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40 Top Parenting Tips for Navigating Homework Challenges

Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge

• October 6, 2023

Navigating the intricacies of homework assignments can often feel like a maze for both parents and children alike . As someone deeply involved in child development and having worked closely with many educators, I've gathered a wealth of insights into establishing a solid homework routine. 

This article is a compilation of those tried-and-tested homework tips, aimed to ease challenges and enhance productivity. Whether you're looking to foster a deeper connection with your child's teacher or seeking effective strategies to prioritize tasks, I'm here to guide you.

Homework Tips for Parents: Break the Stress and Boost Learning Hacks from a Children’s Psychologist

Homework tip: setting up the environment.

• Establish a Routine: Set a specific time and place for homework to create consistency and predictability.
• Routine Consistency: Keep the routine consistent, even on weekends, so the child knows what to expect.
• Provide a Quiet Space: Ensure your child has a quiet, well-lit, and comfortable place to work, free from distractions. 
• Limit Distractions: Keep TVs, mobile phones, and other distracting electronics off during homework time.
• Limit Overall Stimuli: A clutter-free workspace can reduce distractions. Try to minimize items on their workspace that they might fidget with or get distracted by.
• Stay Organized: Use planners, calendars, or apps to keep track of assignment due dates.
• Equip the Space: Stock the homework area with essential supplies such as pencils, paper, erasers, and rulers

Homework Tip: Instruction Support

• Clear and Concise Instructions: Ensure instructions are short and to the point. Use visuals and watch for body language signals that show understanding.

• Break Tasks Into Manageable Chunks : If an assignment is extensive, break it down into smaller steps to make it more manageable.
• Chunking Information: Divide information into smaller, more digestible chunks. This can make the work seem more manageable.
• Set Time Limits: Use a timer to allocate specific amounts of time for each task, helping children stay on track.
• Timers: Use a visual timer, so they can see how much time they have left to work. This can make the passage of time more tangible.
• Teach Time Management: Help them prioritize their tasks, tackling more challenging or urgent assignments first.
• Stay Involved: Regularly check in with your child about their assignments and progress, offering guidance when needed.
• Interactive Tools: Consider using interactive educational tools or apps that can make learning more engaging for them.
• Ask Them To Explain What The Task Is: Gage what your child understands before they start the task. This will help set them in the right direction and give you a sense of what they know.

Homework Tip: Brain Hacks

• Physical Activity: Encourage short bursts of physical activity during breaks, like jumping jacks or a quick walk around the block. Physical activity can help increase attention span.
• Encourage Breaks: For longer homework sessions, ensure kids take short breaks to rest their minds and bodies.
• Offer Healthy Snacks : Brain-boosting snacks can help maintain energy and focus during study time. Fizzy drinks such as a seltzer-magnesium drink can stimulate and calm the brain.
• Shorter Work Periods: Divide homework time into shorter, more frequent sessions. For instance, instead of a continuous 30-minute session, try three 10-minute sessions with short breaks in between.
• Visual Schedules: Use visual aids like charts or diagrams to outline the tasks that need completion. This can help them understand what's expected and track their progress.
• Tactile Tools: For some children, using tactile tools like stress balls or fidget toys can help them channel their extra energy and maintain focus.

• Background Music: Some children focus better with low-volume, non-distracting background music or white noise. But others are stressed by it , so play around and do what works best for them (not you!). 
• Color Coding: Use colors to categorize and prioritize tasks. This can help visually differentiate and organize their work.
• Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Mindfulness techniques like deep breathing, visualization, or even short meditation sessions can help center their attention.

Homework Tip: Monitoring, Communication and Positive Reinforcement

• Stay Positive : In your own mindset. Focus on the effort and improvements, not just the end result. Praise hard work and resilience.
• Encourage Independence Over Time: While it's essential to offer support, allow kids to complete assignments on their own as they build skills before you check the work. This fosters responsibility and self-reliance.
• Be Available for Questions: Make sure your child knows they can come to you if they have questions or need clarification on a topic.
• Connect Learning to Real Life: Help your child see the real-world applications of what they're learning to make it more engaging.
• Review Completed Assignments: Go over finished homework to ensure understanding and check for errors, but avoid doing the work for them.
• Explain Consequences and Establish Rewards: Positive reinforcement can motivate your child. Consider rewards for consistent homework completion.
• Encourage a Growth Mindset: Teach your child to see challenges as opportunities for growth. Emphasize the value of persistence and learning from mistakes. Talk to kids about how regular practice builds skills even when the learning is hard!
• Positive Reinforcement: Reinforce positive behavior immediately. If they've focused well for a short span, reward that effort to encourage repetition of the desired behavior.
• Active Participation: Encourage them to engage actively with their work, such as reading aloud or teaching the content back to you. This can reinforce their understanding and attention.
• Regular Check-ins: Check in more frequently during their homework sessions, offering guidance, encouraging movement to support brain alertness.
• Immediate Feedback: Give immediate feedback on their work. This keeps them engaged and lets them know they're on the right track.
• Open Communication: Ensure your child feels comfortable discussing their challenges with you. Sometimes, they might have insights into what might help them focus better.

Long Game Parent Homework Tips

• Stay Informed: If your child has a diagnosed attention disorder, like ADHD, stay updated with the latest strategies and recommendations specific to their needs. You can join our CALM Brain Parenting Community for science-backed solutions to support attention and learning. 
• Stay in Touch with Teachers: Regular communication with educators can give insights into how your child is doing and where they might need additional help. They may benefit from school accommodations or more formal IEP support .
• Seek External Support: If focus issues persist, consider seeking help from a tutor, educational therapist, or counselor familiar with attention challenges.

Reflecting on these pivotal parent homework tips, it becomes evident that with the right strategies, we can turn potential struggles into stepping stones for success. By instilling a consistent homework routine and maintaining open communication with your child, we're setting the stage for academic achievements. 

Each child is a unique individual, and it's crucial to discover what resonates best with them during homework time. It is also important to look for root causes better and better understand why your child is struggling . 

With these tools at your disposal, I'm confident in your ability to lead your child through the myriad tasks and challenges that lie ahead. Together, let's make every homework session a journey of growth and discovery and tamp down frustration!

Always remember… “Calm Brain, Happy Family™”

Disclaimer: This article is not intended to give health advice and it is recommended to consult with a physician before beginning any new wellness regime. *The effectiveness of diagnosis and treatment vary by patient and condition. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC does not guarantee certain results.

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She is the founder and director of The Global Institute of Children’s Mental Health and Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC. Dr. Roseann is a Board Certified Neurofeedback (BCN) Practitioner, a Board Member of the Northeast Region Biofeedback Society (NRBS), Certified Integrative Mental Health Professional (CIMHP) and an Amen Clinic Certified Brain Health Coach.  She is also a member of The International Lyme Disease and Associated Disease Society (ILADS), The American Psychological Association (APA), Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) National Association of School Psychologists (NASP), International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) International Society for Neurofeedback and Research (ISNR) and The Association of Applied Psychophysiology and Biofeedback (AAPB).

© Roseann-Capanna-Hodge, LLC 2023

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Battles Over Homework: Advice For Parents

Guidelines for helping children develop self-discipline with their homework..

Posted September 5, 2012 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

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I would like to offer some advice about one of the most frequent problems presented to me in over 30 years of clinical practice: battles over homework. I have half-jokingly told many parents that if the schools of New York State no longer required homework, our children’s education would suffer (slightly). But, as a child psychologist, I would be out of business.

Many parents accept this conflict with their children as an unavoidable consequence of responsible parenting . These battles, however, rarely result in improved learning or performance in school. More often than not, battles over homework lead to vicious cycles of nagging by parents and avoidance or refusal by children, with no improvement in a child’s school performance. And certainly no progress toward what should be our ultimate goals : helping children enjoy learning and develop age-appropriate discipline and independence with respect to their schoolwork.

Before I present a plan for reducing battles over homework, it is important to begin with this essential reminder:

The solution to the problem of homework always begins with an accurate diagnosis and a recognition of the demands placed on your child. Parents should never assume that a child who resists doing homework is “lazy.”

Every child whose parents or teachers report ongoing resistance to completing schoolwork or homework; every child whose performance in school is below expectations based on his parents’ or teachers’ intuitive assessment of his intellectual potential; and every child who, over an extended period of time, complains that he “hates school” or “hates reading,” should be evaluated for the presence of an attention or learning disorder.

These children are not lazy. Your child may be anxious, frustrated, discouraged, distracted, or angry—but this is not laziness. I frequently explain to parents that, as a psychologist, the word lazy is not in my dictionary. Lazy, at best, is a description, not an explanation.

For children with learning difficulties, doing their homework is like running with a sprained ankle: It is possible, although painful, and he will look for ways to avoid or postpone this painful and discouraging task.

A Homework Plan

Homework, like any constructive activity, involves moments of frustration, discouragement, and anxiety . If you begin with some appreciation of your child’s frustration and discouragement, you will be better able to put in place a structure that helps him learn to work through his frustration—to develop increments of frustration tolerance and self-discipline.

