essay about waiting for the right time

God's Perfect Timing

Words by reagan swier // image by sadie culberson.

“Good things come to those who wait.” It is likely that you have heard this said many times before. The expression is meant to push us to pursue the virtue of patience. However, this way of thinking seems to stand in stark contrast to the world we live in now where we are so used to speed and the mindset that if we wait too long, we will never reach our hopes, goals, or ambitions. Truly, this idea of holding out for the good things is very biblical. I have seen this come true in my own life as well as being a major theme in God’s Word. This is stated so perfectly in Psalm 27:14 where David the Psalmist urges us, “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord” (NIV).

One of the longest periods that I have experienced waiting was ultimately for a good thing, but God had way better planning for that experience than I could ever have hoped for. Ever since I was 13, I have felt the desire to go on an overseas mission trip. I felt it was something God was putting on my heart and honestly, I liked the sense of adventure that I thought was sure to come with the experience of serving God in a foreign place. I prayed a lot that God would soon open up a door for me to go, but the waiting wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows; at times I became impatient or felt roots of distrust popping up in the back of my mind.

There was even a point about a year or two into the process where I was sure it was “the” trip. I signed up for it all sure and hopeful, only to be denied a spot on the team. At this point, I started to question him.  God, is this really your plan for me? Is this ever really going to happen? It was that same summer that I was also turned down to be a helper at my church’s summer camp. Little did I know, God had other plans for me that summer, and still so much more to teach and prepare me for. During the time I would have been at camp, God had another type of service in mind for me within my own family. My younger sister and I didn’t exactly get along well at that time, and we ended up having an opportunity to connect that very week.  One of her best friends had suddenly moved away, and she turned to me for companionship and comfort. During that surprising week we were simply blessed with the quality time people often find hard to fit in in this world filled with distractions. God placing me there at that exact time of need for her was something I could never have planned out on my own. Though that week didn’t play out like I had originally hoped, it was a time where I could distinctly see God’s hand working in my life. I learned to trust that God’s plans for my life are really there to prosper me and to give hope (Jer. 29:11), even when I don’t know the reasons for the things that happen. God knew and planned for that—something only he could do.

The small things for God’s kingdom can sometimes have just as big an impact as the seemingly big ones. After that, God still had a couple more years of teaching me patience and coming to him in prayer before his bigger plan for me would finally be revealed. Finally, last year, it was time for God to lead me overseas. Fall of my junior year, I went to a random meeting to hear from people who were planning a mission trip to the Philippines, a place I had never even thought about going before. It was right then and there that I felt that gentle nudging. “It’s time, Reagan. This is what I have prepared you for.” God had me wait, because he knew when I would be ready to serve him in that way; he knew when my heart would be in the right place, and he knew just when and where I was needed. I have learned to trust in his far superior timing, even when it is not even close to being easy to do so. I am so thankful for the amazing experience he allowed me to wait and hope for.

If my own story doesn’t already show you that God has people wait for the good things, all you need to do is look through the pages of his trusty Word. Right after the fall of mankind, a coming Savior is promised already in Genesis 3:15 which tells of Jesus coming to crush the evil one and absorb the sin that has taken root in the world. His people wait years upon years for this promise to be fulfilled, much much longer than I had to wait to go on my trip. However, the same things happened in the peoples’ hearts. They waited, they prayed, they doubted, became impatient, sinned some more. Eventually, in perfect timing, the foretold Savior came. In Luke 4:18–19, Jesus finally declares that this is God’s timing for the Messiah as he reads the words of the prophet Isaiah,  “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor” (NIV).

If God’s timing worked out for the salvation of his children, something as big as that, we must be able to trust that it will work out in our own decisions, big and small alike. So whether we are waiting on a job, college decisions, a spouse, a mission trip or even just a chance for a break, we must be willing to trust that God’s timing in the matter is truly the best for us. It may be very difficult or even discouraging at times, but when his timing comes through, what he has waiting for us will have been well worth the wait.

Essays About Time: Top 5 Examples and 8 Prompts

Essays about time involve looking into human existence and other intangible concepts. Check out our top examples and prompts to write an engaging piece about this subject.

Time entails many concepts that can be hard to explain. In its simplest sense, time is the period between the past, present, and future. It also encompasses every action or progression of events within those measures. Time never stops. It consistently ticks away, making it both a cruel teacher and an apt healer. It inspires many writers to write pieces about it, discussing time as a notion or an element in emotionally-driven compositions that both describe euphoric and heart-rending episodes. 

To aid you in writing a compelling piece, below are our top picks for great essays about time:

1. Time is Precious Essay by Anonymous on AreSearchGuide.com

2. an essay on time by david pincus, 3. time is money by supriya, 4. time waster by anonymous on exampleessays.com, 5. time management: using the less time to do more by anonymous on edubirdie.com, 1. how i spend my time, 2. what is time, 3. time and technology, 4. time management and procrastination, 5. if time doesn’t exist, 6. time as a currency, 7. the value of time, 8. time and productivity.

“Make most of your time and you will be rewarded ten folds of it, waste it and the little you have will be taken away, just like in the parable of talents.”

The essay begins with a convincing statement reminding the readers of the average life expectancy of a person to assert the importance of time. Then, in the later sections, the author answers why time is precious. Some reasons include time is always in motion, is priceless, and can never be borrowed. The piece also mentions why many “wait for the right opportunity,” not realizing they must plan first to get to the “right time.” Finally, at the end of the essay, the writer reminds us that balancing and planning how to spend time in all areas of life are critical to having a meaningful existence.

“I don’t know what time is, beyond a mysterious self-similar backdrop upon which we lead our lives. It is intricately woven across the scales of observation – from the quantum level to the phenomenological time of cultural revolutions.”

Pincus begins the essay with questions about time and then proceeds to answer them. Then, he focuses on time psychologically, relating it to traumas, disorders, and lack of meaning. In the next section, he discusses how psychotherapists use the concept of time to treat patients. 

In the last part of his essay, Pincus admits that he doesn’t know what time is but notes it’s akin to a thread that stitches moments together and anchors us through a complex world.

“Knowing how precious time is, we should never waste time, but make good use of it.”

Supriya’s essay is straightforward. After claiming that someone’s success depends on how they use their time, she gives an example of a student who studied well and passed an exam quickly. She follows it with more examples, referring to office workers and the famous and wealthy.

“Time is something you can’t have back, and should not be used to simply watch a computer screen for hours upon end.”

The writer shares one of his vices that leads him to waste time – technology, specifically, instant messaging. They mention how unproductive it is to just stare at a computer screen to wait for their friends to go online. They know many others have the same problem and hope to overcome the bad habit soon.

“I should strive for good time management skills which are essential to be learned and mastered in order to have a better personal and professional life… it can also help us learn more about self-discipline which is a crucial pillar for stable success… time management is a concept of balance and moderation of the things that are important to us.”

The essay affirms people need to protect time, as it’s a non-renewable resource. A great way to do it is by tracking your time, also known as time management. The writer shared their experience when they were a college student and how challenging it was to allocate their time between deadlines and other life demands. The following parts of the piece explain what time management is in detail, even recommending a tool to help individuals label their activities based on urgency. The following paragraphs focus on what the author learned about time management throughout their life and how they missed opportunities while continuously being stressed. Then, the last part of the essay suggests tips to conquer time management problems. 

Did you know that readability is critical to readers finishing your whole essay? See our article on how to improve your readability score to learn more. 

8 Writing Prompts For Essays About Time

Go through our recommended prompts on essays about time for writing:

In this essay, share how you use your time on a typical day. Then, decide if you want to keep spending your time doing the same things in the future. If not, tell your readers the reason. For instance, if you’re devoting most of your time studying now, you can say that you intend to use your future time doing other invaluable things, such as working hard to help your family.

Because there are many definitions of time, use this essay to define your interpretation of time. You can use creative writing and personify time to make your essay easy to understand. For example, you can think of time as a personal tutor who always reminds you of the things you should be able to finish within the day. For an engaging essay, use descriptive language to emphasize your points.

List technologies that help people save time, such as smartphones, computers, and the internet. Delve into how these devices help individuals complete their tasks faster. On the other hand, you can also talk about how modernization negatively affects people’s time management. Like when they distract students and workers from completing their assignments.

