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40 Philosophy of Education Examples, Plus How To Write Your Own

Learn how to define and share your teaching philosophy.

These days, it’s become common for educators to be asked what their personal teaching philosophy is. Whether it’s for a job interview, a college class, or to share with your principal, crafting a philosophy of education can seem like a daunting task. So set aside some time to consider your own teaching philosophy (we’ll walk you through it), and be sure to look at philosophy of education examples from others (we’ve got those too!).

What is a philosophy of education?

Before we dive into the examples, it’s important to understand the purpose of a philosophy of education. This statement will provide an explanation of your teaching values and beliefs. Your teaching philosophy is ultimately a combination of the methods you studied in college and any professional experiences you’ve learned from since. It incorporates your own experiences (negative or positive) in education.

Many teachers have two versions of their teaching philosophy: a long form (a page or so of text) and a short form. The longer form is useful for job application cover letters or to include as part of your teacher portfolio. The short form distills the longer philosophy into a couple of succinct sentences that you can use to answer teacher job interview questions or even share with parents.

What’s the best teaching philosophy?

Here’s one key thing to remember: There’s no one right answer to “What’s your teaching philosophy?” Every teacher’s will be a little bit different, depending on their own teaching style, experiences, and expectations. And many teachers find that their philosophies change over time, as they learn and grow in their careers.

When someone asks for your philosophy of education, what they really want to know is that you’ve given thought to how you prepare lessons and interact with students in and out of the classroom. They’re interested in finding out what you expect from your students and from yourself, and how you’ll apply those expectations. And they want to hear examples of how you put your teaching philosophy into action.

What’s included in strong teaching philosophy examples?

Depending on who you ask, a philosophy of education statement can include a variety of values, beliefs, and information. As you build your own teaching philosophy statement, consider these aspects, and write down your answers to the questions.

Purpose of Education (Core Beliefs)

What do you believe is the purpose of teaching and learning? Why does education matter to today’s children? How will time spent in your classroom help prepare them for the future?

Use your answers to draft the opening statement of your philosophy of education, like these:

• Education isn’t just about what students learn, but about learning how to learn.
• A good education prepares students to be productive and empathetic members of society.
• Teachers help students embrace new information and new ways of seeing the world around them.
• A strong education with a focus on fundamentals ensures students can take on any challenges that come their way.
• I believe education is key to empowering today’s youth, so they’ll feel confident in their future careers, relationships, and duties as members of their community.
• Well-educated students are open-minded, welcoming the opinions of others and knowing how to evaluate information critically and carefully.

Teaching Style and Practices

Do you believe in student-led learning, or do you like to use the Socratic method instead? Is your classroom a place for quiet concentration or sociable collaboration? Do you focus on play-based learning, hands-on practice, debate and discussion, problem-solving, or project-based learning? All teachers use a mix of teaching practices and styles, of course, but there are some you’re likely more comfortable with than others. Possible examples:

• I frequently use project-based learning in my classrooms because I believe it helps make learning more relevant to my students. When students work together to address real-world problems, they use their [subject] knowledge and skills and develop communication and critical thinking abilities too.
• Play-based learning is a big part of my teaching philosophy. Kids who learn through play have more authentic experiences, exploring and discovering the world naturally in ways that make the process more engaging and likely to make a lasting impact.
• In my classroom, technology is key. I believe in teaching students how to use today’s technology in responsible ways, embracing new possibilities and using technology as a tool, not a crutch.
• While I believe in trying new teaching methods, I also find that traditional learning activities can still be effective. My teaching is mainly a mix of lecture, Socratic seminar, and small-group discussions.
• I’m a big believer in formative assessment , taking every opportunity to measure my students’ understanding and progress. I use tools like exit tickets and Kahoot! quizzes, and watch my students closely to see if they’re engaged and on track.
• Group work and discussions play a major role in my instructional style. Students who learn to work cooperatively at a young age are better equipped to succeed in school, in their future careers, and in their communities.

Students and Learning Styles

Why is it important to recognize all learning styles? How do you accommodate different learning styles in your classroom? What are your beliefs on diversity, equity, and inclusion? How do you ensure every student in your classroom receives the same opportunities to learn? How do you expect students to behave, and how do you measure success? ADVERTISEMENT

Sample teaching philosophy statements about students might sound like this:

• Every student has their own unique talents, skills, challenges, and background. By getting to know my students as individuals, I can help them find the learning styles that work best for them, now and throughout their education.
• I find that motivated students learn best. They’re more engaged in the classroom and more diligent when working alone. I work to motivate students by making learning relevant, meaningful, and enjoyable.
• We must give every student equal opportunities to learn and grow. Not all students have the same support outside the classroom. So as a teacher, I try to help bridge gaps when I see them and give struggling students a chance to succeed academically.
• I believe every student has their own story and deserves a chance to create and share it. I encourage my students to approach learning as individuals, and I know I’m succeeding when they show a real interest in showing up and learning more every day.
• In my classroom, students take responsibility for their own success. I help them craft their own learning goals, then encourage them to evaluate their progress honestly and ask for help when they need it.
• To me, the best classrooms are those that are the most diverse. Students learn to recognize and respect each other’s differences, celebrating what each brings to the community. They also have the opportunity to find common ground, sometimes in ways that surprise them.

How do I write my philosophy of education?

Think back to any essay you’ve ever written and follow a similar format. Write in the present tense; your philosophy isn’t aspirational, it’s something you already live and follow. This is true even if you’re applying for your first teaching job. Your philosophy is informed by your student teaching, internships, and other teaching experiences.

Lead with your core beliefs about teaching and learning. These beliefs should be reflected throughout the rest of your teaching philosophy statement.

Then, explain your teaching style and practices, being sure to include concrete examples of how you put those practices into action. Transition into your beliefs about students and learning styles, with more examples. Explain why you believe in these teaching and learning styles, and how you’ve seen them work in your experiences.

A long-form philosophy of education statement usually takes a few paragraphs (not generally more than a page or two). From that long-form philosophy, highlight a few key statements and phrases and use them to sum up your teaching philosophy in a couple of well-crafted sentences for your short-form teaching philosophy.

Still feeling overwhelmed? Try answering these three key questions:

• Why do you teach?
• What are your favorite, tried-and-true methods for teaching and learning?
• How do you help students of all abilities and backgrounds learn?

If you can answer those three questions, you can write your teaching philosophy!

Short Philosophy of Education Examples

We asked real educators in the We Are Teachers HELPLINE group on Facebook to share their teaching philosophy examples in a few sentences . Here’s what they had to say:

I am always trying to turn my students into self-sufficient learners who use their resources to figure it out instead of resorting to just asking someone for the answers. —Amy J.

My philosophy is that all students can learn. Good educators meet all students’ differentiated learning needs to help all students meet their maximum learning potential. —Lisa B.

I believe that all students are unique and need a teacher that caters to their individual needs in a safe and stimulating environment. I want to create a classroom where students can flourish and explore to reach their full potential. My goal is also to create a warm, loving environment, so students feel safe to take risks and express themselves. —Valerie T.

In my classroom, I like to focus on the student-teacher relationships/one-on-one interactions. Flexibility is a must, and I’ve learned that you do the best you can with the students you have for however long you have them in your class. —Elizabeth Y

I want to prepare my students to be able to get along without me and take ownership of their learning. I have implemented a growth mindset. —Kirk H.

My teaching philosophy is centered around seeing the whole student and allowing the student to use their whole self to direct their own learning. As a secondary teacher, I also believe strongly in exposing all students to the same core content of my subject so that they have equal opportunities for careers and other experiences dependent upon that content in the future. —Jacky B.

All children learn best when learning is hands-on. This works for the high students and the low students too, even the ones in between. I teach by creating experiences, not giving information. —Jessica R.

As teachers, it’s our job to foster creativity. In order to do that, it’s important for me to embrace the mistakes of my students, create a learning environment that allows them to feel comfortable enough to take chances, and try new methods. —Chelsie L.

I believe that every child can learn and deserves the best, well-trained teacher possible who has high expectations for them. I differentiate all my lessons and include all learning modalities. —Amy S.

All students can learn and want to learn. It is my job to meet them where they are and move them forward. —Holli A.

I believe learning comes from making sense of chaos. My job is to design work that will allow students to process, explore, and discuss concepts to own the learning. I need to be part of the process to guide and challenge perceptions. —Shelly G.

I want my students to know that they are valued members of our classroom community, and I want to teach each of them what they need to continue to grow in my classroom. —Doreen G.

Teach to every child’s passion and encourage a joy for and love of education and school. —Iris B.

I believe in creating a classroom culture of learning through mistakes and overcoming obstacles through teamwork. —Jenn B.

It’s our job to introduce our kids to many, many different things and help them find what they excel in and what they don’t. Then nurture their excellence and help them figure out how to compensate for their problem areas. That way, they will become happy, successful adults. —Haley T.

Longer Philosophy of Education Examples

Looking for longer teaching philosophy examples? Check out these selections from experienced teachers of all ages and grades.

• Learning To Wear the Big Shoes: One Step at a Time
• Nellie Edge: My Kindergarten Teaching Philosophy
• Faculty Focus: My Philosophy of Teaching
• Robinson Elementary School: My Teaching Philosophy
• David Orace Kelly: Philosophy of Education
• Explorations in Higher Education: My Teaching Philosophy Statement
• University of Washington Medical School Faculty Teaching Philosophy Statements

Do you have any philosophy of education examples? Share them in the We Are Teachers HELPLINE Group on Facebook!

Want more articles and tips like this be sure to subscribe to our newsletters to find out when they’re posted..

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Free Examples of Effective Teaching Personal Statement

Table of Contents

The personal statement is an important part of the teaching application process. It allows you to provide information about yourself that doesn’t appear in your resume or transcripts.

When writing your personal statement, be sure to focus on the qualities that make you a good teacher. Before giving you  examples of personal statements for teaching jobs , we have a few tips to help you.

Important Tips for Writing a Personal Statement for a Teaching Job

When creating your personal statement , it’s important to remember why you want to become a teacher. We dive further into this and more in this section of the article.

Start With Why You Chose Teaching As a Profession

What do you love about teaching? What drives you? Define what makes a great teacher for you and explain how your experiences have prepared you for this career.

Be specific and honest in describing both your strengths and weaknesses as they relate to teaching. Ultimately, the goal is for the recruiter to understand why you’re the best choice for the job.

Explain How You Have Developed This Passion

Your statement should explain how you developed your passion for teaching. Choosing teaching as a profession isn’t enough. How did you nurture this passion?

Describe Any Experience You Have Had Working With Students

You need to describe your previous experience working with students. Doing this helps demonstrate your ability to handle students and work in a school environment.

Highlight Your Strengths and Skills As They Relate to Teaching

Don’t be shy to highlight your teaching strengths and skills. You’re competing with others for the job. Only qualified candidates with skills related to the job get interviewed. Highlight any experience or qualifications that are relevant to the role.

Tailor the Statement to the Job Description

Like any job opening, be sure to read the job description. This helps ensure you tailor your personal statement specifically for the position you’re applying for . 

It is unbecoming for a teacher to submit a statement full of errors. Proofread and edit your statement carefully before submitting it.

Examples of Personal Statements for Teaching Jobs

We have some of the best examples of personal statements for teaching jobs for you. Read through to see what your personal statement should look like.