I offer families who struggle with this problem a Homework Plan:

• Set aside a specified, and limited, time for homework. Establish, early in the evening, a homework hour.
• For most children, immediately after school is not the best time for homework. This is a time for sports, for music and drama, and free play.
• During the homework hour, all electronics are turned off—for the entire family.
• Work is done in a communal place, at the kitchen or dining room table. Contrary to older conventional wisdom , most elementary school children are able to work more much effectively in a common area, with an adult and even other children present, than in the “quiet” of their rooms.
• Parents may do their own ”homework” during this time, but they are present and continually available to help, to offer encouragement, and to answer children’s questions. Your goal is to create, to the extent possible, a library atmosphere in your home, again, for a specified and limited period of time. Ideally, therefore, parents should not make or receive telephone calls during this hour. And when homework is done, there is time for play.
• Begin with a reasonable, a doable, amount of time set aside for homework. If your child is unable to work for 20 minutes, begin with 10 minutes. Then try 15 minutes in the next week. Acknowledge every increment of effort, however small.
• Be positive and give frequent encouragement. Make note of every improvement, not every mistake.
• Be generous with your praise. Praise their effort, not their innate ability. But do not be afraid of praise.
• Anticipate setbacks. After a difficult day, reset for the following day.
• Give them time. A child’s difficulty completing homework begins as a problem of frustration and discouragement, but it is then complicated by defiant attitudes and feelings of unfairness. A homework plan will begin to reduce these defiant attitudes, but this will not happen overnight.

Most families have found these suggestions helpful, especially for elementary school children. Establishing a homework hour allows parents to move away from a language of threats (“If you don’t__ you won’t be able to__”) to a language of opportunities (“When” or “As soon as” you have finished__ we’ll have a chance to__”).

Of course, for many hurried families, there are complications and potential glitches in implementing any homework plan. It is often difficult, with children’s many activities, to find a consistent time for homework. Some flexibility, some amendments to the plan, may be required. But we should not use the complications of scheduling or other competing demands as an excuse, a reason not to establish the structure of a reasonable homework routine.

Copyright Ken Barish, Ph.D.

See Pride and Joy: A Guide to Understanding Your Child’s Emotions and Solving Family Problems .

Kenneth Barish, Ph.D. , is a clinical associate professor of Psychology at Weill Medical College, Cornell University.

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Homework Help

Being involved with your child’s education is important. As a father, helping and encouraging children with their homework shows that you care about their academic success and can help build a child’s self-confidence and self-esteem. So how do you get involved in helping with homework? How much time do you spend with your child on their homework?

Homework can look different depending on the age and development of each child. For very young children, homework may involve simply reading a book together. As children get older, homework assignments will become more challenging.  Here are some helpful resources for learning more about helping with homework.

Tips & Best Practices

• Parents who provide help with homework has been shown to be a determining factor in a child's educational success.  This article provides 10 ways to help kids with homework. Additionally, the following resources listed aim at helping children with various homework needs depending on their age. 
• Prepare very young children for homework by reading to them.  For very young children not yet in school, research has shown that children who are read to grow up to enjoy reading and tend to do better in school and have more opportunities as adults! This tip sheet provides strategies for dads to read to children to help them become lifelong learners.
• Help elementary and middle school children with homework.  This resource from the U.S. Department of Education helps answer questions often asked about homework by children in elementary and middle school. The resource also includes practical ideas for helping children to complete homework assignments successfully.
• Help children with homework in math and science.   National Parent Teacher Association (PTA), in partnership with the National Education Association, offers newly updated Family Guides. These guides provide parents and caretakers with valuable tips for helping their child succeed in math, science, and reading skills.
• Help children who are reluctant to doing homework.   Parents can create a nightly homework ritual to help children who will not do their homework. This article provides strategies and tips for turning homework time into a ritual that is routine for children.

Benjamin Franklin famously stated that the only two certainties in life are “death and taxes.”

Let us add “homework” to Franklin’s list.

Nearly everybody – child or adult, man or woman – has dealt with the challenges and responsibilities of homework during their lives. Schoolwork does not stop at the final bell, and the work completed at home often reinforces skills and drives achievement. Research shows that time spent on homework, especially in grades 7-12, can have a tremendous impact on student outcomes.

Why is homework important?

Research shows that the average student who did homework scored higher on tests than the students not doing homework. But beyond the academic benefits, homework provides an opportunity for parents to interact    with and understand the content their children are learning so they can provide another means of academic support for students.

How much time should my child spend on homework?

The National Education Association recommends that elementary school students receive 10-20 minutes of homework per night in first grade. That figure should grow by 10 minutes per year.

What if I do not know the answer?

You’re not alone! According to a 2013 Education Week article , about half of parents struggle with helping their children with homework, and many of those parents struggle because they themselves don't understand the subject material. It’s okay if you do not know the answer! Here are some tips to help your children with their homework, if you're struggling with the assignment yourself.

Should children do homework as soon as they get home?

There are three time periods during which kids can do their homework: immediately after school, before dinner, or after dinner. Let your child help choose the time. Some kids really need to let off steam when they get home, while others will be too tired if they wait. Figure out a time that works for your child and your family, and then stick with it.

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Strategies to make homework go more smoothly.

Routines and incentive systems to help kids succeed

Writer: Peg Dawson, EdD, NCSP

Clinical Expert: Peg Dawson, EdD, NCSP

Here is the best guide to helping kids do homework successfully that we’ve seen, published by the National Association of School Psychologists on their website, NASPonline.org . Our thanks to NASP for sharing it with us.

There are two key strategies parents can draw on to reduce homework hassles. The first is to establish clear routines around homework, including when and where homework gets done and setting up daily schedules for homework. The second is to build in rewards or incentives to use with children for whom “good grades” is not a sufficient reward for doing homework.

Homework Routines

Tasks are easiest to accomplish when tied to specific routines. By establishing daily routines for homework completion, you will not only make homework go more smoothly, but you will also be fostering a sense of order your child can apply to later life, including college and work.

Step 1. Find a location in the house where homework will be done. The right location will depend on your child and the culture of your family. Some children do best at a desk in their bedroom. It is a quiet location, away from the hubbub of family noise. Other children become too distracted by the things they keep in their bedroom and do better at a place removed from those distractions, like the dining room table. Some children need to work by themselves. Others need to have parents nearby to help keep them on task and to answer questions when problems arise. Ask your child where the best place is to work. Both you and your child need to discuss pros and cons of different settings to arrive at a mutually agreed upon location.

Step 2. Set up a homework center. Once you and your child have identified a location, fix it up as a home office/homework center. Make sure there is a clear workspace large enough to set out all the materials necessary for completing assignments. Outfit the homework center with the kinds of supplies your child is most likely to need, such as pencils, pens, colored markers, rulers, scissors, a dictionary and thesaurus, graph paper, construction paper, glue and cellophane tape, lined paper, a calculator, spell checker, and, depending on the age and needs of your child, a computer or laptop. If the homework center is a place that will be used for other things (such as the dining room table), then your child can keep the supplies in a portable crate or bin. If possible, the homework center should include a bulletin board that can hold a monthly calendar on which your child can keep track of longterm assignments. Allowing children some leeway in decorating the homework center can help them feel at home there, but you should be careful that it does not become too cluttered with distracting materials.

Step 3. Establish a homework time. Your child should get in the habit of doing homework at the same time every day. The time may vary depending on the individual child. Some children need a break right after school to get some exercise and have a snack. Others need to start homework while they are still in a school mode (i.e., right after school when there is still some momentum left from getting through the day). In general, it may be best to get homework done either before dinner or as early in the evening as the child can tolerate. The later it gets, the more tired the child becomes and the more slowly the homework gets done.

Step 4. Establish a daily homework schedule. In general, at least into middle school, the homework session should begin with your sitting down with your child and drawing up a homework schedule. You should review all the assignments and make sure your child understands them and has all the necessary materials. Ask your child to estimate how long it will take to complete each assignment. Then ask when each assignment will get started. If your child needs help with any assignment , then this should be determined at the beginning so that the start times can take into account parent availability. A Daily Homework Planner is included at the end of this handout and contains a place for identifying when breaks may be taken and what rewards may be earned.

Incentive Systems

Many children who are not motivated by the enjoyment of doing homework are motivated by the high grade they hope to earn as a result of doing a quality job. Thus, the grade is an incentive, motivating the child to do homework with care and in a timely manner. For children who are not motivated by grades, parents will need to look for other rewards to help them get through their nightly chores. Incentive systems fall into two categories: simple and elaborate.

