concepts or slow down the pace etc. I love that idea of using homework (and tests) as a feedback loop. Her school also specifically tells parent not to get involved unless the child asks for clarifications. This also helps the homework serve as a mini-token of responsibility and self-management… which is all good in my book.

I love how every time this discussion comes up, we come at it from such opposite perspectives 🙂

May 16, 2016 at 10:14 pm

I think one of the trickiest things in parenting is realizing people can do the opposite of what you do and still not be wrong. We’re all so vulnerable in this area that people get defensive fast! I love that you are so thoughtful with every response, and that there is more than one way to be right. And I keep coming back here because I feel it’s a safe place to voice a different perspective without people taking it as a challenge to their own parenting decisions. That’s a rare and wonderful thing and you should be proud of this site. (For that and many reasons!)

May 16, 2016 at 10:23 pm

Thanks, Korinthia. I needed to hear that today (for a reason unrelated to this site and the comments here). And of course I lapped up the compliments about the site too. I never tire of that 🙂

And you stretch my thinking more than anyone I know and I learnt a lot about writing responses from studying your responses… so thanks right back at ya!

May 16, 2016 at 11:35 pm

Hi Korintha,

You’re right that we can use homework as a valuable learning experience. For years my older daughter (now 11) has ‘hoped’ for straight As, but hasn’t achieved them. She’s getting better for years she did the bare minimum with homework, and did it rather … messily too! While I don’t push her too much, I do make the point that A grades are the result of hard work. They’re achievable for anyone who puts in the effort – including her. But getting As means you’ve done the best you possible can, almost all the time.

It doesn’t stop her hoping every time her report comes home, but she knows she can set goals and strive to meet them (they’re just usually in non-academic areas!).

Anyway, your point about homework being a mutli-faceted learning opportunity is a great one. 😉

May 17, 2016 at 7:27 am

Grades are a weird measure of things, though, because they aren’t universal. Does getting an A mean it’s the best you as an individual can do, even if it’s not great? Does getting an A mean there is some objective level of excellence that few people can reach? Does getting an A mean the grade was on a curve and you are simply the best in this particular crowd? A’s on a single report card can mean all of those things or none of them.

I remember in college I was upset one semester because my perfect 4.0 was marred by a B in tennis which I was simply taking for fun. I felt I should get an A for showing up and doing my best every time. Apparently the teacher had a different measure. And how do you grade music (which was my major)? One person can play every note perfectly and leave you feeling cold with their performance, and another can make mistakes but be electrifying. In orchestra it was pure participation–you started with an A and every class you missed you went down one letter grade. The A says nothing about if you did well or even improved. (You could get worse and still get an A.) When I was in 6th grade I used to alternate between A’s and failing grades in reading based on if I handed in the book reports. Those grades said nothing about my reading ability.

Grades do say something, but I’m skeptical about what. And every time I get worried about grades I remember my grandma telling me that nobody ever asked her her GPA once she graduated. No one has ever asked me mine, either. People only care what I can actually do, and that I try to prove every day, and that’s what I tell my kids to aim for. They may or may not get the grades they deserve to reflect that, but they need to mentally grade themselves to stay honest.

May 20, 2016 at 8:19 pm

Your points are spot on, as always. Grades are an arbitrary measure.

I think it’s far more important that my daughter is satisfied that she’s done her best, and that she’s proud of her efforts. Having said that, I do think it’s useful to learn that you can set goals and strive towards them.

Arbitrary or not, we spend most of our lives being assessed. Either at school or university or in the workplace. It’s usually one person’s opinion of certain traits or activities, and it’s often arbitrary.

Whilst I’ve certainly been the victim of a manager who’s had their own agenda – and rated me accordingly – I think that’s the exception. I also think it’s important that my kids feel that they have some control over the assessment. If they put in greater time and effort, they will usually get greater results.

It’s important to know that grades and assessments are only one person’s opinion and that they may be flawed. That is, we need to keep it in perspective. But given we’ll have these assessments throughout our lives, we need to learn to feel we have some control over them and we need to learn how to handle them. How to digest them, how to cope with them, and how to use them too.

It’s a complicated, complex, multi-faceted issue! And I certainly appreciate your perspective. Thanks for commenting 😉

June 29, 2024 at 8:44 pm

I played table tennis once a week in order to keep fit. I also had to assist with the gardening and cooking. At only five years old I had to learn five new simple numbers and words each week. At Christmas we went to a local church. There were many family beach picnics. Best wishes. My parents loved to recite four line poems each night at bedtime.

As a entire family we played table tennis early on a Saturday afternoon once a week. I was expected to know first aid and learn how to fix a broken down car. Once a year we grew a pumpkin at home. On the warm beach we sang and read storybooks. And we went on Sunday nature walks. I even did the food shop and mastered the rather basic one times table in addition. I learnt how to cook, prepare a hot cocoa plus make the beds.

On a weekly trip to a farm shop at a nearby garden centre I had to count up or down in fives. I had a short numbered list of things to buy. I had to teach myself to play the guitar and how to use a camera. That was fun.

At home I washed the car and babysat at church. Other activities and skills included washing up and making bookmarks. On family days out we soaked up the sun on a cycling trip or a walk. We did woodland walks. I learned how to prepare a entire tray of scones and tasty biscuits. I also discovered how to make cakes and identify the trees and flowers.