Teaching has been a lifelong passion of mine. I began working with children as soon as I was old enough to volunteer in my local Sunday school program. Since then, I have continued to work with students of all ages in many different settings, including public schools, after-school programs and summer camps. My experience has taught me that nothing is more rewarding than helping young people learn and grow. 

I am confident that my skills and passion for teaching would make me an excellent educator. In addition to having classroom experience, I possess strong organizational and communication skills, which are essential for successfully managing a classroom environment.

Above all, however, what makes me an ideal teacher is my dedication to the success of each individual student. Every child deserves the opportunity to find their own unique strengths and passions. It is my goal as a teacher always be there to help them discover these things within themselves.

I am a compassionate and dedicated teacher with years of experience in the field. Above all, I believe that teaching is not simply a profession. Rather, it is a calling that allows me to share my knowledge and help others learn and grow. 

My approach is student-centered. I adapt my instruction to meet their unique needs while fostering an environment where they can feel comfortable taking risks and making mistakes. In addition to having strong classroom management skills, I have a proven track record of developing engaging curricula tailored for students at different levels. Ultimately, I view teaching as an opportunity not only to impart important academic knowledge but instill lifelong values such as curiosity, resilience, and compassion.

It’s always nerve-racking to go through the application process for a teaching job. If you put some thought into it, it becomes easier. Focus on what’s important: the skills, strengths, and experience that make you right for the job. 

Abir Ghenaiet

Abir is a data analyst and researcher. Among her interests are artificial intelligence, machine learning, and natural language processing. As a humanitarian and educator, she actively supports women in tech and promotes diversity.

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Education and teaching personal statements

On this page you'll find a collection of real personal statements written by students applying to study teaching and related courses at university.

These personal statements are written by real students - don't expect them all to be perfect! But by reading through a few of these samples, you'll be able to get some ideas and inspiration for your own personal statement. 

Education and teaching personal statement examples

More help with your personal statement.

You can find personal statement examples for other courses by using this subject list, or by returning to our personal statements by subject page.

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Teaching personal statement examples

Giving you the chance to show why you'd be a great teacher, your personal statement is an important part of your application and worth taking the time over

What is a teaching personal statement?

Your personal statement is used to explain why you want to become a teacher and your suitability for the role. While your application form briefly outlines your qualifications, skills and work experience, your teaching personal statement is where your personality shines through.

Take your time with it. Many candidates often spend a few weeks on this part of the application as you don't have to write it all at once. You should get someone to read over it and be prepared to receive constructive feedback and write a few drafts before you send it off.

It's important to:

• use examples based on your recent teaching experience
• tailor your personal statement according to the school/age group
• use good, clear, written English, using first person terms such as 'my' and 'I'
• be original and honest
• avoid clichés and general statements, such as 'I've always wanted to teach'
• demonstrate a passion for teaching.

While it's crucial to get it right, your teaching personal statement is only a small part of the application process. Find out how else you'll need to prepare to  get a teaching job .

How to write a personal statement for teaching

Your personal statement should be between 500 and 1,000 words. It's crucial that you  don't copy  and that the statement you provide is  your own work .

This is your opportunity to:

• write about any relevant skills and experience you have
• explain your understanding of why teaching is important
• detail why you want to become a teacher
• list any extra skills or experience you have, such as volunteering or first aid.

See  personal statements for postgraduate applications  for more guidance.

The nature of your personal statement will vary, depending on the type of teaching you'd like to pursue. Take a look at some of our example personal statements to get an idea of how they differ.

Personal statement for PGCE primary

As well as focusing on roles in which you've gained experience with primary-age children, a PGCE primary personal statement should demonstrate your well-rounded personality and any skills that could be useful for the range of extra-curricular activities primary schools provide (such as the ability to read music for recorder lessons, or drama experience to help with school plays).

Personal statement for PGCE secondary

Many good PGCE secondary personal statements acknowledge the challenges involved in teaching older pupils and provide examples of where the candidate has worked to overcome these problems. As secondary teaching roles are geared towards teaching a specific subject, training providers are looking for more evidence of your subject and degree knowledge.

Personal statement for School Direct

If you're applying for the salaried School Direct route, you should discuss the experience you've gained in the classroom prior to your application. One of your references will need to be from an employer, or someone who can comment on your work ethic and suitability for teaching. Don't worry if your degree is unrelated to the subject you'd like to teach - you may still be able to apply by completing a subject knowledge enhancement (SKE) course .

Find out more

• Discover how to structure a teaching CV .
• Find out what it's really like to be a primary or secondary school teacher .
• Search postgraduate courses in teaching .

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• FindAMasters
• Education Masters Personal Statement Sample

Written by Hannah Slack

This is an example personal statement for a Masters degree application in Education. See our guide for advice on writing your own postgraduate personal statement .

Recent developments in the social and political landscapes have strongly highlighted the importance of education for children in schools. Studying an undergraduate degree in History allowed me to gain a deeper understanding of societal change over time. Completing modules in Public History also let me explore the importance of education.

Having completed my degree, I decided that my true passions lie in the educational field. After a few years working in a secondary school, I became increasingly interested in how the national curriculum is built. To help propel my career into curriculum design and management, I decided completing a Masters at your university would be the best option.

As I have already mentioned, I completed my undergraduate degree in History. Afterwards, I went on to earn a PGCE and have been teaching humanities at secondary level for two years. During, I took a particular interest in the curriculum assigned for each year. Our current societal climate has been questioning some of the contents of the English curriculum, particularly in the Humanities. In light of these criticisms, I was inspired to also think deeply about how chosen topics contribute to the education system and what kind of topics could be appropriately brought in to expand our horizons. A Masters degree is therefore the perfect opportunity for me to continue exploring these questions and learn more about the practical implications of curricular design.

In addition to my qualifications, I volunteered at a museum during the summer holidays where I helped run educational events for children. This was particularly useful for me as it allowed me to learn how to compact and communicate complex periods to a young audience. It also helped me learn how to make subjects easily accessible and enjoyable.

Completing two years of teaching has built up my leadership skills rapidly. As a teacher I have been able to learn more about the role of educational leadership. I have also enjoyed communicating with my own superiors to learn more about their responsibilities in higher positions.

I was particularly excited when I discovered your course. By having a global focus, this course will allow me to truly explore the issues and debates I’m interested in. I believe having an understanding of global events and education is going to become increasingly important in our increasingly globalised world. I therefore believe that this course will prepare me the best for my future career goals as a curriculum developer.

What are some of my options for studying Education?

Master of arts (education) (full time) - mumbai campus, tata institute of social sciences department of social sciences, education: religious education ma, st mary’s university, twickenham faculty of education, theology and the arts, education: physical education ma, education: part time (ma), university of derby college of arts, humanities and education, master of education in early childhood education, dublin city university institute of education, find a masters in education.

If you're interested in a studying Education, then why don't you check out our regularly updated catalogue of available Education Masters courses or read more about postgraduate teacher training courses .

Our postgrad newsletter shares courses, funding news, stories and advice

Looking for the best universities for Education in Germany? Compare ranking tables from top sources here, along with their methodologies.

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Looking for the best universities for Education in Australia? Compare ranking tables from top sources here, along with their methodologies.

Looking for the best universities for Education in Ireland? Compare ranking tables from top sources here, along with their methodologies.

Hannah Slack

Hannah worked at FindAMasters as a Content Writer from 2020 to 2023. She started with us part-time whilst studying for her PhD, giving her personal experience with balancing work responsibilities with academia. Hannah has a Bachelor’s degree in History from the University of East Anglia, and both a Masters in Early Modern History and a PhD on Early Modern English seafarers from the University of Sheffield.

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Teach.com / Online Education / Education Degrees / Online Master of Arts in Teaching Programs (MAT) / Applying for Your Master’s / How to Write a Personal Statement

Brainstorming

Before you start outlining your statement, ask yourself a few questions to get an idea of what you’ll need to include. Jot down each of the following questions and leave some space to answer them.

• Why do I want to be a teacher?
• How should I address my academic record?
• How can my experiences enhance my application?
• Who is my audience?

Now take a few minutes and come up with some answers to these questions. Don’t spend too much time on this step; just write down your general thoughts. Once you do that, you will be ready to dive in and start writing your personal statement.

The Introduction

Your introduction needs to grab the reader’s attention at once. Remember that they are most likely staring at a pile of applications, and yours will be one of many they’ll read in this sitting. You need to be memorable right from the start. Follow this general form for a solid intro.

• HOOK:  Grab the admissions officer’s attention with a broad, but strong statement about the teaching profession.
• LINE:  Write two to three sentences that develop that idea and narrow it down to focus on you.
• SINKER:  Deliver your thesis. This is where you state specifically why you want to study education at their school.

Begin with a short summary of your educational background. Do not turn this into a resume; just briefly give an overview of your studies in both your major (English, math, etc.) and in your education concentration. If you have any inconsistencies in your academic record, this is where you should address them. Do not give excuses, but if there are reasons why you did poorly in an area, state them here.

The second body paragraph is where you get to tell your story. Why do you want to become a teacher? What inspires you about this profession? What type of teacher do you see yourself becoming? How did your student teaching experience inspire you to continue on this path? Anecdotes are best, but don’t get carried away. Keep it concise and to the point.

Once you have explained who you are and what your professional goals will be, the third body paragraph should explain why you think you are a good fit for that particular school. Hopefully you did some research before applying, and you have some concrete reasons for choosing this college. Tell them your reasons, but don’t go overboard with platitudes. They know what awards they have won and where they rank in the U.S. News college rankings. Be honest and explain what attracted you to their program of study and what you hope to get out of it.

In order to ensure the clarity of your work, each body paragraph should be formatted the same. This way the reader will be able to quickly read without losing track of the point. After the first body paragraph, begin each subsequent paragraph with a transition phrase or sentence, and then provide a clear topic sentence. Support that topic sentence with solid evidence. Finally, provide examples to back up that evidence.

The Conclusion

Conclusions are hard, and they are hard for a reason. Ideally, you have made your case in the body of your personal statement, so you understandably ask yourself, “What else can I say?” Try one of these strategies:

• Widen the focus a bit and validate your thesis without being redundant.
• Project where you see yourself in 10 years after completing your degree and becoming a successful teacher.
• Reaffirm your passion for your subject area.

However you decide to close, do not fall back to your middle school days and simply restate your case in the conclusion. Take some time to craft a closing that will leave them with an overall positive impression.

The Nuts and Bolts of Academic Writing

It is certainly worth noting a few of the technical aspects of writing your personal statement. Many programs will have specific items they want you to cover in your statement. Be sure you have carefully read and then answered their questions. Use a basic font like Times New Roman or Calibri and either a 10- or 12-point font. Always use 1-inch margins and single space your document. The general suggested length is 500 to 1,000 words. Don’t feel like you have to hit the word limit, but don’t only get halfway there either.

More from  Applying for your Masters in Teaching: The Complete Guide

59 Teaching Philosophy Statement Examples

Chris Drew (PhD)

Dr. Chris Drew is the founder of the Helpful Professor. He holds a PhD in education and has published over 20 articles in scholarly journals. He is the former editor of the Journal of Learning Development in Higher Education. [Image Descriptor: Photo of Chris]

Learn about our Editorial Process

A statement of teaching philosophy is a requirement for all teachers.

This statement shows future employers, parents and colleagues what you value as an educator and what your teaching skills are .