Simple incentive systems. The simplest incentive system is reminding the child of a fun activity to do when homework is done. It may be a favorite television show, a chance to spend some time with a video or computer game, talking on the telephone or instant messaging, or playing a game with a parent. This system of withholding fun things until the drudgery is over is sometimes called Grandma’s Law because grandmothers often use it quite effectively (“First take out the trash, then you can have chocolate chip cookies.”). Having something to look forward to can be a powerful incentive to get the hard work done. When parents remind children of this as they sit down at their desks they may be able to spark the engine that drives the child to stick with the work until it is done.

Elaborate incentive systems. These involve more planning and more work on the part of parents but in some cases are necessary to address more significant homework problems. More complex incentives systems might include a structure for earning points that could be used to “purchase” privileges or rewards or a system that provides greater reward for accomplishing more difficult homework tasks. These systems work best when parents and children together develop them. Giving children input gives them a sense of control and ownership, making the system more likely to succeed. We have found that children are generally realistic in setting goals and deciding on rewards and penalties when they are involved in the decision-making process.

Building in breaks. These are good for the child who cannot quite make it to the end without a small reward en route. When creating the daily homework schedule, it may be useful with these children to identify when they will take their breaks. Some children prefer to take breaks at specific time intervals (every 15 minutes), while others do better when the breaks occur after they finish an activity. If you use this approach, you should discuss with your child how long the breaks will last and what will be done during the breaks (get a snack, call a friend, play one level on a video game). The Daily Homework Planner includes sections where breaks and end-of-homework rewards can be identified.

Building in choice. This can be an effective strategy for parents to use with children who resist homework. Choice can be incorporated into both the order in which the child agrees to complete assignments and the schedule they will follow to get the work done. Building in choice not only helps motivate children but can also reduce power struggles between parents and children.

Developing Incentive Systems

Step 1. Describe the problem behaviors. Parents and children decide which behaviors are causing problems at homework time. For some children putting homework off to the last minute is the problem; for others, it is forgetting materials or neglecting to write down assignments. Still others rush through their work and make careless mistakes, while others dawdle over assignments, taking hours to complete what should take only a few minutes. It is important to be as specific as possible when describing the problem behaviors. The problem behavior should be described as behaviors that can be seen or heard; for instance, complains about h omework or rushes through homework, making many mistakes are better descriptors than has a bad attitude or is lazy.

Step 2. Set a goal. Usually the goal relates directly to the problem behavior. For instance, if not writing down assignments is the problem, the goal might be: “Joe will write down his assignments in his assignment book for every class.”

Step 3. Decide on possible rewards and penalties. Homework incentive systems work best when children have a menu of rewards to choose from, since no single reward will be attractive for long. We recommend a point system in which points can be earned for the goal behaviors and traded in for the reward the child wants to earn. The bigger the reward, the more points the child will need to earn it. The menu should include both larger, more expensive rewards that may take a week or a month to earn and smaller, inexpensive rewards that can be earned daily. It may also be necessary to build penalties into the system. This is usually the loss of a privilege (such as the chance to watch a favorite TV show or the chance to talk on the telephone to a friend).

Once the system is up and running, and if you find your child is earning more penalties than rewards, then the program needs to be revised so that your child can be more successful. Usually when this kind of system fails, we think of it as a design failure rather than the failure of the child to respond to rewards. It may be a good idea if you are having difficulty designing a system that works to consult a specialist, such as a school psychologist or counselor, for assistance.

Step 4. Write a homework contract. The contract should say exactly what the child agrees to do and exactly what the parents’ roles and responsibilities will be. When the contract is in place, it should reduce some of the tension parents and kids often experience around homework. For instance, if part of the contract is that the child will earn a point for not complaining about homework, then if the child does complain, this should not be cause for a battle between parent and child: the child simply does not earn that point. Parents should also be sure to praise their children for following the contract. It will be important for parents to agree to a contract they can live with; that is, avoiding penalties they are either unable or unwilling to impose (e.g., if both parents work and are not at home, they cannot monitor whether a child is beginning homework right after school, so an alternative contract may need to be written).

We have found that it is a rare incentive system that works the first time. Parents should expect to try it out and redesign it to work the kinks out. Eventually, once the child is used to doing the behaviors specified in the contract, the contract can be rewritten to work on another problem behavior. Your child over time may be willing to drop the use of an incentive system altogether. This is often a long-term goal, however, and you should be ready to write a new contract if your child slips back to bad habits once a system is dropped.

Click here to download the homework planner and incentive sheet .

Frequently Asked Questions

To help homework go more smoothly, e stablish a routine that includes a time and place where it will be done, a planner that lists each assignment, scheduled breaks when some of the work is done, and a reward system for kids who are not motivated by good grades alone.  

Set a good homework routine following these steps: Find a location in the house where homework will be done. Set up a homework center stocked with needed materials . Establish a homework time. Use a daily homework planner so that your child has everything in writing.  

One tool that can make homework go more smoothly i s a Daily Homework Planner , which lists each assignment, how long it should take to complete, and what rewards may be earned for completing each assignment.    

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How to Get Out of Doing Homework

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Sometimes you just can't get it together and finish your homework. Maybe you had a concert or a game after school and you were too tired to think when you got home. Maybe you ran out of time, or you fell asleep early. Maybe you just had something way better to do! This article will give you ideas for how to get your parents off your back about doing homework and convince your teachers you have a perfectly good reason why you didn't do the assignment. Plus, learn techniques on how to make it look like you made an attempt at your assignment, but life, fate, or technology got in the way. Just don't make a habit of it, or your grades may suffer.

Making Excuses to Your Teacher

• Notice how your teacher reacts when other students forget their homework to gauge how much you can get away with.
• Notice if your teacher collects homework or usually just walks around and glances at your worksheet to make sure you did it.
• Try to get an idea of what your teacher likes. If they have pictures of their cat everywhere, you may be able to use that to your advantage later by telling them your cat is very sick or had to be put down and you were too devastated to finish the assignment.
• Remember that your teacher probably got into teaching because they are passionate about their subject. Participate in class as much as possible: if they believe you love history, too, they're probably more likely to be sympathetic later.
• Find out how much homework counts toward your final grade. If homework only accounts for 20% of your grade and you ace all your tests, projects, and class participation, you might be able to get by without doing homework and still get a decent grade.

• If your teacher expects you to email them your assignment, ask them the next day if they got your email. When they say they didn't, act confused and explain that you definitely emailed them and that you can't believe it didn't go through. They probably can't check to see if you are lying and will probably give you an extension.

• Claim the death of a family member. Make it someone close enough that it would affect you, but not so close that the teacher will find out about it. A great aunt or uncle works as they tend to be older. There is also no limit on the amount of great aunts and uncles you have, whereas with grandparents there is a limited number of times you can use that excuse. Plus, you don't want to tempt karma by saying your grandma died unexpectedly.
• Say that you are having a private family issue and you don't feel comfortable talking about it, but you can't do the homework.
• Tell your teacher your pet died. But be aware that if your teacher happens to be having a conversation with your parents and says something like "Sorry about the dog!" they may find out you were lying.

• Tell the teacher you were in the bathroom when they assigned the work and you completely missed that you had homework. However, if your teacher has a good memory or writes homework on the board or on a school website, there is a high chance this will not work.

• This works best if you are somebody who rarely gets sick(maybe once or twice a year) then you will be more trustworthy if you appear sick.

• If you do this too often your teacher will stop being sympathetic, so make sure it only happens once or twice.

Making It Look Like You Did Your Homework

• If your teacher walks around the class checking for homework, but doesn't take it in, write your homework page and task at the top of some random notes you have for that class. If they're not attentive, they won't notice.
• If they are attentive, try to distract them by asking a question related to the subject or show them a word in the textbook you don't understand.

• Say you must have left it on your desk/in the car/on the bus and ask if you can turn it in at the end of the day. Then you can quickly do the assignment during lunch.
• Be smart when pretending to be upset that you lost your homework. If you usually slack off and don't do your homework, it may seem odd to the teacher when you suddenly worry about not having your homework.

• If you cheat on writing based homework, paraphrase it so your teacher can't tell that you cheated. Also, think about how you usually perform in class. If you don't usually do well in class on homework and tests, your teacher could get suspicious if you get all the answers right. So to be smart, get some answers wrong on purpose.
• Try asking one friend for answers to questions #1 and #2, then another friend for the answers to questions #3 and #4, and so on until the assignment is complete.
• Assemble a study group and let them work out all the answers.
• If you have a friend who owes you a favor, tell them this is how they can repay their debt.

• Bring in a blank flash drive and swear to your teacher you saved it to the drive and you don't know what happened.

• Go into File Explorer and find the file you want to make corrupt. Right click over the file and select 'Open With...', then select Notepad. Once the file opens in Notepad you should see a really bizarre document with gibberish. Click anywhere within the document and type something random in it, disturbing the flow. After this just save and submit. When your teacher opens it, it will show up an error.
• Do not select "use application as default" when selecting Notepad after File Explorer step or else all word documents (.docx) will automatically in Notepad showing gibberish.
• Create a blank image in Paint and save it in .bmp format. After that, forcefully change its format into .doc (right-click and hit Properties), and change the title to the name of your homework assignment. Now, when you try to open the file in any text viewing program, it will show up as a broken file. Send it to the teacher, and if they ask you the next day, just say sorry about this inconvenience and promise to send it this evening. Now, you have an extra day to complete your homework.