May 17, 2016 at 4:28 pm

Thanks for this article! We are in our last week of kindergarten homework before the summer hits. That first sentence! So funny and spot on. Like “where are you going sit back down!” I find my self saying frequently. My son gets a packet of homework on Monday that he has to complete and turn in by Friday. I like the idea of using the timer! I’m not sure about play before homework.. I see the need for a break. My issue is that after eating and a play break its already so late then he’s not focused because he’s just getting tired. Also other than getting a 5 year old to focus on homework is doing the homework correctly. He will speed through it sometimes brag about how many pages he completed but he sometimes just writes down whatever to make it look like its complete! This has been driving me crazy, I have to erase so much! I’m trying to find the balance between getting him to work independently and me sitting there for every question. They do homework time in after school too and this is also when he makes it look like he’s doing homework and sometimes just draws pictures on the back of his homework pages. I think the amount of homework for kindergarten is a bit much, but I don’t think that not doing it is an option. I want to encourage him and be proud of him for completing his homework and also try to only let him play on the tablet after the whole packet is done… which also kinda leads to him speeding through it. Ugh and this is just year ONE! OMG!

May 18, 2016 at 3:57 am

Hi Amber, You’re right – you need to find what works for you. And if your kids are in after school care, it’s a bit too late to get them to concentrate when you get home. When I get my kids home it’s nearly 6pm, and there’s no way I can get them to focus on homework.

I’m lucky that I have two days a week where I don’t work late, so they are our ‘homework days’. The other option for us is to do a few minutes in the morning, before school, when the girls are fresh. Of course, this depends on what mornings look like in your house.

You say you want to be proud of him, but it’s also important that he’s proud of himself. That’s why I often ask my girls if they’re proud of their homework. It’s a great technique to get them to reflect on their efforts. 🙂

January 23, 2018 at 9:41 pm

Thanks for the tips for getting kids to do homework better. My son struggles with math, and he never wants to do his homework. I really like your idea to set a timer. That way, he knows exactly how long he needs to work before he can take a break to play. We will definitely give this a try.

April 7, 2018 at 9:49 am

Yes!! I totally agree with Korinthia! I have 5 kids from high school to a 2 yr. Old and it frustrates us as a family when we cannot take a walk, go out and play, or do any sports or extracurricular activity or even help with dinner because they have so much homework! How can kids get their 60 min. Of physical activity or eat healthier or spend time with family if we barely have time to eat a rushed meal to do homework? Including on weekends and vacation!

July 16, 2018 at 6:07 am

Homework is one word that makes every school child – and many parents – cringe. Follow these handy tips, and soon, homework related tension will become a thing of the past. https://www.parentcircle.com/article/exclusive-tips-to-make-homework-easy-for-your-child/

August 8, 2018 at 3:21 am

Awesome post!!! Homework is very important for students to get great results in academic. It is also essential to complete your homework on time. Thanks for sharing this information.

September 4, 2018 at 12:25 am

Good tips and very informative. Homework is a very important thing to get good grades n academic. Today, Focus on Homework is very essential. So, Students must do homework on time.

June 24, 2019 at 6:52 pm

October 15, 2019 at 7:55 am

It’s really useful tips for many parents and their kids. I think that right focus on homework is an important part to stay productive for a whole year in school.

January 7, 2020 at 11:13 am

Learning to focus is extremely important especially with the distractions that surrounds us in today’s world. Your article has been tremendously helpful and I am grateful so Thank you for sharing .

September 30, 2020 at 5:13 am

Nice!! I agree with the fine parent/this website.I tried all of them and almost all of them worked.Keep it up.👍👌👋

January 14, 2022 at 6:55 am

Nice tips, I’ll be sure to remember them. So I can try them out when I become a parent. Or I could just tell some parents around me.

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Defiant Children Who Refuse To Do Homework: 30 Tips For Parents

• Your child doesn’t understand the work and needs some extra help. It’s possible that your youngster doesn’t want to do his homework because he really needs help.  Also, it can be challenging for moms and dads to accept that their youngster might need help with homework, because there is often a stigma attached to kids who need tutoring. 
• Your child is addicted to TV and video games. Moms and dads often find it very difficult to limit these activities. But, understand that playing video games and watching TV doesn’t relax a youngster’s brain.  In fact, it actually over-stimulates the brain and makes it harder for him to learn and retain information.  Too much of watching TV and playing video games contributes to your youngster struggling with school and homework in more ways than one.
• Your child is exhausted from a long day at school. In the last 10 to 20 years, the needs of kids have not changed, however the pace of life has.  Most moms and dads are busy and have very little down time, which inevitably means that the youngster ends up with less down time too.  He is going to be less likely to be motivated to work when there is chaos all around him.  
• Your child is not sleeping enough. Sleep is one of the most under-appreciated needs in our society today. When a child doesn’t get enough sleep, it can cause him to be sick more often, lose focus, and have more emotional issues. Kids often need a great deal more sleep than they usually get.  
• Your child is over-booked with other activities. Moms and dads want their youngster to develop skills other than academics. Because of this, they often sign-up their youngster for extracurricular activities (e.g., sports or arts).  
• Your child is overwhelmed by your expectations. Moms and dads want their youngster to be well-rounded and to get ahead in life.  Along with this comes getting good grades.  All these expectations can put a lot of pressure on your youngster and may cause him to become burned-out and want to find an escape.
• instructions are unclear
• neither you nor your youngster can understand the purpose of assignments
• the assignments are often too hard or too easy
• the homework is assigned in uneven amounts
• you can't provide needed supplies or materials 
• you can't seem to help your youngster get organized to finish the assignments
• your youngster has missed school and needs to make up assignments
• your youngster refuses to do her assignments, even though you've tried hard to get her to do them
• Do you understand what you're supposed to do?
• What do you need to do to finish the assignment?
• Do you need help in understanding how to do your work?
• Have you ever done any problems like the ones you're supposed to do right now?
• Do you have everything you need to do the assignment?
• Does your answer make sense to you? 
• Are you still having problems? Maybe it would help to take a break or have a snack.
• Do you need to review your notes (or reread a chapter in your textbook) before you do the assignment? 
• How far have you gotten on the assignment? Let's try to figure out where you're having a problem.