Examples of things to emphasize in a teaching philosophy statement include:

• A student-centered approach to education.
• A focus on active learning.
• High expectations for yourself and your students.
• Your ideal learning environment.
• Your approach to technology in the classroom.
• How you motivate your students.
• Your approach to assessment.

Here are 57 teaching philosophy statement examples that you could get some ideas from.

Teaching Philosophy Statement Examples

1. you create a student-centered learning environment.

• “I aspire to create student-centered learning environments in which the student is in the driving seat of their own learning.”
• “My classrooms are always focused on the specific needs of my students. I work hard to differentiate learning so that each student’s unique skills are emphasized.”

“I always ensure that my lessons involve multiple learning modalities so that students learn through their preferred learning style.”

• “Central to my pedagogy is a focus on the needs of students. I embrace Vygotsky’s Zone of Proximal Development as a key pedagogical tool to ensure all students are taught content that is achievable yet challenging.”
• “For me, the ideal classroom environment is student-centered. I strive to create learning scenarios where the students are undertaking group projects while I move between groups facilitating discussions.”

2. You have a Focus on Active Learning

• “I embrace a Constructivist pedagogy that emphasizes active discovery learning on the part of my students. All my lessons are designed to have students learning through doing: trial-and-error, solving problems, and creating new solutions.”
• “My classrooms are spaces for exploration and discovery. I favor practical lessons in which students get hands-on experience of the subjects under analysis.”

“Students learn best when they are actively engaged in their own learning. Passive approaches where students take notes and listen during teacher-centered lessons are not as conducive to deep learning as lessons in which students are learning through discovery.”

• “One example teaching strategy that I often employ is the guided practice or ‘I do, we do, you do’ method . This approach starts with teacher modelling a practice but involves the gradual release of responsibility to the student until the student can undertake tasks on their own.”

Read Also: 47 One-Sentence Teacher Vision Statements

3. You Set High Expectations

• “While I like to see students enjoying themselves in class, I also insist on hard work and focus on the task at hand.”
• “I set high standards and high expectations by promoting growth mindsets among my students. All my students know that I expect them to try their hardest and strive for improvement every day.”

“I always expect my students to come to class ready to focus and engage. I often ask my students to set their own goals and take steps toward achieving their goals every day.”

• “I encourage students to walk into the classroom with a positive attitude toward learning. The best classes occur when students know that they are expected to do their best each and every day.”
• “Students enter my classroom with the knowledge that I expect them to engage with the learning materials. I keep a strong focus on creating a serious learning environment. This starts with me insisting on focus and engagement from the minute students walk in the door.”

4. You are a Community Engaged Teacher

• “I strive to develop connections between students and the school community. When community members come into the classroom, students not only learn about people from various walks of life. They also get to see role models of different shapes and sizes around the community.”

“I like to invite parents into my classrooms so they can feel that they are a partner in teaching. I set myself goals to contact all parents throughout the school term to listen to them and learn from their deep knowledge of their own children.”

• “In this culturally diverse area, I make every effort to expose my students to community members from diverse cultural backgrounds. It is important to me that students feel a connection to the rich local community in which they learn.”

5. Learning Environment Statements

• “I aim to create learning environments that are rich in resources so that students can learn through practical learning scenarios.”

“I create classrooms that empower students to make decisions for themselves so that they develop self-confidence and thinking skills .”

• “I develop learning environments that have multiple workstations in which students can work in groups to solve problems. I find group-based classroom layouts (through table seating) help children to communicate and learn from one another while learning.”

6. You have a Holistic Approach

• “I follow a holistic approach to child development. Educators need to pay attention to students’ social, physical, emotional and cognitive development equally to help raise balanced children for the 21st Century.”

“I do my best to get to know my students so I can best meet their needs. I focus on not only their cognitive development but also their emotional and social wellbeing , which is equally necessary for learning to occur.”

• “My teaching philosophy is strongly influenced by Abraham Maslow’s humanist approach and in particular his Hierarchy of Needs. I aim to ensure students’ basic needs are met in the classroom so that they feel happy, comfortable, safe and welcomed into the classroom. When students’ basic needs are met, they can focus on learning and personal development.”

7. You Promote Critical Thinking

• “I write my lessons to target higher-order thinking skills from Bloom’s Taxonomy, for example ‘creating’, ‘inquiring’ and ‘critiquing’. I aim to have all my students think critically about themselves and the world around them.”
• “It is my goal to have my students think outside the box, critique the everyday assumptions they take for granted, and leave my classes with more questions than answers.”

“I aspire to be a teacher who instils a love of learning, analysis and critical thinking in all the students I encounter.”

• “I believe students of the 21st Century need more than just knowledge. Students need to have critical and creative thinking skills so that they can compete for the jobs of the future. To encourage a critical thinking approach, I consistently ask my students to analyse concepts that I teach from multiple competing perspectives.”
• “I help my students to develop metacognitive skills so they can reflect on their own learning and identify ways they can learn more effectively and efficiently.”

Read Also: Education Slogans, Taglines and Mottos that Pop!

8. You Support Authentic Learning Experiences

• “My credo is to prioritize authentic learning situations where students learn through solving real-world problems. In this way, I help my students understand the connection between what they’re learning and life beyond the four walls of the classroom.”

“I believe students learn best when they learn in authentic contexts. By learning through real-world problem solving, they discover the value in knowledge.”

• “To me, students should learn through experience. I aim to create experiences in the classroom that are as authentic as possible to mimic real-life application of knowledge.”

9. You Embrace Social Learning

• “I encourage students to learn in groups because I believe conversation with others helps students to express, challenge and refine their thought processes. By listening to peers, students can also hear new perspectives that may broaden their horizons and deepen their own knowledge.”

“I follow a sociocultural teaching philosophy inspired by Lev Vygotsky. This philosophy is heavily focused on having students communicate with “ more knowledgeable others ” and learn challenging but achievable tasks that are within their “Zone of Proximal Development”.

• “I embrace a situated learning theory approach to teaching. This theory emphasizes the importance of learning from experts in the contexts in which learning is applied. To this end, I encourage students to take up apprenticeships and go on many field trips so my students can learn by working with professionals.”

10. You Emphasize Communication Skills

• “In the 21st Century, it is more important than ever for students to develop effective communication skills. I help students develop communication skills such as teamwork, negotiation and self-expression in every lesson through the consistent use of guided group work lessons.”

“Students need to become clear and confident communicators of their knowledge. I often create assessments that require students to express themselves in written and verbal formats to help them develop their communication capacities.”

• “Communication skills are vital for students to become effective self-advocates. I aim to teach students to become confident communicators by giving ample opportunities to work in groups, report their research to their classmates, and perform in front of their families.”

11. You Create Inquiry and Problem Based Learning Lessons

• “I embrace an inquiry based learning approach whereby I start with a higher-order thinking question and students come up with hypotheses for answering the questions. Through this approach, students exercise skills like ‘predicting’ and ‘testing’ to seek knowledge.”

“I focus on problem based learning experiences where students are presented with a problem that they need to overcome. In overcoming the problems, students must use research skills to figure out solutions and apply them to their scenarios.”

• “I encourage students to use scientific methods to solve problems. Through scientific inquiry, students do not simply learn new information, but learn how to go about seeking truths through accurate and reliable testing methods.”

12. Mention your Assessment Style

• “I use creative assessment practices that go beyond standardized assessment. I like to assess students’ practical applications of knowledge rather than simply their written knowledge of information. When students are assessed on their practical skills, they focus on how to put knowledge into action and reaching mastery of their content.”

“I have a strong focus on formative assessment so that I have a finger on the pulse of my students’ progress. I do not shy away from altering my teaching following formative assessments to ensure my students do not fall through the gaps.”

• “Assessment is important to me as a teacher because it helps me to measure my own teaching efficacy. I often use students’ assessment results to reflect upon how I taught the content, what areas of weakness appeared across a cohort, and how to teach to those areas of weakness more effectively in years to come.”

13. You Motivate Your Students

• “I believe students learn best when they are intrinsically motivated . I therefore focus on creating lessons that are engaging, relevant to my students’ real lives, and encourage active discovery.”
• “To motivate my students, I aim to tie my lessons to their interests and hobbies. This requires me to build strong rapport and relationships with my students so I know how I can tailor my lessons for them.”

“Students who are motivated and inspired to learn will come to school with a positive mindset. I work hard to promote student self-motivation by giving them agency to explore areas of interest within the curriculum.”

• “I believe motivated students are engaged, spend more time on task, and cause less disruption to their peers. I therefore work hard to motivate students by modelling an inspired, positive outlook to education every day.

14. Education is Important to You

• “Education is the foundation for a child’s future. As a teacher, I take pride in my profession as someone who shepherds the future generations. To do this effectively, I strive to …”

“Teaching is one of the most important professions in the world. Teachers need to work hard to produce ethically and critically thinking leaders of tomorrow…”

• “It is a great pleasure to work every day to help raise confident future citizens who will solve the problems of the future. Education is incredibly important for all students’ futures. …”

15. You Promote Play-Based Learning

• “I use a play-based learning approach in my early years classroom. I follow Froebel’s approach that states “play is the highest form of learning”. Play help students learn through trial-and-error, discovery and exploration.”

“When students learn by doing rather than listening, they tend to store information in their minds more effectively. This is why I use a play-based learning approach. I create play-based learning situations where students can play in parallel , learn from one another, and make new discoveries through the use of all their senses.”

• “I encourage cooperative play in my classrooms so that my students can learn with and from one another. By playing together, young children develop important communication and group work skills. Furthermore, they can pick up new information and ways of playing from friends which can enhance their cognitive development.”

16. You Incorporate Educational Technologies

• “I am competent with 21st century technologies and use them regularly in my teaching. I believe technology is deeply important for students as it is a requirement for most jobs of the 21st Century.”

“Through the use of technology, I encourage students to learn from, research about and engage with the world around them. The internet, in particular, is an excellent pedagogical resource for students to learn.”

• “While I regularly use technology in the classroom, I first reflect on how to use technology to help extend learning. I see technology as a ‘ cognitive tool ’ that shouldn’t be used just as a gimmick. Rather, I use technology when it can help students to extend their thinking and learn more than if they hadn’t had technology in the lessons.”

17. Mention your Classroom Management Style

• “I believe classroom and behavior management is about ensuring students are focused on their learning materials. My first step for classroom management is to make my lessons engaging and motivating. I find that this is the best way to minimize disruptions and promote learning.”

“Following the assertive discipline theory, I believe strong classroom management skills are essential. Disruptive students violate the rights of other students to learn, so I ensure classes are controlled and ordered at all time to protect well-behaved students’ rights to a positive learning space.”

• “I employ an authoritative approach to classroom management. This authoritative style focuses on gaining respect and rapport from students by being firm but fair at all times and ensuring all students know I have their best interests at heart.”

To go deeper on this, see: List of Classroom Management Styles

Final Thoughts

Your teaching philosophy statement needs to be your own. It should reflect your own personality and approach to education.

The above teaching philosophy statement examples give you a good idea about the sorts of things you can start talking about in your teaching philosophy.

Follow-up your statements of beliefs with examples from your own practice.

You might also want to zoom-in on subject-specific approaches . If you are writing a teaching philosophy as a Mathematics teacher, for example, you will need to narrow down on specifically how you teach math.