Discuss reasons why people procrastinate. First, ensure to pick common causes so your readers can easily relate to your piece. Then, add tips on how individuals can battle dilly-dallying by recommending influential time management theories and models. You can even try some of these theories or models and tell your readers how they worked for you. 

Open a discussion about what can happen if there is no concept of time. Include what matters you think will be affected if time is abolished. You can also debate that time does not exist, that it’s just created by people to keep track of whatever they need to monitor. Finally, add your thoughts on the notion that “we only exist within an ever-changing now.”

Share your ideas of what can take place if we use “time” to buy food, pay rent, etc. You can also analyze that when we use our time to work, get paid for it, and then purchase our necessities, we’re technically exchanging our time to be able to buy what we need. A movie that used this theory is In Time , starring Justin Timberlake, Amanda Seyfried, and Cillian Murphy. You can write a review of this movie and add your opinions on it.

Everyone’s aware of the importance of time. For this prompt, delve into why time is precious. Write this essay from your perspective and probe how time, such as managing or wasting it, affects your life. You can also interpret this prompt by calculating the non-monetary or opportunity costs of spending time. 

Examine the direct relationship between time and productivity. Then, list productivity strategies schools and businesses use. You can also open a discourse about the number of hours workers are supposed to work in a week. For example, debate if you think a 40-hour full-time work week in America, results in more productive employees. Then, add other schedules from other countries and how it affects productivity, such as Denmark, Germany, and Norway, with less than 30 hours of the work week. 

Do you want to know how to convince your readers effectively? Read our guide on how to write an argumentative essay . Improve your writing skills; check out our guide packed full of transition words for essays .

The Art of Waiting: Reclaiming the Pleasures of Durational Being in an Instant Culture of Ceaseless Doing

By maria popova.

“It is we who are passing when we say time passes,” the French philosopher Henri Bergson insisted a century ago, just before Einstein defeated him in the historic debate that revolutionized our understanding of time . “If our heart were large enough to love life in all its detail, we would see that every instant is at once a giver and a plunderer,” his compatriot and colleague Gaston Bachelard observed in contemplating our paradoxical relationship with time a decade later, long before the technology-accelerated baseline haste of our present era had plundered the life out of living. “Time is the substance I am made of,” Borges wrote in his spectacular confrontation with time yet another decade later. “Time is a river which sweeps me along, but I am the river; it is a tiger which destroys me, but I am the tiger; it is a fire which consumes me, but I am the fire.”

We are indeed creatures of time who live with it and in it, on the picketed patch of spacetime we have each been allotted. But if time is the foundational baseboard of our being, what happens to the structure of our lives in a culture of doing?

That is what Jason Farman explores in Delayed Response: The Art of Waiting from the Ancient to the Instant World ( public library ) — a part-philosophical, part-poetic effort to reclaim waiting “not as a burden, but as an important feature of human connection, intimacy, and learning.” He writes:

Waiting isn’t an in-between time. Instead, this often-hated and underappreciated time has been a silent force that has shaped our social interactions. Waiting isn’t a hurdle keeping us from intimacy and from living our lives to our fullest. Instead, waiting is essential to how we connect as humans through the messages we send. Waiting shapes our social lives in many ways, and waiting is something that can benefit us. Waiting can be fruitful. If we lose it, we will lose the ways that waiting shapes vital elements of our lives like social intimacy, the production of knowledge, and the creative practices that depend on the gaps formed by waiting. […] An embrace of the moments when waiting becomes visible can remind us not of the time we are losing but of the ways we can demystify the mythology of instantaneous culture and ever-accelerating paces of “real time.” Notions of instantaneous culture promise that access to what we desire can be fulfilled immediately. However, this logic that dominates the current approaches to the tech industry misses the power of waiting and the embedded role it plays in our daily lives.

Although waiting is different from stillness — another essential, modernity-endangered state of being — in having an object of anticipation, a thing we are waiting for , it is kindred in that recalibrating our experience of waiting not as tortuous but as fertile requires a certain inner stillness that defies the forward slash of the soul toward the awaited. Farman chronicles some of the landmark technologies that have shaped our relationship with waiting — from aboriginal message sticks to the postage stamp to the buffering icon to Japan’s mobile messaging system deployed in the wake of the Tōhoku earthquake and tsunami — to explore how we can allay the durational restlessness of our lives.

One of the most fascinating and pause-giving chapters of the book uses astrophysics as a lens on waiting — a field in which the greatest discoveries take decades, sometimes centuries, of incubation, prototyping, and testing in the laboratory of reality we call nature. (Take, for instance, the detection of gravitational waves — the most monumental astrophysical breakthrough in our lifetime and the greatest since Galileo — a triumph with a remarkable century-long buildup .)

With an eye to the New Horizons interplanetary space probe — which revolutionized our understanding of the Solar System in faint whispers of data transmitted across three billion miles of cosmic expanse, dripping at a rate vastly smaller than that at which earthlings stream YouTube videos and upload photos to Instagram — Farman frames waiting as an essential building block of the speculative imagination, a period that allows for the cultivation of what Bertrand Russell so poetically and memorably termed “a largeness of contemplation” :

The New Horizons mission is a perfect example of the vital relationship between waiting and knowledge. The unknown creates speculation as we try to fill in the gaps of knowledge with everything from educated guesses to fear-inspired myths about what lies beyond the edge of our understanding. This mode of speculation creates a new way of thinking. Our imaginations allow us to access that which does not yet exist and create scenarios that have not yet happened. Wait times are key to this mode of creative thinking because they afford us the opportunity to imagine and speculate about worlds beyond our own immediate places and speculate about the possible.

Nearly a century after T.S. Eliot — the poet laureate of “the still point of the turning world” — insisted on the creative value of the incubation period , Farman writes:

Waiting, as represented by silences, gaps, and distance, allows us the capacity to imagine that which does not yet exist and, ultimately, innovate into those new worlds as our knowledge expands.

In another chapter, he turns to Samuel Beckett’s classic play Waiting for Godot to reframe waiting not as a stoic feat of endurance in the name of some anticipated reward but as a process transformative and rewarding in its very unfolding — a sort of training ground for hope, which is ultimately training ground for character:

Beckett’s play, in its many violations of theatrical norms, strips away plot expectations to make a comment on the human condition. Godot symbolizes whatever we wait for, whatever we long for, whatever we rely on to save us from our current state of uncertainty and despair. Godot represents the promise of what might come on the other side of our waiting. […] It shows how time flows through us and changes us. Day after day, as we wait for the things we desire, we become different people. In the act of waiting, we become who we are. Waiting points to our desires and hopes for the future; and while that future may never arrive and our hopes may never be fulfilled, the act of reflecting on waiting teaches us about ourselves. The meaning of life isn’t deferred until that thing we hope for arrives; instead, in the moment of waiting, meaning is located in our ability to recognize the ways that such hopes define us.

At the end of the book, Farman offers two practical strategies for recalibrating our experience of waiting from burdensome to fruitful. The first is a deceptively simple yet effective discipline of shifting focus from the negative feelings waiting breeds — boredom, helplessness, anger — to a reminder of the positive object of the waiting. As soon as we remember, really remember, what we are waiting for and why we want it, Farman argues, the frustration of waiting is neutralized.

But far more interesting and profound is the second tactic. Farman proposes a radical shift of viewing time not as individual but as collective, which is inherently a radical act of empathy — the willingness to accept another’s time as just as valuable as our own, however different our circumstances may be. Embedded in this act is a challenge to the power structures of the status quo, for it forces us to consider who is imposing the wait times on whom and who benefits from that imposition. In a sentiment that calls to mind the fascinating science of why empathy is a clock that ticks in the consciousness of another , Farman writes:

If my time is distinct from your time, and you end up wasting my time by valuing your own, you have robbed me of my resource (time). When you value your own time instead of my time, you have effectively stolen minutes (or hours) from me. We see these attitudes in abundance. However, if we shift perspectives and see our time as intertwined with one another’s, then we are all investing our time in other people’s circumstances.