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How to Get Kids to Do Their Homework and Raise Self-Starters

Homework is one of the best opportunities for kids to practice being self-starters. But how can parents encourage this self-reliance in their kids and avoid fighting over homework?

It had been nearly an hour since my eight-year-old had begun her vocabulary homework. With four pages still to go, she was on the verge of tears and sleepiness as we approached bedtime.

She was overwhelmed and in over her head.

The issue wasn’t an exorbitant amount of homework, but rather that she had left this assignment for the last minute. With a week to complete a unit in her workbook, she hadn’t planned carefully enough, and now was scrambling to get it done the evening before it was due.

This was the first year my oldest had received homework. Wanting to give her a sense of ownership over this responsibility, I had generally let her determine when and how to complete her work .

But as I sat beside her and saw her struggle, I wondered if I had done too little to coach her in time management. Not wanting to become a dreaded helicopter parent, I had probably overcompensated in the opposite direction.

The RIGHT way to get kids to do homework, according to experts

After this experience, I felt a little lost – wondering how much checking in with kids about their homework was too much and how much was too little. Where was the balance?

Searching for answers, I decided to dig into this topic. After identifying three experts in this field, I reached out to them and arranged interviews. Here’s what they told me:

In the early years, actively coach kids on organization and time management

The first thing I learned, not surprisingly, is that my approach to letting my daughter figure out time management on her own was all wrong.

The experts I spoke to pointed out that few young kids have executive functioning skills or the ability to plan ahead when they first begin receiving homework – often in early elementary school. This lack of organizational understanding can be a barrier to getting homework done.

Here’s what they suggest parents do to help their kids develop these skills:

• Set up a specific place for kids to do homework: Betsy Brown Braun , a child development and behavior specialist, believes that kids should have a special place where homework is completed other than the dining room table or kitchen counter. “Kids should have a place of their own – like a desk,” she says. “We want to set them up to respect homework.” This creates a physical place kids associate with doing work, and later with planning for doing work.
• Have a homework routine : Kids benefit from knowing there’s a certain time every day set aside for doing homework, according to Ann Dolin, owner of Educational Connections , a tutoring company in the metropolitan D.C. area. The hour doesn’t have to be the same every day – especially if afterschool activities vary each afternoon. But kids should have a general sense of when homework time takes place. And Braun suggests that parents should involve their children in deciding when this time should be: “Because that shows his responsibility in it,” she says. Knowing there’s a specific time to do homework gets kids in the habit of setting aside time each day to complete their work.
• Ask kids if they need a reminder: Braun suggests asking your child if they want a reminder when the agreed-upon homework time approaches. Ask if they’d like for you to set an alarm or simply tell them when it’s time. By taking ownership of being aware of when it’s time for homework, they’ll start to move towards taking ownership of managing their workload.
• Help kids get started – and then walk away: At this young age, some kids might feel overwhelmed by the idea of simply getting started with their work. Parents can help by making sure their kids understand the directions. But after kids have completed a few problems in an assignment, both Dolin and Braun agree that parents should then walk away and let kids independently complete the work on their own. Completing each assignment independently is, again, a stepping stone towards independently managing the flow of homework assignments.
• Make a rule that homework isn’t considered complete until it’s in your child’s backpack: A good habit to form early on is to make sure homework goes right into kids backpacks as soon as it’s done, Dolin says. This avoids any assignments being turned in late.
• Make sure kids have some downtime: After a long day of school and activities, kids need a bit of downtime before digging into homework. “Most kids need at least a half hour to unwind,” Dolin suggests. This downtime helps kids recharge and increases their ability to focus. Braun also emphasizes that parents need to watch out for overscheduling after-school activities and making sure these don’t supersede homework.

Help kids plan their homework with this weekly homework planner. Click on the link below to access the planner. In addition to receiving the planner, you’ll also be signed up for my weekly-ish newsletter with tips on how to raise independent, self-reliant kids:

Eventually, kids can independently manage homework on their own

Every child is different. But after a year or two of getting help from parents on these intermediary steps towards better time-management, most kids are ready to take on independently the full responsibility of homework management.

But how can parents know if their child is ready? “By asking a lot of questions”, Dolin says.

“How might you organize this? How long are you going to spend on this? Depending on their answers to these questions you can tell if they can be independent,” she says.

Questions about organization and time management also help kids begin problem-solving on their own. And once you’ve seen a consistent pattern of kids having a well-thought-out plan for completing their homework, you can begin to step back and let kids manage their own time.

Ready to teach your child life skills? These cards can help! Each card in this eighty-one deck contains a skill your child can begin practicing with you or on their own. Click here or the image below to learn more.

Ways parents sabotage their kids’ self-reliance with homework

Often without even knowing it, parents get in the way of their kids’ independence with homework and other responsibilities. Here are a few things to avoid in order to raise kids who are homework self-starters:

Don’t focus too heavily on the quality of the work: It’s natural for parents to want their kids to do their best school work. But leave the quality of the work up to the teacher, Dolin says. “I hear of so many fights about the quality of work between parents and students,” she says. “And then kids will start to avoid homework. The goal of homework – especially when kids are younger – is to practice skills and learn independence and responsibility.”