Aim for your teaching philosophy statement to be a maximum of two pages long and ensure it shows both your personality and your knowledge of pedagogy skills or learning theories .

• Chris Drew (PhD) https://helpfulprofessor.com/author/chris-drew-phd-2/ 10 Reasons you’re Perpetually Single
• Chris Drew (PhD) https://helpfulprofessor.com/author/chris-drew-phd-2/ 20 Montessori Toddler Bedrooms (Design Inspiration)
• Chris Drew (PhD) https://helpfulprofessor.com/author/chris-drew-phd-2/ 21 Montessori Homeschool Setups
• Chris Drew (PhD) https://helpfulprofessor.com/author/chris-drew-phd-2/ 101 Hidden Talents Examples

6 thoughts on “59 Teaching Philosophy Statement Examples”

This is very helpful. I appreciate the wide variety of examples as well as the final thoughts at the end. Yet, did you mean, “59 Teaching Philosophy Statement Examples” (rather than 57)?

Two bonus ones 🙂 I think you’re the first person to have counted the list! I updated the title to 59.

Thanks! Chris

Very inspiring and insightful. It really helped me a lot in my studies. Looking forward for more.

Thank you Chris.

Great insight, as a basketball coach and athletic director of my youth football program I agree with mostly all of your points. As an ELA teacher it is easy to implement a lot of my coaching qualities into my teaching. Just as in the classroom students are on different skill levels while also learning and comprehending information differently. Providing skills base learning within the lesson is a much better approach instead of continuing to drill skills over and over. A lot of students may lose interest in the activity due to that skills approach. Do you believe a skills-based approach would also benefit students in the classroom

Hi Chris, This is very informative indeed.Thank you. Regards, Chamila

Thank you for a very informative materials shared and it’s a very helpful to me, I learned and refreshed from this. I love to read , review and apply this in my classroom.

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Example Personal Statement for Teaching

by Talha Omer, M.Eng., Cornell Grad

In personal statement samples by field.

Here is an example personal statement of an applicant who got admitted to Masters of Arts in Teaching. For personal statement, the university posed several questions to the applicant, which the admissions committee expects to be answered in an essay form. The program provides these personal statement prompts to encourage students to self-reflect and then to share their insights with the program.

The following essays are an example of a compelling story and reflect the original voice and personality of the applicant. Get inspiration from them and try to incorporate their strengths into your own personal statement.

In this Article

Personal Statement Prompt 1

Personal statement prompt 2, personal statement prompt 3, personal statement prompt 4, personal statement prompt 5, personal statement prompt 6.

Please tell us briefly about the school where you teach and the community it serves. Who are your students? What do they do when they finish school? What kind of work do their parents do?

Life in rural areas is lonely, and the poverty rate is extremely high compared to life in urban areas. I teach in a roadside rural school where all my students come from poor families and are villagers. My school serves a community where most parents are uneducated and unemployed. Most family members work on agricultural lands and some work in urban areas as janitors, security officers and labourers.

Being the only girl’s school in the area, students from adjoining hilly areas come to school on foot, walking 15-20 kilometres daily. There are a handful of schools for girls that impart primary education. Because of these schools, awareness of the benefits of education have increased in the local community. Consequently, people have now started to send their children to schools in bigger numbers. 

Poorly educated children are the source of adult functional illiteracy, which is the primary feeder of poorly educated children. However, girls who got educated in my area eventually became educated mothers and are raising healthier families. This has reduced the vicious intergenerational cycle of functional illiteracy.

Why do you want to enrol in the Masters of Arts in Teaching Program?

Mexico now has an overall literacy rate of only 29%, with rural literacy at a staggering low of 11%. Last year, over two million children dropped out before secondary school, nearly twice Washington, DC’s total population. Even worse, we do not have enough qualified teachers to fill the void in every village or district. This bankrupt education system is ripe for creative disruption, and I plan to do that. Universal quality education is an unattainable dream for rural children because they do not have access to quality teachers and resources. Worse, most of them cannot attend school regularly because they must support their family by working in agricultural fields or households. This work commitment at such a ripe age makes formal education impossible.

Though most girls are forced into early marriage in my area, I was lucky enough to continue my studies after high school. Later I travelled to a much bigger city to get higher education. Unfortunately, there was no college for girls in our village back then. In the city, however, females were educated and valued for their achievements.

At college, I met an English teacher who later became my inspiration. She opened the outside world to me, instilled confidence in me and taught me the things that interest me. She knew my background and told me to take teaching as a profession so that I could educate my community and bring some change. She gave me all the strength and motivation to carry on. In addition, she made me fall in love with the subject of English and Communication.

I didn’t get quality education at the school level since our teachers were either absent from the class or lacked expertise in English language abilities. These factors deeply affected my early learning of English, and since languages are harder to learn later in life, it became a massive barrier. But with the help of my newfound urban teacher, I was able to learn and affirm my ability in this field. My teacher shaped my destiny and encouraged me to enlighten my mind. The day I started to teach was when life started to make sense. It was indeed a golden chance for me to follow in the footsteps of my great English teacher and offer my best services to the people of my village. The condition of schools and teachers in my village is alarming; teachers lack quality education and are ill-equipped. Sometimes students waste all day at school without learning a word. Through my experiences, I’ve seen and learnt a lot about where the deficiency is and where to work for betterment.

I imagine a Mexico where better teachers in rural areas can evolve rural education. It’s already starting to happen in some areas – such as Teach for Mexico – and I want to become a part of something similar. It’s not just about resources. It’s about optimizing them to increase productivity and rethinking what’s possible. I want to dedicate my profession to my village’s people so they can get quality education. I have realized and understood that education is essential to succeed for the less fortunate. I’ve always strived to educate students and their parents, so they know the value of education.

Deep down inside, there’s a feeling in my heart and a voice in my head that I must do something now so that I leave a legacy amongst my village people when I die. Villagers have magical energy and zest for life, especially girls. I see more passion for doing.

I would say life is not meant for me to watch it and just pass by. I’m here to make a difference in the life of my students. I firmly believe that a teacher who successfully combines advanced teaching strategies with resilience is the catalyst for our educational development. I intend to be one of these teachers, and further education is vital to making this a reality.

Please list what activities you have pursued inside and outside the classroom to maintain your professional training as an educator. In addition, please list professional organizations that you are a member of and relevant work in your community outside of school.

To keep students engaged, I believe in creating a relaxed learning culture in the classroom. Moreover, to ensure that students don’t get bored, I develop interactive lessons that are relevant to students. It is important to note that in rural schools, many external factors are at play — poverty, neighbourhood violence, family discord etc. These inevitably contribute to student disengagement. I implement several interventions to reduce the effects of negative external influences. In my case, increasing parental involvement, extracurricular activities, and improving school safety have enhanced student engagement.

Moreover, I engage my students by immersing them in the actual situation. For example, in a class about history, I put students in the position of historical figures and asked them how they would feel and act. Finally, outside the classroom, I actively engage students in co-curricular activities that positively impact their academic, social, physical, and emotional growth.

Describe an occasion when you led by example in your school and community.

One of the most challenging situations I have ever faced as a leader was whether to replace Matthew, a top student in our undergraduate class and my close friend, with another suitable member. The decision arrived after our first two project phases went terribly because of his unprofessional attitude toward Matthew. I was under a lot of pressure from my other three team members to decide – we were a devoted team committed to our goal, but this vision did not fit Matthew.

Although highly talented, Matthew did only the minimum necessary and was unwilling to make any sacrifices and commit to our goal. I faced a tough decision. On the one hand, firing a talented and top student at a time when most other team members were not accomplished seemed unwise. On the other hand, not replacing him would mean establishing double standards for the rest of the team. His opposition to the change had already begun creating undesired effects, as a few of the team members resented him.

To solve the problem, I took drastic steps to make Matthew relate to the new goals and change his attitude. In addition, I also improved the team’s reward system based on his comments to reward the extra efforts. I started encouraging him to participate fully by inviting his input and suggestions on improving things. As a result, matters were significantly enhanced, and I succeeded in building the right team to lead the project forward. Matthew became motivated again, and with him, I had a team that could reach the ambitious goals we set, and indeed, in 4 months, we had posited the best final-year project of the year.

What skills and experience do you hope to gain from participating in the graduate program, and how will these benefit you and your school once you have completed the program? Describe at least two ways you will share these skills with your school and/or community.

The master’s program will help me explore new teaching methodologies and lesson planning, which are the prerequisites in teaching. I can improve my student’s learning skills only if I’m well-prepared. Participating in the graduate program would be an overwhelming experience, as it will enhance my teaching skills more profoundly. In addition, I would gain knowledge and understanding of US culture, which will help me build my confidence and communication skills through interaction with cosmopolitan people – a trait essential for any English teacher. Teachers like me who work in remote areas need to broaden their vision through master’s programs. I am confident that this program will enable me to re-evaluate my teaching abilities.

High-quality teachers are fundamental to good education. Through the graduate program in teaching, I will be able to develop my student’s basic communication skills better than I currently can. In addition, I want to produce students who can compete globally. Finally, I will share my knowledge and experience with students, colleagues, and other schoolteachers with whom I regularly interact through monthly inter-school meetings and community functions.

There is a massive discrepancy in the quality of teaching resources between urban and rural schools, but I’m very committed and not afraid to seek out new challenges. Hopefully, if I’m selected for this program, one of my biggest dreams of bringing change to the lives of my people will come true, and the space of deprivation will be filled up. I will return with a new perspective on culture, language, and teaching skills.

How do you plan/design your lessons? How did your students receive the lesson, and how did you assess your students’ learning?

Class: Grade 7th to 10th

Subject: English    

Time: 40-45 minutes   

Aims:  A lesson plan is the instructor’s road map of what students need to learn and how it will be done effectively during class. Before I plan my lesson, I first identify the learning objectives for the class meeting. This way, I can design appropriate learning activities and develop strategies to obtain feedback on student learning. I aim to make my lessons so easy that my students enjoy learning English without any difficulty. In addition, I want them to specialize in four skills of English: reading, listening, writing, and speaking.

For this, I prepare them with practical command over words and phrases, which they will then use to tell a story or describe an incident. Then they must write a letter, an invitation, and a leave application with reasonable speed and zero grammatical errors. For different classes, I use different lesson plans. For example, in seventh grade, I teach them the use of a dictionary along with reading skills. In class eight, I developed their taste in reading stories and books and writing composition. Finally, I give group tasks in ninth and tenth grades to work on all four basic skills.

Methodology : In class, I adopt the Student-Centered Approach to Learning, where the students and I play an equally active role in the learning process. My primary function is to coach and facilitate student learning and comprehension of the material. I follow up with formal and informal assessment forms, including group projects, student portfolios, and class participation. Next, I start my class by asking students questions about the last lesson to link the lesson with a new one. Then I follow through by reading the passages slowly with correct pronunciation and intonation and translating every word for them.

Afterwards, I ask three to four students to read the passage one by one and ask the whole class to read after the students loudly. I correct their mistakes if they read wrong. I tell them the meanings of difficult words and give them new words to increase their vocabulary. In the grammar class, I teach tenses, Parts of speech, articles, types of sentences, narrations, and active and passive voice. I have made it mandatory for students to get their exams signed by their parents so that the parents are aware of their child’s progress. Finally, I assess my students by asking questions on the subject matter taught in the classroom.