Farman recounts a not-uncommon experience: At the grocery store, he finds himself getting reflexively frustrated with the woman ahead of him, who is taking too much time to check out. Only upon realizing that she is counting food stamps and coupons does he transport himself, with a pang of shame, into her difficult circumstances. He writes:

If we work toward an awareness of time as collective rather than individual, we can come to understand wait time as an investment in the social fabric that connects us. My patience with someone like the woman at the grocery store who has to account for every dollar and pay with food stamps is an investment of my time in her situation. As we invest time in other people through waiting, we become stakeholders in their situations. This has the radical potential to build empathy and to inspire a call for social change, as we realize that not everyone is afforded the same agency for how time is used. There are times when we should wait and see the benefits of waiting; however, there are times when waiting needs to be resisted. Waiting can be a tool of the powerful to maintain the status quo by forcing people to invest their time in ways that inhibit their ability to transform their situation. Many examples demonstrate the kinds of waiting that reinforce the power dynamics in a society. From the long-delayed recovery efforts and federal dollars following Hurricane Katrina in 2005 or the perpetually delayed recovery for Puerto Rico and other Caribbean islands after Hurricane Maria in 2017, to the long commute times between home and job (often, jobs) imposed on many people below the poverty line, unequal access to time is revealed in the different ways people are forced to wait. Many social justice advocates like Angela Davis and Michelle Alexander point to prisoners like those sitting in San Quentin as prime examples of those who are forced to wait unjustly. The “prison industrial complex,” as Davis terms it, is fueled by racial inequality that targets African Americans more than any other population. In this example, wait times are strategies of the powerful to maintain the status quo of power relationships in the social order.

Complement Delayed Response with Ursula K. Le Guin on why our relationship with time is the root of our morality , Søren Kierkegaard on how to bridge the ephemeral and the eternal , James Gleick on our temporal imagination , and this lovely vintage children’s book about the nature of time by Gleick’s mother, then revisit German chronobiologist Marc Wittman on the psychology of time and how the interplay of spontaneity and self-control mediates our capacity for presence .

— Published December 17, 2018 — https://www.themarginalian.org/2018/12/17/jason-farman-delayed-response/ —

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Most people in the world have no experience of lasting joy in their lives. We’re on a mission to change that. All of our resources exist to guide you toward everlasting joy in Jesus Christ.

God Is Working in Your Waiting

Jade Mazarin

Do not be anxious about tomorrow, god is working in your waiting.

Guest Contributor

Most parents would agree that their children don’t want to wait for anything. The last thing kids want to hear is Mom say, “Not now.” It can prompt anger, frustration, even hopelessness. This “dis-ease” of waiting follows most of us into our adult years. We may not respond with the same emotional outbursts as children, but most of us still hate waiting for what we want.

And our modern society just makes it worse. We want everything done quickly — and new devices constantly spring up to meet those demands and encourage our impatience. We are not used to waiting, and the more our technology caters to our immediate desires, the less we feel willing to wait.

Such is our dilemma as Christians. While society makes every attempt to make our life easier and faster, God works on a very different timetable. In his mind, nothing is wrong with waiting. In fact, waiting can actually be a positive good that he often uses to make us more like his Son.

God Works While We Wait

Something actually happens while nothing is happening. God uses waiting to change us.

“There is actually something happening while nothing is happening. God uses waiting to change us.”

The story of Adam and Eve is a story of rebellion against God. Once they believed that God didn’t have their best interests in mind, they decided to go ahead without God and do what they wanted. They became, in effect, their own god. Too often, this is exactly what we do today. When God tells us to wait, we don’t trust him, but go ahead and find ways to accomplish what we want to happen.

This tendency to push God to the side goes against his plan for us. It creates distance in our relationship with him. It causes us to get into trouble and brings pain. What good is it to gain the whole world now — whatever it is we think we want — and forfeit our souls’ intimacy with God (Mark 8:36)?

God wants us to learn how to follow him and put down our demanding selves — to calm that screaming child in us. One way he helps us do this is to say, “Wait.” That miserable, uncomfortable, sometimes painful state of silence is one of God’s most powerful tools to set us free.

If we are willing, that is.

Choosing at the Crossroads

We don’t start out willing to wait. Our natural response to waiting is often anger or doubt. Fortunately, God is gracious and merciful, understanding of our tendencies. Simply feeling deep, complex emotions in waiting — especially for significant things, like a pregnancy or a job — is not necessarily sinful in itself. But we can decide where those emotions take us.

We can decide to exalt these feelings. We might act on them by taking matters into our own hands. Or perhaps we will not act, but we’ll make an idol out of the good for which we are waiting — every passing day is another log on the fires of bitterness, impatience, ingratitude, perhaps even resentment against the God who won’t give us what we want.

Or, by God’s grace, we can choose to wait as he intends. “Waiting on the Lord is the opposite of running ahead of the Lord, and it’s the opposite of bailing out on the Lord,” writes John Piper . “It’s staying at your appointed place while he says stay , or it’s going at his appointed pace while he says go . It’s not impetuous, and it’s not despairing.”

We have the choice, then, to take a deep breath, release our clenched hands, and let God be God. And we are invited to continue hoping in his greatness.

Pray for God to Work in You

Certainly, only one of these options will bring us joy. As we seek to accept and rejoice in God’s handling of our lives, including his timing, we can ask God to work in us two main things, so that our waiting is not in vain: humility and trust.

1. Humility

Sometimes, when I’ve found myself getting impatient and upset, I will remind myself that God is the one who put me here. My life is not my own. This is humility. It is coming to realize that we are a breath and God owes us nothing (Psalm 39:5; Luke 17:7–10).

Then comes trust, which means believing at least two things about God: he is powerful , and he is loving .

“That miserable, uncomfortable, painful silence is one of God’s most powerful tools to set us free.”

Believing God is powerful means that we know he is in charge of what’s happening; things are not arbitrary or out of his control. He is capable of both helping us and changing things. Much of our anxiety in waiting is because we forget that “God is able to make all grace abound to you” (2 Corinthians 9:8). You are not at the mercy of your circumstances.

Believing God is loving means that there is care and purpose behind all that he does. It means that he is faithful to help us right now and bring us blessings later. It means that his judgment and timing is always perfectly good. True, he owes us nothing, yet he has promised to give us everything we need (Philippians 4:19).

Even during that long road of silence, God cares deeply for us. We can be like David and remind ourselves, “Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” (Psalm 27:14).

Blessing of Waiting in Faith

Some of the greatest figures in the Bible — Abraham, Joseph, Moses, David — had to wait for many years for God’s promises. Everything that happened in the meantime was used to prepare them, inwardly as well as outwardly. Then, when they reached their promise, they were blessed beyond measure.

God invites us to trust in his goodness today and his faithfulness tomorrow. Relinquishing control to him is the main route to experience his love and peace. It unites our hearts with his. It creates a level of maturity and character that we will take with us into the future, and it enables us to enjoy his future blessings all the more.

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Stop Waiting for the Perfect Time: There Isn’t One

Don’t wait until everything is just perfect or right. get started now..

“Do not wait: the time will never be ‘just right’. Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command and better tools will be found as you go along.”― Napoleon Hill Sign Up For Our Daily Newsletter Sign Up Thank you for signing up! By clicking submit, you agree to our <a href="http://observermedia.com/terms">terms of service</a> and acknowledge we may use your information to send you emails, product samples, and promotions on this website and other properties. You can opt out anytime. See all of our newsletters

There is never a perfect time for you to take action. There is never a perfect time for you to launch that project, to spend time with your family, to write a book, change your habit, or embrace a new habit. Once you acknowledge this, you will get a lot more meaningful work done everyday.

Kill the excuses!

“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.” ― Jordan Belfort

I’m too tired. I don’t have the time. I am not capable. Someone else will do it. It’s too late now. Now is not the right time. I am not talented. I am not ready. I’m too scared. Nobody will help me. What if I fail. I don’t feel motivated. I’d rather do nothing. I don’t have the money..yet!

It’s easy to come up with excuses and justify not getting started. The longer you fill your head with rationalizations and empty excuses, the less time you have to take action.

It’s easy to say, “I will start when I have more experience, money, time and resources”. By this time next year, you will have a lot more excuses. It’s a cycle. And once you get caught in the loop, it, can be difficult to break free and do something meaningful you care about.

Many people are living their entire lives without ever standing up and stepping out. But it’s exciting to witness the rare few who dare themselves and step out of their personal bubbles to make a change.

Most of use live with the stubborn illusion that we will always have tomorrow to do today’s work. We consistently hold on to this belief and keep procrastinating until work becomes a heavy burden.