Braun agrees: “I don’t believe that parents should correct their kids’ homework. The quality of the homework is between the child and teacher. How else will the teacher know what the kid needs help on?” She also notes that parents often think they are helping their kids by getting involved in their homework, or not letting them fail. But parents don’t realize the message they’re sending – that their child is not capable or good enough.

Don’t create your own consequences for incomplete homework: Again, let that be between the student and the teacher. If a student doesn’t finish his homework, “he must deal with his teacher,” Dr. Frances Walfish , a family and relationship psychotherapist, says. “Don’t bail him out, criticise, or chastise him,” she continues. Let the teacher decide what the consequence will be and eventually he should begin to realize that it’s easier to get homework done the night before.

If a child declares that she won’t do her homework on a particular evening, parents can state – in a non-threatening way – that they ‘ ll write the child’s teacher and make them aware of her decision, Braun suggests. But she warns that parents still need to be alert to tiredness, an uneasiness about getting started or other reasons why kids might resisting doing their homework – and address those reasons first.

Don’t do homework with your kids :  “Don’t get in the habit of doing homework with your child too much. Parents get in the habit of doing the homework with the child and when it’s time for kids to do their homework on their own they haven’t had the experience of doing it alone,” Braun says. This gets back to the notion of making sure kids understand what they need to accomplish and then walking away to let them work on their own. “A seven or eight-year-old should be able to get his homework done on his own.” she says.

Don’t send the general message that your child isn’t capable: By constantly correcting kids – not letting them try and fail – and doing things for them that they’re capable of doing on their own, we are sending the message to kids that they aren’t capable, Braun says.  But by “working to cultivate self-reliance early on you are putting kids in a position to make them self-starters in everything including homework.”

Coaching while also letting go

After that fateful evening of disappointment and frustration, I changed my tactic in helping my daughter plan her time.

“Let’s sit down and decide when you will have an opportunity to work on your vocabulary homework for this week.” I began to ask her every Monday evening. Play practice was on Thursdays, basketball on Wednesdays. That left Monday and Tuesday as the best evenings for her to work on her assignment.

Writing out the days of the week, we determined on which evening she would have more time to get her work done.

As the weeks progressed, she became more aware of how much time was needed and how long an assignment would take. Sure, there were a few hiccups along the way, but by the end of the year, she was just about ready to tackle homework on her own.

And now that’s she’s in fifth grade, that work has paid off. While every now and then she still discovers she hasn’t allowed enough time to finish a math assignment or didn’t read her book report book quite as quickly as she had hoped, on most weeks her homework is complete – and she gets to bed on time.  

Interested in getting your kids started on chores? My four-lesson course will teach you how to get started, avoid nagging & power struggles, and keep your kids motivated. Click here or the image below to learn more.

See related:

15 Life Skills Kids Need Before They Leave Home

10 Life Lessons Kids Need to Experience Before They Leave Home

How to Raise Responsible Kids – Not Just Obedient Ones

What to do next…

1. subscribe to self-sufficient kids’ email list., 2. take one of my quizzes.

Find out if you’re raising a self-sufficient kid ( click here ) or if you’re doing too much for your kids ( click here ). At the end of each quiz, you’ll be asked to provide your email address to see the results.

3. Get your kids started on chores.

Learn how to get your child started on chores (& keep them motivated + avoid power struggles) by enrolling in my Get Your Kids Successfully Started on Chores course. Click here to learn more and sign up.

About Kerry Flatley

Hi! I’m Kerry, the mother of two girls and a certified parent educator. I believe it is possible for parents to have a supportive, loving, and warm relationship with their kids while raising them to be independent and ultimately self-sufficient. Over the years, I’ve read numerous books and articles that support this belief and I’ve put these ideas into practice with my own kids. Read more about me and Self-Sufficient Kids here.

AWARD-WINNING BLOG

How do i motivate my child to turn in homework.

Motivation for things like homework can be hard for complex kids. How do you motivate your child to turn in homework?

Does your kid do their homework and then neglect to turn it in? Does that make you frustrated, but your child doesn’t seem to care? Here are some thoughts on helping kids turn in homework. It starts with a question about whether it’s even important to you.

Elaine: All right, so we have a question that we want to read to you from a mom who says, "How do I motivate my inattentive kid to do homework ?" But then she goes on to say, "Personally, I don't believe in homework. My kid spends six hours at school, gets home after 4 p.m., and then faces three to four hours of homework a day, so there's no down time, no time to spend with friends, or even just relax."

Diane: It's hard when our values are questioned –

Elaine: ...or are out of sync with what's expected.

Diane: Part of this is about understanding what your child really wants, and so it may be that your child's in line with you, and says, "I really don't want to do homework either." Or your child might be, "My gosh, I really want to get it done." A lot of our kids are focused on pleasing , and doing really well, and so that's the first thing, is to just check in and make sure you're in the same groove that your child is, on this.

The second piece of it is to know that you really do have choices in the matter, and it doesn't always feel like that, because one of the choices probably feels pretty stinky. But this is taking me back to the decision I made to let my son fail band class in 7th grade. It was a lot of work for him to fill out all those little things that said he practiced, and he actually practiced, but he was failing because he wasn't actually turning in his stuff. So we made the choice. I think that that's part of it, is just reflecting on what choices you do have, and being conscious about that.