Convincing Your Parents

• So your parents check your history? Easy. If you have the Google Chrome browser, you can use Incognito mode. This will not track your history at all. Press ctrl+shift+N at the same time to open an Incognito tab. Remember to close all Incognito tabs before you go back to doing your homework.
• Remember ctrl + w closes a window with one tab without prompt, so it is the perfect way without downloading Firefox and certain add-ons to use the computer without parent's knowing anything of your exploits.

Community Q&A

Tips from our Readers

• Try to sound very stressed about not finishing your homework. Try to only skip homework when you really need to. It might be obvious that you're not trying if you never do it.
• Try to be honest when you get caught. If you lie and get caught, you might be in bigger trouble.
• Remember: in most cases, it is unlikely your teacher will excuse you from doing the homework altogether, even if these tactics work. Go into it thinking they will give you an extension and you will have time to catch up on your work without it impacting your grade. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
• Homework is there to help you. In the long run, not doing homework will impact not just your report card but your future. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
• Avoid lame and common excuses. These excuses have no effect, so don't even try to use them. Avoid "I forgot" and "My dog ate my homework" kind of excuses. Using long, boring excuses may make the teacher just dismiss it and tell you to turn it in tomorrow. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

You Might Also Like

• ↑ https://edinazephyrus.com/how-to-fake-sick-successfully/
• ↑ https://corrupt-a-file.net/

About This Article

If you weren't able to finish your homework, there are a few good excuses you can use to keep your teacher off your back. You can blame technology and say your computer or printer broke. If you needed the internet for your homework, say your internet went off for a few hours. Pretending you forgot your homework isn't the best excuse, but it sounds better than admitting you didn't do it. Search through your bag and pretend to look for it, then tell your teacher you must have left it at home. To make it more convincing, see your teacher at the beginning of class and say you had a busy week and forgot to do the homework. You can even tell them you had a family issue. Teachers are unlikely to call you out for being sick, so try going to the nurse before class and telling them you feel sick and you can’t go to class. For more tips, including how to get out of your parents making you do homework, read on! Did this summary help you? Yes No

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Home / Expert Articles / Child Behavior Problems / School & Homework

The Homework Battle: How to Get Children to Do Homework

By debbie pincus, ms lmhc.

Parents often feel it’s their job to get their kids to do well in school. Naturally, you might get anxious about this responsibility as a parent. You might also get nervous about your kids succeeding in life—and homework often becomes the focus of that concern.

But when parents feel it’s their responsibility to get their kids to achieve, they now need something from their children—they need them to do their homework and be a success. I believe this need puts you in a powerless position as a parent because your child doesn’t have to give you what you want.

The battle about homework becomes a battle over control. Your child starts fighting to have more control over the choices in their life, while you feel that your job as a parent is to be in control of things. So you both fight harder, and it turns into a war in your home.

Over the years, I’ve talked to many parents who are in the trenches with their kids, and I’ve seen firsthand that there are many creative ways kids rebel when it comes to schoolwork. Your child might forget to do their homework, do their homework but not hand it in, do it sloppily or carelessly, or not study properly for their test. These are just a few ways that kids try to hold onto the little control they have.

When this starts happening, parents feel more and more out of control, so they punish, nag, threaten, and argue. Some parents stop trying altogether to get their children to do homework. Or, and this is common, parents will over-function for their kids by doing the work for them.

Now the battle is in full swing: reactivity is heightened as anxiety is elevated—and homework gets lost in the shuffle. The hard truth for parents is that you cannot make your children do anything, let alone homework. But what you can do is to set limits, respect their individual choices, and help motivate them to motivate themselves.

You might be thinking to yourself, “You don’t know my child. I can’t motivate him to do anything.” Many parents tell me that their children are not motivated to do their work. I believe that children are motivated—they just may not be motivated the way you’d like them to be. Keep reading for some concrete tips to help you guide them in their work without having to nag, threaten, or fight with them.

Also, keep in mind that if you carry more of the worry, fear, disappointments, and concern than your child does about their work, ask yourself, “What’s wrong with this picture, and how did this happen?” Remember, as long as you carry their concerns, they don’t have to.

Stop the Nightly Fights

The way you can stop fighting with your kids over homework every night is to stop fighting with them tonight. Disengage from the dance. Choose some different steps or decide not to dance at all. Let homework stay where it belongs—between the teacher and the student. Stay focused on your job, which is to help your child do their job. Don’t do it for them.

If you feel frustrated, take a break from helping your child with homework. Your blood pressure on the rise is a no-win for everyone. Take five or ten minutes to calm down, and let your child do the same if you feel a storm brewing.

Create Structure Around Homework Time

Set limits around homework time. Here are a few possibilities that I’ve found to be effective with families:

• Homework is done at the same time each night.
• Homework is done in a public area of your house.
• If grades are failing or falling, take away screen time so your child can focus and have more time to concentrate on their work.
• Make it the rule that weekend activities don’t happen until work is completed. Homework comes first. As James Lehman says, “The weekend doesn’t begin until homework is done.”

Let Your Child Make Their Own Choices

I recommend that your child be free to make their own choices within the parameters you set around schoolwork. You need to back off a bit as a parent. Otherwise, you won’t be helping them with their responsibilities.

If you take too much control over the situation, it will backfire on you by turning into a power struggle. And believe me, you don’t want a power struggle over homework. I’ve seen many kids purposely do poorly just to show their parents who’s in charge. I’ve also seen children who complied to ease their parents’ anxiety, but these same kids never learned to think and make choices for themselves.

Let Your Child Own the Consequences of Their Choices

I’m a big believer in natural consequences when it comes to schoolwork. Within the structure you set up, your child has some choices. They can choose to do their homework or not. And they can choose to do it well and with effort or not. The natural consequences will come from their choices—if they don’t choose to do their work, their grades will drop.

When that happens, you can ask them some honest questions:

“Are you satisfied with how things are going?”

“What do you want to do about your grade situation?”

“How can I be helpful to you?”

Be careful not to be snarky or judgmental. Just ask the question honestly. Show honest concern and try not to show disappointment.

Intervene Without Taking Control

The expectation is that homework is done to the best of your child’s ability. When they stop making an effort, and you see their grades drop, that’s when you invite yourself in. You can say:

“It’s my job to help you do your job better. I’m going to help you set up a plan to help yourself, and I will check in to make sure you’re following it.”

Set up a plan with your child’s input to get them back on their feet. For example, the new rules might be that homework must be done in a public place in your home until they get their grades back up. You and your child might meet with the teacher to discuss disciplinary actions should their grades continue to drop.

In other words, you will help your child get back on track by putting a concrete plan in place. And when you see this change, you can step back out of it. But before that, your child is going to sit in a public space and you’re going to monitor their work.

You’re also checking in more. Depending on your child’s age, you’re making sure that things are checked off before they go out. You’re adding a half-hour of review time for their subjects every day. And then, each day after school, they’re checking with their teacher or going for some extra help.

Remember, this plan is not a punishment—it’s a practical way of helping your child to do their best.

“I Don’t Care about Bad Grades!”

Many parents will say that their kids just don’t care about their grades. My guess is that somewhere inside, they do care. “I don’t care” also becomes part of a power struggle.

In other words, your child is saying, “I’m not going to care because you can’t make me. You don’t own my life.” And they’re right. The truth is, you can’t make them care. Instead, focus on what helps their behavior improve. And focus more on their actions and less on their attitude because it’s the actions that matter the most.

Motivation Comes From Ownership

It’s important to understand that caring and motivation come from ownership. You can help your child be motivated by allowing them to own their life more.

So let them own their disappointment over their grades. Don’t feel it more than they do. Let them choose what they will do or not do about their homework and face the consequences of those choices. Now they will begin to feel ownership, which may lead to caring.

Let them figure out what motivates them, not have them motivated by fear of you. Help guide them, but don’t prevent them from feeling the real-life consequences of bad choices. Think of it this way: it’s better for your child to learn from those consequences at age ten by failing their grade and having to go to summer school than for them to learn at age 25 by losing their job.

When Your Child Has a Learning Disability

I want to note that it’s very important that you check to see that there are no other learning issues around your child’s refusal to do homework. If they’re having difficulty doing the work or are performing below grade-level expectations, they should be tested to rule out any learning disabilities or other concerns.

If there is a learning disability, your child may need more help. For example, some kids need a little more guidance; you may need to sit near your child and help a little more. You can still put structures into place depending on who your child is.

But be careful. Many times, kids with learning disabilities get way too much help and develop what psychologists call learned helplessness . Be sure you’re not over-functioning for your learning disabled child by doing their work for them or filling in answers when they’re capable of thinking through them themselves.