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How to Write a Philosophy of Education for Elementary Teachers

• Becoming A Teacher
• Assessments & Tests
• Elementary Education
• Secondary Education
• Special Education
• Homeschooling
• M.S., Education, Buffalo State College
• B.S., Education, Buffalo State College

A philosophy of education statement, sometimes called a teaching statement, should be a staple in every teacher's portfolio. For elementary school teachers, the statement is an opportunity to define what teaching means to you and allows you to describe how and why you teach as you do at the early stages of learning. The following tips and philosophy of education examples for elementary teachers can help you write an essay that you'll be proud to have.

A philosophy of education statement is an opportunity to define what teaching means to you, and to describe how and why you teach as you do. Articulating this statement in the first person and using a traditional essay format (introduction, body, conclusion) will help you craft an enduring and inspiring personal statement.

Structure of a Teaching Philosophy

Unlike other kinds of writing, educational statements are frequently written in the first person because these are personal essays on your chosen profession. In general, they should be one to two pages long, though they can be longer if you've had an extensive career. Like other essays, a good educational philosophy should have an introduction, a body, and a conclusion. Here is a sample structure.

Introduction

Use this paragraph to describe your views on teaching in a general sense. State your thesis (for example, "My philosophy of education is that every child should have the right to learn and get a quality education.") and discuss your ideals. Be brief; you'll use the following paragraphs to explain the details. Think about aspects of early education that are unique to elementary teachers, and introduce these ideals into your writing.

Use the following three to five paragraphs (or more, if needed) to elaborate on your introductory statement. For example, you could discuss the ideal elementary classroom environment and how it makes you a better teacher, addresses student needs, and facilitates parent/child interactions.

Build on these ideals in the following paragraphs by discussing how you keep your classes aware and engaged, how you facilitate age-appropriate learning , and how you involve students in the assessment process . Whatever your approach, remember to focus on what you value most as an educator and to cite examples of how you've put these ​​ideals into practice.

Go beyond simply restating your educational philosophy in your closing. Instead, talk about your goals as a teacher, how you have been able to meet them in the past, and how you can build on these to meet future challenges. 

Philosophy of education documents for elementary teachers are very personal and unique to the individual. While some may have similarities, your own philosophy should focus on your personal approach to pedagogy and classroom management. Focus on what makes you unique as an educator, and how you wish to advance your career to further support elementary education.

Writing Prompts

As with any writing, take the time to outline your ideas before you begin. The following tips can help you craft your teaching philosophy statement:

• Brainstorm about  your educational philosophy and your views of education, making notes on those principles you value most. This can help you articulate your philosophy as you organize your essay.
• Demonstrate how you have put your educational philosophy into practice in the classroom by citing specific examples and outcomes with students, parents, or fellow teachers and administrators. 
• Reflect on your experience over your career. Most likely, your teaching philosophy has changed over time. Reflect on the opportunities and challenges that lie ahead, and how you intend to meet them.
• Connect with others and talk to your peers in the field, as well as mentors. Ask them about how they crafted their essays and ask them to review yours once you complete it. Having people who know you and your teaching style well review your work can help you craft a truly representative statement.
• Review a few sample essays to help you as you begin writing your own.

Career Advancement

Applying for a brand new job isn't the only time you need an educational philosophy. If you're seeking a promotion or are applying for tenure, you'll need to craft or update your educational philosophy statement. As time goes on, your approach to education and classroom management will likely evolve, and so will your beliefs. Updating your philosophy allows you to articulate your professional motivations and goals, as well as your approach to educating others so that observers can have a better sense of who you are, even without observing you in the classroom. Consider reviewing your philosophy every few years.

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Home › University › How To Write A Personal Statement? 10 Tips + Student Questions Answered › How To Start A Personal Statement: Tips & Examples

How To Start A Personal Statement: Tips & Examples

• Published January 20, 2023

We’re regularly asked the question “ how to start a personal statement ”? It’s a challenging task for anybody but worry not as we’re here to help guide you through the process. 

The introduction is the first thing the admissions committee will read. That’s why the first sentence of a personal statement should be a catchy, attention-grabbing hook or story that grabs the reader’s attention and sets up the main point of your essay.

A lacklustre introduction may lose your readers’ interest, preventing them from reading the rest of your personal statement!

But don’t worry, this article will guide you on writing a personal statement introduction, a few examples of opening sentences and how to captivate the admissions tutors. Without further ado, let’s get started.

Top Tip: Leave Your Introduction For Last

You know what they say, the hardest thing to do is  start . So skip the introduction for now and focus on the main body of your personal statement. If you’re not sure what your main content should be, read out how to write a personal statement guide.

After nailing down the main points, you’ll have a concrete idea of how your introduction can captivate the reader and stay relevant to the bulk of the writing. Go ahead and work on the rest of your personal statement.

Come back when you’re finished! And if you’re worried about your conclusion then check out our advice on  personal statement conclusions .

2. Cut To The Chase

You only have  4,000 characters  to sell yourself as an ideal student candidate. Make each character and paragraph count! That means forget about flowery words and directionless statements. When you start your personal statement, explain your motivations for choosing your course in one or two sentences.

Although you will discuss this in-depth in the main body of content, capturing your reader’s attention with a quick overview of why you’re enthusiastic about your chosen course is crucial. That’s why capturing the reader’s attention by jumping straight to the point is key to starting a personal statement.

3. Be Specific

Never give vague details when expressing why you want to pursue your course. “I always wanted to be an engineer since I was a kid,” or “I want to become a doctor because I enjoy science” isn’t advised. 

On that note, if you’re applying to medicine refer to our guide on  how to write a medical personal statement . We suggest being more specific than that, and you can include your academic achievements too. Here are a few suggestions that may help you:

• You witnessed an inspirational figure in your life solve a massive problem with a specific skill set (doctor, engineer, etc.)
• While you were at a charity event, you encountered a problem that kept people in deprivation. By pursuing this course, you’re a part of the solution.
• You’re good at, and you enjoy a specific skill set. The course you’re eyeing puts great emphasis on this particular skill.
• There was a moment in your life when you succeeded in solving a problem. You felt significant by doing so, and you want to keep doing that for the rest of your life (teaching poor children how to read)
• You watched a movie or read a book that ignited your passion for the course. After doing volunteer work or part-time employment related to your course, you’re determined to pursue it.

Craft a sentence or two that encapsulates the core of your “why.” Do this, and your reader will want to read more!

4. Demonstrate Knowledge In Your Chosen Course

An essential element of starting a personal statement is to express why you’re enthusiastic about taking your chosen course. You need to demonstrate that you’re aware of what you’re getting yourself into in the process. Answer any of these prompt questions for inspiration:

• What do you find interesting about the course?
• How do you believe the course will help you achieve your goals?
• How will you use your chosen course to contribute to society?
• What hurdles do you expect to encounter, and how will you handle them?

Decide which of these questions fits best into the main content of your  personal statement . Write your answer in a sentence or two, weave them into your application essay and think about the help you received from your tutors in the past.

5. Ditch The “Since I Was A Child” Line

We’re often asked  what not to put in a personal statement  and “Since I was a child” is a cliche statement that gets thrown around haphazardly. How many students have said this at least once in their personal statements?

Recalling your childhood passions is a weak “why” for pursuing your course. Why? Because the admissions committee is looking for a relevant and up-to-date reason.

When you were little, you had zero knowledge and little enthusiasm to become successful in your field. You had no idea what skillsets you needed or what other options were available to you.

But if you were to cite a recent event in your life that supports your determination to pursue your course, that screams “educated choice” right there. And  that  is what the admission committee is looking for after reading hundreds, if not thousands of introductions.

6. Brainstorm Several Versions Of Your Opening Lines

The desire to get it right the first time paralyses you from starting. So permit yourself to write freely. Write as many versions of your opening lines as possible.

Don’t worry about the grammar, spelling, or character count just yet. Type everything that goes off the top of your head. When you’re done, take a look at your list.

Cross out the ones you dislike, and encircle the ones you think have potential. Then start piecing the puzzle pieces together to check out if the intro lines fit with the rest of your personal statement. 

If you’ve found three potential opening statements, try reading them aloud together with the rest of your personal statement. Do they flow seamlessly into one another? Make the necessary adjustments. Play around with it until you feel you’ve hit the spot.

7. Make Your Opening Statement Error Free

Your opening statement is your hook line. Spelling or grammatical errors at the start discourage your reader from reading further. If you have errors at the beginning, you’ll most likely have them in your main content!

So make sure your English is simple, flawless, and straightforward. Run your personal statement through a tool like Grammarly to weed out most of the errors.

The Hemingway app is also a helpful tool for checking for passive voice and other writing problems. Take advantage of writing assistant tools, especially if you’re a non-native English writer.

8. Read Examples Of Personal Statements

Read as many personal statement examples as you can. Any that captivated you, keep them in your notes. Figure out  why  these statements stood out to you compared to the others. What elements can you place in  your  personal statement?

When reading personal statements that put you off, find out why. What characteristics do they have that elicit a negative reaction from you? List them down, and make sure you avoid them.

After this exercise, you should have a few more ideas about your personal statement introduction.

9. Ask For Feedback

Never underestimate what feedback can give you. Ask your family, friends, and acquaintances about your opening statement. Does your personality shine through? Is it straight to the point? Does it flow smoothly with the main content of your personal statement?

Listen to what they have to say. Jot down important points. You’ll need their feedback to get a second opinion on whether it works for you or not.

10. Give Yourself Time

Your chosen career depends on your college education. And a first crucial step is to convince the admission committee you’re worth accepting into your university. You have to give your personal statement your best shot. Give yourself enough time to brainstorm and think everything over.

You can’t finish a complete,  well-written personal statement  in a week. Much less overnight!

So make sure you set aside enough time to put your best foot forward. After finishing a complete draft of your personal statement, put it down. Forget about it for a few days. Then come back and reread it.

With a fresh set of eyes, you’ll notice details you may not have seen before! Revise as much as you need.

Do I Need To Write An Introduction For A Personal Statement?

Yes, we recommend writing an introduction for your personal statement as it provides context to the rest of your writing. The introduction is an opportunity to make a good first impression and capture the university admissions officer’s attention.

What is a good opening sentence for a personal statement?

Here are some examples of a good opening sentence for a captivating introduction. Note how it ties into the university degree almost straight away with first-hand experience:

• “Growing up in a small town with limited resources sparked my curiosity and drive to pursue higher education and make a positive impact in my community.”
• “From a young age, I have been fascinated by the intricacies of the human mind and the power of psychology to improve people’s lives.”
• “As a first-generation college student, I am determined to break barriers and pave the way for future generations through a career in law.”
• “My passion for sustainable design was ignited by a volunteer trip to a developing country, where I witnessed the devastating effects of environmental degradation firsthand.”
• “A chance encounter with a blind person and their guide dog inspired me to pursue a career in veterinary medicine, with the goal of improving the lives of animals and their human companions.”

Please do NOT use these in your personal statements, use these to guide you on how you want to start your personal statement.

Can You Open Your Personal Statement With A Quote?

It is a risky move to open your personal statement with a quote and can come across as clichéd or insincere to the university admission officers. However, there are rare occasions when it can work, just make sure the quote relates to your degree and experience you’re writing about.

Get Ready To Write Your Personal Statement

How does one start a captivating personal statement? Take the time to think about what makes an effective introduction.