Elaine: What I would add to that is bringing your kid into that conversation like we did. My son was in an exam period, and was really struggling with a paper that he didn't like the topic , he didn't like the book, he didn't like anything, and he was really having a hard time. I finally looked at him, and I said, "So what if you don't write it?" And he paused, and processed it, and figured it out, and then he came back and he said, "No, I'd lose two grades, too many grades – It's not worth it." But then when he went to finish the paper, he had a different motivation . It was his decision to do it, instead of just something he had to do, and that made a huge difference.

Bottom Line: At the end of the day, whether our kids do their homework, or choose to turn it in, is about how invested they are, and how reasonable it is. Start by getting clear on the real challenge before you focus on the goal of turning in homework.

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Nudge, Don’t Nag: 9 Ways to Motivate Your Child to Do Well

Nine ways to get your child with adhd to the starting line — and to finally cross over the finish line of assignments, goals, and day-to-day tasks..

“She could do it if she only tried” or “He’s just lazy.” How often have you heard people say this about your child, or thought it yourself? Your child seems capable, yet getting him to do assignments or homework is like having to move mountains.

Attention deficit disorder ( ADHD or ADD ) has been called a disorder of motivation . Some experts believe that ADHD affects motivation more than attention.

The reason children and teens with ADHD have difficulty getting started and completing tasks is neurologically based. ADHD usually involves executive function deficits — not being able to organize one’s thoughts or getting started, for example. In addition, those with ADHD have lower dopamine levels than their neurotypical peers. Dopamine allows us to regulate emotional responses and take action to achieve specific rewards. It’s responsible for feelings of pleasure and reward. With ADHD , dopamine is not transmitted efficiently, so a child doesn’t have the motivation to complete tasks.

What can you as a parent do to motivate your child to start assignments, finish homework, and just get stuff done? Here are some simple solutions that have worked for me, as a mom and a teacher:

• Monitor your child’s medication. Medication for ADHD improves neurotransmitter function. Check in with your child’s doctor to be sure the dosage is optimal. Also make sure that the medication is active during times when she needs it for homework and other schoolwork.
• Elevate your child to a decision-maker. We are less motivated when someone else tells us what to do. No one likes to be nagged to start a chore or an assignment. Giving your child a sense of control will encourage him to start and finish a task. Ask your child how long she thinks a task will take, and have her compare the actual time with her prediction. Encourage her to come up with solutions for getting started sooner.

[ Free Webinar Replay: Tips and Tools to Help Your Child Start — and Finish — Homework ]

• Set goals. Research shows that setting goals makes it more likely that they will be achieved. Have your child create a “vision board” at the beginning of the school year. She can cut out pictures from magazines or print photos from websites, and make a collage showing where she wants to go and what she wants to be at the end of that grade or beyond. Ask her to write down one specific observable goal that relates to that vision. The goal should be time-limited—like read 10 pages in a book in one week. Agree on a time for her to report on her progress, so you don’t have to nag her.
• Use “if… then.” There are two types of motivation: intrinsic and extrinsic. We all want our children with ADHD to do something because they are interested in doing it, not just to earn a reward. But until they internalize the pleasure of accomplishment, students with ADHD may get more done with external motivation — namely, rewards. Research has shown that giving material rewards works best with short-term activities, not long-term achievements. Instead of rewarding your child for a good report card, reward him for completing assignments due the next day.
• Make it into a game. Have your child choose his favorite tune, and ask him to practice all of his spelling words before the tune is over.
• Connect uninteresting activities to areas of interest. When my son was in third grade, his teacher told me, “He’s just not interested in learning!” I had observed him since birth and knew that the little boy who tamed butterflies was curious and loved to learn. The subject needed to be interesting to him. If your child is interested in baseball, relate math to sports activities, such as calculating a batting average. If he likes cooking, show him how to use fractions to measure ingredients for a favorite recipe.

[ Free Resource: Transform Your Teen’s Apathy Into Engagement ]

• Keep him moving. Allow your child to stand while working. Punctuate school assignments or other quiet tasks with short movement activities, such as yoga poses or “musical chairs.”
• Be realistic. When your child experiences success, he will want to repeat that experience. Determine how much your child can complete in a given time, and ask him to take that on. When my son was a young teen, I had a list of chores for him to complete that never seemed to get done. I nagged him. Finally, I took a close look at what he could realistically get done. We talked things over and he chose one chore he was willing to do — the laundry. Apparently, that held more intrinsic interest to him than taking out the garbage. Once we determined how often the laundry needed to be done, he took charge. I still had to wash the dishes and take out the trash, but he finally experienced a sense of accomplishment from doing his own laundry, and that translated into future success in school.
• Praise effort over ability. Studies show that students do best when they believe that improvement is due to putting in lots of effort rather than to fixed intelligence or innate ability. When a parent praises a child for doing a task, she is underscoring a child’s control over the task.

SHARI GENT, M.S., NCED, works at Mind Matters Educational Therapy and is an educational therapist in private practice in Fremont, California. You can reach Shari here.

[ How to Motivate (Not De-Moralize) a Student with ADHD ]

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HOMEWORK HELP: Teaching students, parents the skills to succeed

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich — With a new school year underway, chances are your student is already coming home with homework.

How can parents help their children ace those assignments?

Read on to learn tips from April Ruiz, a longtime educator and founder of Mosaic Masterminds, a West Michigan-based tutoring organization.

Why is homework important?

Ruiz told FOX 17 students must practice what they are learning outside the classroom.