The Difference Between Guidance and Over-Functioning

Your child needs guidance from you, but understand that guidance does not mean doing their spelling homework for them. Rather, it’s helping them review their words. When you cross the line into over-functioning, you take on your child’s work and put their responsibilities on your shoulders. So you want to guide them by helping them edit their book report themselves or helping them take the time to review before a test. Those can be good ways of guiding your child, but anything more than that is taking too much ownership of their work.

If your child asks for help, you can coach them. Suggest that they speak with their teacher on how to be a good student and teach them those communication skills. In other words, show them how to help themselves. So you should not back off altogether—it’s that middle ground that you’re looking for. That’s why I think it’s essential to set up a structure. And within that structure, you expect your child to do what they have to do to be a good student.

Focus on Your Own Goals

When you start over-focusing on your child’s work, pause and think about your own goals and what do you need to get done to achieve those goals. Model your own persistence and perseverance to your child.

Believe In Your Child

I also tell parents to start believing in their children. Don’t keep looking at your child as a fragile creature who can’t do the work. I think we often come to the table with fear and doubt—we think if we don’t help our kids, they’re just not going to do it.

But as much as you say, “I’m just trying to help you,” what your child hears is, “You’re a failure; I don’t believe you can do it on your own.”

Instead, your message should be, “I know you can do it. And I believe in you enough to let you make your own choices and deal with the consequences.”

Related content: What Can I Do When My Child Refuses to Go to School? “My Child Refuses to Do Homework” — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over Schoolwork

For more information on the concept of learned helplessness in psychology and behavior, we recommend the following articles:

Psychology Today: Learned Helplessness

VeryWell Mind: What Is Learned Helplessness and Why Does it Happen?

About Debbie Pincus, MS LMHC

For more than 25 years, Debbie has offered compassionate and effective therapy and coaching, helping individuals, couples and parents to heal themselves and their relationships. Debbie is the creator of the Calm Parent AM & PM™ program and is also the author of numerous books for young people on interpersonal relations.

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Frank My daughter Nina just turned 8 (Feb 11). She does not like to do homework one bit. Her teacher gives her homework every day except Friday. She loves Fridays because she doesn't like homework. She always hides her homework under her bed, refuses to do her homework, and in the More morning she tells her teacher "I lost it last night and can't find it!". She feels homework is a waste of time, yes, we all feel that way, but poor Nina needs to learn that homework is important to help you stay smart. She needs to start doing homework. How can I make her 2nd-grade brain know that homework is actually good? Is there a way to make her love, love, LOVE homework? Let me know.

Rebecca Wolfenden, Parent Coach We appreciate you writing in to Empowering Parents and sharing your story. Because we are a website aimed at helping people become more effective parents, we are limited in the advice and suggestions we can give to those outside of a direct parenting role. In addition to the tips in More the article above, it may be helpful to look into local resources to help you develop a plan for addressing these particular issues with your cousins, such as their doctor or their teachers. We wish you the best going forward. Take care.

Rebecca Wolfenden, Parent Coach I hear you. Homework can be a challenging, frustrating time in many families even under the best of circumstances, so you are not alone. When kids struggle with a subject, it can be even more difficult to get assignments completed. Although you didn’t indicate that your daughter More has ADHD, you might find some helpful tips in Why School is Hard for Kids with ADHD—and How You Can Help . Author Anna Stewart outlines techniques that can be useful to help make homework more interesting for kids with a variety of learning challenges in this article. You might also consider checking in with your daughter’s teacher, as s/he might have some additional ideas for engaging your daughter in her homework. Please be sure to write back and let us know how things are going for you and your family. Take care.

So, after reading this I get to say…GREAT…You really do not know my child.  We have done 100% of everything listed in this article.  In the end, my son has utterly declared “I DON’T CARE, AND I DON’T NEED SCHOOL”.  We have attempted a “reward” system as well, and that doesn’t work.  He cares about 3 or 4 things.  Nintendo DS, Lego, K’Nex, TV…all of those he has lost over the past year.  Now he reads, ALL the time.  Fine, but that doesn’t get his homework done.  It also doesn’t get anything else he needs to do done.  We’ve done “task boards”, we’ve done “Reward Systems”, we’ve done the “What is on your list to complete”.  EVERYTHING is met with either a full fledged meltdown (think 2 year old…on the floor, kicking and screaming and crying).  His IMMEDIATE response to ANYTHING that may interrupt him is “NO” or worse.  If something doesn’t go his way directly he throws a fit INSTANTLY, even if the response is “Give me a second” it’s NOW OR I’M DESTROYING SOMETHING.  He’s been suspended multiple times for his anger issues, and he’s only 10.  Unfortuantely we have no family history as he was adopted from Russia.  His “formal” diagnosis are ADHD and Anxiety.  I’m thinking there is something much more going on.  BTW: He did have an IQ test and that put him at 145 for Spacial and Geometric items, with a 136 for written and language.  His composite was 139, which puts him in the genius category, but he’s failing across the board…because he refuses to do the work.

Interesting article and comments. Our son (6th grade) was early diagnosed as ADHD and for the first 3 years of elementary school several of his teachers suggested he might require special education. But then the school counseling staff did a workup and determined that his IQ is 161 and from that point forward his classroom antics were largely tolerated as “eccentric”.  He has now moved to middle school (6th grade) and while his classroom participation seems to be satisfactory to all teachers, he has refused to do approximately 65% of his homework so far this school year. We have tried talking with him, reasoning with him, removing screen time, offering cash payments (which he lectures us as being unethical “bribes”), offering trips, offering hobbies and sporting events, and just about anything we can think of. Our other children have all been through the “talented and gifted” programs, but he simply refuses to participate in day-to-day school work. His fall report card was pretty much solid “F” or “O” grades. He may be bored out of his mind, or he may have some other issues. Unfortunately, home schooling is not an option, and neither is one of the $40,000 per year local private schools which may or may not be in a better position to deal with his approach to school.  Do “learning centers” work for kids like this? Paying somebody else to force him to do his homework seems like a coward’s solution but I am nearly at the end of my rope! Thanks..

RebeccaW_ParentalSupport 12yokosuka Many parents struggle with staying calm when their child is acting out and screaming, so you are not alone.  It tends to be effective to set up a structured time for kids to do their homework and study, and they can earn a privilege if they comply and meet More their responsibilities.  What this might look like for your daughter is that if she studies, she can earn her phone that day.  If she refuses, and chooses to argue or scream at you instead, then she doesn’t earn her phone that day and has another chance the next day.  You can read more about this in https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/end-the-nightly-homework-struggle-5-homework-strategies-that-work-for-kids/.  If you are also looking for resources to help you stay calm, I encourage you to check out our articles, blogs, and other resources on https://www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/parenting-strategies-techniques/calm-parenting/.  Please let us know if you have any additional questions.  Take care.

Scott carcione 

I’m sorry to hear about the challenges you are experiencing with your

son.I also hear the different

approaches you and your ex are taking toward parenting your son.While it would be ideal if you were able to

find common ground, and present a consistent, united response to your son’s

choices, in the end, you can only https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/parenting-after-divorce-9-ways-to-parent-on-your-own-terms/.At

this point, it might be useful to meet with the school to discuss how you can

work together to hold your son accountable for his actions, such as receiving a

poor grade if he refuses to do his work.Janet Lehman discusses this more in https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/when-your-child-has-problems-at-school-6-tips-for-parents/.Take care.

It can be so challenging when your child is acting out at school, yet does

not act that way at home.One strategy I

recommend is talking with your son at home about his behavior at school.During this conversation, I encourage you to

address his choices, and come up with a specific plan for what he can do differently

to follow the rules.I also recommend

working with his teachers, and discussing how you can assist them in helping

your son to follow the rules.You might

find additional useful tips in our article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/acting-out-in-school-when-your-child-is-the-class-troublemaker/.Please be sure to write back and let us know

how things are going for you and your son.Take care.

I hear you.It can be so challenging

when your young child is having outbursts like this.A lot of young children tend to act out and

have tantrums when they are experiencing a big transition, such as starting a

new school or adjusting to having a younger sibling, so you are not alone.Something that can be helpful is to set up

clear structure and expectations around homework, as Janet Lehman points out in

https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-child-refuses-to-do-homework-heres-how-to-stop-the-struggle/.I also encourage you to set aside some time

for you to have https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/attention-seeking-behavior-in-young-children-dos-and-donts-for-parents/ with your daughter as well.Please be sure to write back and let us know

how things are going for you and your family.Take care.

JoJoSuma I am having the exact same problem with my 9 year old son. His grades are quickly falling and I have no idea why or where to begin with helping him turn things around. When he applies himself he receives score of 80% or higher, and when he doesn't it clearly shows and he receives failing scores. He, too, says that he doesn't do or want to do the work because it is boring, or that he "Forgot" or "lost it". He has started to become a disruption to the class and at this rate I am afraid that he will have to repeat 5th grade. I am also a single parent so my frustration is at an all time high. You are not alone and I wish you and your family the best.