Left unchecked, we always default toward a more comfortable path. Your comfortable zone provides a state of mental security. You can understand why it’s so hard to kick your brain out of your comfort zone.

It pays to be an outlier!

“Outliers are those who have been given opportunities — and who have had the strength and presence of mind to seize them.” —  Malcom Gladwell

Outliers are those who seize opportunities and run with them. People who realize how little time they have and are driven to make the absolute most of it. Those are the ones who really live.

Studies consistently show that when we look back on our lives the most common regrets are not the risks we took, but the ones we didn’t. Of the many regrets people describe, regrets of inaction outnumber those of action by nearly two to one.

Some of the most common include not being more assertive, and failing to seize the moment. When people reflect later in life, it is the things they did not do that generate the greatest despair. You can seize the moment today!

Getting past the biggest hurdle!

The biggest hurdle for many of us is simply getting started. Making that important decision to take a step. You can be as big and successful as you can possibly imagine if you build that mindset you need to step outside the safe zone. You just don’t trust yourself enough yet.

You have everything you need to make an impact in the world if you can get past the excuses. You don’t even have to start a new project. What you need is something you can emotionally and deeply connect with.

Don’t think too far into the future. Use what you have right now at where you are and witness the magic of creative work. If you’re thinking about it too much, chances are you’re killing it.

Get started now!

“It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection.” ― Anonymous , The Bhagavad Gita

No matter who you are or what you dream of becoming, remember this: No one ever came to this planet to take a back seat, play second fiddle or make it small.

Stop questioning yourself. Stop listening to everyone else. The world is waiting for you to start something. Waiting to hear what you have to say. Waiting to use your creative product or service. Waiting to share your ideas and original work.

Remember the dream you were too scared to chase? It’s still not too late to give it a try. We tend to think that we’re not good enough, and give up before we even start. The fear of taking risks never goes away but it does become familiar.

The self-criticism and self-doubt will always be present, and the only solution is to just act in spite of them. Your first ebook, article, song, podcast, freelancer work or creative work never will not be satisfying and perfect, and it’s okay.

When we express ourselves in a way that brings out the best in us, we’ve already succeeded. Step by step we improve despite the temporary failures. That’s what matters. It matters that you persist.

“Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.” —  Mark Victor Hansen

Take advantage of the enormous opportunities the information age presents. You have everything you need to go make something meaningful. Something you deeply care about. You don’t have to be right when you start. But it matters that you begin now.

There isn’t a right time for anything. There’s no such thing as perfect timing. If it feels right, just go for it today. Don’t wait until everything is just perfect or right. Get started now.

Thomas Oppong is the founding editor at Alltopstartups ( where he shares resources for startups and entrepreneurs) and the curator at Postanly ( a free weekly newsletter that delivers the most insightful long-form posts from top publishers).

• SEE ALSO : What Melinda French Gates’s Philanthropy Could Look Like Post-Gates Foundation

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Stop Waiting for the “Right Time” to Make a Change

Take ownership, and pursue your goals now.

When faced with crucial or life-changing decisions — such as a career change — we often ask ourselves, “Is now the right time?” But the reality is that the right time is a myth, and when we perpetuate it, we choose to live by default rather than design. We let fear and doubt dictate our choices, drive our decision-making, and limit our potential. Here are a few ways to get started on owning your decisions.

• Reframe your approach. Instead of asking “Is it the right time?” reframe the question to “Why is now the right time?” This seemingly small shift in perspective can make a significant difference. By reframing the question, we’re encouraged to critically examine our current situation and the potential for a better future situation.
• Create a vision board. A vision board is not just an artistic endeavor. It’s a strategic tool that can bridge the gap between our aspirations and our realities. You could make it on Canva or lay it out as a poster. By visually mapping out our goals and dreams, we confront the possibilities head-on, transforming abstract ideas into achievable plans.
• Take action. Once you are clear on your vision and what success looks like, create an action plan for achieving your goal. An effective action plan includes identifying where you are, what milestones you need to reach to achieve your goal, and how you are going reach each milestone.
• Declare publicly and find an accountability partner. Sharing your intentions is a powerful way to hold yourself accountable and push yourself into action mode. When you publicly commit (say, to a close friend or your mentor), you’re not just vocalizing your aspirations — you’re significantly boosting your chances of success.
• Be patient. Taking ownership of your life, living your life by design, and achieving your goal does not happen overnight. After you make the commitment to yourself and others, there will be ups and downs, and the path forward will not always be easy, nor is it likely to be straight. It is important to be realistic and give yourself the time required to be successful.

When contemplating a new career path — or any kind of professional change — we often find ourselves inventing reasons why it’s not the right moment to act. We reassure ourselves that a more opportune time will eventually arise. But the reality is that the right time is a myth, and when we perpetuate it, we choose to live by default rather than design. We let fear and doubt dictate our choices, drive our decision-making, and limit our potential.

• Kate Lee is the Founder of  By the Horns , a coaching and consulting firm which helps individuals and organizations embrace an accountability mindset to build stronger, thriving workplaces. Follow Kate on  LinkedIn .

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Waiting is the Hardest Part of Life

“ The waiting is the hardest part. ” We’ve all heard that line from the Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers song “ Don’t Do Me Like That. ” And it’s true—waiting is often the hardest thing to do. Especially when it comes to our dreams and goals, it can be frustrating to wait for the right time or opportunity to come around. We’ve all been there. We wait and wait for the right opportunity, the right time, the right person, and so on and so forth. But what happens when that time never comes? Are we just supposed to sit around and wait for it? Of course not! The truth is, waiting is often the hardest part. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

You’ve been wanting something for what feels like forever and the wait is killing you. Waiting can be the hardest part, whether it’s a job, a relationship, or just an opportunity to do something great. And it’s not just wanting something that makes waiting hard. Fear of the unknown can make us hesitant to take any action at all, for fear of making the wrong decision. So we wait and wait, paralyzed by our own fear. How do we break out of this cycle and start moving toward our goals? The answer is simple but not easy: start taking small steps forward. Don’t try to do everything at once. Just focus on one thing and take it to step by step. You’ll be surprised at how far you can get when you stop waiting and start acting.

If you’ve ended up feeling down of late because the waiting is by all accounts continuing endlessly, here are a couple of tips to get you out of the loop.

Stop Waiting And Accomplish Something.

The waiting game can be tough, but it’s important to remember that taking action is the only way to achieve your goals. Here are a few tips to help you stop waiting and start acting:

• Make a plan. If you want to achieve something, you need to have a plan of action. Break down your goal into smaller steps so you can take actionable steps towards it.
• Set a deadline. When you have a timeline to work towards, it’s easier to stay motivated and focused.
• Take the first step. You can’t get anywhere if you don’t take the first step, so just do it! When it comes to getting what you want out of life, don’t wait—take action today!

Pick something that will get you feeling eager once more. In case you’re a craftsman that still can’t seem to be perceived, participate in a challenge, and ability show or volunteer to share your aptitudes. In case you’re endeavoring to receive a tyke, begin assembling a scrapbook or paint the kid’s new room.

Take action every day. Even if it’s just a small step, every little bit counts. So make a commitment to take action every day, no matter what.

Research others in your circumstance

Research others in your circumstance and read about them, or better yet, converse with them face to face on the off chance that you can. You’ll understand you’re not alone, which can make waiting somewhat simpler to swallow. Start surrounding yourself with people who are in the same situation as you. When you see others around you taking action and achieving their goals, it becomes easier to push yourself to do the same. And don’t forget to celebrate your wins along the way! Every accomplishment deserves a pat on the back, no matter how small it may seem.

Re-examine Your Approach. 

We often wait for the right time or right opportunity to come along before we take any action. We want everything to be perfect before we make our move. Unfortunately, waiting for the “perfect” situation can often mean that we never actually take any action at all. Worse yet, we may find ourselves constantly putting things off until tomorrow or next week, or next month. The problem with this is that tomorrow may never come. And next week, next month and next year may all bring their own challenges and problems that prevent us from ever taking that first step. We need to learn to re-evaluate our approach and stop waiting for the perfect moment.