"There are several benefits to doing homework... for one, it allows our scholars to be able to extend their learning from the school day by applying what they've learned. It also gives them an opportunity to cement the lessons that the teachers have facilitated," Ruiz explained. "I'd say homework is exceedingly important for overall success and for confidence building, which, in our experience as teachers, is half the battle."

How can parents set their student(s) up for success?

Ruiz has several tips for parents to consider as students bring home assignments.

*Be proactive in your child's learning

Ruiz said, "It is exceedingly important to know ahead of time what's coming down the pike, so we're not caught off guard."

That leads to her next tip...

*Stay engaged

Ruiz advises staying in contact with your student's teachers.

"If our parents are clued into what's going on in the classroom, that makes such a tighter partnership in the learning process for the scholar, so, therefore, the teachers know what the students know what the parents know," she explained.

*Don't be afraid to check your student's backpack

Ruiz said this is important, no matter the age.

"Our tweens and teens are going through a lot of physiological changes as well. Their brains are a little scattered sometimes, and it's not always high priority for them to keep at the forefront of their mind an assignment or permission slip for a field trip, for example."

*Develop a routine

Ruiz said that may mean scheduling homework time

"I think it's really important to have a routine established, whether it's chores, homework, family, bonding, time, whatever the case may be, we need to schedule homework just like we schedule our extracurricular activities or other fun things we do outside of school," she explained. "They really appreciate structure. They respond well to it in most cases, and also just having that accountability."

*Take advantage of online resources

Ruiz said there's a wealth of information and learning tools online if your student needs some extra help.

"You could literally Google free math resources or free math literacy resources, free science quizzes online. And there's just a world of things out there that our parents and scholars can take advantage of for added practice. There's flash cards, there's physical flashcards, there's digital flashcards, there's games that are out there that can be played," she said.

*Know when to reach out for extra support

Groups like Mosaic Masterminds are available to help with challenges along the way.

Alicia Czarnik-Hagan has enlisted Mosaic Masterminds to help both of her students.

This summer, her 11-year-old son Harrison worked with a "Mastermind" tutor to prepare for the transition from elementary to middle school.

"My biggest thing right now is just helping to keep them organized and on track," Czarnik-Hagan. "I want [homework] to be done. Like, my expectation is that...I feel like it's important to teach kids about responsibility, organizing, planning, prioritizing, and that's really those skills that you get from homework."

Czarnik-Hagan said her biggest test is navigating the parent-child relationship while helping with assignments.

"It is the most challenging when I'm trying to teach something or explain something to my child, because I wasn't in that classroom that day, and so there's a different relationship," she explained. "Just balancing that relationship after school, of still being a parent, but not pushing too hard and like, breaking that the parent relationship and child relationship."

If there's one more tip to pass along, Ruiz said it's to "do something."

"If you don't have a school that is assigning homework regularly, be that gap filler where you can find opportunities for your scholar to extend his or her learning. Make sure that you are on guard and on duty, checking the parent view app, talking with the teacher, email, pop in and find out what's going on... just make sure that you're doing something. Something is better than nothing, and we want our scholars to win."

You can learn more about Mosaic Masterminds here .

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Home / Expert Articles / Child Behavior Problems / School & Homework

7 Ways to Stop the Parent-Child Power Struggle Over Homework

By debbie pincus, ms lmhc.

Do you find yourself in full-on homework battles most nights of the week? It’s no surprise that most children and teens will dig in their heels when it comes to doing schoolwork. Think of it this way: How many kids want to do something that isn’t particularly exciting or pleasant? Most would prefer to be playing video games, riding their bikes or driving around with friends, especially after a long day of school and activities.

As long as you believe you are accountable (or to blame) for your child’s outcome, you are under her control.

The underlying truth here is that you and your child might already be caught in a power struggle over this. Like most parents, you probably want your children to do well and be responsible. Maybe you worry about your child’s future. After all, doing homework and chores are your child’s prime responsibilities, right? Let’s face it, it’s easy to get anxious when your kids are not doing what they’re supposed to be doing—and when you know how important doing schoolwork is. And when you believe you are ultimately responsible for the choices your child makes (and many of us do, consciously and unconsciously), the ante is upped and the tug of war begins.

Nagging, Lecturing and Yelling—But Nothing Changes?

If you’re in the habit of threatening, lecturing, questioning your child, nagging or even screaming at them “do the work!” (and trust me, we’ve all been there), you probably feel like you’re doing whatever it takes to get your kids on track. But when you’re in your child’s head, there’s no room for him to think for himself. And unfortunately, the more anxious you are, the more you’ll hold on in an attempt to control him and push him toward the task at hand. What happens then? Your child will resist by pushing back. That’s when the power struggle ensues. Your child, in essence, is saying, “I own my own life—stay out!” Now the battle for autonomy is getting played out around homework and chores, and exactly what you feared and hoped to avoid gets created.

This is very aggravating for parents to say the least. Many of us get trapped into thinking we are responsible for our child’s choices in life. As long as you believe you are accountable (or to blame) for your child’s outcome, you are under their control. This is because you will need your child to make those good choices—do the work—so you will feel that you’re doing a good job. Your child’s behavior becomes a reflection of you. You are now at your child’s mercy as you trying to get him to do what you want him to do so you can feel validated as a good parent. Your child does not want to be taking care of your emotional well-being, so he will naturally resist.

When kids are not following through on their responsibilities, it can easily trigger a number of feelings in parents. Note that your child did not cause these feelings, but rather triggered feelings that already belong to you. You might be triggered by a feeling of anger because you feel ineffective or fear that your child will never amount to anything. Or you might feel guilt about not doing a good enough job as a parent. Here’s the truth:  You have to be careful not to let these triggered feelings cause you to push your kids harder so that you can feel better. One of the toughest things parents have to do is learn how to soothe their own difficult feelings rather than ask their children to do that for them. This is the first step in avoiding power struggles.