Thank you so much for these tips RebeccaW_ParentalSupport because I SERIOUSLY had nowhere to turn and no clue where to begin. I have cried many nights feeling like I was losing control. I will try your tips and see where things go from here.

It’s not uncommon

for kids to avoid doing homework, chores or other similar tasks.  After

all, homework can be boring or difficult, and most people (both kids and adults

alike) tend to prefer activities which are enjoyable or fun.  This does

not mean that you cannot address this with your daughter, though. 

Something which can be helpful for many families is to set up a structured

homework time, and to require that your daughter complete her homework in order

to earn a privilege later on that evening.  You can read about this, and

other tips, in https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/end-the-nightly-homework-struggle-5-homework-strategies-that-work-for-kids/. 

Please be sure to write back and let us know how things are going for you and

your daughter.  Take care.

Thestruggleisreal I'm just now signing up for these articles, I'm struggling with my 12 year and school work, she just doesn't want to do it, she has no care I'm world to do, she is driving me crazy over not doing, I hate to see her More fail, but I don't know what to do

FamilyMan888 

I can hear how much your

daughter’s education means to you, and the additional difficulties you are

facing as a result of her learning disabilities.  You make a great point

that you cannot force her to do her work, or get additional help, and I also

understand your concern that getting her teachers to “make” her do these things

at school might create more conflict there as well.  As James Lehman

points out in his article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/stop-the-blame-game-how-to-teach-your-child-to-stop-making-excuses-and-start-taking-responsibility/, lowering your expectations for your daughter due to her

diagnosis is probably not going to be effective either.  Instead, what you

might try is involving her in the https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior-i-cant-solve-problems/, and asking her what she thinks she needs, and what she will do

differently, to meet classroom expectations.  Please be sure to write back

and let us know how things are going for you and your family.  Take care.

tvllpit Very effective to  kids age of 5, 7, and 11 years old. Thank you for sharing your idea.

Thank you for

your question.  You are correct that we recommend setting up a structured

time for kids to do homework, yet not getting into a power struggle with them

if they refuse to do their work during that time.  It could be useful to

talk with your 11 year old about what makes it difficult to follow through with

doing homework at that time, and perhaps experimenting with doing homework at

another time to see if that works more effectively.  In the end, though,

if your child is simply refusing to do the work, then we recommend giving a

consequence and avoiding a power struggle.  Megan Devine details this

process more in her article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/end-the-nightly-homework-struggle-5-homework-strategies-that-work-for-kids/. 

Please let us know if you have any additional questions.  Take care.

jovi916 I'm a mother to a 10 year old 5th grader. Since 3rd grade I've been struggling with homework. That first year, I thought it was just lack of consistency since my children go between mine and dad's house. I tried setting some sort of system up with More the teacher to get back on track, but the teacher said it was the child's responsibility to get the hw done. This year has been esp. Difficult. He stopped doing hw, got an F, so I got on him. He stared turning half done work, but same grades so I still got on him. Grades went up, I loosened up, then he stopped with in school work. Now it's back to not turning anything in, even big projects and presentations. He had never really been allowed to watch tv, but now it's a definite no, I took his Legos away, took him out of sports. Nothing is working. He's basically sitting at the table every night, and all weekend long in order to get caught up with missing assignments. I'm worried, and next year he'll be in middle school. I try setting an example by studying in front of him. My daughter just does her homework and gets good grades. Idk what to do.

I can hear your concern. Academic achievement is important

to most parents and when your children seem to be struggling to complete their

work and get good grades, it can be distressing. Ultimately, your childrens’

school work and grades are their responsibility. You shouldn’t have to quit

your own studies in order to help them improve theirs. The above article gives

some great tips for helping motivate your children to complete their homework.

We do have a couple other articles you may also find useful: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/10-ways-to-motivate-your-child-to-do-better-in-school/ & https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/sinking-fast-at-school-how-to-help-your-child-stay-afloat/. We appreciate you

writing in and hope you find the information useful. Take care.

RNM I have the exact same issues with my 8 year old. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. He's a smart kid, he just doesn't seem to care to do his homework let alone if he gets a bad grade as a result. He hates reading, but does More very well in spelling and science. Homework is an issue nightly and the teacher pulled me aside today to tell me again how much he talks in class and that now he isn't writing down his assignments and is missing 3 assignments this week. SMH, I don't know what to do anymore other than to coach him (some more) and take away basketball if he doesn't do his homework.

What?  "Let homework stay where it belongs—between the teacher and the student. Refuse to get pulled in by the school.."  I do not see the logic or benefit of this advice.  Homework, by definition, is the responsibility of the student and parent (NOT the teacher).  The teacher does not live at the student's home or run the house.  

In my opinion, the lack of parental involvement with academics often causes the low student performance evident across the U.S.  I do not agree with advocating for even LESS parental involvement.

I completely agree with you. Parental, or adult, engagement at home can be a deal-maker/breaker when it comes to student performance. I subscribe to theories that differ from the author's.

First, if an adult is involved with the child and his activities, then the child will commonly react with "hey, somebody cares about me" leading to an increased sense of self-worth. A sense of caring about one's-self leads to caring about grades and other socially acceptable behaviors (Maslow).

Secondly, I am a FIRM believer in the techniques of behavior modification through positive reinforcement (Karen Pryor). It's up to an invested adult to determine what motivates the student and use those motivators to shape and reinforce desirable behavior such as daily homework completion. A classroom teacher has too many students and too little time to apply this theory.

Letting a child sink or swim by himself is a bad idea. Children have only one childhood; there are no do-overs.

And yes, children are work.

Many experience similar feelings of being at fault when

their child fails, so, you’re not alone. Truth of the matter is, allowing your

child to experience natural consequences of their actions by allowing them to

fail gives them the opportunity to look at themselves and change their

behavior.  We have a couple articles I think you may find helpful: When You Should Let Your Child Fail: The Benefits of Natural Consequences & 5 Natural Consequences You Should Let Your Child Face . Good luck to you and

your family moving forward. Take care.

hao hao It is so true, we can't control our children's home. It is their responsibility. But they don't care it. What can we do it?

indusreepradeep

How great it is that you want to help your brother be more

productive with his homework. He’s lucky to have a sibling who cares about him

and wants him to be successful. Because we are a website aimed at helping

parents develop better ways of managing acting out behavior, we are limited in

the advice we can offer you as his sibling. There is a website that may be able

to offer you some suggestions. http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/

is a website aimed at helping teens and young adults figure out ways of dealing

with challenges they may be facing in their lives. They offer several ways of

getting support, such as by e-mail or text, through an online forum and chat,

and also a call in helpline. You can check out what they have to offer at http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/. Good luck

to you and your family moving forward. Take care.

Kathleenann indusreepradeep

Thank you so much for your humble support....

It sounds like you have done a lot

of work to try to help your daughter achieve her educational goals, and it’s

normal to feel frustrated when she does not seem to be putting in the same

amount of effort.  It can be useful to keep your focus on whether your

daughter is doing her work, and to keep that separate from whether she “cares”

about doing her work.  Ultimately, it is up to your daughter to do her

work, regardless of how she appears to feel about it.  To that end, we

recommend working with the various local supports you have in place, such as

her therapists and others on her IEP team, to talk about what could be useful

to motivate your daughter to do her school work.  Because individuals with

autism can vary greatly with their abilities, it’s going to be more effective

to work closely with the professionals who are familiar with your daughter’s

strengths and level of functioning in order to develop a plan to address this

issue.  Thank you so much for writing in; we wish you and your daughter

all the best as you continue to address her difficulties with school. 

is there a blog for parents that went to Therapeutic boarding schooling for their adolescent?

Responses to questions posted on EmpoweringParents.com are not intended to replace qualified medical or mental health assessments. We cannot diagnose disorders or offer recommendations on which treatment plan is best for your family. Please seek the support of local resources as needed. If you need immediate assistance, or if you and your family are in crisis, please contact a qualified mental health provider in your area, or contact your statewide crisis hotline.

We value your opinions and encourage you to add your comments to this discussion. We ask that you refrain from discussing topics of a political or religious nature. Unfortunately, it's not possible for us to respond to every question posted on our website.

• 1. What to Do When Your Child or Teen is Suspended or Expelled From School
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• 4. Young Kids in School: Help for the Top 4 Behavior Problems
• 5. When Your Child Has Problems at School: 6 Tips for Parents
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Make Homework More Engaging — and Boost Your Child’s Confidence, Too

How one child with adhd learned to actually love homework — and how your child can, too..

A very smart 10-year-old named Zach used to come home from school, sigh heavily, drop his backpack on the floor and say, “I don’t have any homework !”

“How ’bout math? You usually have math ,” his dad said.

“I don’t wanna,” says Zach, “It’s stupid and boring” (which usually means, “It’s too hard”).