Be Sure You Are Not Wasting Your Time

Do you enjoy what you’re doing, or would you say you are stepping water waiting for something else to occur? What if we’re wasting our lives by not seizing the moment? It can be scary to take that first step, but it’s worth it. Asking ourselves if we’re wasting our lives waiting is the first step. If the answer is yes, it’s time to make a change. Don’t wait for things to happen—make them happen. Start by taking small steps every day and before you know it, you’ll be on your way. The Habit of Progress is all about making progress no matter what life throws your way.

Is Something Keeping You Down? 

Tune into your internal voice and ask yourself: Do you truly need to hold up this moment, or would you say you are waiting since you’re scared about the next step?

So often, we hesitate to take the next step because we’re worried about what might happen. We get stuck in a cycle of waiting and never moving forward. And the thing is, most of the time we have no idea what’s going to happen until we try. We might be scared, but that doesn’t mean we can’t do it. In fact, it’s usually the fear that keeps us from succeeding. So how can you break out of this cycle and start moving forward? It’s simple—just take the next step. Don’t worry about what might happen, just focus on what you want to achieve. And remember, there’s no right or wrong way to do this. It’s all about progress, not perfection. So start small and take it one step at a time.

Like wine, great books, and profound adores, some advantageous things take time. Make sure your waiting doesn’t dishearten you.

The waiting game is one we often play, but it’s not always the best strategy. Sometimes we wait because we’re scared, or because we don’t know how to take the next step. Other times, we wait because we want to be perfect or because we’re comparing our lives to others. The truth is, there’s no perfect time or situation – only now and only this. So start doing, and start making progress. You may not have everything figured out, but that’s okay – you’ll figure it out as you go. And remember, you’re not alone in this. There are others out there who are waiting too – but they’re not waiting for anything, they’re busy taking action and moving forward.

In conclusion, waiting is often the hardest part of life. It can be frustrating, demoralizing, and downright painful. But it’s also necessary. We need to wait for the right moment, the right person, and the right situation. Unfortunately, we can’t always control when those things happen. In the meantime, we have to find ways to cope with the wait. We have to find ways to make the waiting process bearable. And that’s where action comes in. We have to take control of our lives and do what we can to make progress. We have to make things happen, even when we’re not sure what the future holds. Waiting is hard, but it’s worth it.

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25 Comments

Yup, waiting can be tough. I won't wait around and put my life on hold. I have things to do!

I don't WAIT for things. I DO THINGS to make them happen. Waiting isn't going to accomplish anything. You must work towards goals in order to make them happen!

Yasss….

Good job.It's more satisfying to achieve your goal than waiting..

Thank you.I am glad you like it..

What an interesting post! Yasss to stop waiting and actually accomplish something. One of my mentors said, "Good things come to those who wait, but better things come to those who work for it." ~ Ola @ WanderWIthOla

All these are inspiring me because at the moment I am stucked with some of my work without moving forward.As you said,it is better to stop waiting.This is why I created a short term plan and following it now till I accomplish the goal.

Very eye opening. I really loved reading this.

Thank you .

I loved this post! thanks for sharing ! enjoyed

Jadieegosh    Instagram   GIVEAWAY

Moving forward and letting go all the waiting is of course not easy. But a little distraction and change in focus can definitely help.

Definitely needed this today!!! Thank you for posting and allowing us to start our day right

I admire those who can just sit around and wait for things to happen. If you keep yourself busy with other things I can relate, otherwise I will just go on trying to make it happen on my own.

Waiting never makes anything happen. I'm all for being patient, but at the same time you have to do something for something or someone to happen.

Yes .we will..

Well that's true. Self love comes first.

I dont like waiting. I often call it the agony of waiting. But with good books, a nice movie, or with with a good companion, waiting can be relaxing and fun.

So true about waiting. Sometimes we have to go do things that scare us instead of waiting for them to come to us.

It was very important for me to read this today. Life at work has been really slow with nothing to do but wait. I think I always tend to dot he kind of waiting that's external and not dependent on my behaviour. I suppose that's good in a way instead of being it internal waiting!

Loved your perspective on this! It is true that some things are worth the wait, while others require action, and we often just need that little push to take that step to get things moving.

I know the expression "only the best things are worth waiting for", but there is only so long I am willing to wait. My life has to go on, and I don't want to say I've spent it waiting for something to happen.

That's so true that sometimes we keep waiting for something which is a total waste of time! Hope the points you've mentioned will help me to change my attitude. 🙂

Right now I am stuck, although it's career-wise. It's hard to keep waiting for something, I totally get that. I hope we both find what we're looking for.

its often when you’re NOT LOOKING when you find that special person. When you’re doing your own thing and making yourself happy…people are naturally drawn to you! Great post 🙂

I think somethimes it's just ok to let ourselves be human and feel whatever we are feeling in this moment, wether good or bad!

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Speeches > Thomas B. Holman > The Right Person, the Right Place, the Right Time

The Right Person, the Right Place, the Right Time

Thomas b. holman.

Professor of Marriage, Family, and Human Development

August 1, 2000

In January of 1972, after eating at a nice restaurant and attending the Osmonds in concert, I asked my wife to marry me. She said, “No.” A little over a month later, as I was walking her home from Church, she said, “Well, are you going to marry me or am I going to have to get a job?” I wisely agreed to marry her. She had, very sensibly, not accepted my invitation too quickly and been careful to make sure she had chosen the right man. She understood President Gordon B. Hinckley’s counsel: “This will be the most important decision of your life, the individual whom you marry. . . . Marry the right person in the right place at the right time” (“ Life’s Obligations, ”  Ensign,  February 1999, 2).

Where is the right place? Who is the right person? When is the right time? Fortunately, President Hinckley and others have given us inspired counsel concerning these questions, and more than 60 years of research in the social sciences adds another witness to their counsel. Although the guidance I am going to share today is primarily for unmarried individuals, much of what I say can help married couples continue to strengthen their marriages.

The Right Place

The right place is, of course, the temple. “There is no substitute for marrying in the temple,” counsels President Hinckley. “It is the only place under the heavens where marriage can be solemnized for eternity. Don’t cheat yourself. Don’t cheat your companion. Don’t shortchange your lives” (“Life’s Obligations,” 2).

The Right Person

A person committed to temple marriage must then ask: “Whom should I marry?” “How do I identify the right person for me?”

Everyone has advice for single people considering marriage. The Beatles sang: “All you need is love, love; love is all you need.” Newsstand magazines claim: “Good communication is all you  really  need.” Television and film media seem to shout: “Find someone who is good looking, someone who really ‘turns you on’; then you’ll be happy!”

We actually have a great deal of advice from sources a lot better than the Beatles, magazines, or television and films. The words of the Savior in the scriptures and the teachings of inspired ancient and modern prophets set us on the right path. This divine and prophetic counsel is supported by more than 60 years of social science research on premarital predictors of later marital quality and stability. First let us look at what the scriptures and General Authorities teach about spouse selection. Then let us see how the results of research on premarital phenomenon that influence later marital success can be a “second witness.”

Let me make two things clear about what is meant by “the right person.” First, movies, plays, and fiction sometimes lead us astray with the idea there is a “one and only” somewhere out there with whom we made a covenant to marry in the premortal existence. We think finding a mate is simply a matter of waiting for “some enchanted evening,” locking eyes with someone “across a crowded room,” heading off hand-in-hand to the closest temple—probably singing the rest of the score from  South Pacific— and then living happily ever after. No matter how romantic this idea is, it is not supported by prophetic counsel. President Spencer W. Kimball said this:

“Soul mates” are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.  [“Marriage and Divorce,” in  Speeches of the Year, 1976  (Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University, 1977), 146]

Evidently, seeking for a mate is not a matter of waiting for that “one and only” to walk by and grab you.

Being the Right Person

Second, one of the most important principles we learn from the scriptures to help us choose an eternal companion is articulated by the Savior in Matthew 7:3–5:

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell spoke more specifically to those in families, including those in the courtship stage, when he said:

If the choice is between reforming other Church members  [including fiancés, fiancées, spouses, children]  or ourselves, is there really any question about where we should begin? The key is to have our eyes wide open to our own faults and partially closed to the faults of others—not the other way around! The imperfections of others never release us from the need to work on our own shortcomings.  [“ A Brother Offended, ”  Ensign,  May 1982, 39]

Thus, as you think about the prophetic counsel and the research I will now discuss on choosing a spouse, you need first to apply the ideas and counsel to yourself. Then you can more appropriately critique another’s rightness for you.

