when that one kid reminds the teacher about homework

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An Age-By-Age Guide to Helping Kids Manage Homework

Do you ever wonder whether homework is gauging the child’s ability to complete assignments or the parent’s? On one end of the spectrum, a parent might never mention homework and assume it gets done independently; on the other end are the parents who micromanage to be sure every worksheet is absolutely perfect.

Being too laissez faire about homework might deny a child the support they need to develop executive functioning skills, but being too involved could stifle their independence. So how much parent participation in homework is actually appropriate throughout a child’s education?

Basic homework tips

According to Scholastic , you should follow these rules of thumb to support your child during homework (without going overboard):

Stay nearby and available for questions without getting right in the middle of homework.

Avoid the urge to correct mistakes unless your child asks for help.

Instead of nagging, set up a homework routine with a dedicated time and place.

Teach time management for a larger project by helping them break it into chunks.

Child psychologist Dr. Emily W. King recently wrote about rethinking homework in her newsletter. King explains at what ages kids are typically able to do homework independently, but she writes that each child’s ability to concentrate at the end of the day and use executive functioning skills for completing tasks is very individual. I talked to her for more information on how much parental involvement in homework completion is needed, according to a child’s age and grade level.

Kindergarten to second grade

Whether children even need homework this early is a hot debate. Little ones are still developing fine motor skills and their ability to sit still and pay attention at this age.

“If a child is given homework before their brain and body are able to sit and focus independently, then we are relying on the parent or other caregivers to sit with the child to help them focus,” King said. “ Think about when the child is able to sit and focus on non-academic tasks like dinner, art, or music lessons. This will help you tease out executive functioning skills from academic understanding.”

Elementary-age children need time for unstructured play and structured play like music, arts, and sports. They need outside time, free time, and quiet time, King said. For children who are not ready for independent work, nightly reading with another family member is enough “homework,” she said.

Third to fifth grades

Many children will be able to do homework independently in grades 3-5. Even then, their ability to focus and follow through may vary from day to day.

“Most children are ready for practicing independent work between third and fifth grade, but maybe not yet in the after-school hours when they are tired and want to rest or play. We need to begin exposing children to organization and structure independently in late elementary school to prepare them for more independence in middle school,” King said.

Neurodivergent kids may need more parental support for several years before they work independently.

“Neurodivergent children, many of whom have executive functioning weaknesses, are not ready to work independently in elementary school. Children without executive functioning weaknesses (e.g., the ability to remain seated and attend to a task independently) are able to do this somewhere between third and fifth grade, but it’s very possible they can work independently at school but be too tired to do it later in the afternoon,” King said. “We need to follow the child’s skills and give them practice to work independently when they seem ready. Of course, if a child wants to do extra work after school due to an interest, go for it.”

For students who are not ready to work independently in middle school, it is better to reduce the amount of homework they are expected to complete so they can practice independence and feel successful.

Middle school

In sixth grade and later, kids are really developing executive functioning skills like planning, organizing, paying attention, initiating, shifting focus, and execution. They will still need your encouragement to keep track of assignments, plan their time, and stick to a homework routine.

“Middle school students need lots of organization support and putting systems in place to help them keep track of assignments, due dates, and materials,” King said.

High school

By this point, congratulations: You can probably be pretty hands-off with homework. Remain open and available if your teen needs help negotiating a problem, but executing plans should be up to them now.

“In high school, parents are working to put themselves out of a job and begin stepping back as children take the lead on homework. Parents of high schoolers are ‘homework consultants,’” King said. “We are there to help solve problems, talk through what to say in an email to a teacher, but we are not writing the emails or talking to the teachers for our kids.”

What if homework is not working for them (or you)

There are a number of reasons a child might not be managing homework at the same level as their peers, including academic anxiety and learning disabilities.

If your child is showing emotional distress at homework time, it might be a sign that they have run out of gas from the structure, socialization, and stimulation they have already been through at school that day. One way to support kids is to teach them how to have a healthy balance of work and play time.

“When we ask students to keep working after school when their tank is on empty, we likely damage their love of learning and fill them with dread for tomorrow,” King wrote in her newsletter.

King said in her experience as a child psychologist, the amount of homework support a child needs is determined by their individual abilities and skills more than their age or grade level.

“All of these steps vary for a neurodivergent child and we are not following these guidelines by age or grade but rather by their level of skills development to become more independent,” she said. “In order to independently complete homework, a child must be able to have attended to the directions in class, brought the materials home, remember to get the materials out at home, remember to begin the task, understand the task, remain seated and attention long enough to complete the task, be able to complete the task, return the work to their backpack, and return the work to the teacher. If any of these skills are weak or the child is not able to do these independently, there will be a breakdown in the system of homework. You can see why young students and neurodivergent students would struggle with this process.”