Dad coaxed, encouraged, sweet-talked, and bribed his son, to no avail. Zach resisted doing his homework almost every night.

Zach’s dad and mom shared their frustration and worry with Zach’s teacher and, together, they worked out an arrangement, a plan to motivate Zach to get his work done — and boost his resilience and confidence along the way.

[ Free Resource: Solve Common Homework Frustrations ]

Tackling Homework with Joy

The following day after the meeting, Zach’s teacher asked all of the kids to take a look at their homework and pick out three of the 15 problems assigned that they were most likely to get right. She didn’t ask them to pick the easiest problems, but she built in some easy items to make this work better up front.

Then she asked the kids to use a 5-point scale to rate the difficulty level of each problem: 1 is thumbs up, a piece of cake; 5 is super hard. She asked the class to write a number next to the problem and to rate their ability to do each of these independently (1= no help needed). She said, “OK, tonight you have to do these three problems. Please show them to a parent to explain what you’re doing. You can do the rest of the problems, but you don’t have to if you run out of time or energy.”

The next day the teacher asked the kids to talk about whether their difficulty rating was accurate: “What number would you assign, now that you’ve done it? And how about the independence rating…were you right? Any changes there? Did you need more help than you thought you would?” The teacher added: “How confident do you feel about the answers to these three problems?” Again, she asked them to use a rating scale.

She handed out the correct answers and asked the class, “How did you do? How do you feel about doing this activity? We’re going to do something like this again tonight, but this time I want you to double the number of problems you tackle.”

[ 12 Shortcuts for Kids Who Hate Homework ]

After the kids — all the kids, not just Zach — circled six items, the teacher asked them how they felt about this challenge. The next day she talked with the class about competence and confidence again. When all the kids said they felt good about their work, she said, “This is the way you should feel about all, or at least most, of your homework.”

On the third day, in keeping with the plan the parents worked out with the teacher, the teacher announced, “Tonight you must do all of your homework. Tell your parents about this and tell them you want to try to do the problems by yourself, but let them know you may need their help. This time, you will do three things: 1) Mark down your start/stop times. I want to see how long it takes each of you to do the same assignment. Don’t worry: I won’t disclose this info to anyone. 2) Rate the level of adult assistance you got. 3) Tomorrow I’ll ask you to give the assignment a confidence rating.”

Making Mistakes — and “Repairing” Them

The teacher asked the kids to show their homework to their parents, having identified in class the three items that will be the most challenging. She included one item that is really hard and said, “You have to do the three problems that you rated as most difficult, and you have to do this ‘extra hard’ one that I added. It’s very likely that some of you will make mistakes, and this is good. Because tomorrow we’re going to have an ‘error repair clinic.’”

Sure enough, some of the kids made errors. The teacher assigned kids to repair teams. Their job was to find out where the error-maker went wrong. Then, as a team, they “repaired” the problem and presented their thought process (and the correct answer) to the class or a larger subgroup.

This little exercise boosted Zach’s confidence. He is less afraid of making mistakes, and knows now that his job is to find and fix inevitable errors. His attitude about homework has changed: He is more likely to look at math as a challenge that can be overcome; he’ll know the joy of success that will keep the momentum going; and he will spend less time in “I can’t” land. In short, he is more likely to bend and rebound rather than freeze up and break when faced with a challenge at school or in life.

What’s more, parents and teacher have learned how to build success together. By the way, you can bet that, for every Zach, there are six kids in a classroom who need this kind of training. I’m sure the teacher will be getting a lot of thank-you notes from parents who find homework time more peaceful.

The Right Kind of Homework

When Zach’s teacher tells her students that “this is the way you should feel when you do your homework,” she is stating the approach I advocate. To be effective, homework should give opportunities to kids to do things that they learned how to do during the day, and that they believe they can do pretty successfully. There should also be some challenge built into homework, some reason for kids to push themselves closer to what I call the “boundary of their competence.”

Homework should never be used to introduce or teach a new concept. This puts a lot of kids on the edge of their incompetence. It is not a good idea, because kids will shy away from tasks that don’t make them feel smart and look competent.

If you like the plan Zach’s parents worked out with his teacher but find yourself thinking, “Yeah, but my child’s teacher won’t go along with it,” do this: Give your child’s teacher a copy of this article and ask them to e-mail me — [email protected] — telling me how the plan worked. Tell them I’d like to add their comments to a growing list from other teachers who rave about this simple and effective approach.

You can use this method at home, as long as your child’s teacher agrees that your child will complete fewer problems in the short run. The goal is to get back to the expected level of solving problems, but with less stress and more success. Who could argue with that?

Remember, if most homework requires help from adults, kids don’t get the chance to feel the joy of independence from doing it on their own. When little kids master a task on their own, they cry out: “Look, Mommy, I did it!” (Remember those sweet moments?) That’s what kids should feel when they do homework.

[ How to Cut Homework Time In Half ]

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The Story: When cute teen Liz Jordan is doing her homework, her stepdaddy Filthy Rich offers to help her study. Next thing she knows she’s bent over the table and stepdaddy is deeply encouraging from behind.

Stepdaddy's Encouragement

Working from home allowed him to be a more engaged dad. Now it’s over

• By Andrea Hsu/NPR

Return-to-office policies are getting stricter, upending the lives of those who had gotten used to working from home.

Employers are stepping up the number of days their employees need to show up in person, arguing it promotes stronger social connections, better collaboration and fairness in the workplace. A survey last year by the professional services firm KPMG found two-thirds of CEOs predicting a full return to office by 2026.

In the city of Philadelphia, it’s already happening.

This summer, the city’s new mayor Cherelle Parker made good on her promise to give residents a government they could “see, touch and feel,”  ordering all municipal employees back to the office five days a week .

On July 15, several thousand city workers bid farewell to the hybrid work schedules they’d had since 2020 and returned to their daily commutes.

Rachel Wisniewski for NPR

Andrew DiDonato (right) takes the train home from Suburban Station in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania on July 22, 2024.

Remote work was a pipe dream until it became the new normal

For Andrew DiDonato, who reviews residential building permits for Philadelphia’s Licenses and Inspections Department, the commute is 45 minutes to an hour each way, depending on train delays.

He’d been doing that two days a week until last month. The other three days, DiDonato worked from home.

It was a schedule he never would have thought possible before the pandemic, when remote work was something people would joke about.

“Like the pipe dream of flying cars,” he says.

As luck would have it, his department was ready to go fully online when the pandemic hit. Just two days before COVID briefly shuttered its offices in March 2020, the city rolled out a new online permitting system, which had been in the works for years. Instead of having to come in to apply for permits, residents could now do everything online.

The timing couldn’t have been better for him and for the city’s residents, all stuck in their homes.

“Within months, everyone was using it,” says DiDonato.

He quickly found he could do his job just fine on a hybrid schedule.

What he discovered he was doing better was parenting. It was a revelation.

Freed from the daily commute, DiDonato no longer had to leave the house every morning before the kids were awake.

That opened up more options for his wife Ashley, who’d stayed home since their third child was born. She got a part-time job working early mornings at a fitness center.

“It was one of those moments where something perfect falls in your lap,” she says. “It was exactly what I needed.”

Andrew DiDonato (left) places his hair into a bun while his wife Ashley (right) does the same to their daughter Rosalie in their home in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania on July 22, 2024.

Being around for breakfast, homework, afterschool clubs

Now it was Dad who got the mornings going, getting the kids up, feeding them breakfast and talking about the day ahead.

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Zoë Kravitz Admits It Was 'Very Hurtful' to Move Away from Mom Lisa Bonet to Live with Dad Lenny Kravitz

"I just wish I had been able to appreciate what she was doing for me," the 'Blink Twice' director said

Zoey Grossman/Esquire

Zoë Kravitz  is looking back on her decision to live with dad Lenny Kravitz after his breakup with her mother Lisa Bonet .

The Blink Twice director and co-writer, 35, opened up about that period in her life in a wide-ranging interview for Esquire , alongside a photoshoot for the magazine's September 2024 issue.

“I think it was very hurtful that I moved away from her to be with my dad and my dad wasn’t even there,” Zoë said of Bonet, recalling the time she relocated to New York City from Miami and musician Lenny, now 60, left soon after to tour.

Zoë added of Bonet, now 56, “I just wish I had been able to appreciate what she was doing for me."

"She was so focused on preserving my innocence. My creativity. Because she knew what the world is — that you don’t get that back," the Batman actress added.

Never miss a story — sign up for  PEOPLE's free daily newsletter  to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human-interest stories.

One example? Bonet changing her own name to Lilakoi Moon when Zoë was 5 years old and enrolling her daughter in school as Zoë Moon, a decision the latter told Esquire was "very sweet."

While she was living with Bonet, she saw Lenny a few times a year, according to the magazine — and seeing him "was this whirlwind of a completely different universe,” Zoë said, referring to the time when his career was at a particularly high point .