Finding the Right Person

The first quality many young people look for in a potential spouse is someone with whom they can “fall in love,” which often means someone for whom they feel a strong physical attraction. Although love is more than physical attraction, being physically attracted to a potential spouse is not bad. Indeed, Elder Bruce R. McConkie said, “The right person is someone for whom the natural and wholesome and normal affection that should exist does exist.” Then he went on to add: “It is the person who is living so that he or she can go to the temple of God and make the covenants that we there make” ( CR,  October 1955, 13).

Being “in love” and attracted to a person is a good start, but clearly not enough. President Gordon B. Hinckley suggested several other factors we should keep in mind:

Choose a companion of your own faith. You are much more likely to be happy. Choose a companion you can always honor, you can always respect, one who will complement you in your own life, one to whom you can give your entire heart, your entire love, your entire allegiance, your entire loyalty.  [Hinckley, “Life’s Obligations, 2]

Elder Richard G. Scott suggested that in a potential spouse we should look for

essential attributes that bring happiness: a deep love of the Lord and of His commandments, a determination to live them, one that is kindly understanding, forgiving of others, and willing to give of self, with the desire to have a family crowned with beautiful children and a commitment to teach them the principles of truth in the home.  [“ Receive the Temple Blessings ,”  Ensign,  May 1999, 26]

More than 60 years of research proposes several factors that both witness and complement the attributes outlined by President Hinckley and Elder Scott. That research suggests what my colleague Dr. Jeff Larson has called “the marriage triangle” that we need to look at in choosing a spouse (see Thomas B. Holman and Associates,  Premarital Prediction of Marital Quality or Breakup: Research, Theory, and Practice  [New York: Plenum, in press]). These factors are: first, the individual attributes and core values of the person; second, the quality of the relationship we are able to build with the person; and third, the person’s past and present circumstances and environments. Let’s consider each of these.

First, we need to know a lot about the person we are thinking of marrying. As Elder Scott notes, the beliefs the person has about family life matter, and research confirms this. The more the person values marriage and family life, the better the marriage will be. President Hinckley admonishes us to choose a person we can honor, respect, and give our whole heart, love, allegiance, and loyalty to. The research shows that this kind of person will have a healthy sense of self-respect, maturity, self-control, and good mental and emotional health.

The Right Relationship

President Hinckley suggested you choose a person “who will complement you,” and Elder Scott says our choice should be a person who “is kindly understanding [and] forgiving of others.” Thus, we need to find a person not only of good character, but a person with whom we can have a good relationship.

Two hallmarks of good premarital relationships that Church leaders have stressed are love and communication. These two things help couples solve problems, resolve differences, and increase agreement on important issues. President Spencer W. Kimball helped a young couple on the verge of marriage with this counsel:

The love of which the Lord speaks is not only physical attraction, but also faith, confidence, understanding, and partnership. It is devotion and companionship, parenthood, common ideals, and standards. It is cleanliness of life and sacrifice and unselfishness. This kind of love never tires nor wanes. It lives on through sickness and sorrow, through prosperity and privation, through accomplishment and disappointment, through time and eternity. . . . Today it is a demonstrative love, but in the tomorrows of ten, thirty, fifty years it will be a far greater and more intensified love, grown quieter and more dignified with the years of sacrifice, suffering, joys, and consecration to each other, to your family, and to the kingdom of God.  [“An Apostle Speaks About Marriage to John and Mary,”  Improvement Era,  February 1949, 76; also “ John and Mary, Beginning Life Together, ”  New Era,  June 1975, 7–8]

Researchers have also found that the greater the love couples have in their relationships before they marry, the more successful their marriages. However, one researcher reviewed dozens of studies on love and found that there is both “immature love” and “mature love.” Mature love, she declared, is the kind of love needed for successful marriage and family life (Patricia Noller, “What Is This Thing Called Love? Defining the Love That Supports Marriage and Family,” Personal Relations  3 [1996]: 97–115). Love, whether immature or mature, has three aspects—how love feels; how you think about love; and how you behave, or act, when in love.

Aspects of Love in the Social Sciences

I. Emotional Part of Love

Immature Love: possessiveness, jealousy, infatuation, preoccupation, anxiety

Mature Love: lasting passion, desire for companionship, warm feeling of contentment

II. Belief Part of Love

Immature Love: “love is blind,” external to us, beyond our control

Mature Love: commitment, trust, sharing, sacrifice

III. Behavior Part of Love

Immature Love: selfish, lustful, concerned only with satisfying own needs, clinging, overdependent, demanding of obedience

Mature Love: creates an environment for growth and development, allows other space for growth

Notice how the characteristics of love spoken of by President Kimball mirror what research has found to be the characteristics of the mature kind of love upon which stable, high-quality marriages and family life are built. But the love of which Church leaders speak goes beyond the love even the best social science research has discovered. It includes, as President Kimball noted, a “consecration” to partner, to family, and also to the kingdom of God. This kind of love is intimately connected to covenants and to our love of the Lord. It is a love between couples “that binds them to each other and to the Lord” (Bruce Hafen, “ Covenant Marriage, ”  Ensign,  November 1996, 28). This kind of love eschews the lust and selfishness of premarital sex and unlawful cohabitation. This kind of love cares more about the other person than the self.

The way we communicate in dating and courtship usually influences how our partner will feel about us and our relationship. Relationships are established upon the comfort and trust created by sincere communication. Research notes that positive communication, practiced in dating and courtship relationships, increases the likelihood of greater commitment, better conflict resolution, and more love between partners in their marriage.

Good communication begins with a righteous heart. “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh,” said the Lord Jesus Christ ( Matthew 12:34 ). On the other hand, communication from a selfish heart is generally just manipulation. Elder Marvin J. Ashton adds:

If we would know true love and understanding one for another, we must realize that communication is more than a sharing of words. It is the  wise  sharing of emotions, feelings, and concerns. It is the sharing of oneself totally.  [“ Family Communications, ”  Ensign,  May 1976, 52; emphasis in original]

Past and Present Circumstances

Besides checking out the person’s character and your ability to create a good couple relationship with them, you need to consider past and present family relationships. President David O. McKay taught: “In choosing a companion, it is necessary to study the disposition, the inheritance, and training of the one with whom you are contemplating making life’s journey” ( GI,  459).

Research supports President McKay’s counsel. Good family environments and family relationships tend to lead to good quality marriages by the children; poor family environments and family relationships often result in poor marriages by the children from these homes. Young adults from divorced families, for example, may experience more depression and anger and have trust or commitment issues as a result of the trauma of parental divorce. Some individuals—whether their parents divorced or not—may have been exposed to poor models of communication and conflict resolution in their families. Individuals from families that were emotionally cold and distant, chaotic, dangerous, unpredictable, detached, full of conflict, or where addictions or violence were chronic problems may need special help in overcoming such an upbringing.

However, one whose family background is less than perfect must never feel that he or she is “damaged goods” and cannot have a good marriage. Nor should such a person be automatically eliminated from another’s “pool of eligible spouses.” We are not doomed to suffer the consequences of our parents’ iniquities “unto the third and fourth generation.” The very scriptures that warn of wickedness being passed on to the third and fourth generation also show the way out of a troubled family background. Doctrine and Covenants 124:50 tells us that the iniquities of the fathers will be visited upon the heads of the children “so long as they [the children] repent not, and hate me.” Thus repentance and loving the Lord help free us from the sins of our parents. What is most important is that the person has turned from the “wicked traditions” of the parents and is striving to keep the Lord’s commandments ( Alma 23:3 ).

The Right Time

When it comes to determining “the right time,” at least two questions need to be asked and answered. First, when is the right time of life to get married? Second, how much time should I spend in the process of going “from first date to chosen mate”? Let me briefly address these issues.

Years of research suggest that marriage has the fewest risks of later problems when people marry in their twenties. Marrying in your teens or into your thirties simply increases the risk factors associated with poorer marital quality and stability.

President Harold B. Lee helps us understand when the best time in life is to marry. He said:

Now don’t misunderstand me. I am not trying to urge you younger men to marry too early. I think therein is one of the hazards of today’s living. We don’t want a young man to think of marriage until he is able to take care of a family, to have an institution of his own, to be independent. He must make sure that he has found the girl of his choice, they have gone together long enough that they know each other, and that they know each other’s faults and they still love each other. . . .