Read examples of personal statements from other students to glean ideas for how yours might stand out. Once you have read through some good ones, they should be more than just two or three!–look closely at what elements made them so successful. 

Then try applying those same principles on how to start a personal statement! Don’t forget to bookmark this post for future reference.

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Primary education personal statement example 3.

Having a long term goal of working with children, I believe I am particularly suited to a degree in primary education. Coming from a large family with children and pets, I have always been a responsible individual, enjoying babysitting and helping with homework, seeing them as activities rather than chores. I am interested in the development of children, and with the recent arrival of my niece I have been fascinated at how quickly they learn things. This is therefore the main reason for being so passionate about pursuing a career in primary education.

During my academic years I completed 11 GCSEs, gaining A-C grades in all subjects. I achieved two A Levels in religious studies and health and social care, and am very passionate about both subjects. I enjoyed learning about cultures, traditions, and how everyone has different values and beliefs. I gained so much knowledge in health and social care and thoroughly enjoyed learning about the development of young children. For this subject, we had a placement in a nursery which provided me with an excellent opportunity to learn about the behaviour of children. I became responsible and developed good communication skills with staff, preparing me for a real career. I had a real sense of happiness and satisfaction when the children listened, responded, and looked up to me.

I have also had experience volunteering with the millennium volunteers. I visited several primary schools and libraries in Kent, providing children with activities in a safe environment. I particularly enjoyed working in an after school club, and summer club at the same school, because I got to know the children and was able to watch them grow and learn, which I found very worthwhile and rewarding.

At my secondary school, my friends and I created an idea, which we put forward to the head teacher, of a film club, somewhere to sit inside away from the cold and watch a film during the lunch break. We were given the go ahead and it ran very successfully for two years. We were in charge of looking after the younger pupils and setting an example by keeping the room tidy. While at school, we took part in many charity events and raised much money for various charities such as a bazaar for Cancer Research UK and a 10km run for VSU Millennium Volunteers. This work took dedication, organisation and was a real challenge to try and raise as much money as we could.

I currently work in a care home for the elderly, which can be tough at times but very rewarding. I've improved my skills in teamwork, empathy, and dealing with emotional experiences. I have made lifetime friends and have really appreciated the opportunities given to me. During the four years working here, I have achieved certificates in health and safety, infection control, and first aid, which I feel are beneficial when working with other people. Since having a job, my communication skills have improved greatly and I have really learned what it means to have responsibilities and be mature. I am currently working towards a diploma in health and social care level 3 to help me become a senior care assistant, however my ambition has always been to work with children.

In my free time I have learned to drive, giving me a lot more freedom, independence and the opportunity to travel. I am a member of a local horticultural society with my family, where members put forward entries of plants, vegetables and domestic science, Also it gives us all a chance to catch up, talk about our entries, and help with displays. In 2010 I won a trophy for the ladies newcomers category. Another passion of mine is my animals.

I am very fond of my tropical fish, African pygmy hedgehog, two chickens, two cats, and two guinea pigs. I love caring for unusual pets, and am very enthusiastic about how they behave. I think animals can be very therapeutic and that children would agree at how fascinating they are. I enjoy going out and looking nice, so I decided to take courses in nail enhancements and spray tans. I like being creative and finding new styles, and also helping people to look their best. It feels very rewarding when someone tells me I've done a good job and they come back for more treatments.

I believe my achievements show I am a hardworking, dedicated individual, who can commit to this course. I look forward to new experiences and gaining further knowledge in the development of children. I enjoy a challenge and would love the opportunity to have my own classroom to make learning creative, exciting and above all, fun. I am confident that being able to complete this course will enable me to pursue the career I have always wanted and become a primary school teacher.

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This personal statement was written by rozseale for application in 2012.

rozseale's Comments

This is my first draft, I just want to know what others think. Please help me out as I'm really struggling! xx

This personal statement is unrated

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10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked

What’s covered:, what is a personal statement.

• Essay 1: Summer Program
• Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American
• Essay 3: Why Medicine
• Essay 4: Love of Writing
• Essay 5: Starting a Fire
• Essay 6: Dedicating a Track
• Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders
• Essay 8: Becoming a Coach
• Essay 9: Eritrea
• Essay 10: Journaling
• Is Your Personal Statement Strong Enough?

Your personal statement is any essay that you must write for your main application, such as the Common App Essay , University of California Essays , or Coalition Application Essay . This type of essay focuses on your unique experiences, ideas, or beliefs that may not be discussed throughout the rest of your application. This essay should be an opportunity for the admissions officers to get to know you better and give them a glimpse into who you really are.

In this post, we will share 10 different personal statements that were all written by real students. We will also provide commentary on what each essay did well and where there is room for improvement, so you can make your personal statement as strong as possible!

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Personal Statement Examples

Essay example #1: exchange program.

The twisting roads, ornate mosaics, and fragrant scent of freshly ground spices had been so foreign at first. Now in my fifth week of the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco, I felt more comfortable in the city. With a bag full of pastries from the market, I navigated to a bus stop, paid the fare, and began the trip back to my host family’s house. It was hard to believe that only a few years earlier my mom was worried about letting me travel around my home city on my own, let alone a place that I had only lived in for a few weeks. While I had been on a journey towards self-sufficiency and independence for a few years now, it was Morocco that pushed me to become the confident, self-reflective person that I am today.

As a child, my parents pressured me to achieve perfect grades, master my swim strokes, and discover interesting hobbies like playing the oboe and learning to pick locks. I felt compelled to live my life according to their wishes. Of course, this pressure was not a wholly negative factor in my life –– you might even call it support. However, the constant presence of my parents’ hopes for me overcame my own sense of desire and led me to become quite dependent on them. I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school. Despite all these achievements, I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success. I had always been expected to succeed on the path they had defined. However, this path was interrupted seven years after my parents’ divorce when my dad moved across the country to Oregon.

I missed my dad’s close presence, but I loved my new sense of freedom. My parents’ separation allowed me the space to explore my own strengths and interests as each of them became individually busier. As early as middle school, I was riding the light rail train by myself, reading maps to get myself home, and applying to special academic programs without urging from my parents. Even as I took more initiatives on my own, my parents both continued to see me as somewhat immature. All of that changed three years ago, when I applied and was accepted to the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco. I would be studying Arabic and learning my way around the city of Marrakesh. Although I think my parents were a little surprised when I told them my news, the addition of a fully-funded scholarship convinced them to let me go.

I lived with a host family in Marrakesh and learned that they, too, had high expectations for me. I didn’t know a word of Arabic, and although my host parents and one brother spoke good English, they knew I was there to learn. If I messed up, they patiently corrected me but refused to let me fall into the easy pattern of speaking English just as I did at home. Just as I had when I was younger, I felt pressured and stressed about meeting their expectations. However, one day, as I strolled through the bustling market square after successfully bargaining with one of the street vendors, I realized my mistake. My host family wasn’t being unfair by making me fumble through Arabic. I had applied for this trip, and I had committed to the intensive language study. My host family’s rules about speaking Arabic at home had not been to fulfill their expectations for me, but to help me fulfill my expectations for myself. Similarly, the pressure my parents had put on me as a child had come out of love and their hopes for me, not out of a desire to crush my individuality.

As my bus drove through the still-bustling market square and past the medieval Ben-Youssef madrasa, I realized that becoming independent was a process, not an event. I thought that my parents’ separation when I was ten had been the one experience that would transform me into a self-motivated and autonomous person. It did, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t still have room to grow. Now, although I am even more self-sufficient than I was three years ago, I try to approach every experience with the expectation that it will change me. It’s still difficult, but I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important.

What the Essay Did Well

This is a nice essay because it delves into particular character trait of the student and how it has been shaped and matured over time. Although it doesn’t focus the essay around a specific anecdote, the essay is still successful because it is centered around this student’s independence. This is a nice approach for a personal statement: highlight a particular trait of yours and explore how it has grown with you.

The ideas in this essay are universal to growing up—living up to parents’ expectations, yearning for freedom, and coming to terms with reality—but it feels unique to the student because of the inclusion of details specific to them. Including their oboe lessons, the experience of riding the light rail by themselves, and the negotiations with a street vendor helps show the reader what these common tropes of growing up looked like for them personally. 

Another strength of the essay is the level of self-reflection included throughout the piece. Since there is no central anecdote tying everything together, an essay about a character trait is only successful when you deeply reflect on how you felt, where you made mistakes, and how that trait impacts your life. The author includes reflection in sentences like “ I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success, ” and “ I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important. ” These sentences help us see how the student was impacted and what their point of view is.

What Could Be Improved

The largest change this essay would benefit from is to show not tell. The platitude you have heard a million times no doubt, but for good reason. This essay heavily relies on telling the reader what occurred, making us less engaged as the entire reading experience feels more passive. If the student had shown us what happens though, it keeps the reader tied to the action and makes them feel like they are there with the student, making it much more enjoyable to read. 

For example, they tell us about the pressure to succeed their parents placed on them: “ I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school.”  They could have shown us what that pressure looked like with a sentence like this: “ My stomach turned somersaults as my rattling knee thumped against the desk before every test, scared to get anything less than a 95. For five years the painful squawk of the oboe only reminded me of my parents’ claps and whistles at my concerts. I mastered the butterfly, backstroke, and freestyle, fighting against the anchor of their expectations threatening to pull me down.”

If the student had gone through their essay and applied this exercise of bringing more detail and colorful language to sentences that tell the reader what happened, the essay would be really great. 

Table of Contents

Essay Example #2: Being Bangladeshi-American

Life before was good: verdant forests, sumptuous curries, and a devoted family.

Then, my family abandoned our comfortable life in Bangladesh for a chance at the American dream in Los Angeles. Within our first year, my father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. He lost his battle three weeks before my sixth birthday. Facing a new country without the steady presence of my father, we were vulnerable — prisoners of hardship in the land of the free. We resettled in the Bronx, in my uncle’s renovated basement. It was meant to be our refuge, but I felt more displaced than ever. Gone were the high-rise condos of West L.A.; instead, government projects towered over the neighborhood. Pedestrians no longer smiled and greeted me; the atmosphere was hostile, even toxic. Schoolkids were quick to pick on those they saw as weak or foreign, hurling harsh words I’d never heard before.

Meanwhile, my family began integrating into the local Bangladeshi community. I struggled to understand those who shared my heritage. Bangladeshi mothers stayed home while fathers drove cabs and sold fruit by the roadside — painful societal positions. Riding on crosstown buses or walking home from school, I began to internalize these disparities. During my fleeting encounters with affluent Upper East Siders, I saw kids my age with nannies, parents who wore suits to work, and luxurious apartments with spectacular views. Most took cabs to their destinations: cabs that Bangladeshis drove. I watched the mundane moments of their lives with longing, aching to plant myself in their shoes. Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

As I grappled with my relationship with the Bangladeshi community, I turned my attention to helping my Bronx community by pursuing an internship with Assemblyman Luis Sepulveda. I handled desk work and took calls, spending the bulk of my time actively listening to the hardships constituents faced — everything from a veteran stripped of his benefits to a grandmother unable to support her bedridden grandchild.