"Then I would go home to this really quiet, really simple life," she said of the time before she relocated with Lenny to Miami when she was 11 and then, eventually, to New York City.

Of the different lifestyle she adopted once she moved to Florida, Zoë told Esquire , “It wasn’t that my dad didn’t care. He just cared about different things.”

The PEOPLE Puzzler crossword is here! How quickly can you solve it? Play now !

Lenny and actress Bonet met backstage at a New Edition concert in Los Angeles in 1985. They eloped in Las Vegas on Nov. 16, 1987 — Bonet's 20th birthday — and welcomed their only child, daughter Zoë, on Dec. 1, 1988.

Zoë was only 2 when her parents split in 1991, divorcing in 1993. But the former couple have remained close in the years since, with Lenny even telling PEOPLE in 2020 that their bond is "essential" and they "love each other just as much as before — it's just a different situation."

In her interview with Esquire , Zoë recalled feeling like her dad was getting taken advantage of at times when she was younger due to his friendly, accepting personality. She said, "I can smell it out pretty quickly."

“I had to when I was a kid because he didn’t," she explained of her own tendency to pick up on suspicious motives. "He’s really trusting, and it’s sweet, but I can tell exactly what someone wants.”

Blink Twice is in theaters Aug. 23.

Related Articles

Working from home allowed him to be a more engaged dad. Now it’s over

Return-to-office policies are getting stricter, upending the lives of those who had gotten used to working from home.

Employers are stepping up the number of days their employees need to show up in person, arguing it promotes stronger social connections, better collaboration and fairness in the workplace. A survey last year by the professional services firm KPMG found two-thirds of CEOs predicting a full return to office by 2026.

In the city of Philadelphia, it's already happening.

This summer, the city's new mayor Cherelle Parker made good on her promise to give residents a government they could "see, touch and feel," ordering all municipal employees back to the office five days a week .

On July 15, several thousand city workers bid farewell to the hybrid work schedules they'd had since 2020 and returned to their daily commutes.

Remote work was a pipe dream until it became the new normal

For Andrew DiDonato, who reviews residential building permits for Philadelphia's Licenses and Inspections Department, the commute is 45 minutes to an hour each way, depending on train delays.

He'd been doing that two days a week until last month. The other three days, DiDonato worked from home.

It was a schedule he never would have thought possible before the pandemic, when remote work was something people would joke about.

"Like the pipe dream of flying cars," he says.

As luck would have it, his department was ready to go fully online when the pandemic hit. Just two days before COVID briefly shuttered its offices in March 2020, the city rolled out a new online permitting system, which had been in the works for years. Instead of having to come in to apply for permits, residents could now do everything online.

The timing couldn't have been better for him and for the city's residents, all stuck in their homes.

"Within months, everyone was using it," says DiDonato.

He quickly found he could do his job just fine on a hybrid schedule.

What he discovered he was doing better was parenting. It was a revelation.

Freed from the daily commute, DiDonato no longer had to leave the house every morning before the kids were awake.

That opened up more options for his wife Ashley, who’d stayed home since their third child was born. She got a part-time job working early mornings at a fitness center.

"It was one of those moments where something perfect falls in your lap," she says. "It was exactly what I needed."

Being around for breakfast, homework, afterschool clubs

Now it was Dad who got the mornings going, getting the kids up, feeding them breakfast and talking about the day ahead.

"All those extra conversations I get to have with my kids during those little moments I was gone for," says DiDonato. "I'm hearing about what they're concerned with about school, what they're excited for."

At the end of the work day, instead of the tiresome train ride home, he was helping with homework and volunteering with after-school clubs. His oldest, 10-year-old Rosalie, joined the school play, the musical Moana Junior.

Drawing on his years in construction, DiDonato built Moana's boat for the set.

"It was a real life-sized boat," says Rosalie, beaming at her dad.

The family got used to this more balanced life.

"It wasn’t something we had for a couple weeks or a couple months," says DiDonato. "It was four years."

And now, it’s gone. With DiDonato back in the office full-time, Ashley has had to cut back her hours at the fitness center and pick up a Sunday shift.

"We’re forced back into these systems that are no longer working for us," she says. "It feels like it’s taking a step backwards."

City leaders embrace a different philosophy

In Philadelphia, city officials acknowledged the return-to-office decision wasn't driven by concerns about productivity. Rather, it was in pursuit of what they called a leadership philosophy.

Mayor Parker has cited the many thousands of city employees — sanitation workers, social workers, the water department — who never had the ability to work from home.

"I need us all right now to make a sacrifice for our city," she said at a press conference this summer.

Parker has also made clear she wants the city’s return-to-office plan to be a model for private-sector employers, part of her effort to make a more economically vibrant Philadelphia.

"That’s the ultimate goal," she said.

"Can't put the toothpaste back in the tube."

This leaves DiDonato at a crossroads.

He's worked for the city for seven years and likes his job. It comes with some pretty great benefits, including health care for the family, a free train pass and a pension to look forward to.

But these days, he's asking himself: Is all that worth the cherished family time he’s giving up? After living the hybrid life for four years, he’s not sure he can go without.

"It’s one of those things where you can’t put the toothpaste back in tube," he says.

Copyright 2024 NPR

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Rfk jr. sought meeting with kamala harris to discuss cabinet job in exchange for endorsement .

Independent presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. attempted to arrange a meeting with Vice President Kamala Harris last week in which he would offer to drop out of the 2024 race and endorse her in exchange for a spot in her administration — potentially a cabinet-level position. 

But Harris, 59, has not demonstrated any interest in meeting with Kennedy, let alone taking him up on his offer, the Washington Post reported Wednesday. 

“From the beginning of this campaign, we were saying people should be talking to each other,” Kennedy told the outlet. “That is the only way of unifying the country.”

The 70-year-old White House hopeful argued that it would be a “strategic mistake” for the Harris campaign to not consider his proposal. 

“I think they ought to be looking at every opportunity,” he said. “I think it is going to be a very close race.”

A spokesperson for the Kennedy campaign suggested that the independent candidate is open to making the same proposal to former President Donald Trump. 

“Mr. Kennedy is willing to meet with leaders of both parties to discuss the possibility of a unity government,” the campaign official told The Post. 

Trump, 78, reportedly met with Kennedy in Milwaukee last month, on the first day of the Republican National Convention, in an effort to gain his endorsement.   

The Harris campaign did not respond to The Post’s request for comment. 

Kennedy’s campaign has floundered since peaking at 15% support last November, according to a Fox News poll released Wednesday. 

The outlet’s latest survey shows Kennedy mustering only 6% support. 

The same poll showed the independent pulling more support away from Trump than Harris, with 9% of voters who backed Trump in a two-way race going for Kennedy when given that option and 7% of Harris supporters doing the same. 

An Albany court ruled Monday that RFK Jr. will not appear on New York ballots in November because he does not actually live at the Westchester County address he listed as his place of residence in election filings.

The ruling, made in response to a lawsuit filed by a super PAC that had backed President Biden, spoiled Kennedy’s bid to appear on ballots in all 50 states, and it could have repercussions in other states where he listed the address as his home. 

Kennedy told the Washington Post that he has not had any contact with the Democratic Party since launching his campaign other than through litigation. 

“The only contact I have with the DNC is them suing me through intermediaries,” he said.

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You haven’t lived until you’re crying while doing maths with your dad at the kitchen table

Especially if it’s the night before a test

Edit: WOW THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH, I never expected this to blow up overnight! My face literally lit up this morning!

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Asking Eric: How do I nurture my child’s relationship with her father when I know he’s not a good person?

• Published: Aug. 13, 2024, 2:00 p.m.

R. Eric Thomas writes “Asking Eric,” a new daily advice column from the bestselling author. Tribune Content Agency

• R. Eric Thomas

DEAR ERIC: I have a three-year-old with my ex-husband who I currently have a very strained relationship with. I recently had to file a restraining order on him because he assaulted me when I was picking her up from his house. Though there is a history of domestic violence there, I am very happy to be building my life back up away from that.

She still sees him every other weekend. I want her to be able to make up her own mind about him one day and I don’t want my opinions to sway her thoughts. How do I continue to nurture her relationship with him when I truly don’t think he’s a good person?

– Conflicted Ex

DEAR CONFLICTED: The best way to care for the relationship right now might be revisiting the terms of your custody.

He can’t even do pick-up without resorting to assault; this is not a safe shared custody agreement and the blame lies with him. You don’t have to clean up his mess.

Thank you for protecting yourself with the restraining order. Please keep seeking out help. If you don’t have the means to consult your lawyer, the National Domestic Violence Hotline ( thehotline.org ) has a searchable database that will direct you to local legal resources.

Until your ex gets the help he needs, and begins to make amends to you and your daughter, any relationship he’s building with her will be unhealthy.

As time goes on, your opinion of him may not change. It won’t be appropriate to vent to her, but your experiences are real and legally documented. Your feelings are valid. You can tell her the truth.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com .)

©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

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