Please don’t misunderstand what we are saying; but, brethren, think more seriously about the obligations of marriage for those who bear the holy priesthood at a time when marriage should be the expectation of every man who understands  [his]  responsibility.  [“ Priesthood Address, ”  Ensign,  January 1974, 100]

Sisters also need to wait until they are mature enough to assume the responsibilities of a wife and mother, without waiting too long while pursuing less important things.

The ABCs of Courtship

How much time does it take to move through the process of finding the right person and preparing to marry him or her in the temple? Two research projects involving largely BYU students show what couples believe or have found to work for them. These two studies show that the average time from first date to temple marriage is about nine to 10 months. Some couples move much faster, some considerably slower. On average, three to four months of that nine to 10 months is the engagement. In a study of LDS couples married eight years, and in another study of single BYU students asked what the ideal length of an engagement should be, the vast majority think that three to four months is about right. Don’t take these numbers as goals you must meet. What the Brethren and the research do seem to suggest is that you can go too fast or too slow through the process. There are, for example, discernible stages that most couples need to go through on the path from first date to chosen mate. We might call these stages the “ABCs of courtship,” and there are certain tasks you need to accomplish in each stage (George Levinger, “Development and Change,” in Harold H. Kelley et al.,  Close Relationships  [New York: W. H. Freeman, 1983], 321).

A is the Attraction and Acquaintance stage. Research on LDS students by my colleague Dr. Craig Ostler, in the Department of Religious Education, shows initial attraction usually consists of physical attraction, attraction to the person’s personality, and/or attraction to their perceived spiritual qualities. According to Brother Ostler’s research, LDS young people are most able to move from initial attraction to acquaintance and the start of a relationship if both the male and female are seeking, sending, and receiving what he called “interest cues and attraction strategies” (Craig J. Ostler, “Initiating Premarital Heterosexual Relationships: A Qualitative Study of Mate Selection Process from a Religiously Conservative Population” [Ph.D. dissertation, Brigham Young University, 1995]). Thus relationships generally develop only when you are seeking to know if a person is interested; sending interest cues appropriately; and receiving back, or understanding how to interpret the other person’s interest in you, or lack thereof. One who is deficient in one or more of these processes finds that relationships tend not to develop, and one or both partners can become very frustrated. Dr. Ostler found that the females especially understood what they needed to do—and they were willing to teach roommates who were frustrated. They said, “What you do is touch him on the arm, look him in the eye, and laugh at his jokes. Within a few days he will be asking you out.”

When the seeking, sending, and receiving is done in sync—in other words, both people are seeking, sending, and receiving the same messages—the couple moves to the B or Build-Up Stage. At this point the couple gets to know each other and checks out the person to see if he or she is the right person for them. Research by two of my master’s students—EmRee Pugmire and Nancy McLaughlin—has shown that, generally speaking, LDS males and females move through this stage best when a friendship is developed first; when both persons feel they are full and equal partners in the growing relationship; when this friendship happens before much, if any, physical involvement has occurred; and when both people are relaxed and not worrying about whether this particular relationship is “the one” and just kind of let things happen.

If all these things happen, then the couple is ready to move to the C stage, the stage of Consolidation, Continuation, and mutual Commitment to the eternal relationship.

Making the Decision

President Gordon B. Hinckley has some counsel about this stage:

I hope you will not put off marriage too long. I do not speak so much to the young women as to the young men whose prerogative and responsibility it is to take the lead in this matter. Don’t go on endlessly in a frivolous dating game. Look for a choice companion, one you can love, honor, and respect, and make a decision.  [“ Thou Shalt Not Covet, ”  Ensign,  March 1990, 6]

We must finally “make a decision,” as President Hinckley says. In doing this, most Latter-day Saints want a spiritual confirmation that they are making a wise commitment. As you seek a spiritual confirmation, you need to keep at least five things in mind.

First, be worthy to receive the inspiration you need. Elder Boyd K. Packer reminds us that if we “desire the inspiration of the Lord in this crucial decision, [we] must live the standards of the Church” ( Eternal Love  [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1973], 11).

Second, understand the balance between agency and inspiration. As Elder Bruce R. McConkie said, “We make our own choices, and then we present the matter to the Lord and get his approving, ratifying seal” (“ Agency or Inspiration? ”  New Era,  January 1975, 42).

The experience of one young man illustrates this:

There are two things in my life that I’ve always felt would be important: a career and marriage. Yet at the time I didn’t feel like I was getting a response. I prayed, “Heavenly Father, this is so important, I need to know whether or not it’s right.” Then, toward the end of our courtship, I went to the temple. I was so frustrated because I wasn’t getting an answer either way. After praying and waiting for an answer, I got more frustrated and gave up. That was when an impression came to me: “You already know the answer.” Then I realized that God had answered my prayers. The decision to marry Becky always made sense and felt right. I can see now that God had been telling me in my heart and in my mind that it was a good decision. And later, at the time of the ceremony, I had another confirmation that what I was doing was right.

Third, seek multiple witnesses. The scriptures teach us that “in the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established” ( 2 Corinthians 13:1 ; D&C 6:28 ). A spiritual witness can be confirmed a second or greater time at the altar in the temple, as noted above; in prayer by the Spirit again; in discussions with parents, a bishop, or a trusted friend; while partaking of the sacrament; or in any number of circumstances.

Fourth, learn to discern between inspiration, infatuation, desperation, and a desire to please others. Inspiration comes as explained above: when one is living worthy, when one is exercising agency and studying it all out carefully, and when one’s decisions are confirmed by multiple spiritual enlightenments and peaceful feelings (see D&C 6:15, 22–23 ). Infatuation is usually manifest by the immature “love” I discussed earlier—that including great anxiety, possessiveness, selfishness, clinging, and overdependence. Infatuation may be more likely with individuals who lack emotional and spiritual maturity. Desperation is often associated with social or cultural circumstances that create an atmosphere (at least in the person’s mind) of “now or never.” Pressure from peers, family, and cultural norms may create a sense of desperation that leads to an unwise decision. A desire to get away from an unpleasant family situation or fear of failure in school or work situations can also cause someone to look desperately to marriage as a way out of a problem. On the other hand, pressure from peers, family, and cultural norms may create a situation where you put off marriage for fear that others will think you are just a “Molly Mormon” or a “Norman the Mormon” who doesn’t “understand” that marriage is “old-fashioned” and can “ruin your career.” Such pressures to marry or not marry often create fears and anxieties that “speak” so loudly in our minds that we cannot hear the still, small whisperings of the Spirit.

Fifth, the spiritual confirmation needs to come to both parties involved. A person should not feel that if his or her partner receives a confirmation, that he or she is therefore released from the necessity of seeking a similar confirmation. Elder Dallin H. Oaks discussed this issue:

If a revelation is outside the limits of stewardship, you know it is not from the Lord, and you are not bound by it. I have heard of cases where a young man told a young woman she should marry him because he had received a revelation that she was to be his eternal companion. If this is a true revelation, it will be confirmed directly to the woman if she seeks to know. In the meantime, she is under no obligation to heed it. She should seek her own guidance and make up her own mind. The man can receive revelation to guide his own actions, but he cannot properly receive revelation to direct hers. She is outside his stewardship. [“ Revelation, ”  1981–82 BYU Fireside and Devotional Speeches  (Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University, 1982), 25]

The D and E of Relationship Development

Not all relationships end in marriage, and rightly so. Therefore we need to understand not only the ABCs of courtship but also the D and E stages of courtship: Deterioration and Ending. The D and E phases of relationship development are possibly the most difficult to deal with. Relationships, of course, can “deteriorate” and “end” very quickly—after only a few minutes of acquaintance or at any stage of development. But breaking up a relationship that has grown toward a sense of interdependence and possible thoughts of marriage are particularly difficult to end.