Why are power struggles important to avoid? They inadvertently create just what you’ve feared. Your child is living his life in reaction to you rather than making his own independent choices. Learning how to make those choices is a necessary skill that develops self-motivation.  How can you avoid ending up in these battles? Here are 7 tips that can really help.

1. You are not responsible for your child’s choices

Understand that you are not responsible for the choices your child makes in his life. It’s impossible to take on that burden without a battle for control over another human being. Measure your success as a parent by how you behave — not by what your child chooses to do or not do. Doing a good job as a parent means that you have done all that you can do as a responsible person. It does not mean that you have raised a perfect person who has made all the right choices. Once you really get this, you won’t be so anxious about your child’s behaviors, actions, and decisions. You will be able to see your child from objective, not subjective, lenses and therefore be able to guide their behavior, because you’ll have seen what he actually needs.

2. You cannot make someone care—but you can influence them

You cannot get a person to do or care about what they don’t want to do or care about. Our kids have their own genetics, roles, and ultimately their own free will. So focusing on getting your child to change or getting something from her will not work long-term and will most often turn into a power struggle. What you can do is try to influence your child using only what is in your own hands. For example, when it comes to homework, you can structure the environment to create the greatest probability that the work will get done.

3. Think about the “fences” you’d like to create for your child

Take charge of your own best thinking and decisions rather than trying to control your child’s. Pause, think and decide what fences you want to create for your child. What are your bottom lines? Know what you can and can’t do as a parent. Recognize that what will make the biggest difference to your child (and helping him become a responsible kid who makes good choices) will be learning how to inspire him, not control him. Building a positive relationship with your kids is your best parenting strategy. Children want to please the people in their lives that they have loving feelings toward. You cannot ultimately make them accept your values, but you can inspire them to do so. Getting a child to listen to you is primarily about setting up the conditions under which they choose to do so. In order to do this, make a conscious effort to sprinkle your relationship with more positive interactions than negative ones. Hug, show affection, laugh together, and spend time with one another. Point out your appreciations most instead of constantly correcting, instructing, teaching, yelling, complaining, or reprimanding.  Don’t get me wrong, you need to correct and reprimand as a parent. But make a conscious effort so that every time you do this, you will follow it with many positive interactions. The human brain remembers the negatives much more than the positives. Most kids will be happy to listen and be guided by the people in their lives who they like and respect.

4. Should you give consequences when kids don’t do homework?

Parents always ask whether or not they should give consequences to kids if they don’t do their homework—or instead just let the chips fall where they may.  I think you can give consequences, and that might work temporarily—maybe even for a while. Perhaps your child will learn to be more responsible or to use anxiety about the consequences to motivate themselves. You can’t change someone else, but consequences might help them get some homework done. You can’t “program” your child to care about their work, but you can create a work environment that promotes a good work ethic. Kids who regularly get their homework done and study do better throughout school and overall in life.

5. How structuring the environment can encourage studying

Again, you can’t make a child do anything that he doesn’t feel like doing, but you can structure his environment to create the greatest probability that the work will get done. When your child’s grades slip, or you find that he’s not getting his work in on time, you are automatically “invited in” to supervise and help him get on track. You can make sure that for certain periods of time, he will not be able to do anything other than schoolwork. The rule is during that time, no electronics are allowed—just homework and studying. By doing this, you are providing a structure to do what your child probably can’t do yet for himself. The hour and a half that you set aside should be a time when you will be around to enforce the rules that you have set. Give a fixed amount of time and once that time is up, your child is free to go elsewhere, homework done or not. Stay consistent with this plan, even if he fights you on it. This plan will accomplish the possibility that your child will get some homework done and maybe over time, create some better work habits. That’s all. This plan should be in place, whether or not he has homework. He can read, review or study if he doesn’t have any during that time. Let him know that these rules will change when his grades begin to reflect his potential and when you are not getting negative reports from teachers about missing homework. When he accomplishes this, tell him you will be happy to have him be fully in charge of his own homework.

6. Parents of Defiant kids

 Extremely defiant kids who don’t seem to care about consequences really try their parents. Some of these kids suffer from ADHD, ODD, learning disabilities, emotional issues and many other issues. Defiance has become a way for them to try and solve their problems. With defiant kids, parents need to be very cognizant of working to develop positive relationships, no matter how difficult. Above all, work to avoid getting pulled into a power struggle. Your child will need many more learning opportunities and more rewards and negative consequences—and more time to learn these lessons than less defiant child. And if nothing changes, and your child continues to be defiant, you must continue to work on your own patience and be thoughtful about your own bottom line. Most important, continue to love your child and keep showing up.

7. Your simple message to your child

Be clear, concise and direct. Your simple message to your kids, which does not require lectures or big sit down conversations is, “Your job is to take care of your responsibilities, which includes getting your homework done and helping out in the house. That’s my expectation for you. Once you’ve done that each day, you are welcome to do what you’d like.” Remember, as a parent your job is to essentially help your child do her job.

Related content: What to Do When Your Child or Teen is Suspended or Expelled from School “My Child Refuses to Do Homework” — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over School Work

About Debbie Pincus, MS LMHC

For more than 25 years, Debbie has offered compassionate and effective therapy and coaching, helping individuals, couples and parents to heal themselves and their relationships. Debbie is the creator of the Calm Parent AM & PM™ program and is also the author of numerous books for young people on interpersonal relations.