If you and your child have trouble meeting homework expectations, talk to their teacher about what could be contributing to the problem and how to modify expectations for them.

“Get curious about your child’s skill level at that time of day,” King said. “Are they able to work independently at school but not at home? Are they not able to work independently any time of day? Are they struggling with this concept at school, too? When are they successful?”

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Snuggles, pep talks and love notes: 10 ways to calm your kid’s back-to-school jitters

Becky Harlan

The transition back to school can be overwhelming for kids. Explaining the changes and setting expectations can help them feel more prepared to take on the year. Urbazon/Getty Images hide caption

New teachers, classmates, routines and expectations -- a new school year almost always means change for both kids and their caregivers. And that can be nerve-wracking for everyone.

To help families ease into the transition, Life Kit asked teachers, pediatricians and child development experts for their best back-to-school advice. These tips have been edited for length and clarity.

😴 Adjust your child's summer sleep schedule to a school schedule . At least one or two weeks before school starts, move bedtime and wake-up time up by 15-minute increments every few days until the desired schedule is reached. — Dr. Nilong Vyas , pediatrician and sleep consultant  

📚 Gradually reintroduce structure into a child’s daily routine to help them prepare for school. Add a 15-minute block of educational content to your kid’s routine, such as a read-aloud, math puzzle or science experiment . — Keisha Siriboe , early childhood literacy consultant 

🗯 Remind kids that almost everyone feels a little nervous on the first day of school. Naming and describing an emotion and letting children know you understand how they feel can help them feel more in control over their feelings instead of feeling overwhelmed by them. — Leah Orchinik , pediatric psychologist, Nemours Children's Health

6 ways grown-ups can recreate that fresh, buzzy feeling of a new school year

🗓 To ease a child’s anxiety about going back to school, help them understand what to expect. As Daniel Tiger sings, “When we do something new, let’s talk about what we’ll do.” Remind them that “grown-ups come back” [at the end of the school day] — and they can share their new experiences at school with their loved ones. – Mallory Mbalia , director of learning and education at Fred Rogers Productions , producers of the TV show Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood

❓Talk to your child about how they might handle challenging situations, even if they are not likely to happen. For example, if your son is worried about getting lost in a new school, help him problem solve by creating a plan about what he would do if that did happen so he feels more prepared and confident. —Leah Orchinik, pediatric psychologist, Nemours Children's Health

These Back To School Tips Can Help Parents Support Their Kids This School Year

👋 Make up a special goodbye ritual together. Morning goodbyes can be challenging. But you can create daily memories your child will cherish for years to come. Say, “See you later, alligator! In a while, crocodile!”, do a special handshake or enjoy an extra-long hug. You can also kiss your child’s palm and then hold each other’s hands tightly to “seal it in.” Tell your child to remember they’ll carry your kiss with them all day long, and they can do the same for you! — Jeanette Betancourt , senior vice president of U.S. social impact, Sesame Workshop

☕️ Fill their connection cup before and after school. Even if you're tired in the morning, set that alarm for 15 minutes earlier so you can have a snuggle session with your child. Read a book together. Have breakfast together. When you pick them up from school, be aware they will need another connection cup top-up. Sometimes they will present with this after-school meltdown because they're so depleted. — Vanessa Lapointe , author of Discipline without Damage

🧭 Make sure your child knows how to navigate their world in tech-free ways . Even if your child has a smartphone, make sure they know what to do if they’re approached by a stranger, how to get help for an injury and other street smarts. Help isn’t always a button away. — Leah Plunkett , author of Sharenthood  

💡 Discuss family or classroom conflicts with your child. Have a daily conversation topic such as, “What’s been a good or hard part about your day?” or “What rules do we need to help everyone feel loved and respected?” Then have a weekly discussion to keep things on track and make kids part of problem-solving. — Thomas Lickona , author of How to Raise Kind Kids

📣 Pour positive words of affirmation into your children on a daily basis. For example, “I love you. I’m proud of you. It’s going to be a great day. It's OK to make mistakes.” Parents can leave notes inside their child's lunch boxes. Or I've had parents ask me to write a sticky note on their child's desk for them. These messages allow a kid to feel powerful and confident throughout the day. —Jarod Renford, first grade teacher in Washington, D.C.

The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We'd love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at (202) 216-9823, or email us at [email protected].

Listen to Life Kit on  Apple Podcasts  and  Spotify , and sign up for our  newsletter .

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