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Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Collide’ on Hulu, A Calamitous Pile-Up Of Dramatic Clichés
Where to stream:, amores perros.
- Stream It Or Skip It
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Stream it or skip it: ‘am i racist’ on dailywire+, another attempt by matt walsh to own the libs, stream it or skip it: ‘love village’ season 2 on netflix, where older folks seek out more matches in a secluded setting , stream it or skip it: ‘the taste of things’ on acorn tv, a sumptuous foodie film starring juliette binoche.
I want to begin this piece by extending an apology to the Best Picture-winning Crash for any hyperbolic statement that might have suggested prestige-chasing dramas can’t get much worse. For I had not seen Collide , now streaming on Hulu (and not to be confused with the Nicholas Hoult vehicle of the same name), and could not have known the error of my ways. The “we’re all connected” movie has hit a new nadir all these years after we thought it had been left for dead. I have been in actual car crashes less painful than watching this movie.
COLLIDE : STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?
The Gist: Collide, an aptly named Los Angeles restaurant, plays home to a number of stories reaching the point of, ahem, collision . Peter (Jim Gaffigan) creeps in the car doing a pathetic stakeout while his wife Angie (Drea de Matteo) hits on the manager. Hunter (Ryan Phillippe) shows up for a blind date with Tamira (Kat Graham), a South African ex-pat who has explosive plans in store for her planned dinner companion. Lily (Aisha Dee) wants to provide for the child growing inside her and sees potential with her lover and fellow employee Zee (Dylan Flashner), who’s found a large amount of cocaine he intends to sell to a gangster. On one fateful night, their fates intertwine.
What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: Any of the “hyperlink cinema” movies of the early 2000s — think Traffic , Amores Perros , Syriana , Rendition — is what Collide is striving (and failing) to achieve. One must wonder if, given their shared casting of Ryan Phillippe, the film exists in the shared Crash cinematic universe.
Performance Worth Watching: With respect to everyone who showed up on set and tried their best, there is no one who comes out of this looking good. No one, not even Jim Gaffigan, from whom it’s most tempting to grant some grace given that he’s trying something different. But in fairness to the performers, I doubt even an Oscar-winning thespian could make this painfully obvious dialogue sound believable.
Memorable Dialogue: Tamira delivers this monologue to explain her character’s motivations midway through the film, and it’s memorable for all the wrong reasons: “Did you really think you could get away with it? All you whites? Do you just run away and pretend like it didn’t happen? That it isn’t still happening? Every day? Here in America? South Africa … did you think I would never find you?”
Sex and Skin: The only skin you’re seeing here is the inside of your hand when another painfully obvious line or plot point makes you facepalm.
Our Take: Filmmaker Mukunda Michael Dewil showed with 2022’s The Immaculate Room that he’s plenty capable of producing passable entertainment. Collide misses even that low bar. The screenplay, which comes out to little more than several student shorts whose pages got mixed up together, is an absolute wreck. When it needs to underscore an emotional beat, scoring with all the sophistication of a temp track comes in to tell you exactly what the film wants you to feel. The cinematography is jittery, jumpy, and nonsensical — and apparently, they could not find money in the budget for a single tripod. The camerawork does not show the most basic proficiency with staging something like a car crash, and that’s not even to say anything about the jaw-droppingly painful lo-fi visual effects. Having a low budget does not a bad movie make, but there are amateur TikToks made with more attention to craft and form than Collide .
Our Call: Str—just kidding, SKIP IT! Unless you are a masochist and want to observe how not to make a movie, you can feel safe in skipping Collide . It’s your life, and you can’t get these 90 minutes back.
Marshall Shaffer is a New York-based freelance film journalist. In addition to Decider, his work has also appeared on Slashfilm, Slant, Little White Lies and many other outlets. Some day soon, everyone will realize how right he is about Spring Breakers.
- Collide (2022)
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- Cast & crew
User reviews
Well, They Tried
- adrian-v-palomo
- Aug 9, 2022
Great cast, horrible filming technique
- Dec 16, 2022
One hour in and I'm done
What a stinker attempt at a crash film.
- shuswap-83557
- Aug 13, 2022
Really not good
- Aug 20, 2022
- Aug 11, 2022
It's technically a movie
- keeganquinn
- Mar 29, 2023
Love is hard
- nogodnomasters
- Aug 15, 2022
VIEWS ON FILM review of Collide
- burlesonjesse5
- Dec 19, 2022
Is this some USC film class project?
Very tense, great suspense.
- Aug 12, 2022
"We have to live with ourselves. Isn't that consequence enough?"
- classicsoncall
- Jan 2, 2023
Awful 3 out of 10
- johnrlucky-322-668606
- Aug 18, 2022
So sick of jerky handheld cameras!
- Dec 29, 2022
So terrible
- Jan 6, 2023
Unwatchable. Literally induces headaches.
- HorrorFilmHellion
- Jun 11, 2023
Were these actors just desperate for a job?
- strandcheryl
- Jan 26, 2024
Dumbest movie ever..
- Sep 23, 2023
- Jul 13, 2023
too contrived
- SnoopyStyle
- Jun 2, 2023
Not as dull as people make it out to be
- Dec 26, 2023
Shaky Cam Garbage
- May 22, 2024
Oh it's bad and it gets worse 😂
- Aug 26, 2024
DIFFERENT KIND OF THRILLER
- brothersteed-806-146857
- Jan 1, 2023
- sharkeymarsha-69311
- Feb 6, 2023
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