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Frustrated mom This is by far the very worst parenting advice I have ever heard. Can it be anymore vague and general? There’s literally nothing in this article that deals with actually doing homework! In fact it is more so a guide on things that most parents already know and should More be doing! The other part of this article is basically saying that you should allow your child to be their own authority. Do kids not need to learn to obey rules in today’s world? A lesson in life is that your children aren’t always going to be given a choice and when they are given a choice, it doesn’t mean they’re going to like any of the possible outcomes. Allowing them to think they have a choice in order to circumvent basic responsibilities is completely and utterly counter productive! I had to do homework when I was a kid whether I liked it or not! I knew this even as a small child. Children historically do not make the best decisions on their own. There’s a reason we have an age where it’s considered by society that you’re officially an adult. Until children reach that age, they don’t have a choice!

I am a special education preschool educator. Yes, I do send homework home for the following reasons:1. It starts good habits relating to reinforcing skills taught at school.

2. It allows me to educate and inform parents on what skills children need to be learning.

3. Some skills need more effort to be learned- such as name writing.

4. I want my kiddos to have a headstart and school is important! Homework is a way of getting kids ahead.

Hands down- my kiddos who learn skills at home- for example "economics homework" are more likely to master this skill when taught at school AND at home! It helps! Trust me! and all kiddos undergo assessments when entering kindergarten and often it is considered a predictor in success for the year!

georgeesmith Very methodical, can give a try to make it possible :)

lisakelper9 Sounds good but very hard to implement in reality. But still its a good attempt.

JackRusso1 I disagree with this as a whole. This person has no idea what children are really like. Children are stressed a lot, nagging them won't help. They don't want to talk about homework at home because then the parent asks irritating questions. It's not that they don't care, it's that More they need to do things on their own. When a parent is constantly on their backs the child gets stressed out. In my eyes, few parents understand this. Believe it or not...I'm 13 and I can do better then you. This isn't a helpful list of tips, it's a list of how to make the situation worse!

Oh my goodness!   This all sounds very charming but has no real application!  

Let me give you my scenario of raising a "Defiant" child:

Our homework structure is that she work at her well organized desk...quite charming in fact.  

She is expected to work 15 minutes per subject which is a grand total of an hour and 30 min.

No tech unless all work is complete and no matter what, no tech before 6:30 pm.

Down time for reading (which she loves) is after homework and her home chore is done.

we have a rewards currency.  We have a consequence system.  

Guess what?  It is not that simple.  She will waste her time "studying" so we require her to log notes on what she is reading so does not just sit and stare at her books for an hour and a half (which she will do).  We periodically check her log as she is working and help review info.  Again...quite charming.

She is failing most of her subjects because she does not bring ANY assigned work home.  None.  And then she lies about the work that we track down.  

She is not internally nor externally motivated. 

Sometimes a child is not emotionally mature enough to handle things like this and their brains are unable to really connect action and consequence.  Sometimes you need to let your child fail.  I hear from her teachers "I have no idea what to do with _________"  My response is....there is nothing YOU can do.  Only what ______ can do and she chooses not to.

A child who is unable to focus on learning is focusing on something else instead.  For my daughter it is the undying need for acceptance....peer acceptance.  So how to retrain the brain is tough.  Wish me luck because THERE IS NO ANSWER!  THERE IS NO FIX!

I often wonder about the value of homework. While I appreciate the article and noted some key takeaways here that will be very helpful to me, such as "Learn how to inspire, not control" and "Measure your success as a parent by how you behave"...I often find myself yelling at my seven year old angel because she just doesn't have an interest in learning..and then I spend the rest of the night disgusted with myself for being angry with her. She is the sweetest, most lovable little girl filled with street smarts. But she's behind in school, slow with reading, and fights me constantly with her homework.

I stepped up over the summer and had assignments all summer long so she could hopefully catch up. But little has changed. She continues to have no interest, which I interpret as lazy. She would much rather watch Netflix or play; something I try to balance. I wasn't a great student in school but I did love homework. I hated the "institution" and rebelled against control. But I've managed to make a good life for myself because I've been highly motivated, driven and disciplined. My concern is she doesn't seem to have those traits...yet. It might still be too soon. However, I struggle to push too hard (contrary to how it sounds) because I'm a big advocate of work-life balance.

She is busy all day with school and activities and the idea of having her do more when she gets home before she rests, plays or unwinds, seems like corporal punishment. Yes. And I'm not dramatic. But really? I get the importance of establishing a good work ethic. However,  I work all day. When I get home, I'm tired. I take a break before I tend to house chores. Nothing gets neglected but I pace myself. I also take home work but that's done later in the evening, after I've tended to my family AND had some down time. Don't kids deserve down time too?

I hate putting this pressure on my child, yet I know the pressure she feels being a slower reader, struggling with phonetics, etc. is as great if not worse. I can see her as a very successful person later on because she has very strong social skills and a kindness that far surpasses most of the other kids I've seen. But I struggle with finding that balance between pushing academics and just letting time prove itself. I am a big advocate of moderation and balance, yet I really struggle with applying that value in today's academic world which starts as young as kindergarten!

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• 1. The Homework Battle: How to Get Children to Do Homework
• 2. What to Do When Your Child or Teen is Suspended or Expelled From School
• 3. "My Child Refuses to Do Homework" — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over Schoolwork
• 4. Acting Out in School: When Your Child is the Class Troublemaker
• 5. Young Kids in School: Help for the Top 4 Behavior Problems
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