I’d never exposed myself to stories like these, and now I was the first to hear them. As an intern, I could only assist in what felt like the small ways — pointing out local job offerings, printing information on free ESL classes, reaching out to non-profits. But to a community facing an onslaught of intense struggles, I realized that something as small as these actions could have vast impacts. Seeing the immediate consequences of my actions inspired me. Throughout that summer, I internalized my community’s daily challenges in a new light. I began to stop seeing the prevalent underemployment and cramped living quarters less as sources of shame. Instead, I saw them as realities that had to be acknowledged, but could ultimately be remedied. I also realized the benefits of the Bangladeshi culture I had been so ashamed of. My Bangla language skills were an asset to the office, and my understanding of Bangladeshi etiquette allowed for smooth communication between office staff and its constituents. As I helped my neighbors navigate city services, I saw my heritage with pride — a perspective I never expected to have.

I can now appreciate the value of my unique culture and background, and of living with less. This perspective offers room for progress, community integration, and a future worth fighting for. My time with Assemblyman Sepulveda’s office taught me that I can be a change agent in enabling this progression. Far from being ashamed of my community, I want to someday return to local politics in the Bronx to continue helping others access the American Dream. I hope to help my community appreciate the opportunity to make progress together. By embracing reality, I learned to live it. Along the way, I discovered one thing: life is good, but we can make it better.

This student’s passion for social justice and civic duty shines through in this essay because of how honest it is. Sharing their personal experience with immigrating, moving around, being an outsider, and finding a community allows us to see the hardships this student has faced and builds empathy towards their situation. However, what really makes it strong is that they go beyond describing the difficulties they faced and explain the mental impact it had on them as a child: Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

The rejection of their culture presented at the beginning of the essay creates a nice juxtaposition with the student’s view in the latter half of the essay and helps demonstrate how they have matured. They use their experience interning as a way to delve into a change in their thought process about their culture and show how their passion for social justice began. Using this experience as a mechanism to explore their thoughts and feelings is an excellent example of how items that are included elsewhere on your application should be incorporated into your essay.

This essay prioritizes emotions and personal views over specific anecdotes. Although there are details and certain moments incorporated throughout to emphasize the author’s points, the main focus remains on the student and how they grapple with their culture and identity.  

One area for improvement is the conclusion. Although the forward-looking approach is a nice way to end an essay focused on social justice, it would be nice to include more details and imagery in the conclusion. How does the student want to help their community? What government position do they see themselves holding one day? 

A more impactful ending might look like the student walking into their office at the New York City Housing Authority in 15 years and looking at the plans to build a new development in the Bronx just blocks away from where the grew up that would provide quality housing to people in their Bangladeshi community. They would smile while thinking about how far they have come from that young kid who used to be ashamed of their culture. 

Essay Example #3: Why Medicine

I took my first trip to China to visit my cousin Anna in July of 2014. Distance had kept us apart, but when we were together, we fell into all of our old inside jokes and caught up on each other’s lives. Her sparkling personality and optimistic attitude always brought a smile to my face. This time, however, my heart broke when I saw the effects of her brain cancer; she had suffered from a stroke that paralyzed her left side. She was still herself in many ways, but I could see that the damage to her brain made things difficult for her. I stayed by her every day, providing the support she needed, whether assisting her with eating and drinking, reading to her, or just watching “Friends.” During my flight back home, sorrow and helplessness overwhelmed me. Would I ever see Anna again? Could I have done more to make Anna comfortable? I wished I could stay in China longer to care for her. As I deplaned, I wondered if I could transform my grief to help other children and teenagers in the US who suffered as Anna did.

The day after I got home, as jet lag dragged me awake a few minutes after midnight, I remembered hearing about the Family Reach Foundation (FRF) and its work with children going through treatments at the local hospital and their families. I began volunteering in the FRF’s Children’s Activity Room, where I play with children battling cancer. Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up. When they take on the roles of firefighters or fairies, we all get caught up in the game; for that time, they forget the sanitized, stark, impersonal walls of the pediatric oncology ward. Building close relationships with them and seeing them giggle and laugh is so rewarding — I love watching them grow and get better throughout their course of treatment.

Hearing from the parents about their children’s condition and seeing the children recover inspired me to consider medical research. To get started, I enrolled in a summer collegelevel course in Abnormal Psychology. There I worked with Catelyn, a rising college senior, on a data analysis project regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Together, we examined the neurological etiology of DID by studying four fMRI and PET cases. I fell in love with gathering data and analyzing the results and was amazed by our final product: several stunning brain images showcasing the areas of hyper and hypoactivity in brains affected by DID. Desire quickly followed my amazement — I want to continue this project and study more brains. Their complexity, delicacy, and importance to every aspect of life fascinate me. Successfully completing this research project gave me a sense of hope; I know I am capable of participating in a large scale research project and potentially making a difference in someone else’s life through my research.

Anna’s diagnosis inspired me to begin volunteering at FRF; from there, I discovered my desire to help people further by contributing to medical research. As my research interest blossomed, I realized that it’s no coincidence that I want to study brains—after all, Anna suffered from brain cancer. Reflecting on these experiences this past year and a half, I see that everything I’ve done is connected. Sadly, a few months after I returned from China, Anna passed away. I am still sad, but as I run a toy truck across the floor and watch one of the little patients’ eyes light up, I imagine that she would be proud of my commitment to pursue medicine and study the brain.

This essay has a very strong emotional core that tugs at the heart strings and makes the reader feel invested. Writing about sickness can be difficult and doesn’t always belong in a personal statement, but in this case it works well because the focus is on how this student cared for her cousin and dealt with the grief and emotions surrounding her condition. Writing about the compassion she showed and the doubts and concerns that filled her mind keeps the focus on the author and her personality. 

This continues when she again discusses the activities she did with the kids at FRF and the personal reflection this experience allowed her to have. For example, she writes: Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up.

Concluding the essay with the sad story of her cousin’s passing brings the essay full circle and returns to the emotional heart of the piece to once again build a connection with the reader. However, it finishes on a hopeful note and demonstrates how this student has been able to turn a tragic experience into a source of lifelong inspiration. 

One thing this essay should be cognizant of is that personal statements should not read as summaries of your extracurricular resume. Although this essay doesn’t fully fall into that trap, it does describe two key extracurriculars the student participated in. However, the inclusion of such a strong emotional core running throughout the essay helps keep the focus on the student and her thoughts and feelings during these activities.

To avoid making this mistake, make sure you have a common thread running through your essay and the extracurriculars provide support to the story you are trying to tell, rather than crafting a story around your activities. And, as this essay does, make sure there is lots of personal reflection and feelings weaved throughout to focus attention to you rather than your extracurriculars. 

Essay Example #4: Love of Writing

“I want to be a writer.” This had been my answer to every youthful discussion with the adults in my life about what I would do when I grew up. As early as elementary school, I remember reading my writing pieces aloud to an audience at “Author of the Month” ceremonies. Bearing this goal in mind, and hoping to gain some valuable experience, I signed up for a journalism class during my freshman year. Despite my love for writing, I initially found myself uninterested in the subject and I struggled to enjoy the class. When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines. Journalism required a laconic style and orderly structure, and I found my teacher’s assignments formulaic and dull. That class shook my confidence as a writer. I was uncertain if I should continue in it for the rest of my high school career.

Despite my misgivings, I decided that I couldn’t make a final decision on whether to quit journalism until I had some experience working for a paper outside of the classroom. The following year, I applied to be a staff reporter on our school newspaper. I hoped this would help me become more self-driven and creative, rather than merely writing articles that my teacher assigned. To my surprise, my time on staff was worlds away from what I experienced in the journalism class. Although I was unaccustomed to working in a fast-paced environment and initially found it burdensome to research and complete high-quality stories in a relatively short amount of time, I also found it exciting. I enjoyed learning more about topics and events on campus that I did not know much about; some of my stories that I covered in my first semester concerned a chess tournament, a food drive, and a Spanish immersion party. I relished in the freedom I had to explore and learn, and to write more independently than I could in a classroom.

Although I enjoyed many aspects of working for the paper immediately, reporting also pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I am a shy person, and speaking with people I did not know intimidated me. During my first interview, I met with the basketball coach to prepare for a story about the team’s winning streak. As I approached his office, I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block, and I could hardly get out my opening questions. Fortunately, the coach was very kind and helped me through the conversation. Encouraged, I prepared for my next interview with more confidence. After a few weeks of practice, I even started to look forward to interviewing people on campus. That first journalism class may have bored me, but even if journalism in practice was challenging, it was anything but tedious.

Over the course of that year, I grew to love writing for our school newspaper. Reporting made me aware of my surroundings, and made me want to know more about current events on campus and in the town where I grew up. By interacting with people all over campus, I came to understand the breadth of individuals and communities that make up my high school. I felt far more connected to diverse parts of my school through my work as a journalist, and I realized that journalism gave me a window into seeing beyond my own experiences. The style of news writing may be different from what I used to think “writing” meant, but I learned that I can still derive exciting plots from events that may have gone unnoticed if not for my stories. I no longer struggle to approach others, and truly enjoy getting to know people and recognizing their accomplishments through my writing. Becoming a writer may be a difficult path, but it is as rewarding as I hoped when I was young.

This essay is clearly structured in a manner that makes it flow very nicely and contributes to its success. It starts with a quote to draw in the reader and show this student’s life-long passion for writing. Then it addresses the challenges of facing new, unfamiliar territory and how this student overcame it. Finally, it concludes by reflecting on this eye-opening experience and a nod to their younger self from the introduction. Having a well-thought out and sequential structure with clear transitions makes it extremely easy for the reader to follow along and take away the main idea.

Another positive aspect of the essay is the use of strong and expressive language. Sentences like “ When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines ” stand out because of the intentional use of words like “lyrical”, “profound”, and “thrilling” to convey the student’s love of writing. The author also uses an active voice to capture the readers’ attention and keep us engaged. They rely on their language and diction to reveal details to the reader, for instance saying “ I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block ” to describe feeling nervous.

This essay is already very strong, so there isn’t much that needs to be changed. One thing that could take the essay from great to outstanding would be to throw in more quotes, internal dialogue, and sensory descriptors.

It would be nice to see the nerves they felt interviewing the coach by including dialogue like “ Um…I want to interview you about…uh…”.  They could have shown their original distaste for journalism by narrating the thoughts running through their head. The fast-paced environment of their newspaper could have come to life with descriptions about the clacking of keyboards and the whirl of people running around laying out articles.

Essay Example #5: Starting a Fire

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire. 

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family. 

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt. 

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame. 

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him. 

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses. 

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This student is an excellent writer, which allows a simple story to be outstandingly compelling. The author articulates her points beautifully and creatively through her immense use of details and figurative language. Lines like “a rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees,” and “rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers,” create vivid images that draw the reader in. 

The flowery and descriptive prose also contributes to the nice juxtaposition between the old Clara and the new Clara. The latter half of the essay contrasts elements of nature with music and writing to demonstrate how natural these interests are for her now. This sentence perfectly encapsulates the contrast she is trying to build: “It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive.”

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

There is very little this essay should change, however one thing to be cautious about is having an essay that is overly-descriptive. We know from the essay that this student likes to read and write, and depending on other elements of her application, it might make total sense to have such a flowery and ornate writing style. However, your personal statement needs to reflect your voice as well as your personality. If you would never use language like this in conversation or your writing, don’t put it in your personal statement. Make sure there is a balance between eloquence and your personal voice.