If it is right to break off a relationship, how can that be done so as to cause the least hurt? The revelation given by the Lord to Joseph Smith and contained in section 121 of the Doctrine and Covenants provides excellent counsel not only for strengthening but also ending a relationship. Especially helpful is the counsel contained in these verses:

No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;

By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—

Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;

That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.  [ D&C 121:41–44 ]

Verses 41 and 42 teach us that we should not attempt to continue a relationship by any unrighteous means. A partner should not be coerced into staying in a relationship, nor should we ever feel coerced. Furthermore, when a relationship should end, the principles articulated in verses 41 and 42 can be a guide for dealing with the hurt and emotion that may result. One may need to be very long-suffering, gentle, meek, and kind with a partner who does not understand or resists the change. The counsel given in verses 43 and 44 may seem extreme, but when considered carefully, it is some of the best counsel we can get for ending a relationship. To reprove means “to correct,” and betimes means “early on.” Thus, when “pure knowledge,” received by the Holy Ghost, helps us understand that a relationship must end, we should “correct” the situation (end the relationship) quickly and not let it drag on. The word  sharply  can mean “with clarity”—think of a sharp picture—rather than “with severity,” as it is most often interpreted. Thus, while being as loving and kind as we can, we should make it clear that the relationship is ending and why—rather than “beating around the bush,” hoping the partner will get the message. Again, this should be done with kindness, meekness, and love unfeigned; recognizing that even if the partner has hurt us in some way, she or he is a beloved child of God who must be treated in a Christlike manner.

If one is the “breakee” rather than the “breaker,” the same counsel applies: This partner you believe you love should not be coerced or forced in any way to continue if she or he does not want to continue. Even if the emotional hurt you feel is strong, you need to back off, not try to hurt the partner back in some way, and allow yourself time to heal.

Breaking up is not the end of the world. Great learning and maturity can come from surviving a premarital breakup. If one initiates or goes through a breakup with as much Christlike behavior and feelings as possible, and allows himself or herself to be healed by the peace of the Spirit, that person is then more ready to move on to a relationship that can result in an eternal marriage—but not too quickly, mind you.

Helps for Choosing the Right Person, the Right Place, and the Right Time

The Church and BYU have some wonderful resources to help you choose the right person, the right place, and the right time. Let me note three of them:

1. Most institutes of religion and Church universities will have a religion course numbered 234 and titled Preparation for a Celestial Marriage. It is my understanding that a new student text for the course is coming out this fall. I encourage you to take this course.

2. The Family Studies Center at Brigham Young University has a Web site designed specifically to provide resources for couples preparing for marriage. It is the Before Forever site. Its URL is http://marriageinfo.byu.edu. Before Forever provides comprehensive and ready-to-use information online to help LDS couples better plan their future marriage. Before Forever is not a dating service or a counseling center. The site offers publications such as  Ensign  articles, books, and speeches about various marital and premarital topics; work sheets about different premarital and marital issues; and news and information about marriage and family events.

3. Another Family Studies Center Web site contains a survey called the RELATionship Evaluation, or RELATE, which you and your partner can complete online. Within minutes you will receive feedback online regarding the strengths and work areas in your relationship. RELATE is designed for unmarried and newly married couples, and we will soon have adolescent, remarriage, and mature adult versions available. Also, it will soon be available online in Spanish and Portuguese. RELATE’s URL is http://relate.byu.edu.

The Right Person Is Not Perfect—Yet

Our son Matt recently married a wonderful young woman from Oregon, and as my wife, Linda, and I were driving to the reception in Oregon, we reminisced about our own courtship and marriage. The more we talked, the more I remembered how immature I had been when we married.

Finally, in bewilderment, I asked Linda, “Why did you marry me?”

Her simple answer was, “I saw potential.”

As we search for a mate with whom we can spend the eternities, therefore, we would do well to remember Elder Richard G. Scott’s counsel that mirrors my wife’s comments:

I suggest that you not ignore many possible candidates who are still developing these attributes, seeking the one who is perfected in them. You will likely not find that perfect person, and if you did, there would certainly be no interest in you. These attributes are best polished together as husband and wife.  [“ Receive the Temple Blessings, ”  Ensign,  May 1999, 26]

That you may “marry the right person in the right place at the right time” is my prayer, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

© Brigham Young University. All rights reserved.

Thomas B. Holman was a BYU professor of marriage, family, and human development and associate director of outreach for the Family Studies Center in the BYU School of Family Life when this devotional address was given on 1 August 2000.

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Waiting for the kingdom: Matthew 13:24-30, 36-43; Romans 8:12-25

When I sit with the Washington Post and my morning coffee, I have a sense that I’m hovering on a threshold; like many Americans, I remember September 11 and feel as if I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. It often seems as if ours is the most anxious time in history, at least from our selfish perspective in a remarkably affluent and outwardly secure corner of God’s world. We Americans have been shaken. We live with heightened awareness of the unease, the shakiness and uncertainty, the sense of foreboding that is part of the human condition.

We’re not alone in this, however. There is a universality in Paul’s depiction of an anxious time of suffering. All creation, he tells us, is poised: waiting for fulfillment, waiting with eager longing for something. There is the same universality in the story Jesus tells: the field is almost ready for the harvest, but it’s far from perfect. What should be a bountiful crop of wheat is going to be half weeds. But until that harvest, when there will be a drastic sorting out, weeds and wheat must be left to grow. If the wheat—a universal symbol of nourishment—flourishes, so too do the useless, choking weeds. We wait for the time of decision, the irrevocable sorting out that comes at the end.

The juxtaposition of this Gospel text and a passage from Paul’s letter to the Romans reminds us that we aren’t there yet. Both passages suggest that this is a time of waiting, of letting things grow and unfold. But it’s also a time of looking forward to some sort of resolution, an end time. We live in the “not yet.” We are poised on the threshold.

So what else is new? We wait edgily, not for an al-Qaeda strike or other random, terrifying destruction, but, in Paul’s words, “to obtain the glorious liberty of the children of God.” To use the imagery employed by Jesus in his parable, we await the coming of God’s kingdom. In different ways, Jesus and Paul are heralding the inbreaking of God’s rule on earth, the fulfillment of all our hopes and prayers when we pray—alas, sometimes mindlessly—that God’s kingdom come on earth and God’s will be done on earth (in Washington, D.C., Afghanistan and Iraq, in affluent suburbs and in blighted inner cities).

We wait. If we knew precisely how and when the waiting would end, then our life in Christ would be simply an exercise in pious persistence. It would be like waiting at the airport until our flight is announced, or standing in line at the supermarket checkout. The tension in this kind of waiting is more tedium than anxiety.

Waiting for the inbreaking of the kingdom, however, is like no other kind of waiting. It is not the routine, humdrum marking of time in our daily lives, or the terror and dread of devastation. It is waiting in hope for something that is not seen, yet yearning for it with a longing that is beyond words. This yearning for the coming of the kingdom is yearning for God.

Both Jesus and Paul use powerful images of growth and fruition. Paul, who surely had little if any firsthand experience with the wondrous process of human birth, tells us that all of creation—which means all of humankind, all of us—is groaning in the pangs of childbirth. Just as the field of wheat with its intermingled weeds grows at its own pace, so birth cannot be hurried. Birth happens when it happens.

But what about those noxious weeds? What about the judgment Jesus makes so very clear in this parable? I’m in no hurry for that final day—I’m happy to muddle on for a bit, living into the promise of things hoped for but not seen. Just having the promise is enough for now. But lately I find myself thinking quite a bit about the weeds and wondering whether they have anything to do with me. I try to persuade myself that Jesus is talking about someone else, someone unworthy of saving, all those people who surely have no place in God’s kingdom. Surely he’s talking about those weedy people whom I would consign to the compost heap if not to the cleansing fire. It’s much more comforting to hope that I am pure wheat and that the weeds are quite disposable.

But perhaps the concept of weeds is more complicated than I thought. In my honest moments, I fear that I am not pure wheat, but that I have some qualities of the weeds in me, qualities that I need to be free of before I can be truly fruitful. Or maybe I fail to grow and thrive because—fine-quality durum wheat that I am—I let myself be choked and thwarted by the weeds around me.

I bounce back and forth between these two pictures. On the one hand, the people of God are filled with the yearning for God; on the other, they are part of God’s garden, active and growing toward the ultimate harvest. Both images remind us that we are living in a not-yet time, that we live in radical trust that God’s promise will be fulfilled. We wait. We labor. We hope for that which is not seen, but somehow knowing that what Paul calls our glorious liberty as children of God is all that truly matters.

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