Essay Example #6: Dedicating a Track

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite. 

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin. 

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

This essay effectively conveys this student’s compassion for others, initiative, and determination—all great qualities to exemplify in a personal statement!

Although they rely on telling us a lot of what happened up until the board meeting, the use of running a race (their passion) as a metaphor for public speaking provides a lot of insight into the fear that this student overcame to work towards something bigger than themself. Comparing a podium to the starting line, the audience to the track, and silence to the gunshot is a nice way of demonstrating this student’s passion for cross country running without making that the focus of the story.

The essay does a nice job of coming full circle at the end by explaining what the quote from the beginning meant to them after this experience. Without explicitly saying “ I now know that what Stark actually meant is…” they rely on the strength of their argument above to make it obvious to the reader what it means to get beat but not lose. 

One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

Essay Example #7: Body Image and Eating Disorders

I press the “discover” button on my Instagram app, hoping to find enticing pictures to satisfy my boredom. Scrolling through, I see funny videos and mouth-watering pictures of food. However, one image stops me immediately. A fit teenage girl with a “perfect body” relaxes in a bikini on a beach. Beneath it, I see a slew of flattering comments. I shake with disapproval over the image’s unrealistic quality. However, part of me still wants to have a body like hers so that others will make similar comments to me.

I would like to resolve a silent issue that harms many teenagers and adults: negative self image and low self-esteem in a world where social media shapes how people view each other. When people see the façades others wear to create an “ideal” image, they can develop poor thought patterns rooted in negative self-talk. The constant comparisons to “perfect” others make people feel small. In this new digital age, it is hard to distinguish authentic from artificial representations.

When I was 11, I developed anorexia nervosa. Though I was already thin, I wanted to be skinny like the models that I saw on the magazine covers on the grocery store stands. Little did I know that those models probably also suffered from disorders, and that photoshop erased their flaws. I preferred being underweight to being healthy. No matter how little I ate or how thin I was, I always thought that I was too fat. I became obsessed with the number on the scale and would try to eat the least that I could without my parents urging me to take more. Fortunately, I stopped engaging in anorexic behaviors before middle school. However, my underlying mental habits did not change. The images that had provoked my disorder in the first place were still a constant presence in my life.

By age 15, I was in recovery from anorexia, but suffered from depression. While I used to only compare myself to models, the growth of social media meant I also compared myself to my friends and acquaintances. I felt left out when I saw my friends’ excitement about lake trips they had taken without me. As I scrolled past endless photos of my flawless, thin classmates with hundreds of likes and affirming comments, I felt my jealousy spiral. I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.” When that didn’t work, I started to feel too anxious to post anything at all.  

Body image insecurities and social media comparisons affect thousands of people – men, women, children, and adults – every day. I am lucky – after a few months of my destructive social media habits, I came across a video that pointed out the illusory nature of social media; many Instagram posts only show off good things while people hide their flaws. I began going to therapy, and recovered from my depression. To address the problem of self-image and social media, we can all focus on what matters on the inside and not what is on the surface. As an effort to become healthy internally, I started a club at my school to promote clean eating and radiating beauty from within. It has helped me grow in my confidence, and today I’m not afraid to show others my struggles by sharing my experience with eating disorders. Someday, I hope to make this club a national organization to help teenagers and adults across the country. I support the idea of body positivity and embracing difference, not “perfection.” After all, how can we be ourselves if we all look the same?

This essay covers the difficult topics of eating disorders and mental health. If you’re thinking about covering similar topics in your essay, we recommend reading our post Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?

The short answer is that, yes, you can talk about mental health, but it can be risky. If you do go that route, it’s important to focus on what you learned from the experience.

The strength of this essay is the student’s vulnerability, in excerpts such as this: I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.”

The student goes on to share how they recovered from their depression through an eye-opening video and therapy sessions, and they’re now helping others find their self-worth as well. It’s great that this essay looks towards the future and shares the writer’s goals of making their club a national organization; we can see their ambition and compassion.

The main weakness of this essay is that it doesn’t focus enough on their recovery process, which is arguably the most important part. They could’ve told us more about the video they watched or the process of starting their club and the interactions they’ve had with other members. Especially when sharing such a vulnerable topic, there should be vulnerability in the recovery process too. That way, the reader can fully appreciate all that this student has overcome.

Essay Example #8: Becoming a Coach

”Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay begins with an in-the-moment narrative that really illustrates the chaos of looking for a coach last-minute. We feel the writer’s emotions, particularly her dejectedness, at not being able to compete. Starting an essay in media res  is a great way to capture the attention of your readers and build anticipation for what comes next.

Through this essay, we can see how gutsy and determined the student is in deciding to become a coach themselves. She shows us these characteristics through their actions, rather than explicitly telling us: To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side.  Also, by discussing the opposition she faced and how it affected her, the student is open and vulnerable about the reality of the situation.

The essay comes full circle as the author recalls the frantic situations in seeking out a coach, but this is no longer a concern for them and their team. Overall, this essay is extremely effective in painting this student as mature, bold, and compassionate.

The biggest thing this essay needs to work on is showing not telling. Throughout the essay, the student tells us that she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence,” she “grew unsure of her own abilities,” and she “refused to give up”. What we really want to know is what this looks like.

Instead of saying she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence” she should have shared how she taught a new move to a fellow team-member without hesitation. Rather than telling us she “grew unsure of her own abilities” she should have shown what that looked like by including her internal dialogue and rhetorical questions that ran through her mind. She could have demonstrated what “refusing to give up” looks like by explaining how she kept learning coaching techniques on her own, turned to a mentor for advice, or devised a plan to win over the trust of parents. 

Essay Example #9: Eritrea

No one knows where Eritrea is.

On the first day of school, for the past nine years, I would pensively stand in front of a class, a teacher, a stranger  waiting for the inevitable question: Where are you from?

I smile politely, my dimples accentuating my ambiguous features. “Eritrea,” I answer promptly and proudly. But I  am always prepared. Before their expression can deepen into confusion, ready to ask “where is that,” I elaborate,  perhaps with a fleeting hint of exasperation, “East Africa, near Ethiopia.”

Sometimes, I single out the key-shaped hermit nation on a map, stunning teachers who have “never had a student  from there!” Grinning, I resist the urge to remark, “You didn’t even know it existed until two minutes ago!”

Eritrea is to the East of Ethiopia, its arid coastline clutches the lucrative Red Sea. Battle scars litter the ancient  streets – the colonial Italian architecture lathered with bullet holes, the mosques mangled with mortar shells.  Originally part of the world’s first Christian kingdom, Eritrea passed through the hands of colonial Italy, Britain, and  Ethiopia for over a century, until a bloody thirty year war of Independence liberated us.

But these are facts that anyone can know with a quick Google search. These are facts that I have memorised and compounded, first from my Grandmother and now from pristine books  borrowed from the library.

No historical narrative, however, can adequately capture what Eritrea is.  No one knows the aroma of bushels of potatoes, tomatoes, and garlic – still covered in dirt – that leads you to the open-air market. No one knows the poignant scent of spices, arranged in orange piles reminiscent of compacted  dunes.  No one knows how to haggle stubborn herders for sheep and roosters for Christmas celebrations as deliberately as my mother. No one can replicate the perfect balance of spices in dorho and tsebhi as well as my grandmother,  her gnarly hands stirring the pot with ancient precision (chastising my clumsy knife work with the potatoes).  It’s impossible to learn when the injera is ready – the exact moment you have to lift the lid of the mogogo. Do it too  early (or too late) and the flatbread becomes mangled and gross. It is a sixth sense passed through matriarchal  lineages.

There are no sources that catalogue the scent of incense that wafts through the sunlit porch on St. Michael’s; no  films that can capture the luminescence of hundreds of flaming bonfires that fluoresce the sidewalks on Kudus  Yohannes, as excited children chant Ge’ez proverbs whose origin has been lost to time.  You cannot learn the familiarity of walking beneath the towering Gothic figure of the Enda Mariam Cathedral, the  crowds undulating to the ringing of the archaic bells.  I have memorized the sound of the rains hounding the metal roof during kiremti , the heat of the sun pounding  against the Toyota’s window as we sped down towards Ghinda , the opulent brilliance of the stars twinkling in a  sky untainted by light pollution, the scent of warm rolls of bani wafting through the streets at precisely 6 o’clock each day…

I fill my flimsy sketchbook with pictures from my memory. My hand remembers the shapes of the hibiscus drifting  in the wind, the outline of my grandmother (affectionately nicknamed a’abaye ) leaning over the garden, the bizarre architecture of the Fiat Tagliero .  I dice the vegetables with movements handed down from generations. My nose remembers the scent of frying garlic, the sourness of the warm tayta , the sharpness of the mit’mt’a …

This knowledge is intrinsic.  “I am Eritrean,” I repeat. “I am proud.”  Within me is an encyclopedia of history, culture, and idealism.

Eritrea is the coffee made from scratch, the spices drying in the sun, the priests and nuns. Eritrea is wise, filled with ambition, and unseen potential.  Eritrea isn’t a place, it’s an identity.

This is an exceptional essay that provides a window into this student’s culture that really makes their love for their country and heritage leap off the page. The sheer level of details and sensory descriptors this student is able to fit in this space makes the essay stand out. From the smells, to the traditions, sounds, and sights, the author encapsulates all the glory of Eritrea for the reader. 

The vivid images this student is able to create for the reader, whether it is having the tedious conversation with every teacher or cooking in their grandmother’s kitchen, transports us into the story and makes us feel like we are there in the moment with the student. This is a prime example of an essay that shows , not tells.

Besides the amazing imagery, the use of shorter paragraphs also contributes to how engaging this essay is. Employing this tactic helps break up the text to make it more readable and it isolates ideas so they stick out more than if they were enveloped in a large paragraph.

Overall, this is a really strong essay that brings to life this student’s heritage through its use of vivid imagery. This essay exemplifies what it means to show not tell in your writing, and it is a great example of how you can write an intimate personal statement without making yourself the primary focus of your essay. 

There is very little this essay should improve upon, but one thing the student might consider would be to inject more personal reflection into their response. Although we can clearly take away their deep love and passion for their homeland and culture, the essay would be a bit more personal if they included the emotions and feelings they associate with the various aspects of Eritrea. For example, the way their heart swells with pride when their grandmother praises their ability to cook a flatbread or the feeling of serenity when they hear the bells ring out from the cathedral. Including personal details as well as sensory ones would create a wonderful balance of imagery and reflection.

Essay Example #10: Journaling

Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.

I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.

“I want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in it” – October 2008

Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt “My Hopes and Dreams” captures my attention. Though “machine” is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.

“I wish I had infinite sunsets” – July 2019

I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.

With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.

“The beauty in a tower of cans” – June 2020

Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.

With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.

I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, “And so begins the next chapter…”

The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journals—and unique formatting of the quotes—to signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.

Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.

At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!

Although this essay is already exceptionally strong as it’s written, the first journal entry feels out of place compared to the other two entries that discuss the author’s shyness and determination. It works well for the essay to have an entry from when the student was younger to add some humor (with misspelled words) and nostalgia, but if the student had either connected the quote they chose to the idea of overcoming a fear present in the other two anecdotes or if they had picked a different quote all together related to their shyness, it would have made the entire essay feel more cohesive.

Where to Get Your Personal Statement Edited

Do you want feedback on your personal statement? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

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